I need advise
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U think he will let U talk to his wife(they separated,not divorced)?U only heard his side of the sad sad story...Originally posted by Exhaustedrau:I wished I could listen to his ex wife story too however I can't. For what I have know from the guys that his wife is very materistic and not understanding.. Therefore, he tried to resolve the problems but his ex wife still commit the same old mistake few days after the talking... -
Originally posted by Exhaustedrau:
i marvel at ur guile & steadfastness 2wards him......pls dun get me wrong......my fellow forumites & I r not askin u NOT 2 marry him......we r jus advising u 2 give it some serious time b4 deciding.....
I'm very happy and feel very lucky to have you by my side. You have given
me hope for a better tomorrow and insight to alot of life and personal
issues. Just like the KL downpour on the way home to Singapore, there was thunder and lightning it was raining like crazy but when we reach Singapore, it was all dry. My past was like the lightning storm and with you it became clear and sunny again.
hate 2 say dis but, it seems 2 me ur bf is tryin 2 run away.....
kl = any lady besides wife?
Downpour = wife?
S'pore = u?
Clear & Sunny Skies = any other relationship?
from wat i gather from his email.....dis is wat he feels: he's runnin away from d downpour (Wife).....now happen 2 be headin 4 S'pore (u)......& is very happy 2 see clear & sunny skies (any relationship....s long s she's not downpour/wife)........
he doesn't rily mind if he's headin 4 S'pore or Kuala Lumpur....jus s long s he's not caught in d downpour......he is purely seekin 4 better weather........and he chances upon it in S'pore...... -
urmm... explain session:
I'm not paying anything:
I'm not involved in his debt cos he is settling it himself...
For the email:
We went up to KL with our friends and we got caught in the rain.... Therefore he wrote the email as an example....
He got no kids...
I do understand that some gals got cheated by feeding the partners with $$$...
Don't worry as I can't afford to anyway.... -
By the way, I will not be marrying him unless he cleared all the things...
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GREAT DECISION!!!Originally posted by Exhaustedrau:By the way, I will not be marrying him unless he cleared all the things...
*Phew!*
Pipi places trust in Exhaustedrau*
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I have given myself at least 2 to 5 years in a relationship before I commit into it...
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~Clap*Clap*Clap*~Originally posted by Exhaustedrau:I have given myself at least 2 to 5 years in a relationship before I commit into it...
Wel said!!
~Clap*Clap*Clap*~
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or u can consider pipi mah.....Originally posted by Exhaustedrau:Well, I'm coming 22 this year, a simple girl who wants somebody to settle down with.
Apparently I have came to know my boyfriend on 27 Feb and get together on 29 Feb this year... I know that we are too fast but apparently its all by nature you see...
I came to know that he is on seperation now and he is in big debts... What should I do? -
Hi Rau, I can understand how you feel and sometimes it feels like there's nothing wrong with loving someone. It's good that you can think that you are rushing into anything. As everyone has been trying to put the point across to you, take your time and know what you are getting yourself into.
In my point of view, this situation can be broken down into 2 different parts. His marriage/divorce (with his wife) and his relationship (with you).
His marriage/divorce (with his wife)
Do you know FOR SURE that they are really saperated? And if he is really seperated and going to be divorced, be prepared for the entire process to take about 3 yrs or so. Don't forget the dangers for him if he is seen having a girlfriend (adultery) - the damages to him can be devastating. Womans Charter in SGP will fight for a woman.
So also remember that the divorce is not the end of his and his wife relationship. After divorce and all the settlements have been made, he may still have to pay alimony to his wife monthly for the rest of HER LIFE or until she remarries. Think carefully and ask yourself if you can accept that.
His relationship (with you)
Being with a divorced man has it's hazards, like his past. A persons character is moulded by the storms he has riden through life. Has he become a better or worse person after his 1st marriage? Do you know what he was like during his first marriage to make any comparisons? Will he change further for better or worse once he's full time with you?
As for the psycological point of view, are you able to accept him for who he is now, and for the rest of your life together? Are you able to put the image of him being once married and sharing a house and bed with another woman before away? Are you able to put enough trust in him and yourself and not wonder if he can get divorce once, he can do it again?
you don't have to give your answers here, these questions are for you to think about and answer yourself - you owe yourself that much! Remember, sometimes relationships are like whirlwinds, they sweep us up and we get all mixed up and muddle-headed. But don't lose sight of your values and the big picture. -
Originally posted by jarc:
I like the way u draft out the whole senario as that is what I have been asking myself. I shall wait and see... Anything I will update you guys... Thanks guys... Your really very great!!!
Hi Rau, I can understand how you feel and sometimes it feels like there's nothing wrong with loving someone. It's good that you can think that you are rushing into anything. As everyone has been trying to put the point across to you, take your time and know what you are getting yourself into.
In my point of view, this situation can be broken down into 2 different parts. His marriage/divorce (with his wife) and his relationship (with you).
[b]His marriage/divorce (with his wife)
Do you know FOR SURE that they are really saperated? And if he is really seperated and going to be divorced, be prepared for the entire process to take about 3 yrs or so. Don't forget the dangers for him if he is seen having a girlfriend (adultery) - the damages to him can be devastating. Womans Charter in SGP will fight for a woman.
So also remember that the divorce is not the end of his and his wife relationship. After divorce and all the settlements have been made, he may still have to pay alimony to his wife monthly for the rest of HER LIFE or until she remarries. Think carefully and ask yourself if you can accept that.
His relationship (with you)
Being with a divorced man has it's hazards, like his past. A persons character is moulded by the storms he has riden through life. Has he become a better or worse person after his 1st marriage? Do you know what he was like during his first marriage to make any comparisons? Will he change further for better or worse once he's full time with you?
As for the psycological point of view, are you able to accept him for who he is now, and for the rest of your life together? Are you able to put the image of him being once married and sharing a house and bed with another woman before away? Are you able to put enough trust in him and yourself and not wonder if he can get divorce once, he can do it again? you don't have to give your answers here, these questions are for you to think about and answer yourself - you owe yourself that much! Remember, sometimes relationships are like whirlwinds, they sweep us up and we get all mixed up and muddle-headed. But don't lose sight of your values and the big picture.[/b] -
Thanks, nothing is impossible however I believe the fate which lies in our hands.Originally posted by jusgal:or u can consider pipi mah..... -
Good show!Originally posted by jarc: you don't have to give your answers here, these questions are for you to think about and answer yourself - you owe yourself that much! Remember, sometimes relationships are like whirlwinds, they sweep us up and we get all mixed up and muddle-headed. But don't lose sight of your values and the big picture.
It's a pleasant change to see a junior member post with sense and sensibility unlike the usual trash topics we've been getting from noobs.
Enjoy ur stay. -
Si jusgal!!!Originally posted by jusgal:or u can consider pipi mah.....
MAI HAI WAH!!! -
Come on pipi&poot-poot, Si Jus Gal just suggesting..Originally posted by pipi & poot-poot:Si jusgal!!!
MAI HAI WAH!!!
Stay cool about it... Moreover I'm not that easy too.... Cheers :p -
Originally posted by Exhaustedrau:Come on pipi&poot-poot, Si Jus Gal just suggesting..
Stay cool about it... Moreover I'm not that easy too.... Cheers :p 
me 2..... -
Some men become very bitter with women after a relationship failure. Some men come out of it learning how to be better men. Some men get devastated by the failure and end up being the proverbial jerks.
My feeling is you know what you are supposed to do. However, you don't want to be viewed as a fair-weather lover, and you want to let him know you are one who stays by her man. What you should do and what you want to be are two very contradicting things. No wonder you are confused.
Your dad detests him - and he has yet to know his situation. When he finds out eventually, how will your dad feel? I can't think of a suitable word strong enough to descibe how your dad will feel. Devastated? Vomit blood? -
Originally posted by mushigen:Some men become very bitter with women after a relationship failure. Some men come out of it learning how to be better men. Some men get devastated by the failure and end up being the proverbial jerks.
My feeling is you know what you are supposed to do. However, you don't want to be viewed as a fair-weather lover, and you want to let him know you are one who stays by her man. What you should do and what you want to be are two very contradicting things. No wonder you are confused.
Your dad detests him - and he has yet to know his situation. When he finds out eventually, how will your dad feel? I can't think of a suitable word strong enough to descibe how your dad will feel. Devastated? Vomit blood? My dad only like the 1st bf of mine which is a basturd who knows how to buy good books. Then my dad detest my 2nd bf cos he is too mystery at times and the freak has demolished my freedom, even from my family... Then now, my dad got short terms memory lapse and tends to forget what people tell him and he assume things himself and halucinated alot.... My family suspected that he is suffering from menopause but what can we do about it?
Since young, I know that my dad is useless as he always doesn't want to work.. Then my poor mum would always go and get cartons of wire and earn as much as $5.50 per carton.. Till now he is still jobless and full of sickness too... I believe he didn't exercise enough and drink occasionally... But all of us respect him cos he our dad... -
I hope that things just get better for you...