So much hatred and anger in me!
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I am afraid to wake up in the morning, because my battle with the beast within me starts once I am conscious. There is so much hatred and anger in me that they are tearing me apart. I am afraid I am losing the battle.
Recently, I am starting to have thoughts about taking lives, man, children, etcÂ… I am sick! I was kick out by my karate instructor a few months back for almost killing my classmate. He refused to teach me further.
I think my psychiatrist has also given up hope on me. But he did advice me to channel my hatred and anger into words. And that is why I am here. I will be postings some very sick thoughts here, or maybe I will start a forum so that nobody will have to read my sick postings. I know I am very sick. If I offended anyone, please forgive me. -
i`m here too to vent my stress upon..
there area many places u can vent ur anger on..
u an try visit the kao pei kao bu forums..
there`s a guy callled croco..
vent ur anger on him...
on a more serious tone..
do find alternatives to tire ur physical body..
like go for swims cycl;ing or run
i`ve seen that u liked karate..
but since u almost killed ur mates, i suppose it isnt healthy anymore..
try more singular sports..
try participate in the upcomin OSIMS triathalon..
vent ur mental here..
trust me it`s a good place here.. -
dun worry u r never alone. vent ur sick thoughts here in words better than vent them all in action.Originally posted by Inner Voice:I am afraid to wake up in the morning, because my battle with the beast within me starts once I am conscious. There is so much hatred and anger in me that they are tearing me apart. I am afraid I am losing the battle.
Recently, I am starting to have thoughts about taking lives, man, children, etcÂ… I am sick! I was kick out by my karate instructor a few months back for almost killing my classmate. He refused to teach me further.
I think my psychiatrist has also given up hope on me. But he did advice me to channel my hatred and anger into words. And that is why I am here. I will be postings some very sick thoughts here, or maybe I will start a forum so that nobody will have to read my sick postings. I know I am very sick. If I offended anyone, please forgive me.
wen u are out of control, u can b very destructive! -
order some prozac dude, and change yr psychiatrist, any psychiatrist that gives up is a bad one.Originally posted by Inner Voice:I am afraid to wake up in the morning, because my battle with the beast within me starts once I am conscious. There is so much hatred and anger in me that they are tearing me apart. I am afraid I am losing the battle.
Recently, I am starting to have thoughts about taking lives, man, children, etcÂ… I am sick! I was kick out by my karate instructor a few months back for almost killing my classmate. He refused to teach me further.
I think my psychiatrist has also given up hope on me. But he did advice me to channel my hatred and anger into words. And that is why I am here. I will be postings some very sick thoughts here, or maybe I will start a forum so that nobody will have to read my sick postings. I know I am very sick. If I offended anyone, please forgive me. -
Thanks for the info. I posted at other forum describing how I much I wanted to hurt those children running around and screaming in the MRT. I was ban immediately.Originally posted by BaByBoY:i`m here too to vent my stress upon..
there area many places u can vent ur anger on..
u an try visit the kao pei kao bu forums..
there`s a guy callled croco..
vent ur anger on him...
on a more serious tone..
do find alternatives to tire ur physical body..
like go for swims cycl;ing or run
i`ve seen that u liked karate..
but since u almost killed ur mates, i suppose it isnt healthy anymore..
try more singular sports..
try participate in the upcomin OSIMS triathalon..
vent ur mental here..
trust me it`s a good place here..
But after I read those threads in Bar, I think I have found the right place to vent my anger. -
That is what my psychiatrist says too. I am trying to be in control with my emotions everyday. For example if someone block my way at the escalator, I have a very strong urge to push them asides, or tell those people who talk loudly in the cinema to shut their fcuking mouth. But I have to fight back to control those urge. Maybe I am not sick, I am just a coward.Originally posted by 'm back:dun worry u r never alone. vent ur sick thoughts here in words better than vent them all in action.
wen u are out of control, u can b very destructive! -
Did your psychiatrist try to find out what causes those urges in the first place? If not, you should ask about it during your next session with him, because those urges are the results of compressed feelings which are caused by underlying factors, so if you can deal with those factors, whatever they may be, you can more effectively deal with the other problems - which in your case is expressing anger in the wrong method.Originally posted by Inner Voice:That is what my psychiatrist says too. I am trying to be in control with my emotions everyday. For example if someone block my way at the escalator, I have a very strong urge to push them asides, or tell those people who talk loudly in the cinema to shut their fcuking mouth. But I have to fight back to control those urge. Maybe I am not sick, I am just a coward. -
She is okay. Before I see her I used to be more violent. All my friends and even my family members avoid me. Even my dad forbid me to learn karate. But I heck care him. But when I fought with my dad one day, I realise it is time I need to get some helps. I actually thought of being a monk. Maybe I will do that.Originally posted by gaoyue:order some prozac dude, and change yr psychiatrist, any psychiatrist that gives up is a bad one. -
do a long run (>10km)..it helps me calm down sometimes..but its more for helping myself clear my mind of sorrow/agony...
just a lil suggestion..good luck! -
I only see her a few times. She asked about my childhood, talk to my parents, etc. She said must be the stress as I just came out to work. My colleagues did not know I am sick. I appear very normal from outside. I am not sure if she is really good or not. But I feel very comfortable talking to her. Most of the time I ended up crying. Then I feel so much better.Originally posted by gaoyue:Did your psychiatrist try to find out what causes those urges in the first place? If not, you should ask about it during your next session with him, because those urges are the results of compressed feelings which are caused by underlying factors, so if you can deal with those factors, whatever they may be, you can more effectively deal with the other problems - which in your case is expressing anger in the wrong method. -
Thanks. Tried that. At first it really help. But then the urge to do something stupid come back again very soon.Originally posted by sgFish:do a long run (>10km)..it helps me calm down sometimes..but its more for helping myself clear my mind of sorrow/agony...
just a lil suggestion..good luck! -
I am not sure about you people, but if all our thoughts are transform into actions, there will bloods everywhere ...
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Well, good, if you have any small misgivings about your psychiatrist, you should tell her straight in her face, without overdoing it of cuz, because if you hold a grude or doubts against her, it may affect your treatment.Originally posted by Inner Voice:I only see her a few times. She asked about my childhood, talk to my parents, etc. She said must be the stress as I just came out to work. My colleagues did not know I am sick. I appear very normal from outside. I am not sure if she is really good or not. But I feel very comfortable talking to her. Most of the time I ended up crying. Then I feel so much better.
She asked about your childhood, background info, etc, because she needs to know your life from your perspective, so as to perhaps find those underlying factors. Well, I think she is a decent psychiatrist, so don't worry about it but what a psychiatrist can do is quite limited within their appointment schedules and office.. quite sad, but there is nothing we can do. She is not your wife. Hehe. Thats the good side of getting a psychiatrist for a wife. LOL.
She is good because you feel safe with her, and you cried probably from guilt.. that proves your condition is mild, not serious at all.
Another advise other than posting here, you can also write an online diary/blog which I recommend must be made public annoymously, in which you can build up your self-confidence in dealing with these specific set of problems, on top of what you are doing right now.
You are not a coward, in fact, you are one of the bravest soul in the world that have the courage to face their emotional problems. Nor are you actually sick, because by definition of sickness, you are not genetically defective, nor influenced by bacterials, viruses, and such. The most you can be is that you are emotionally disordered, thus you have problems expressing your anger compared to other people, but changing how to express your anger does not allow you to know why were you easily angered by those reasons in the first place.
She said its due to work pressure and stress right? That is a rather general reason though.. in my opinion. -
But there will also be love everywhere too, people normally moderate their thoughts and actions, and restrict anything extreme. Or at least try to, until we reach a critical level and do things in a moment of folly. Regardless of positive or negative. Like.. I love my girlfriend so much I just ran over and hug her. (If I have one. LOL) Thats one.. nice bloodless example. :pOriginally posted by Inner Voice:I am not sure about you people, but if all our thoughts are transform into actions, there will bloods everywhere ... -
play a video game u can kill ppl there.
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Done that to, I make sure I kill all the villagers as well.Originally posted by Forever84:play a video game u can kill ppl there. -
gaoyue, thanks for being a friend. But I think I am going to disappoint you. The reason I come here is to release the beast within me. Things that I fought so hard to keep in control in my real life, I can safely say/do it here. I may be posting some sick topics here in the future. I may be ban by Jason. I need to get them off my mind. So please please don't be my friend or try to help. It makes me feel even more guilty. I really appreciate your, and the others, help.
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be still....cool down
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actually im not.Originally posted by Inner Voice:gaoyue, thanks for being a friend. But I think I am going to disappoint you. The reason I come here is to release the beast within me. Things that I fought so hard to keep in control in my real life, I can safely say/do it here. I may be posting some sick topics here in the future. I may be ban by Jason. I need to get them off my mind. So please please don't be my friend or try to help. It makes me feel even more guilty. I really appreciate your, and the others, help.
juz telling ya wad i think of yr situation. if u wan to rant, den i suggest u do it in one topic, rather than in many topics.. dat way, jason may be more forgiving. -
You are a good person. Hope you do not have to go through what I am going through now.Originally posted by gaoyue:actually im not. juz telling ya wad i think of yr situation. if u wan to rant, den i suggest u do it in one topic, rather than in many topics.. dat way, jason may be more forgiving. -
Thanks NeonTetra. Are you a Christian? Maybe it is time I need a religion. A buddhist or a christian should be good.Originally posted by NeonTetra:be still....cool down -
yes..i am a Christian. u can PM me ur questions.Originally posted by Inner Voice:Thanks NeonTetra. Are you a Christian? Maybe it is time I need a religion. A buddhist or a christian should be good.
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was in similar situation, but very different from you.Originally posted by Inner Voice:You are a good person. Hope you do not have to go through what I am going through now.
everyone is unique, no?
sometimes, i feel i lose control of my thoughts oso, but.. dunnoe, the more i know and understand things and myself, the more confused i become, because even though knowing what to do, is different from doing the actual things itself. than because when it happen to yourself right, it clouts your judgement and make things so complicated. i try to view myself as calmly as possible, but its so hard.. and i dun talk to others about my true problems either. so can only work em out myself, been like dat since childhood.
its true, the chinese saying, pan guan zhe qing. its so different when it happen to you, when compared to other people.
if you wanna try christianity you can try me out, i can intro you to my church or cellgroup. pretty neat people we have there, kids to youths to adult groups oso got, even if u dun feel like sharing problems in person, its good to know what God can offer, can offer some insights that you never thought of before, for starters. -
Hey dude. Yo man relax.... If you need to release your energy... Can find me to spar... I learn Aikido.. Lol. nahh juz kidding.. I am only a novice.
Sometimes when you are feeling angry... breathe deeply and think why are you so angry.. You said that you felt like scolding or hitting people but i am sure you dont want the same things to happen to your loves one?
He who angers you conquers you.
Peace to you bro. -
i dun think u are sick...seeing a psychiatrist do not imply a sickness in u. u just need someone to talk to thats all.
what i think is that those who cannot stop talking are sick! the topics everday are what food to eat, what numbers to bet on, what their sons and daughters, papa and mama.....kids running around the mrt repeating the same words...ppl who cannot stop movin their arms and legs for even one moment, people who cannot keep quiet and concentrate on their work and ended up hogging everything down the way......
these ppl are sick...very sick.....
thats what they are - commoners.