How should I console him?
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My bf is in a terrible state now.
The whole story involves both my bf's parents, his sister & brother-in-law and his eldest niece (Sister's daughter).
His niece is well-known as a very notorious girl. She is merely K2 but the things she did was very "unexpectable"
Since the day she's born, she cries very easily, and almost everyday, so her niece stay with my bf's parents n him. 2 years later, my bf's sister gave birth to another younger sister.
Well, so my bf's sister took care of the younger one and the elder niece remains with my bf's parents.
Okie it is the fact that every grandparents dote on their grandchild, so the elder niece is been very pampered by her grandparents(aka my bf's parents). She can have everything she wants. but 1 thing is lacking, attention from her parents.
Although she's young but she can understand very well that she wants attention from her parents, and her parents dotes more on the younger one, so the elder niece become very notorious.
How notorious? Other than being mischievious, she even being given the 'authority' of talking back and scolding the elders. She can be violent and even fight with the younger sister.
my bf dotes on her alot despite her notorious being. he wanted her to be gd, so he always try to control her and try to change this elder niece to a betta child. Times when the kids deserve punishment such as canning, my bf will be told to be the "punshier" while his parents and both his sister and brother-in-law be the rescuer.
Yesterday night, my bf's father brought 1 of the kids down to my bf's cousin. So the elder got to know it, without notice, she left the house alone. My bf shouted her to go back home, but she didn;t heck care less and do things her own way.
My bf was so worried. How can 1 K2 kid just leave the house liddat and the rest were gambling away then to keep look of the leaving girl?!
Lucky my bf got the girl back, and give her a caning session.
But this matter was brought down by his parents and both his sister and bro-in-law and even blamed him for lecturing the girl..
haiz.. he feels very bad and angry for the blame.
I even msg her sister the actual scenerio, but the reply was,
"i never say he cannot beat her, i know she is naughty n not obedient, but he shouldn't beat so hard"
But the beating was not hard except for some marks of canes..
Whats should I do next? How should I comfort him?
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So how terrible is he feeling right now? Hmm....well, think he is old enough to get over this kind of scolding from his parents.
Well...next time ask him never to apply any physical punishment on the elder niece. Ask your bf to tame that elder niece by making her laugh a lot, then that elder niece will listen and behave obediently to your bf. -
wha...K2 girl??
hmmm.......ur bf has good intention....but too bad...this is always the case. encourage him -
If there was a measure for love, then love would be traded like a commodity.
Let him be. He'll get over it. -
ur bf shld not use too much strength to hit a girl mah....
no matter how justified it seems.....she is not his child..and ppl will still complain when their child is being punished...by school principal or by relatives.....same logic. -
YA... It's NOT his child what.. Why he bother so much? If I were him. I would ASKED the child what kinda person she wants to be in tthe FUTURE. Make her DECISION NOW. Might be a little too much for K2.. But that's that...
If things didn't change from there? DUMP the child BACK to the parents.. GIVE BOTH your SISTER and BROTHER-IN-LAW a GOOD SCOLDING and LECTURING... The child CAN'T THINK, but they SHOULD...
Exercising physical punishment could only get himself into TROUBLE... AVOID that AT ALL COST...
Tell the parents the CHILD'S FUTURE is IN THEIR HANDS... WHAT THEY GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
UNDERSTAND that you CAN'T change some 'FATE'. If your brother wasn't involved in the picture, naturally his sister and in-laws are gonna ruin the child's future too if what they're doing would mean such..
Some things in life is HARD to deny... -
Ya agreed with what you guys say,
Afterall it's not his child what, why should he care so much?
But in another way,
what I want to say is, he dotes on this little niece a lot, in fact more than anyone can imagine..
But no one understands him?
And my bf's parents/ his sister will always ask him to do the beating when the kids r naughty.
but now they like in turn, blame my bf for punishing the kids.
I ever experience it once, when the whole lot of them were playing mahjong, I didn't play and they tell me to kinda use the cane like "scare" them to be gd..
I understand the theory of "never touch other ppl kids." but that day the kids were so notorious in playing the costly cosmetics of their grandma
So I just take the cane and slightly touch them a little,and they cries?! and in the end those who gamble also blame me on that!
I was like WTF?! it's not I dun have patient or what. but it;s like they say 1 thing another thing comes out from their mouth when they ask me to do.
To what I want say is, how to make my bf feel betta from the part of the misunderstanding of his family towards him.
He did everything for the sake for them but they just keep thinking he is the bad guy?
Y? -
i read oreadi oso very pek chek..
i think until the day ur bf stop caring for the niece then all the trouble will stop... however it's impossible... so meanwhile just let him noe that u noe how he's feeling.. dun comment anything coz he might get angry wif u in the end for blaming his family..
kids nowadays very clever n cunning.. they noe how to get attention n push blame.. by crying... if she was my child, i'd probably slap her silly....
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I think consoling him will only make him feel worse. Try to get him to do other activities with you, have a happy day together...accompany/allow him to do something that he want but you don't like. Little things like this is often much more helpful than just words itself.
But he is a guy, so he must overcome it by himself. You can only cheer him up. -
Actually my bf has ever tried to "stop" caring about what the girls do.
But he went back becos the girls have been of so much trouble for my bf's parents, as my bf's sister and bro-in-law only rest once in the week, and the rest of the days, the girls will be taken care of by my bf's parents.
As my bf's parents were old liao (50-60) yrs old, they also cannot tahan keep chasing after the girls mah, so my bf's intention other than teaching the girls to be gd, also wish to help his parents..
But I can't say anything afterall I'm still a outsider.
Yesterday after the whole incident, my bf msg me and tell me that the whole world is blaming him. so I console him a while, but he dun wish to tok, so I never force him to chat a little more.
In fact last night he didn;t sleep at all, he has been so upset by the response everyone has been giving him.
Just now lunch he called me, he sounds bad, and in work, customer keep stabbing him at his back.
I see like that, so I suggest we eat out, also becos wish to get him out of his house afterall he go home everybody also give him face.
but he say, "in the end I still have to go home, sianz..."
I'm in a total lost loh... -
go home after everyone's fast asleep lor... at least dun haf to face the crap....Originally posted by IamAngeline:Actually my bf has ever tried to "stop" caring about what the girls do.
But he went back becos the girls have been of so much trouble for my bf's parents, as my bf's sister and bro-in-law only rest once in the week, and the rest of the days, the girls will be taken care of by my bf's parents.
As my bf's parents were old liao (50-60) yrs old, they also cannot tahan keep chasing after the girls mah, so my bf's intention other than teaching the girls to be gd, also wish to help his parents..
But I can't say anything afterall I'm still a outsider.
Yesterday after the whole incident, my bf msg me and tell me that the whole world is blaming him. so I console him a while, but he dun wish to tok, so I never force him to chat a little more.
In fact last night he didn;t sleep at all, he has been so upset by the response everyone has been giving him.
Just now lunch he called me, he sounds bad, and in work, customer keep stabbing him at his back.
I see like that, so I suggest we eat out, also becos wish to get him out of his house afterall he go home everybody also give him face.
but he say, "in the end I still have to go home, sianz..."
I'm in a total lost loh... -
I see him like dat I also feel very upset..Originally posted by audlenelee:go home after everyone's fast asleep lor... at least dun haf to face the crap....
How I wish I can help him share share a bit...
Y kids nowadays all so naughty.
Dunno it's parents no gd or the kids themselves not gd haiz
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Personally I feel family members have a right to scold a kid, or give the parents feedback, but not hit the kid.
Anyway, in your position there's nothing you can do directly to the situation. Just give your boyfriend quiet support ba. This kinda family squabble should boil over after awhile.Originally posted by IamAngeline:I see him like dat I also feel very upset..
How I wish I can help him share share a bit...
Y kids nowadays all so naughty.
Dunno it's parents no gd or the kids themselves not gd haiz -
Your bf sounds really young to me...how old is he anyway?Originally posted by IamAngeline:Actually my bf has ever tried to "stop" caring about what the girls do.
But he went back becos the girls have been of so much trouble for my bf's parents, as my bf's sister and bro-in-law only rest once in the week, and the rest of the days, the girls will be taken care of by my bf's parents.
As my bf's parents were old liao (50-60) yrs old, they also cannot tahan keep chasing after the girls mah, so my bf's intention other than teaching the girls to be gd, also wish to help his parents..
But I can't say anything afterall I'm still a outsider.
Yesterday after the whole incident, my bf msg me and tell me that the whole world is blaming him. so I console him a while, but he dun wish to tok, so I never force him to chat a little more.
In fact last night he didn;t sleep at all, he has been so upset by the response everyone has been giving him.
Just now lunch he called me, he sounds bad, and in work, customer keep stabbing him at his back.
I see like that, so I suggest we eat out, also becos wish to get him out of his house afterall he go home everybody also give him face.
but he say, "in the end I still have to go home, sianz..."
I'm in a total lost loh...
Hmm...I think he should stop whining and let this thing bothers him so much, for his and your own good if you plan to have a future with him.
Accompany him whenever you can to keep him from dwelling in his 'misfortune'. -
parents play a bigger role... parents dun give them enuf attention, didn't discipline them enuf...Originally posted by IamAngeline:Y kids nowadays all so naughty.
Dunno it's parents no gd or the kids themselves not gd haiz
kids just take advantage of the situation... kids learn VERY fast... -
he's 24 dis yr.Originally posted by parn:Your bf sounds really young to me...how old is he anyway?
Hmm...I think he should stop whining and let this thing bothers him so much, for his and your own good if you plan to have a future with him.
Accompany him whenever you can to keep him from dwelling in his 'misfortune'.
well, dunno it's work stress that caused him to become liddat or what
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agreed a lot..Originally posted by audlenelee:parents play a bigger role... parents dun give them enuf attention, didn't discipline them enuf...
kids just take advantage of the situation... kids learn VERY fast...
maybe the "milk powder" they had different from our times -
yah man.... DAMN... tok until macam i very old...Originally posted by IamAngeline:agreed a lot..
maybe the "milk powder" they had different from our times
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the K2 gal's parents also dun care...your bf no need to care so much...next time when the K2 gal grow up...then they will know the quality of their upbringing...your bf did his best...till the time he "sees the light"...he will always be bothered by it...Originally posted by IamAngeline:My bf is in a terrible state now.
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24 this year for guy like him is considered still young. The difference in mentality/needs/maturity of guy compared to gal at the age of 24 is huge.Originally posted by IamAngeline:he's 24 dis yr.
well, dunno it's work stress that caused him to become liddat or what
Well...his behaviour is normal, but he still needs to take things easier. Tell him how you would deal/accept/perceive his situation if it happens to you. -
Originally posted by audlenelee:yah man.... DAMN... tok until macam i very old... hAHAHA wun lah...
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hmm.. hope so ba...Originally posted by Xcert:the K2 gal's parents also dun care...your bf no need to care so much...next time when the K2 gal grow up...then they will know the quality of their upbringing...your bf did his best...till the time he "sees the light"...he will always be bothered by it...
hope that tmr will be a betta day -
ermm... which means I 20 years old mentality = his at 24?Originally posted by parn:24 this year for guy like him is considered still young. The difference in mentality/needs/maturity of guy compared to gal at the age of 24 is huge.
Well...his behaviour is normal, but he still needs to take things easier. Tell him how you would deal/accept/perceive his situation if it happens to you.
Hmm I always do that, but he's always too persistent on his views..
well hope that the family will understand him lor -
Work and other aspects of life... Yes.. You could be right? Though not definite, there could be a chance that he might be going into a depression or sort... Especially if he's the kinda guy who's persistent on his views.. Negativity can easily haunt him down...Originally posted by IamAngeline:ermm... which means I 20 years old mentality = his at 24?
Hmm I always do that, but he's always too persistent on his views..
well hope that the family will understand him lor
What you should do is to make him relax more... Let him speak up about his 'unhappiness' and let him GET OVER them... Try to put him in a more relaxing and smoothing mood...
There's a 'massage technique' which you might like to apply?
Let him talk about his 'unhappiness'... Everytime he gets to a point where he's so STRESSED UP and uncomfortable... You massage his head for him.. Calm him down and let him relax.. Let him know that you're listening and you'll always stand by him.... After the whole discussion period, do something which both of you would like to do and not have to do (for the sake of doing it...).. -
That's why I'm afraid of.. depression.Originally posted by Devil1976:Work and other aspects of life... Yes.. You could be right? Though not definite, there could be a chance that he might be going into a depression or sort... Especially if he's the kinda guy who's persistent on his views.. Negativity can easily haunt him down...
What you should do is to make him relax more... Let him speak up about his 'unhappiness' and let him GET OVER them... Try to put him in a more relaxing and smoothing mood...
There's a 'massage technique' which you might like to apply?
Let him talk about his 'unhappiness'... Everytime he gets to a point where he's so STRESSED UP and uncomfortable... You massage his head for him.. Calm him down and let him relax.. Let him know that you're listening and you'll always stand by him.... After the whole discussion period, do something which both of you would like to do and not have to do (for the sake of doing it...)..
Devil... I always massage his head like what u mention... esepcially when he is so stressed up that he keeps having headaches..
hmm dunno leh later hope our dinner session can let me helps him brighten up his day a bit ba