How much pain can one take?
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Originally posted by icycold:She is 24 years Sagittarus. I am 25, Virgo.
I have been trying for months, convincing myself 'Love is over' and coaxing myself to get her out of my life, but i just can't do it.
One reason is that she is doing so without any logic. I didn't do anything to let her down. Our 3 years relationship was doing really really well. Out of a sudden, she lost interest in me and claims that she just wants to be alone. I told her that there isn't any logic that she wants to be alone when we were so ok together.
By the way, after doing some research around, it seems that people from broken families can behave like this. They are secretly afraid of committment and are highly insecure.
Sagi girl? There are no smoke without fire; feelings do change, but a catalysis must have existed for the transformation like we are fed with all sorts of rubbish information everyday - that could be a possibility as well. No point guessing what's wrong if she won't talk.
You have to induce her to speak.
Cheers -
My suspicion. Could be some 'hidden reason(s)'. Her own internal stir ups. A mixture of BOTH?Originally posted by icycold:She is 24 years Sagittarus. I am 25, Virgo.
I have been trying for months, convincing myself 'Love is over' and coaxing myself to get her out of my life, but i just can't do it.
One reason is that she is doing so without any logic. I didn't do anything to let her down. Our 3 years relationship was doing really really well. Out of a sudden, she lost interest in me and claims that she just wants to be alone. I told her that there isn't any logic that she wants to be alone when we were so ok together.
By the way, after doing some research around, it seems that people from broken families can behave like this. They are secretly afraid of committment and are highly insecure.
How's her family background like now? Are you familar with her family's situation..? Almost CONSTANTLY? Are you UPDATED?
It's probably a very HIGH likely chance that she's going through some sort of a PHASE CHANGE. MOOD is a BIG FACTOR here.
'Hidden reason(s)'. Like Yun has suggested... She don't say, you probably won't know... But she's probably VERY VULNERABLE and SENSITIVE at this point. Any wrong move can EASILY BURST this 'bubble'. Be TACTFUL. Be SENSITIVE. GOOD NEWS is, you probably possess much of the 'qualities' needed to 'open' her up. NOT gonna be easy... Need LOTS of THINKINGS, PATIENCE and LUCK... And be SENSITIVE at ALL TIMES. That shall probably be the KEY for the FINAL BREAKTHROUGH.
YES. I UNDERSTAND how you feel at this point. And if all else FAILS, just understand that things might not be... And IF you REALLY DO LOVE her ALOT... Here's an EXTRA ADVICE for you... No matter what happens from there, STAY as a FRIEND to her... She'll probably NEEDS YOUR HELP...
And that's gonna be the LEAST you can do for her?
Of course, that's provided that you don't it too painful a decision to make? If you really CAN'T handle that kinda situation, I'll rather advise you to STAY CLEAR.
ALL THE BEST. -
icycold,
i m in the same boat as u.
after 3 1/2 years of our relationship, my bf told me that he wants to be left alone.
u see, we quarrel 2 weeks ago and we did not call each other at all!
i know everyone says we are so strange.
i plucked up my courage to call him last week and he told me that he doesnt want to talk to me anymore. he feels that we are not behaving like a couple.
sigh.
so we met up and talked, i asked him what exactly is he unhappy about? anything that i can change or compromise. he says that he is very happy alone now. he can do watever he wants and doesnot have to report to me.
i asked him if there is a 3rd party, he says no. i asked him if he still has feelings for me, he says yes.
so i m not sure wat is the problem. he seems quite firm about his decision.
his buddy told me that he is very hurt that i did not call him because he tot that i did not care about him anymore! so untrue!
now he does not want to take my calls and just want to be left alone.
my freinds tell me to leave him alone, after he continue going out for awhile, then he will definetely think about me again...i hope it is true!
i have been sick and is on mc for these 2 days, he sms me yesterday and heard from my friend that i have not been eating, so he told me to have my meals...(i dun want to read too much into it)
i m feeling reallly miserable and so helpless. should i just leave him alone?
i really dun know. to me, breaking up is never a solution, it is just an easy way out. -
I did tried to be patient, be tactful. I tried everything. Things are still going downhill. I lost track of how many nights i cried myself to sleep. I lost track of the times i woke up in the wee hours suddenly, because i dreamt of her. If the worst situation happens I definitely want to remain as a friend but now i'm not too sure. I am too seriously hurt. I am too afraid to think of the future.Originally posted by Devil1976:My suspicion. Could be some 'hidden reason(s)'. Her own internal stir ups. A mixture of BOTH?
How's her family background like now? Are you familar with her family's situation..? Almost CONSTANTLY? Are you UPDATED?
It's probably a very HIGH likely chance that she's going through some sort of a PHASE CHANGE. MOOD is a BIG FACTOR here.
'Hidden reason(s)'. Like Yun has suggested... She don't say, you probably won't know... But she's probably VERY VULNERABLE and SENSITIVE at this point. Any wrong move can EASILY BURST this 'bubble'. Be TACTFUL. Be SENSITIVE. GOOD NEWS is, you probably possess much of the 'qualities' needed to 'open' her up. NOT gonna be easy... Need LOTS of THINKINGS, PATIENCE and LUCK... And be SENSITIVE at ALL TIMES. That shall probably be the KEY for the FINAL BREAKTHROUGH.
YES. I UNDERSTAND how you feel at this point. And if all else FAILS, just understand that things might not be... And IF you REALLY DO LOVE her ALOT... Here's an EXTRA ADVICE for you... No matter what happens from there, STAY as a FRIEND to her... She'll probably NEEDS YOUR HELP...
And that's gonna be the LEAST you can do for her?
Of course, that's provided that you don't it too painful a decision to make? If you really CAN'T handle that kinda situation, I'll rather advise you to STAY CLEAR.
ALL THE BEST.
Love really hurts. -
How true. I believed that breaking up is not a solution too. That's why i am still hanging on despite being in pain all these months.
i m feeling reallly miserable and so helpless. should i just leave him alone?
i really dun know. to me, breaking up is never a solution, it is just an easy way out.
[/b] -
she said that she finds the relationship a routine? maybe u can try breaking up with her , she would be inhuman if she dosent feel sad . u all have been together for 3 yrs rite? after breaking up, ask from her friends how sad she is and u would know if she really needs u (emotionally). if she really luvs u, she will feel sad and be conscious of how much she luvs u.. u have a chance to win her heart again.. but its a very risky solution larz.. i've tried this, we patched up 7 months later, its alot of hard work.. couples who get back together after breaking up wont consider another break up that easily..
my 2 cents worth la, wish u the best.. keep us updated k? -
Jazzy13- I think u still have a chance cos he is concern abt. u when u are sick. When u quarrel, it is best to settle & make up immediately & not wait 2 weeks without any calls. No wonder he thinks u don't care.
My advice to both u & icycold is to give your partners some time to reflect, still remain friends, don't pressurize them to get back yet. Call them often to chitcat/ show concern. In the meantime, go & socialise. Let them know u can be independent. U must be patient cos it will take time to win them back -
You're losing a battle...Originally posted by icycold:How true. I believed that breaking up is not a solution too. That's why i am still hanging on despite being in pain all these months. -
What happened?Originally posted by icycold:I did tried to be patient, be tactful. I tried everything. Things are still going downhill. I lost track of how many nights i cried myself to sleep. I lost track of the times i woke up in the wee hours suddenly, because i dreamt of her. If the worst situation happens I definitely want to remain as a friend but now i'm not too sure. I am too seriously hurt. I am too afraid to think of the future.
Love really hurts.
My GUESS is that you might have MISSED OUT on SOMETHING...
Probably had been INSENSITIVE to her at some point with her...
Your BEST CHANCE now is to EITHER FIND OUT... Or REFLECT? -
time to let go...Originally posted by icycold:Going through an extremely bad patch with my gf. She claims she suddenly unsure about her feelings for her a few months back. After going through so much with her these 3 years, i really couldn't bear to give up. So i decide to hang on to this relationship, no matter what. At least until she tells me in the face that she wants a break-up.
It has been months and i am still hanging on. Meanwhile she is still confused on whether to break up. In her state of confusion, her treatment towards me is so cold! When she feels like replying to my SMS, she will reply, if not, it's like my SMS are invisible. Everytime i call her, she will be busy with something! She is happier being with her colleagues and friends than with me! My mind can't help comparing her current attitude towards me with her behavior just a few months back!
The pain is indescribable! -
sigh**
my bf told me today that he will come to my place to pick up his things...sigh.
so he came and we talked, i asked him for the real reason...he said no more feelings..
asked him whether got 3rd party he said no at all.
he even said that he knew some girls during this period but did not like like becoz he wants to get over it totally!
anyway, i told him how i felt, more disappointed than sad cos of all the future plans that we have made.
he told me sorry but i told him that we are adults and we do not have to be sorry that things turn out this way. of cos as much as i dun want it to be.
strange thing is that he told me that the joint acct that we have, keep it open first until the end of the year. as for my car also keep it to the end of the year then sell it.....his buddy told me that he has been behaving very strange and not his usual self. n he looked very sad...
i m not sure if he wants this period to cool off but i think i will let him be.
i really dun understand...but i totally agree that i have to move on. although i m hurt very badly now, i hope to pick myself up real soon..pls give me your support!!!
actually if u guys wanna give me your 2 cents...i m real puzzeled. -
I do realise that this is among the best ways to gauge the exact status of her feelings for me. I am however still unable to summon the courage to do so.Originally posted by NiteSg:she said that she finds the relationship a routine? maybe u can try breaking up with her , she would be inhuman if she dosent feel sad . u all have been together for 3 yrs rite? after breaking up, ask from her friends how sad she is and u would know if she really needs u (emotionally). if she really luvs u, she will feel sad and be conscious of how much she luvs u.. u have a chance to win her heart again.. but its a very risky solution larz.. i've tried this, we patched up 7 months later, its alot of hard work.. couples who get back together after breaking up wont consider another break up that easily..
my 2 cents worth la, wish u the best.. keep us updated k? -
Hi jazzy13,
Does your boyfriend happen to be from a broken family? -
It's really difficult loh. I have been trying to show concern, but when she doesn't feel like talking to you each and every time, there isn't much i can do. While trying to be patient, i am watching her drift further and further away. This is so hard.Originally posted by gerrykoh:Jazzy13- I think u still have a chance cos he is concern abt. u when u are sick. When u quarrel, it is best to settle & make up immediately & not wait 2 weeks without any calls. No wonder he thinks u don't care.
My advice to both u & icycold is to give your partners some time to reflect, still remain friends, don't pressurize them to get back yet. Call them often to chitcat/ show concern. In the meantime, go & socialise. Let them know u can be independent. U must be patient cos it will take time to win them back -
no my bf is not from a broken family but his family doesnot really have time for him.
i m not sure why he behaves like this manner ....
i still dun.....wanting to wait too like you, icycold...but i m scared that my wait is fruitless.... -
I am very afraid that my wait will be in vain too.
Honestly, looking at the fact that he told you to keep the joint account and the car, i find that he is not that serious in wanting to break up. I thought that perhaps he is trying to use breaking up as a tool to make you do something he wants.
Have you been doing something that really annoys him? Or not been doing something that he wants you to? -
well i guess mayb he really wants me to do something he wants or dun want
i m just gonna continue my life. then i will sms him now and then to remain as :friends, everything else i leave it to fate.
i m no doubt sad, but i cant really do anything if he insists on breaking up.
sigh..... -
Quite bad ...but if u kanna lik me den u more headache, friend see ex(tat time we still together) going hotel wid her guy friend...tat is knn...but true lah, when te incident kanna you, little bit is already intoloratable liao...Originally posted by icycold:Going through an extremely bad patch with my gf. She claims she suddenly unsure about her feelings for her a few months back. After going through so much with her these 3 years, i really couldn't bear to give up. So i decide to hang on to this relationship, no matter what. At least until she tells me in the face that she wants a break-up.
It has been months and i am still hanging on. Meanwhile she is still confused on whether to break up. In her state of confusion, her treatment towards me is so cold! When she feels like replying to my SMS, she will reply, if not, it's like my SMS are invisible. Everytime i call her, she will be busy with something! She is happier being with her colleagues and friends than with me! My mind can't help comparing her current attitude towards me with her behavior just a few months back!
The pain is indescribable! -
Maybe you should get involve in so tings tat wil take up ur time to try 4get her....mayb in her mind she tink she hv the upper hand so....try to let go abit but mabe lik dun control her too much...sometimes is jus lik--U tink u done alot for her,u care 4 her a lot, 24 hrs lik her puppet,but there r some little things which females say bout guys,"Insensitivity" or "Take Her For Granted",tis may b a guy's thing as i last time also lik tat.Originally posted by icycold:How true. I believed that breaking up is not a solution too. That's why i am still hanging on despite being in pain all these months.
If u can tahan her den try ur best to "Melt Her Heart" once again,"Convince"her tat u r te chosen 1.
Really Wish You All The Best.