Wat is he thinking????.....
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Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday???? -
He longs to come back but does not have the courage to.
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just wait a while and see lor
maybe he needs time to think over and needs some space for himself in the meantime... -
Maybe d lad jus nids some space.....take time off from d r/s 4 awhile....
He doesn't seem d totally heartless sort wif wat u'v explained thus far -
Shouldn't you understand him more than anyone of us here? 3&1/2yr of relationship, you shld be able to know wat kinda person he's....are you not giving himself enough breathing space?As in, are you controlling too much that he doens't have time for himself and his frens?Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday????
There're a couple of reasons to your question as in why he still buy you expensive gifts before 1mth of breakup...
1) Guilty (most girls would have thot that their partners has done something unfaithful or behind their back,n so, buying gifts to their gf).Quite true.
2) Third party(Think abt it, do you think he'll say "yes, i've like someone else" when you'll to ask that question?bear in mind that you two have been togather for 3&1/2 years, by saying "yes" would have hurt you very deeply.
(This's juz a assumption/opinion of mine..might not be true to your case)
3) How often do you spend time with him? -
ok ... i think i am something like in his shoes ... ... sad to say ... i dun think he wants a patch ... most probably just wanna make sure you can go on with life ... so leaves the account, sub card etc open ... ...
but hey, tht's wht i think ... sorry if its negative ... but who knows, maybe its different here ... ...
anyway, whtever happens, take it strong ... ... n good luck! -
When u guys quarrel, it is about money?
Maybe the financial burden is too tough on him.
Maybe he thinks this r/s has too much sacrifices?
At the momment, Just want to escape from it all? -
he definitely has some problems with his life, maybe his family?? and he doesn't want to affect u? try to let him tell youOriginally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday???? -
It seems he had broken up with you over the smallest of excuses, could be he probably planned for a while but didn't have the guts to say it to your face and used the phone so he didn't have to meet you. Why he did it you have to ask yourself. Could be over another girl, could be he was the loner type and missed his freedom, could be you too overbearing, could be you like him but dun like those around him so always trying to change him and he resents that. Whatever the reasons only you will know.Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday????
The other reason is more simple, he showers you with gifts because he feels guilty over the breakup and maybe betrayal so this is a way to make up. If you accept then he feels he has 'recompensated' you for it.
I have experienced this from girls in the past and some of my friends themselves experienced it too. -
The problem is although u are in a relationship, your bf should be free to do his own thing. He should not have to seek your permission to go out. He is old enough to make his own decisions. U should instead have said don't stay up too late cos u will be too tired. He will feel that u are concern abt. him.
By trying to control him, u will lose him. He is feeling guilty abt breaking off. Let him cool off, then have a heart to heart talk with him. -
x2. Like to add, I read somewhere that personal spaces in a relationship is very important.Originally posted by gerrykoh:The problem is although u are in a relationship, your bf should be free to do his own thing. He should not have to seek your permission to go out. He is old enough to make his own decisions. U should instead have said don't stay up too late cos u will be too tired. He will feel that u are concern abt. him.
By trying to control him, u will lose him. He is feeling guilty abt breaking off. Let him cool off, then have a heart to heart talk with him. -
Guilt?Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday???? -
i have to admit that i m too controlling at times....used to be a control freak but after a few quarrels, i did learn to let go.
maybe it is not enough for him.
i m not sure as to wat is happening. i do understand him, my gut feelings tells me that he is confused now.
he told his friend about the breakup and he was damm sad. his friend told me that he behave very strange.
if he is really firm and sort, y did he go drinking everynite? if he is happy with being alone, why does he do that?
honestly, i dun really think that it is guilt that he bought me that expensive gift. i know that he really loves me but i just dun understand why he will break up over such a petty issue.
to me, i wud never break up with a guy over this issue. maybe i will just let it cool off for a while.
i m so sad now and i feel so bad. i feel that i m such a lousy bitch for making him so sad. i kinda regret my decision.
do you all think that there is turning back????...tell me the truth, i can take it! -
only he can answer that...
he would look at this as your lack of faith in him.. you do not trust him...
do you? -
my dear girl...Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday????
he may be confused he may not be confused.. but lets just face some facts... your problem now isn't whether he still loves you or not.. cause if you think his material actions are acts of love then i'm terribly sorry to tell you they're not..
at least he's not a heartless bastard.. he's nice enough not to disrupt your own life apart from breaking up with you.. u shldn even focus on what u quarrel about.. maybe he's right.. maybe he's figured out that you just aren't the person he wants to be with.. so now's the time where YOU take the time and figure out what he is to u.. disregard the stuff he showered on you.. ignore all that.. think of what he means to u.. its not easy to get over it.. but if u have to, u must.. there's no other way around it..
stop going over every little detail of your relationship and think.. think BIG.. right now you're so focused on every detail, you don't know what u want.. -
he needs time to cool down, u needa chill n dont tink abt the relationship for a while... he could b tired of the fighting, but he dun wan to make the wrong move so probably he needs peace b4 making the right decision..Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday???? -
hmmm......that seems familiar....only i have the outcome of my own scenario.Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday????
For my case, the guy (rather the ex) wanted to keep the options open just in case. However, 3 weeks later, the options ended when someone new entereted his life.....
Not saying that yours will be the same but i think he's just keeping his options open and thinking what he should do next so as not to regret his decisions made hastily. IMO -
Guilt as in a form of attachment and regret that such a form of decision has to be made?Originally posted by jazzy13:i have to admit that i m too controlling at times....used to be a control freak but after a few quarrels, i did learn to let go.
maybe it is not enough for him.
i m not sure as to wat is happening. i do understand him, my gut feelings tells me that he is confused now.
he told his friend about the breakup and he was damm sad. his friend told me that he behave very strange.
if he is really firm and sort, y did he go drinking everynite? if he is happy with being alone, why does he do that?
honestly, i dun really think that it is guilt that he bought me that expensive gift. i know that he really loves me but i just dun understand why he will break up over such a petty issue.
to me, i wud never break up with a guy over this issue. maybe i will just let it cool off for a while.
i m so sad now and i feel so bad. i feel that i m such a lousy bitch for making him so sad. i kinda regret my decision.
do you all think that there is turning back????...tell me the truth, i can take it! -
sounds like he is quite determined to leave you.
Why bother to keep him when you cannot keep his heart?
*hugs* -
I think you should reflect on what you have done. Other than being a 'control freak' as you mentioned, what else have you done?
Then go and approach him gently and ask for a heart to heart talk. No matter what you have done, i still think that you deserve a reason for the breakup no matter what you have done. If he wouldn't say, then suggest to him the reasons. Ask him if he feels restricted? Ask what is wrong that he is giving up a 3.5 years long relationship just like that.
By the way, how has the last 3.5 years been? Has it always been rocky? Or always smooth-flowing? -
Frankly I have not gotton over it.
i have been thinking these few days. Given the fact that he feels constrain and restricted, maybe I really should learn to let go.
i really do love him, and it makes me so sad to let go. it is like ripping a part of me away.
my plans now are to continue with my current life, bury myself in work. I plan to continue to keep in contact maybe thru sms. temporary i may not asked him out yet. (not sure) but keeping in contact, i think thats fine.
i want to give this relationship another 6 months. during tis 6 months, i mgoing to reflect on what has happended and wat will i do differently next time. What exactly is my problem? it is tooo difficult to let go now mayb after a few months, then the reality will hit me.
mayb you guys are right, maybe i should let him be for a while to cool off.
whatever it is, we all dont know what is the outcome. Hope is only 50% of the chance, and the other 50% of fate...... -
good luck dear... come find mi if u need to talkOriginally posted by jazzy13:Frankly I have not gotton over it.
i have been thinking these few days. Given the fact that he feels constrain and restricted, maybe I really should learn to let go.
i really do love him, and it makes me so sad to let go. it is like ripping a part of me away.
my plans now are to continue with my current life, bury myself in work. I plan to continue to keep in contact maybe thru sms. temporary i may not asked him out yet. (not sure) but keeping in contact, i think thats fine.
i want to give this relationship another 6 months. during tis 6 months, i mgoing to reflect on what has happended and wat will i do differently next time. What exactly is my problem? it is tooo difficult to let go now mayb after a few months, then the reality will hit me.
mayb you guys are right, maybe i should let him be for a while to cool off.
whatever it is, we all dont know what is the outcome. Hope is only 50% of the chance, and the other 50% of fate......
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Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday????
So sorry for the late reply.
It doesn't matter whether the gift is expensive or not... problems lies in your relationship. He probably felt the fatigue acting on him while leading the relationship and if his method of expressing love lies within showering gifts (Virgo, Capricorn or Taurus) - such acts may display his hope and desire in 'correcting' the much damaged relationship cause by conscious suffocation.
Value of price subconsciously = value of passion in relationship.
The situation that leads to the break-up is NOT the actual reason for your failing relationship, in fact, it's merely a catalysis for the suppressed emotions to burst and blast forward like a surge of tidal wave - he lost all strength to contain them anymore and a break-up is initiated.
Frankly speaking, your relationship could be salvage, but careful steps must be taken to ensure the survivability of this love. Your cracks in the relationship is inflicted by the Inner Environment - the personality of the couple leading the relationship and not External Environment where a third-party or similar is involved, where your span of control isn't there.
Advice? You people need some time to chill. Less of emotional talks would do you well - in fact, when the both of you do feel the temperature coming down, rational soul talk have to take place. NEVER break up in a moment of folly where you will regret later. Make sure you did what you could, if that is what you wished, and if things still doesn't work out, we move on in life.
The talks should include (but not limited to):
- What's wrong with the relationship?
- Do we truely want back the relationship for the sake of time (quantity) or for love? (Quality)
- (The most important question): Do we still want to expand effort in the relationship to make it well? Do we have the strength or are we relunctant?
Do not return to a relationship where reluctance in giving and making it better isn't there - you are merely entering a vicious cycle which will ultimately cause you to break up later in the future.
P.S: CloUdiSm Remix III states: If you enter a relationship without the desire of making it better, you can truely forget about it in the first place. (Applicable to both parties)
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Nah beh.. your post si bei chim leh.. So sorry for the late reply.
It doesn't matter whether the gift is expensive or not... problems lies in your relationship. He probably felt the fatigue acting on him while leading the relationship and if his method of expressing love lies within showering gifts (Virgo, Capricorn or Taurus) - such acts may display his hope and desire in 'correcting' the much damaged relationship cause by conscious suffocation.
Value of price subconsciously = value of passion in relationship.
The situation that leads to the break-up is NOT the actual reason for your failing relationship, in fact, it's merely a catalysis for the suppressed emotions to burst and blast forward like a surge of tidal wave - he lost all strength to contain them anymore and a break-up is initiated.
Frankly speaking, your relationship could be salvage, but careful steps must be taken to ensure the survivability of this love. Your cracks in the relationship is inflicted by the Inner Environment - the personality of the couple leading the relationship and not External Environment where a third-party or similar is involved, where your span of control isn't there.
Advice? You people need some time to chill. Less of emotional talks would do you well - in fact, when the both of you do feel the temperature coming down, rational soul talk have to take place. NEVER break up in a moment of folly where you will regret later. Make sure you did what you could, if that is what you wished, and if things still doesn't work out, we move on in life.
The talks should include (but not limited to):
- What's wrong with the relationship?
- Do we truely want back the relationship for the sake of time (quantity) or for love? (Quality)
- (The most important question): [b]Do we still want to expand effort in the relationship to make it well? Do we have the strength or are we relunctant?
Do not return to a relationship where reluctance in giving and making it better isn't there - you are merely entering a vicious cycle which will ultimately cause you to break up later in the future.
P.S: CloUdiSm Remix III states: If you enter a relationship without the desire of making it better, you can truely forget about it in the first place. (Applicable to both parties)
Cheers[/b]
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Originally posted by Kennerve:Nah beh.. your post si bei chim leh.. So you are new here.
You will probably get used?
Cheers