Wat is he thinking????.....
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It does not matter whether he pays for your car, gives you a CC or what.. These are all not impt at all.. .Both of you have gone through a long time together.. 3 1/2 years is a very very long relationship.. To which, I believe you would have understand him well enough and vice versa.. I guess during this period, there would be sufficient trust and love in you 2.. The break up is NOT due to 1 incident and he suggest that way.. I can 100% tell you that there are other reasons.. And your bf ( or rather ur ex) is using that excuse that night to break up with you.. To put it simply.. He cannot stand it anymore..Originally posted by jazzy13:Frankly I have not gotton over it.
i have been thinking these few days. Given the fact that he feels constrain and restricted, maybe I really should learn to let go.
i really do love him, and it makes me so sad to let go. it is like ripping a part of me away.
my plans now are to continue with my current life, bury myself in work. I plan to continue to keep in contact maybe thru sms. temporary i may not asked him out yet. (not sure) but keeping in contact, i think thats fine.
i want to give this relationship another 6 months. during tis 6 months, i mgoing to reflect on what has happended and wat will i do differently next time. What exactly is my problem? it is tooo difficult to let go now mayb after a few months, then the reality will hit me.
mayb you guys are right, maybe i should let him be for a while to cool off.
whatever it is, we all dont know what is the outcome. Hope is only 50% of the chance, and the other 50% of fate......
Guilt in this case plays a very very small role in what the guy does.. For example, selling a car just because he breaks up with you.. is something not that you say it now, you can do it.. There are certain things which he needs to take into consideration before he can sell the car.. Maybe he will suffer a lost or what.. That we won't know..
Like what the others say.. Give each other some times and see how things are getting on.. If fate puts both of you back together, you will be back.. We wish you luck!! -
i really like wat I am reading....
it feels very comforted to know that so many people have advice for me which I find that I should learn from it.
i agree that it could be some supressed feelings that led to this breakup. but i m just surprised given the fact that we just went on a trip to japan last month..oh n guess wat, i just bought him a pair of shoes on the eve of our quarrel. but he paid me a dollar! ha!
so ironical!
i dun think i wanna give up just like that. i cant simply walk away and pretend nothing has happen. i m willing to put in effort and try and salvage. but like i said, i m going to hang on for 6months. after that, i will move on.
i have to...or i will suffer badly.
i also agree that i should know him well enuff more than anyone else. Frankly, i do. I feel his emotions whenever he is down. i feel his happiness and sadness too. this time round, i can feel that he is very hurt, very sad and very depressed. even when i asked him, he just insist that he is happy (but i dont see it anywhere in his face)
its great that so many experienced people are giving me advise. otherwise, i really dont know what to do. talked to friends, many just console me. -
Originally posted by jazzy13:i really like wat I am reading....
it feels very comforted to know that so many people have advice for me which I find that I should learn from it.
i agree that it could be some supressed feelings that led to this breakup. but i m just surprised given the fact that we just went on a trip to japan last month..oh n guess wat, i just bought him a pair of shoes on the eve of our quarrel. but he paid me a dollar! ha!
so ironical!
i dun think i wanna give up just like that. i cant simply walk away and pretend nothing has happen. i m willing to put in effort and try and salvage. but like i said, i m going to hang on for 6months. after that, i will move on.
i have to...or i will suffer badly.
i also agree that i should know him well enuff more than anyone else. Frankly, i do. I feel his emotions whenever he is down. i feel his happiness and sadness too. this time round, i can feel that he is very hurt, very sad and very depressed. even when i asked him, he just insist that he is happy (but i dont see it anywhere in his face)
its great that so many experienced people are giving me advise. otherwise, i really dont know what to do. talked to friends, many just console me.
You will never walk alone.
Cheers -
.......
Where would you go in the forest? -
either he doesn't want to be cruel or ..... he just isn't sure.
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from what i read he sad after e breakup yet still break w u. could it be he's down w some illness and he dun wan 2 let u know??
just a guess only!! maybe i watch too much tv dramas liao...
anyway gd luck ah!! hope things will better and clear up for u!! -
Originally posted by jazzy13:i really like wat I am reading....
it feels very comforted to know that so many people have advice for me which I find that I should learn from it.
i agree that it could be some supressed feelings that led to this breakup. but i m just surprised given the fact that we just went on a trip to japan last month..oh n guess wat, i just bought him a pair of shoes on the eve of our quarrel. but he paid me a dollar! ha!
so ironical!
i dun think i wanna give up just like that. i cant simply walk away and pretend nothing has happen. i m willing to put in effort and try and salvage. but like i said, i m going to hang on for 6months. after that, i will move on.
i have to...or i will suffer badly.
i also agree that i should know him well enuff more than anyone else. Frankly, i do. I feel his emotions whenever he is down. i feel his happiness and sadness too. this time round, i can feel that he is very hurt, very sad and very depressed. even when i asked him, he just insist that he is happy (but i dont see it anywhere in his face)
its great that so many experienced people are giving me advise. otherwise, i really dont know what to do. talked to friends, many just console me. I think Yunhaier had sum everything i wanna say really nicely...
think there's still a chance for the both of you and I believe you need to talk to him sometime to sort things out. dun just leave the relationship the way it is now ... do something about it before it's really too late .... he probably needs some space now and you can make use of this time out to enrich yourself emotionally by reading some relationship self help books like "men are from mars women are from venus" to enlighten yourself as well as help you identify any potential problems you may face in your relationship....
good luck and best wishes ... -
Buying expensive gifts doesn't mean anything...Originally posted by jazzy13:Recently, my bf of 3 1/2 yrs broke up with me. He claimed that he is tired that we are always quarreling. You see, we quarrel and did not talked for 2 weeks.
After that when I called him, he told me he want to call it off and wants to be left alone.
the reason for our quarrel was becoz I did not let him go out on a particular nite. reason being that he has been out for 2 consecutive nites and I was afraid he was too tired. wrong move. he got mad and quarrel with me.
anyway, it has been a week. i met him last week after he broke the news to me. i was extremely out of control and miserable. i was sick after he broke this news to me. i could not eat and could not sleep and becoz of that i got bad gastrics and boy, felt like dying. he told me we still could be friends..
he did sms me when he learnt that i did not eat. told me to take my meals.
then yesterday he came to my place to take his clothes. he actually did not want to talk but i told him better to talk thru once and for all. i asked him for the real reason, he claimed no more feelings.
i asked him if got 3rd party, he said no.
i jus bought a car and he is helping to finance, so i told him maybe i want to sell the car, he told me to keep it until end of the yr then decide again.
our joint acct, he said he is still using it, so will keep until end of the year.
if he is really so firm to break up, when leave these open?
besides the credit card which he supp to me told me to keep it first, if want to use then use if not then return him if i want.
i really dun understand, tell me guys, what is he thinking? is he confused?
would you shower a luxury gift to your gf 4 month before a breakup. i am thinking, if he doesnt love me, why did he buy such an expensive gift for me for my birthday????
He trusted you that's why he letting you having those things that can be in need of.. or can still be used..
Anyway your problem here is not really something as bad as what i thought.. All these can be revived.. if you have properly planning and ask clearly yourself.. why do you wanna this r/s back??
Yunhaier has good analysis on your whole situation.. you should talk and realyl find out the real source of what really cuases the whole situation to this break-up.. well i'm sure is not be cos of that small little matter that you dun wan him to go out.. and he got real angry and wanna a break..
There might be other reasons to it.. that he had to do it.. If you think why did he leaves everything that both of you shared.. like cars.. joint account.. blah blah.. and he says all talked about it till the end of the year.. Maybe you should have a really good talk with him.. and another thing.. if you really wan it back... how do you measure yourself and him.. in this relationship..
Getting him jus be cos you are too used to him.. or you do really still love him.. Well.. i'm sure that he can't be totally no feelings for you.. COmpromise with each other.. Be rational.. think before you speak..
Cheers..
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I have a question:
Why does he behave so strangely? Like he is having a front like that.
He does not behave like himself when we talked or when we sms or email.
I feel that he is confused.
Oh by the way, I want to ask: How long is a good time to leave him alone?
Is one month a good time? Frankly, I dont wanna bug him too much otherwise he will b so turn off by me.
He has agreed to meet me this weekend to bring in my car for servicing. As this is the first time, not sure wat to do. I wrote him an email telling him about a stupid incident that happened to me last week, then I told him abt the servicing. I asked him if he was free, if not free then I figure something out myself.
He replied and told me he was free and could help me.
But I felt that his email was very guarded. Like he wants to protect something...not sure what he is thinking.
I think i need ths time too...to seriously think abt what I want..... -
[quote]Originally posted by jazzy13:
I have a question:
Why does he behave so strangely? Like he is having a front like that.
He does not behave like himself when we talked or when we sms or email.
He has agreed to meet me this weekend to bring in my car for servicing. As this is the first time, not sure wat to do. I wrote him an email telling him about a stupid incident that happened to me last week, then I told him abt the servicing. I asked him if he was free, if not free then I figure something out myself.
He replied and told me he was free and could help me.
But I felt that his email was very guarded. Like he wants to protect something...not sure what he is thinking.
I think i need ths time too...to seriously think abt what I want..... That is for you to find out what's the problem or reasons that he's behaving so strangely afterall.. if you dun ask you never know.. since this weekend you are meeting him.. why not find a place to sit and talk about your r/s.. though you guys have broke-up.. but wat's the main reason behind it?? Or maybe he feels guilty or regret that out of anger he voiced out breaking up that's why he reacting strangely?? there are many many reasons to it.. in order to get yourself a clearer picture and he being back to normal again.. both have to resolve the matter.. as such from there.. maybe there;s some misunderstandings to it.. and you guys can be back together.. if not.. still can be as very good friends.. You wanna know what he's thinking.. ask.. whatever you said to yourself.. is only how you feel.. Yes, i know something woman's instinction can be really good or rather accurate.... but dun get too rely or depned on it.. sometimes it might be wrong.. YOu need time he needs time too.. everything jus happen to sudden... you need time to disgest things..
I feel that he is confused.
Oh by the way, I want to ask: How long is a good time to leave him alone?
Is one month a good time? Frankly, I dont wanna bug him too much otherwise he will b so turn off by me. afte the meet-up this weekend.. maybe you both have a cool off period.. maybe for 1-2weeks.. clearly asked yourself what you both want... 3½ years of r/s say long not long.. say short not short.. is not time or how long you've been together.. is the comfort level.. they joy and happiness you bring to each other... when you have the answer to yourself..
Cheers... -
Ask him....you are not a mindreader. Guessing his intentions may lead to further misunderstandings.Originally posted by jazzy13:I have a question:
Why does he behave so strangely? Like he is having a front like that.
He does not behave like himself when we talked or when we sms or email.
I feel that he is confused.
Oh by the way, I want to ask: How long is a good time to leave him alone?
Is one month a good time? Frankly, I dont wanna bug him too much otherwise he will b so turn off by me.
He has agreed to meet me this weekend to bring in my car for servicing. As this is the first time, not sure wat to do. I wrote him an email telling him about a stupid incident that happened to me last week, then I told him abt the servicing. I asked him if he was free, if not free then I figure something out myself.
He replied and told me he was free and could help me.
But I felt that his email was very guarded. Like he wants to protect something...not sure what he is thinking.
I think i need ths time too...to seriously think abt what I want..... -
Respect privacy...Originally posted by jazzy13:I have a question:
Why does he behave so strangely? Like he is having a front like that.
He does not behave like himself when we talked or when we sms or email.
I feel that he is confused.
Oh by the way, I want to ask: How long is a good time to leave him alone?
Is one month a good time? Frankly, I dont wanna bug him too much otherwise he will b so turn off by me.
He has agreed to meet me this weekend to bring in my car for servicing. As this is the first time, not sure wat to do. I wrote him an email telling him about a stupid incident that happened to me last week, then I told him abt the servicing. I asked him if he was free, if not free then I figure something out myself.
He replied and told me he was free and could help me.
But I felt that his email was very guarded. Like he wants to protect something...not sure what he is thinking.
I think i need ths time too...to seriously think abt what I want.....
The other day I just chanced upon my gf's e-mail when she didn't logout properly.. I was asking her, you didn't log off yet? She was like kinda stunned... And quickly checked that I don't open anything and she closed it...
I think it's only natural that people work this way... I mean some people can be quite open about such, while others might not.. It all depends on the mentality of the person and what's in the e-mail account.. Understand that some secrets might not be of his / her own but of others... Respect that...
Ultimately I think the point is I trust her... If she deem that it's not appropriate for me to go through her e-mail, I won't... -
huh?
I never check his email....
i meant that when he writes to me, he seems to be guarding something...
and hiding something...
did i make it unclear.... -
Devil jus read wrongly..Originally posted by jazzy13:huh?
I never check his email....
i meant that when he writes to me, he seems to be guarding something...
and hiding something...
did i make it unclear....
see.. sometimes when you say something.. other may think in a different way as you.. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier: So you are new here.
You will probably get used?
Cheers -
Yup.. My mistake... Always in a hurry due to time limit... ~sigh~Originally posted by SunRisE:Devil jus read wrongly..
see.. sometimes when you say something.. other may think in a different way as you.. -
Don't you think there's a chance that you might be oversensitive?Originally posted by jazzy13:huh?
I never check his email....
i meant that when he writes to me, he seems to be guarding something...
and hiding something...
did i make it unclear.... -
b4 i forget , many of your good souls out there suggested that we talked when we meet this sat.
i think and i feel that he may not necessary want to talk.
what do u tink if i write? of coz i face the possibility that he might not reply.
but i feel that even when we talked, he will avoid it totally and i will b back to square one again.
so is writing a better option.??? i feel that I can express better in writing than in talking. i might say the wrong things.
n like i said, dun tink he will say much too....
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It can be a good attempt..?Originally posted by jazzy13:b4 i forget , many of your good souls out there suggested that we talked when we meet this sat.
i think and i feel that he may not necessary want to talk.
what do u tink if i write? of coz i face the possibility that he might not reply.
but i feel that even when we talked, he will avoid it totally and i will b back to square one again.
so is writing a better option.??? i feel that I can express better in writing than in talking. i might say the wrong things.
n like i said, dun tink he will say much too.... -
Ya.. Why not write an email to him since u can express it better? I mean if you do have the courage, talk it out face to face with him lar.. But you gotta expect some friction that will happen..Originally posted by jazzy13:b4 i forget , many of your good souls out there suggested that we talked when we meet this sat.
i think and i feel that he may not necessary want to talk.
what do u tink if i write? of coz i face the possibility that he might not reply.
but i feel that even when we talked, he will avoid it totally and i will b back to square one again.
so is writing a better option.??? i feel that I can express better in writing than in talking. i might say the wrong things.
n like i said, dun tink he will say much too....
Refering to your earlier post on how long is the long.. In such cases, there are no time frame.. sometimes it can be an hr.. or it can be years.. Whatever the case is, what i can suggest is if you can, email him what you are thinking.. and see in his email if there are any signs of reconciliation..
If he has really decided to let go of things, i think he would not even response to you.. Take some time lar.. -
hahah.. read half dun read half..Originally posted by Devil1976:Yup.. My mistake... Always in a hurry due to time limit... ~sigh~
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it can be.. but still face to face talk.. will still be the most effective way.. cos you can see their facial expression and their body language..Originally posted by jazzy13:b4 i forget , many of your good souls out there suggested that we talked when we meet this sat.
i think and i feel that he may not necessary want to talk.
what do u tink if i write? of coz i face the possibility that he might not reply.
but i feel that even when we talked, he will avoid it totally and i will b back to square one again.
so is writing a better option.??? i feel that I can express better in writing than in talking. i might say the wrong things.
n like i said, dun tink he will say much too....
maybe this weekend.. dun talk about it first.. since you feel that he doesn't want to talk.. then let a few days later or probably a week then maybe ask for chat outside somewhere.. maybe by then he's more open and think through his thoughts..
You merely jus wanna know what's the main reason behind.. give him time to think about it.. give yourself time to slowly recover first... -
ur bf got a terminal disease n he is getting rid of u so that u dun miss him when he's gone... he seen many movies?
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No time.. Very much RESTRICTED due to my work load.. And the situation's gonna be getting MUCH WORSE....Originally posted by SunRisE:hahah.. read half dun read half.. -
met him today and he looks ok. of cos looks are deceiving.
we didnt talk about the breakup. just talk about wat we have been doing lately. he doesnt talk much just that i m the one talking non-stop.
i wrote the letter and i passed to him jus b4 he dropped me.
we agree to meet up again becoz i need to pass him some things which are wif me.
my gf told me that i will feel miserable after meeting him, but i dont feel that way. in fact, i feel quite normal. maybe i have learnt to acccept not to expect too much???...
of coz i m still hopeful and i hope that by reading the letter will trigger some memories that we shared. he didnt look at me in the eye at all today....
i just feel that if i give him this period to cool off and party all he want and lead the life he want, then he will get tired of it sooner or later....my theory...
so in the meantime, i shall carry on my life ,...work like a dog, party all i want....and prayed...since the ball is no longer in my court....