Feeling Terrible
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This shockingly sounds like me.Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:Quite true.. i have a honest view of what's going wrong, but lack the strength to alter it.
My attempt at changes are usually short-lived. For example, i may try approaching ppl in class, initiate a small talk, but when i feel they dun rely accept me, i get discouraged..
The other problem'll be some of my classmates may recipocrate everytime i approach them, but they will never once take the initiative or call me.
I get very discouraged & put off by such response.. its as though whether i am there doesn't matter.
And I am also a Piscean. Wonder if it is all the same with Pisceans
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Came across this story in NewMan mag that bears such an uncanny resemblance to mineÂ…
“ In the last few years, I’ve lost clubbing kakis, gym buddies, a well-heeled friend let us use his condo pool, and even Sir Fix-a-Lot, the guy who could sort out just about anything, especially computers (If there was a girl version of him out there, I’d marry her in an instant).
By comparison, my girlfriend never seems to lose her friends. On any given Friday night, her phone would be ringing off the hook. SheÂ’d literally fending off invitations to go out with her army of gal pals. Meanwhile, I be staring at my phone, anxiously waiting for a call, any call. Even ones from decrepit relatives overseas suddenly sounded as inviting as a 1-900 chatlineÂ…
So why is it that I always feel like the one left without a seat when the music stops. IÂ’ve put it down to this: Guys are B****D. Based on what IÂ’ve seen, itÂ’s usually the guy who cheats on his girlfriend.
So the girlfriend becomes an emotional wreck and my GF & I have comfort her.
And now itÂ’s time to announce the real loser here. Who could it be? Certainly not my B***D friend, now armed with his new floozy. Certainly not his ex-girlfriend, who has quickly managed to find someone better. Nor its is my girlfriend, who still has her amazing social network.
ThatÂ’s right, yours truly is the one left out in the cold.
Alright, technically, I could have remained friends with those guys, but that would involve finding my own bimbo to flaunt, clubbing hard & throwing pool parties all the time. But IÂ’d rather be sentenced to a week in Abu Ghraib than destroy my relationship over a pimp daddy fantasyÂ…
While guys too enjoy shooting the breeze, topics involving in-dept character assessments would rarely be broached. We could have known each other for yonks and still not share anything remotely personal with another.”
By 1 of the editor of the mag. -
IÂ’ve got used to having so few friends and being alone most of the time. But what hurts the most is none of my exs or best friends ever contacted me after we parted.
IÂ’ve had 2 serious relationships till now & a few best friends made over the different stages of life.
None of them ever called me or spoke to me in the past few years. Prior to that, I was actually fairly “normal”, socially & emotionally in my sec & jc years. Think things started going wrong after my A’ levels & my enlistment into the army. Worried cause I fared badly in the exams, had some health problems & the inability to adjust to the army life resulted in me being moodier and depressed… ( I was diagnosed with depression much later)
The first person I turned to at that time was my best friend Y of more than 10 yrs. We had shared all our woes & emotional crisis over the years. I stood by him when he was shattered by a failed relationship & on the verge of suicide.
But this time, he had to disappoint me, I was told. He had matured lately & weÂ’re currently at different stages in terms of personal development. Hence, he wonÂ’t be standing by my side this time.
I told him whatever the stages of growth, I jus needed someone by my side, jus to feel better. Anyway, he gradually reduced contacts with me & eventually lost touch.
That was the 1st major heartbreak I went throughÂ… bizarrely, it hurt more than any failed relationship or rejections I had before. We spent many weekends overnite at each others place, helped each other through many low points in life & I tod the whole world could desert me but I cld still count on him.
I became a much less confident & quietly insecure person after that. I met my gf, J, while clubbing 9 months. Armed with renewed enthusiasm & an immense desire to be in love, we got together only 3 weeks later. But ultimately, her tight schedule and busy social life took its toll on our relationship. The last straw was when she firmly refused to spend any of the festive season (the New Year & CNY period) with me as those times were reserved for her family & close friends.
I thought our break-up was amiable. Few months later, I wanted to pass her a gift for her coming birthday but she hung up the phone on me. ItÂ’s really amazing how easily I incur the hatred of people around me.
Amidst all the struggling with my health problems & army life, & no one willing to stand by me, I was still harbouring a hope for friendship & love. I didnÂ’t require any ProzacÂ… I jus want someone who I can genuinely share my feelings with.
Completing my NS and entering tertiary education signifies a new beginning for me. 8 months into my 1st yr course, the relationship between my classmates and me is superficial & brief. For once, I guess itÂ’s not my problem cause others have also commented on the general relationship in my class.
Otherwise, IÂ’ve been really affected by how insignificant I am to the people who mean so much to me. In the past few yrs, none of them ever contacted me once. I mustÂ’ve been a terribly bad person in their eyes or simply insignificant
Always come across stories of how ppl cannot forget their exÂ… though I miss her terribly, I am amazed at how easily & completely she has let go of me.
If the inability to leave an impression in others is a disability, I must have been severely handicappedÂ…
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You have to understand that your friend has his own life and you must respect his own decision to do whatever he wants with his life because you are his friend. Sometime, don't expect too much in return even though you have done alot of good deeds for him.Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:The first person I turned to at that time was my best friend Y of more than 10 yrs. We had shared all our woes & emotional crisis over the years. I stood by him when he was shattered by a failed relationship & on the verge of suicide.
But this time, he had to disappoint me, I was told. He had matured lately & weÂ’re currently at different stages in terms of personal development. Hence, he wonÂ’t be standing by my side this time.
I told him whatever the stages of growth, I jus needed someone by my side, jus to feel better. Anyway, he gradually reduced contacts with me & eventually lost touch.
That was the 1st major heartbreak I went throughÂ… bizarrely, it hurt more than any failed relationship or rejections I had before. We spent many weekends overnite at each others place, helped each other through many low points in life & I tod the whole world could desert me but I cld still count on him.
I don't think your GF really hate you to the core. I think she might be angry with you for some reasons that you didn't know at that point of time. Maybe is your attitude or the way you deal with things in a relationships? Change it for the better whatever the reason is. The way your girlfriend deal with break-up may be untactful but that does not mean she hate you. You are not a unlovable human being and don't be so sensitive!Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:thought our break-up was amiable. Few months later, I wanted to pass her a gift for her coming birthday but she hung up the phone on me. ItÂ’s really amazing how easily I incur the hatred of people around me.
Amidst all the struggling with my health problems & army life, & no one willing to stand by me, I was still harbouring a hope for friendship & love. I didnÂ’t require any ProzacÂ… I jus want someone who I can genuinely share my feelings with.
It's good to find someone to share your most intimate feelings but sometime when you are so depressed, you tend to make negative comments and some people just don't want to listen to that. Have you try talking to a psychologist?Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:
I think it's difficult to get to know friends that you can bond with in Uni cos' u spend like only 3 months per semester and 7 hours in a tutorial class per week.
Completing my NS and entering tertiary education signifies a new beginning for me. 8 months into my 1st yr course, the relationship between my classmates and me is superficial & brief. For once, I guess itÂ’s not my problem cause others have also commented on the general relationship in my class.
Otherwise, IÂ’ve been really affected by how insignificant I am to the people who mean so much to me. In the past few yrs, none of them ever contacted me once. I mustÂ’ve been a terribly bad person in their eyes or simply insignificant
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I think you should talk to somebody that you can trust and ask them to analysis for you what went wrong in your relationships or talk to a counseller or a psychologist.
You also have to understand that the source of problem isn't all due to you. So i don't think you should label yourself as loser or a terribly bad person. You are not. You just have problems like everyone else.
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Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:IÂ’ve got used to having so few friends and being alone most of the time. But what hurts the most is none of my exs or best friends ever contacted me after we parted.
IÂ’ve had 2 serious relationships till now & a few best friends made over the different stages of life.
None of them ever called me or spoke to me in the past few years. Prior to that, I was actually fairly “normal”, socially & emotionally in my sec & jc years. Think things started going wrong after my A’ levels & my enlistment into the army. Worried cause I fared badly in the exams, had some health problems & the inability to adjust to the army life resulted in me being moodier and depressed… ( I was diagnosed with depression much later)
The first person I turned to at that time was my best friend Y of more than 10 yrs. We had shared all our woes & emotional crisis over the years. I stood by him when he was shattered by a failed relationship & on the verge of suicide.
But this time, he had to disappoint me, I was told. He had matured lately & weÂ’re currently at different stages in terms of personal development. Hence, he wonÂ’t be standing by my side this time.
I told him whatever the stages of growth, I jus needed someone by my side, jus to feel better. Anyway, he gradually reduced contacts with me & eventually lost touch.
That was the 1st major heartbreak I went throughÂ… bizarrely, it hurt more than any failed relationship or rejections I had before. We spent many weekends overnite at each others place, helped each other through many low points in life & I tod the whole world could desert me but I cld still count on him.
I became a much less confident & quietly insecure person after that. I met my gf, J, while clubbing 9 months. Armed with renewed enthusiasm & an immense desire to be in love, we got together only 3 weeks later. But ultimately, her tight schedule and busy social life took its toll on our relationship. The last straw was when she firmly refused to spend any of the festive season (the New Year & CNY period) with me as those times were reserved for her family & close friends.
I thought our break-up was amiable. Few months later, I wanted to pass her a gift for her coming birthday but she hung up the phone on me. ItÂ’s really amazing how easily I incur the hatred of people around me.
Amidst all the struggling with my health problems & army life, & no one willing to stand by me, I was still harbouring a hope for friendship & love. I didnÂ’t require any ProzacÂ… I jus want someone who I can genuinely share my feelings with.
Completing my NS and entering tertiary education signifies a new beginning for me. 8 months into my 1st yr course, the relationship between my classmates and me is superficial & brief. For once, I guess itÂ’s not my problem cause others have also commented on the general relationship in my class.
Otherwise, IÂ’ve been really affected by how insignificant I am to the people who mean so much to me. In the past few yrs, none of them ever contacted me once. I mustÂ’ve been a terribly bad person in their eyes or simply insignificant
Always come across stories of how ppl cannot forget their exÂ… though I miss her terribly, I am amazed at how easily & completely she has let go of me.
If the inability to leave an impression in others is a disability, I must have been severely handicappedÂ…
They didn't contact you, but you could have contacted them.
You can't have a couple of friends WITHOUT conscious effort to meet-up/have regular contacts and expecting the friendship to blossom. Seriously, NOT everyone can be there when you need them, but question is, when you truely need someone and you requested - will they come forward?
There are many who seek for my presence in an emotional crisis, but I have never expected anyone of them to return me back that favour. You could have stand by your best friend for 10 years - but it truly doesn't matter because eventually, some people will leave you and some people stay. I always try my best to upkeep all of my good friends occasionally, but its very difficult to maintain contacts with all because as life goes, my social circle kept enlarging. That's why I always say this:
When you are happy - enjoy yourself. When life hits on you and you felt that there is no one to turn to - your mind merely slip me.
P.S: Start expanding your social circle to seek for people who value your company. Channel your effort in posting this whole chunk of essay, towards effort to DO something about your plight.
Cheers -
Originally posted by cool_elf:
Hi, thanx for ur sincere reply.
Yo dude, chill out...
At one pt in time, I went thru almost the same stage as you.
When I was in pri and sec sch, I was so happy cos I have a lot of frens around me. You know the sort where the differents heads think alike. We would go out to orchard road on weekends jus to chill out, go fishing, DIY camping, window shopping, looking at girls and all that. Life was so carefree back then.. cos my frens stayed nearby my block and so almost everyday we would hangout after school to talk crap abt school and all that bull.
My life faced a drastic change when I stepped into a tertiary sch. More of a culture shock really. There were so many 'fake' ppl in my school and I kinda despised them. When I was in my first year, I didn't have much frens. More of a loner. I was mighty depressed that time and I tried to call back and hangout with those school frens of mine. We met up once in a while and noticed that my frens were no longer the same ppl as I knew them years ago. Everyone got together and brag how cool their school were and how many gerls they dated (ok ok, my tertiary school back then was so uncool. I shall not say out what school that is). Boasting is the main thing in our conversations.
And yes... I was so depressed. Very.
When I was in 2nd year, I joined music club. So from there, I tried to open up myself and make more frens. At least better a bit. I managed to play in school concerts. It was cool lah. But still I was kinda shy towards gerls. Yeah I don't even have gerl-frens.
Enuff of school life.. As usual, went to NS and spent 2 and a half years there. I still don't have any girl-frens that time.. still anti social...haha.. I get to know a few gerls and yeah.. from there.. i did try and error thing.. and uh.. 'i failed'.. you know.. those relationship things.
And now, I'm in the workforce. The first two years in the workforce was kinda sad because of the transition from school/ns life to real life. It's quite an eye opener to see that there are lot of politics in a workplaces. Backstabbing, unwilling to share knowledge by seniors and all that shit. So my life was more like work, going home, work, going home and the cycle repeats itself. You may ask where are school, NS frens.. they are settling down. Those buaya frens of mine during school time.. yes.. they are settling down.
I know how you feel dude..
But now, my life... can say that it's much more happening. I helped my fren doing flea marts, hanging out wif a fren of mine who likes to club (i also follow him clubbing), play in gigs (i got a band lah) and from there, I try to socialise and do some 'networking'. At this point in time, I've met lots ppl form walks of life... some are cool to hangout with and some I really detest.
Well back to the point.. everyone do feel lonely at times. Me too. We have to face it lah. It's a matter of how you deal with it.
Maybe u can try befriend back those fellas which u feel u can relate to. Hang out with them, go play pool or go clubbing with them, whateverlah.. Try to stay away from those manic depressives.. this group of ppl can only make u feel worse.
It seems that u have low self-esteem problem. U should love yourself more dude. Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of person you are looking at. Have more confidence. Smile always. Be more outgoing.. not to the extent of being pretentious(well.. girls nowadays are like that! Outgoing, outgoing.. but so fake! hehe..)
Just my 2 cents worth.. Feel good about yourself...
P/S: What kind of person yr gfren is? Wat's makes her so famous?
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Yup, unlke the many ppl i know, i do not rely feel veri "self-confident". If there is anyone i hate most, it's got to be myself.
Think she is not "famous"... pretty much like most of the gals i know. Guess it's jus when comparing my pathetic life to hers, my problems seemed veri magnified. -
sometimes being more sociable helps. like try to initiate conversations. from there its easier to make more new friends.
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Hey Beautiful mind,
Was reading thru your post. Haha. i've faced and still going thru this "lonely" part of my life right now. Trust me, at the end of the day, if you had not committed any thing that's not within your conscience, no fear man. I strongly do not believe in the fault being with you alone. The world itself is already screwed inside out. It does not mean people around who are more popular are better socially or physically, for all you know, they might be going thru the same patch as you, only fearing loneliness mroe than you, and succumbed to seeking "friends" and accomodating towards their behaviour.
Honestly, there are alot more things to life than just finding your "click". I am not saying you do not have to find, but i also believe circumstances and situations in life to play a role in putting the right people before you. Chill. Just be comfortable with yourself, true friends will stick by you regardless of who you are.
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Hi,Originally posted by Insightist:Hey Beautiful mind,
Was reading thru your post. Haha. i've faced and still going thru this "lonely" part of my life right now. Trust me, at the end of the day, if you had not committed any thing that's not within your conscience, no fear man. I strongly do not believe in the fault being with you alone. The world itself is already screwed inside out. It does not mean people around who are more popular are better socially or physically, for all you know, they might be going thru the same patch as you, only fearing loneliness mroe than you, and succumbed to seeking "friends" and accomodating towards their behaviour.
Honestly, there are alot more things to life than just finding your "click". I am not saying you do not have to find, but i also believe circumstances and situations in life to play a role in putting the right people before you. Chill. Just be comfortable with yourself, true friends will stick by you regardless of who you are.
Think i cld relate to ur views.. like sometimes, in a group of frens, i felt instinctively that if i "modify" my behaviour a bit, eg be veri accomodating to their views, maybe i'll be more accepted.
But alas, i am tired today to do such things.. sort of lost confidence in human relationship. Also have this "Since nothing's going to last anyway, why put in so much effort " feelin..
Know tis is negative... but rely thorougly disappointed by friendship & relationship.
Somehow, maybe cause i feel that i'm fundementally flawed, the less ppl know abt me, the more they will like me. Haha... sounds weird but that's how i rely feel at times. -
Hey there,
Yeah. It gets really tiring constantly "tweaking" ur interests and self to suit the group. However, i somehow still hold faith that the "click" depends on situation and circumstances. If you wanna say friends, sure i do, hi-bye never lacking. I was once in the company of a group of friends whom really took the effort to bond and "click". They were anice bunch of friends who are proactive and warm towards me once they knew me. However, due to circumstances, these were shortlived. Sad but true, life goes on. I also feel it's good to socialise, knowing more people and stuff, but not to the extend of conforming to people whom you know deep down inside the frequency aint the same. I also empathised when you mentioned the fact that you've lost faith in friendships and relationships. I thoroughly know how that feels. Do not give up hope ya? Keep your mind open to opportunities and stuff. You'l never know what might chance upon your path.
Don't dwell to much on the down side. Life's too short. The world still spins regardless of your existence. Always feel free to share with forummers, like me, for instance. Cheers~ -
Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:
Hi, just to share my experience... i have this group of friends who are nice people but deep down inside me, i know was accomodating to them so that i could feel more accepted. But i know deep inside me, i was not happy. I don't feel fulfilled. I wasn't clicking with people with the same frequency
Hi,
Think i cld relate to ur views.. like sometimes, in a group of frens, [b]i felt instinctively that if i "modify" my behaviour a bit, eg be veri accomodating to their views, maybe i'll be more accepted.But alas, i am tired today to do such things.. sort of lost confidence in human relationship. Also have this "Since nothing's going to last anyway, why put in so much effort " feelin..
Know tis is negative... but rely thorougly disappointed by friendship & relationship.
Somehow, maybe cause i feel that i'm fundementally flawed, the less ppl know abt me, the more they will like me. Haha... sounds weird but that's how i rely feel at times.
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So i started to explore around, opening myself to possibilties and sourcing out potential friend who i can really click with. It's takes utmost strength to remain true to be my own self but i think it pays off.
Relationships come and go. Only afew friends that i should i hold on to. Don't despair k! Cheers!
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True... think sometimes a trade off exists even in relationship; it's like u can endure a meaningless job for its high pay.Originally posted by Jazzytunez:So i started to explore around, opening myself to possibilties and sourcing out potential friend who i can really click with. It's takes utmost strength to remain true to be my own self but i think it pays off.
Relationships come and go. Only afew friends that i should i hold on to. Don't despair k! Cheers!