Am I giving in too much?
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She and I have been together for years. I realllie enjoy those days when things were much simpler and carefree. As years goes by, conflicts arise and at times I give in to her. I'm also helping her as much as possible sometimes financially. I helped her pay her bills first, pay for hp, sme misc stuffs, and it chalked up to a few hundred. I dont mind cox she is really a nice n sweet girl, honest too. But, sometimes when I tell her that, she must start paying me back bit by bit, she wuld just try to avoid the topic. Kept saying she doesn't have that much money. I tell her slowly, I don't mind but not to the extent of not paying month by month. (She's working nw) I tell her, if keep delaying, it ain't doing her good at all. Sometimes, she wuld just say "ok la, I'll pay u la and give u all wan?" what is this, making me feel guilty bout taking money from her? It's my money am I wrong?
Just now, went to find place to have dinner, ride bike to lau pa sat but no place, never mind, I say wan go pasir panjang there eat, she say ok. Reach there give 50cent look. Ask her wan food, say don't want, what she want to drink, also dunno..Ok, I buy my own first, after that, ask her again wan me buy ginger tea from store beside, never give me reply, wat is this, talking to air!!!! Ok, I buy my own drinks, then I see more light dessert ask her wan or not? Give half fark face. ok, thats it, I'm really takin to air. The rest of the dinner, don't feel like talking to her. Sent her home, ask me why I don't talk to her. for wat!!! Talking to air fun is it....Am i giving too much, too caring and treat her too nice that I'm taken for granted? Then she will just say "ok la ok la, my fault can or not" What, then in the first place do it for what when u know it'll be wrong...
Sometimes I wonder, am I still clinging on becox we've been together for years? Sesh!!! I need guys and gals advice -
are u virgo??
sounds familiar.... -
How old are the both of you?
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sometimes its just dat her mood swing breaks... she might not know wad to say cos she jus dun haf the mood to talk or do anything brain thinking... well if its jus happens once in a blue moon den b a bit more tolerant to her lor... afterall she's the one u like ma...
dun worry too much la... maybe u can try to do something which makes her smile den everything will b back to normal she will start talking to u at least la...
from the way she replied to u abt admitting its her fault shows dat she doesnt realli meant to let u talk to the air... cheerz up dude .....
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wrongl spelling...u mean virgin rite???Originally posted by browniebaobao:are u virgo??
sounds familiar.... -
si croco!!!!Originally posted by sgboy2004:wrongl spelling...u mean virgin rite???
i mean VIRGO!!!!
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mood swing...ha, come on...that word as a reason, I don't deem it right... if anything goes wrong and blames it on mood swing... sesh...
Given e type of 50cent face one encounter, how in e world could one find ways to bring smile about... sesh, so unappreaciative... I don't need that and I have female friends appreciate me more than her... sesh.. maybe she appreciate just that she don't say it out. but how i know.. -
then u shld try to find out urself lorz... but mood swings are unpredictable 1 ma... maybe u guys dun haf it but gals confirm haf it 1... all my friends also haf de... maybe she feeling down den u keep asking her qns dats why she give u dat face/expression la... tell her how u feel lor... how lost u r wen she bo chap bo chap liddat.... aiyo how can u compare ur female friends to ur gf lehz... she should b more dearie to u ma...Originally posted by dirge:mood swing...ha, come on...that word as a reason, I don't deem it right... if anything goes wrong and blames it on mood swing... sesh...
Given e type of 50cent face one encounter, how in e world could one find ways to bring smile about... sesh, so unappreaciative... I don't need that and I have female friends appreciate me more than her... sesh.. maybe she appreciate just that she don't say it out. but how i know..
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mood swings how fast can it arrive? don tell me 15 mins enough liao? Sesh, give concern then like talking to air, ignoring, look like dunno thinkin bout what... sometimes talking to her she see other stuffs, din pay attention... if its me, I gena F... wa... sigh... what can I do... bout e money thing? talk to her n she say I keep pressing bout it, stress her.. don say then what, think i sick cat?!!!!
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dun think she realli meant the outcome would be like how u feel now lorz... as for the money thing... i haf no idea how tight her pocket is lor... so its up to her to decide wen she wanna pay it back to you... but i find it weird though how come she avoids the topic wen u mentioned abt repaying u... maybe she realli haf no means to pay u back currently or maybe she might hope u will forget abt asking her to pay you back too... who knows... but im afraid if u push her too hard for it may spoil ur relationship lorz.. as the saying goes ... tan qian shang gan qing...Originally posted by dirge:mood swings how fast can it arrive? don tell me 15 mins enough liao? Sesh, give concern then like talking to air, ignoring, look like dunno thinkin bout what... sometimes talking to her she see other stuffs, din pay attention... if its me, I gena F... wa... sigh... what can I do... bout e money thing? talk to her n she say I keep pressing bout it, stress her.. don say then what, think i sick cat?!!!! -
I already told her, a 100 a month is also ok, don expect me to write it off just like that... people always like this, need help, anything ok, after that fark it... sesh. I don push then wat happen, nothing is done, I expect self discipline in money issue.... "zi dong" abit right, I also paiseh keep on ask, but doing nothing correct meh, tat's why, treat people too good, gena eaten big time
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hi..
i can feel hw u feel now...seems like wat u hv did is not reciprocated rite?
u hv give in so much ,care so much yet.. she suka suka.. gif u attitude...dun
appreciate u at all....
erm...as wat i think..quite true.. u r really taken for granted!...
i believe when 1 loves another person...he will try always n means to please her.. n to draw attractions from her...
but all this hv to b done in a willing to(xin gan qin yuan) way.. if u r doing it
out of not free will (bu gan yuan) then i think u better stop cos such actions from u if nt being responded...u will feel very lousy..no good for either party.. s
erm.. i believe in yin n yang theory...gt good sure must hv bad...a balance must b there.. if tooo good n there r no bad as a compare..then hw would 1 see the difference...
n ofcos.. too bad then...u noe lah ..
so to love a person u nid not do 100%....jus 75% is enuf..jus to let her hv a impression at the back of her mind u love her....n care for her...n at times jus leave her alone....let her see the difference...when there is u n when thers is no u...then she will appreciate u...
this is jus my very general view.. u might nid to do some alterations to make it
suit ur case.. jus remember.. there must b some balance in good n bad...
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dont mind if i ask u this qn - do u still love her as much as b4???Originally posted by dirge:I already told her, a 100 a month is also ok, don expect me to write it off just like that... people always like this, need help, anything ok, after that fark it... sesh. I don push then wat happen, nothing is done, I expect self discipline in money issue.... "zi dong" abit right, I also paiseh keep on ask, but doing nothing correct meh, tat's why, treat people too good, gena eaten big time
money yes.. wad's owe ought to b repaid but maybe u can try to discuss wif her as to how much she can pay u back monthly instead of fixing the amount lor... im sure u know ur gf's personality... so if u realli think she not zi dong den u can ask for it la... but dun b too harsh on her la... afterall she is still a gal... okiez?? -
now she say she pay me, but say am I happy, cox she finally pay me liao. wat is this...she also asked me, why must say appreciative stuffs, even when repaying, I told her, appreciative words makes a difference. she says why must she say...Originally posted by p|p|:dont mind if i ask u this qn - do u still love her as much as b4???
money yes.. wad's owe ought to b repaid but maybe u can try to discuss wif her as to how much she can pay u back monthly instead of fixing the amount lor... im sure u know ur gf's personality... so if u realli think she not zi dong den u can ask for it la... but dun b too harsh on her la... afterall she is still a gal... okiez??
how should I put it across to her? tell me....sigh -
ermm.. seems like she not happie wif u already lorz... looks like 1 argument gonna start liao le... maybe she realli doesnt haf the mind of repaying u at the moment but she sees it as u are forcing her like u scared she will run away wif the debts liddat liaoz... looks like she is really angry liaoz....maybe she finds dat it a li suo dang ran thing dat u ought to pay for her stuffs as u haf mentioned earlier n now dat u demand her to pay it back so she dun like it liaoz... maybe she is those type of gals who think bfs shld pay for my stuffs n look after me 1 wad... n now wan me to pay back ... maybe u can tell her ur needs n the importance of the money to u lorz... see if she can understand ur position or not...Originally posted by dirge:now she say she pay me, but say am I happy, cox she finally pay me liao. wat is this...she also asked me, why must say appreciative stuffs, even when repaying, I told her, appreciative words makes a difference. she says why must she say...
how should I put it across to her? tell me....sigh
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i reallie don know how to talk to her, she kept saying why must say appreciative words? Theres alot of difference man, I know tat. Hw come I hav e friends telling me they enjoy me company or enjoy chatting when she don't? be it true or not, i feel that this simple words can make day nicer abit, refer to my posting on "thinkin too much"Originally posted by zacken99:hi..
erm.. i believe in yin n yang theory...gt good sure must hv bad...a balance must b there.. if tooo good n there r no bad as a compare..then hw would 1 see the difference...
n ofcos.. too bad then...u noe lah ..
so to love a person u nid not do 100%....jus 75% is enuf..jus to let her hv a impression at the back of her mind u love her....n care for her...n at times jus leave her alone....let her see the difference...when there is u n when thers is no u...then she will appreciate u...
this is jus my very general view.. u might nid to do some alterations to make it
suit ur case.. jus remember.. there must b some balance in good n bad... -
thanx for ur reply, but I don demand for it, I'm only asking her to return bit by bit easier for her rather than have it snowball. stuffs like she tell me help her pay bill first, pay tis pay tat first, I pay first, then later can return.... end up, months then years liao. U see, I buy toys for myself, and is bout 50 to 60 or so a month, so she'll use this to say me, sigh.... actually, I've got another post, "thinkin too much", so i dunno wat to do at timesOriginally posted by p|p|:ermm.. seems like she not happie wif u already lorz... looks like 1 argument gonna start liao le... maybe she realli doesnt haf the mind of repaying u at the moment but she sees it as u are forcing her like u scared she will run away wif the debts liddat liaoz... looks like she is really angry liaoz....maybe she finds dat it a li suo dang ran thing dat u ought to pay for her stuffs as u haf mentioned earlier n now dat u demand her to pay it back so she dun like it liaoz... maybe she is those type of gals who think bfs shld pay for my stuffs n look after me 1 wad... n now wan me to pay back ... maybe u can tell her ur needs n the importance of the money to u lorz... see if she can understand ur position or not... -
huh... years liao ah... err.... dats hard la... i dunno her mindset lehz... i can onli help u till this much la... actualli never help la... hahaha... solli ....Originally posted by dirge:thanx for ur reply, but I don demand for it, I'm only asking her to return bit by bit easier for her rather than have it snowball. stuffs like she tell me help her pay bill first, pay tis pay tat first, I pay first, then later can return.... end up, months then years liao. U see, I buy toys for myself, and is bout 50 to 60 or so a month, so she'll use this to say me, sigh.... actually, I've got another post, "thinkin too much", so i dunno wat to do at times -
Originally posted by dirge:She and I have been together for years. I realllie enjoy those days when things were much simpler and carefree. As years goes by, conflicts arise and at times I give in to her. I'm also helping her as much as possible sometimes financially. I helped her pay her bills first, pay for hp, sme misc stuffs, and it chalked up to a few hundred. I dont mind cox she is really a nice n sweet girl, honest too. But, sometimes when I tell her that, she must start paying me back bit by bit, she wuld just try to avoid the topic. Kept saying she doesn't have that much money. I tell her slowly, I don't mind but not to the extent of not paying month by month. (She's working nw) I tell her, if keep delaying, it ain't doing her good at all. Sometimes, she wuld just say "ok la, I'll pay u la and give u all wan?" what is this, making me feel guilty bout taking money from her? It's my money am I wrong?
Just now, went to find place to have dinner, ride bike to lau pa sat but no place, never mind, I say wan go pasir panjang there eat, she say ok. Reach there give 50cent look. Ask her wan food, say don't want, what she want to drink, also dunno..Ok, I buy my own first, after that, ask her again wan me buy ginger tea from store beside, never give me reply, wat is this, talking to air!!!! Ok, I buy my own drinks, then I see more light dessert ask her wan or not? Give half fark face. ok, thats it, I'm really takin to air. The rest of the dinner, don't feel like talking to her. Sent her home, ask me why I don't talk to her. for wat!!! Talking to air fun is it....Am i giving too much, too caring and treat her too nice that I'm taken for granted? Then she will just say "ok la ok la, my fault can or not" What, then in the first place do it for what when u know it'll be wrong...
Sometimes I wonder, am I still clinging on becox we've been together for years? Sesh!!! I need guys and gals advice
You have been in the relationship for long and it seemed to me that you are getting a little restless in your love. The kind of attitude that exist in both of you begin to slack and lead for the sake of leading the relationship. The minute when you do question if you are staying cause of the length of time together - something should be quite wrong there. Two questions:
I) How long have you both been together?
II) Any major crisis took place previously?
As for the money matter - I suggest you barter trade. Allow her to pay for certain expenditure to pay you back instead of returning you cash. Go along that line.
P.S: Is she a Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn?
Cheers -
Hmm... Not bad...?Originally posted by Yunhaier: You have been in the relationship for long and it seemed to me that you are getting a little restless in your love. The kind of attitude that exist in both of you begin to slack and lead for the sake of leading the relationship. The minute when you do question if you are staying cause of the length of time together - something should be quite wrong there. Two questions:
I) How long have you both been together?
II) Any major crisis took place previously?
As for the money matter - I suggest you barter trade. Allow her to pay for certain expenditure to pay you back instead of returning you cash. Go along that line.
P.S: Is she a Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn?
Cheers -
mmm, just had some thoughts today..why I would mind n angry? is it because I mind that she didn't reply me? If i don care bout it I wouldn't be angry right?
Shes a saggi..
I often think that our bickering is due to miscom, but sometimes, it gets bit way out of hand, so, getting real fedup, cold up appears. I find that if there's nothing much to talk on phone, so be it, just put down right? But she think like wise... -
Originally posted by dirge:mmm, just had some thoughts today..why I would mind n angry? is it because I mind that she didn't reply me? If i don care bout it I wouldn't be angry right?
Shes a saggi..
I often think that our bickering is due to miscom, but sometimes, it gets bit way out of hand, so, getting real fedup, cold up appears. I find that if there's nothing much to talk on phone, so be it, just put down right? But she think like wise... You can still care; just shift your preception so that it doesn't wound you directly, but you have to understand why certain behavior is acting from her side. To compromise blindly is to let your partner take advantage and it will harm the relationship unconsciously.
P.S: You didn't answer my question in the above post.
Cheers -
hmmm just some thoughts..... i think about the money issue it's not that she doesn't want to return it to you but probably her mindset is that as her bf you shouldn't be so "geh gao" about the money she owe you probably she's upset that you put money before her. if i'm not wrong all the talk about money mostly lead to arguments? hmmm maybe you can try to put in nicely like there's something you really want but you can't afford it so perhaps she can chip in. relationship is give and take,confronting her directing about the money is just going to upset her so try to go round the situation?Originally posted by dirge:mmm, just had some thoughts today..why I would mind n angry? is it because I mind that she didn't reply me? If i don care bout it I wouldn't be angry right?
Shes a saggi..
I often think that our bickering is due to miscom, but sometimes, it gets bit way out of hand, so, getting real fedup, cold up appears. I find that if there's nothing much to talk on phone, so be it, just put down right? But she think like wise...
just imagine yourself in her shoes--when you're down and out she helped you out and that made you very happy and appreciative and back then you were very sweet to her?(becos she's probably thinking that you're so good to her that you're willing to help her out financially) then after some time she got tired of forking out for you all or most of the time and starts to calculate how much she's given to you and starts to demand it back from you.... you'd probably start thinking "wah lau she so ngeow everything also calculate until like that" that you start arguing with her.so if she were to ask you to rtn her the money what approach would you prefer her to take?of course you won't want her to say " aye now you working liao that time the money i lent you $???? return me leh" how does that sound to you? you'd be pissed off right?
for me my bf also helped me out when i was in need... inside my heart i told myself that i would return him the money once i could and would treat him as sweetly as he treated me. but when he starts asking me to return him the money tactlessly i would feel that why this fella so ngeow i'm his gf leh guys supposed to help their gf out what.some guys also never ask back the money(that's a very wrong thinking) ok lor you want it this way i'll return you the money but don't expect me to be nice to you or buy gifts for you becos you were ngeow to me in the first place.but when he starts softening up and tell me that there're things he wants to buy but he can't afford it my heart went soft and i return him as much as i could and i'd think back how he's willing to fork out for me when i needed him to and that it's only right i return him his money just so that he could get wat he really wants...
as for the dinner part i think most probably she's disappointed that the hawker centre you went to didn't have what she wants and secretly blames you for bringing her there so in future instead of flaring up at her ask her" is it that they don't have what you want here?" just cojole her nicely that the other place not accessible just compromise a bit and next time you'll bring her there again.... in my line of thoughts i'd think that she hopes that you can pay more attention to how she feels. when you don't she starts throwing tantrums show you faces and such. key is communication it helps a lot. it helped my relationship from breaking apart.
but just an advice don't give in too much to her she'll only take you for granted. some girls don't like pushovers be hard at the right times and soft at other times. if at that point of situation you're right lke the dinner thing point out to her that if she's unhappy she should tell you so that you can offer her an explanation and tell her your thoughts rather than show face (which is wrong)
sorry sorry guess i'm too long winded
hope it helps 
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err. can i write you a comment?
last time during poly days my gf also dun have much money with her. cos her bank book with her mom. then i also help her pay her hp bill etc. all with my pocket money. it all adds up to hundreds. i didn't go calculate exactly how much is it. i just feel i want to help her cos she's my dear dear..
now, she's working. she got her own income. but i didn't ask her to repay me the money. not even once. even now if she wants me to pay her hp bill, by all means i'll do it for her. not only these, i pay for all the food and expense when we go out. i just feel i want to treat her well. i want her to save up her earned money. just in case i'm not able to be with her in future, at least she has money with her(security). well i might spoilt her, but i dun want to regret why i dun treat her better when i lose her.
btw she and i are not married. -
Hmmm money can cause conflict in a relationship.
Like with my ex, I know that his family has financial problems so I didn't mind paying for the food when we go out. Lent lots of money to him as well for his pocket money (schooling then) and even paid for his school fees!
Asked for my money in an indirect way but never got any back even when he took up part-time work. In the end I got really frustrated and resentful because the money added up to a few thousands.
Anyways, was upset at him with some other issues too because he was starting to take me for granted as well since I'm always there to solve his money woes and other problems.
I called it quits in the end and he still owes me money but I have already written it off as bad debts
As well, sometimes, a person takes you for granted because you give in too much and they can step all over you. Maybe have a good talk with her. Not saying you should not get your money back but hint that sometimes she can help pay for some stuff.