What she's thinking ?
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After 3 yrs 3 mths of relationship with her,it ended a month ago. I'm 24,while she's 20 this yr. She has good voice,got champion or second in lots of competitions. So she wanna be a singer. I used to not accepting her as a singer,as i have my reasons. Cause, She can't take stresses, her family problems loaded...Both mother's and father's side grandparents divorced,even her parents too. But i don't mind,just wish to protect her,and take care of her. I don't want to see her stress. Yup,not easy been a singer,maybe not succeed. But there's still chance if you try. 2nd is that if she succeed, we won't have been so close,it happened few times that she went for singing performance, no calls and even sms from her for 2 weeks. Not only for my own sake, she keeps complaining about her part time job,and also some problems dealing in that music school, and also family. As a guy,i wanna help but dunno how,that stress me up,but she dunt understand.Of cos i also have my own problems to handle...What should i do? Now? No more...
More to tell.... -
She kept complaining to her friends that i'm hot temper. But does she know what she had done? I attach Taiwan 2 yrs ago during my NS, she had accept a guy for 1 day(She told me that), and also allow another guy to send her home but she rejected him,which hurt them alot. She told me she miss me until cannot sleep,even late for school which end up debarred. Cannot sleep? Guess what? Her poly guy friend introduced her to group of guys at a coffeeshop nearby her house and she went there after her mum had slept which she joined them from 12am to 6am. She told me just few times..but heard from her god-sis,more than what she told me herself,even drink beer...Not to listen to other than my loved one much,so i ask her myself,she admitted. She wanna go disco as she had never been before, I allow,but must let me know who she's going with and also not alcohol,but seems like not happy. She wants to go malaysia with her god-sis and god-sis's parents,i don't allow,cos that period got lots of news about robbery and rape there. I explain to her but she kept persuading me, and i got fed up. One guy how to protect 3 ladies? Few months ago i wanna try accepting her to sing...she said she had gave up because of me. And she's actually going to join SG Idol but got sore throat that day. She said,"Heaven not allow her to sing,it's fate." On the break up day, She told me she wanna go back to the music school after hearing her friends whom she introduced them into the music school,got contract signed,her heart itchy,i know. I allowed...But she add in ,"If anything happen in future, don't blame each other." I got really upset to hear that!!! She can try giving up for both of us,why can't i try??
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1 week before i'm back from Taiwan,She ask for break up,she said we're lying to ourselves. She said she lost her 1st time to me,yet asking for a break? I was sad. On the day I'm back,I called her,found out that she was alone in the house of one of those guys at coffeshop,waiting for others to go out. I was really sad again...I ask to meet her up,nice talk,we're back again...until now .
Not I wanna scold her , but she keeps repeat mistakes, adding me stresses...I worry for her safety. She just like to play. Need ppl accompany. Now have contract ,going to be singer...she left me. Never try to understand why I've got so angry about the last words she said.She has have dream to accompany now...no need me...I've forgave what she had did...This 1 mth,i dreamt of her every night. After broke off,I've then heard from my friends and relatives that she had gather with ppl around coffeeshops at mid night again...and also happen before we broke . Everyone around me ask me to forget her, She's selfish,only care for herself....
I've been too protective,too passionate...Iscold her for her sake,at least i've never beat her .I don't beat girls even i'm really hot,I just need rest. She doesn't care about me....
She owe me $2200 and also i'm sign guarantor for her Education Bank Loan. What have i done ? Not enough? I forgive,I think for her future...
Now she treat me like that....
Told me she scared i don't wanna marry her...now? She rather choose to leave me....She hurt me alot alot.... -
fark her upside down .. i hate gals who treat guys for granted .. omg .. tmd .. looks like she doesnt worth it .. u r way too good for her .. koe whos wat the hell she did with those coffee shop ppl .. those ppl everyday don work go slack in kopi tiam .. veri good ar? mz be those extras either borned with silver spoon in mouth then don wan to work or wat .. then mayb those ah pek there .. so lame .. argh .. got so fed up while reading ur post .. can feel hw pek chek u r nw .. while u put in so much .. the other party jus somehw took u for granted .. hwever .. mayb at 1st u were too protective le .. haix .. or possessive .. dunno la .. mayb u try jio her back again .. if she is really tat worth it in ur eyes ..
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continue from above reply..
if she really dat worth it, den wait out lor.. no point insisting on someone. maybe thats your fate, you yuan wu fen. dun try to weigh out what you've done for her, or what she have done for you. relationships r the worst investment ever, you put in everything you got, and might get 0% return or even worse, but we are all willing investors.
im sure you would do all those for her even if you knew nothing good will come out of it. dats y its called love. ke xi is dat, at the end of the day, she will remember you and what you can do for her, and by then, its too late le, you'll probably n yr own life and she in hers. by that time.. really too bad lor, she missed the chance. -
Poor guy..
Somehow, in a relationship, nothing is supposed to be fair.. even if it ended up breaking. When you love her and pursue her during the courtship, do you even mind her anything? Say, her attitude? her personal problems and her way of handling things?
No doubt you had put in your effort in the relationship and yet tasted only failure and sourness. Your post had told us of how a girl you love has grown up and transform into someone who only care for herself and do not listen to your words. But is that how she is? For what we know is your side of story and i dont doubt your view of the situation. But did you try to know her thinking and why she was doing that?
Its not easy to gone thru a relationship when serving ns.. both of you 2 sure have to give in perhaps not 100%.. but 99% of the time as love is very fragile. Its very admirable to tahan so long(to me, 3 years relationship is very long) but that's how life is suppose to be..
Do you intend to patch? -
- She left u bcos u did not share her dreams.
- She is easily distracted.
- I bet those coffee shop guys she met 'sian' her until her head big big.
- who knows, they may even ask her to leave u. -
Yah,it may be my own side story,but i've never flirt around with girls,i've never beat her,she has family problems,i gave her money to eat. During the break up, she told me I'm the one and only she love most . I ask if she's coming back to me in future,she said yes. I was really lost that time, she keep doing mistakes which make me angry ,i scold her means i care for her. I'm not Big-man-minded,I somehow allow her to go out with her friends,have her freedoms, but not disco with ppl i dunno. To her, she only cannot tahan my scoldings. I've do so much,i forgave her pass...she can't forgive my temper. Ppl say she can't change the out-going,playful, naive character. Once, she went ktv pub with her friends,after she sang,there's a guy came forward to her asking for her contact telling her that he also like to sing maybe next time jio her to sing. That guy is one of my friend's younger bro,all gangsters. Of cos i worried...i ask her why she so naive? she said he just want to jio her go ktv only...what if that guy drugged her..then..????
Who knows? Not i wanna be hot-temper,it's her that keep increasing my stress.. I can see that she really loves me before,but this time totally change to another person? I'm really puzzled. Just because of the 5 yrs contact? Scare i cannot wait? But her way of breaking up is too tragedy. I don't accept her to be singer cos i don't wanna see her stress,ppl always say,"been a singer/actor,You smile on stage but cry behind." When i wanna accept,she told me she gave up singing. Now say she wanna go back,cos her friends had sign the contracts,her heart itchy. I wanna try accept,she added in "if anything happen in future,don't blame each other." She had plan to leave me already...how can she do that?? -
Love can fade? So what's love for? Companion? Or just for fun?
We're born to love an inperfect person,as nobody is perfect in this world. -
Sorry about your breakup. U have to accept your gf has changed, maybe she is influenced by her 'new friends' from coffeeshop.
No point trying to make her change her mind or hold her back. Since she wants to make it as a singer, let her try. She has to learn whether she can make it.
Learn to move on. -
I know,i'm just trying to forget her, my family and relatives and friends ask me not to accept her again...she can do this to me ,there's second time. Now no relation with her...just hope she won't played by guys..cos she's naive. Or maybe she had guy thats why leave me. Not my problems,but dunno why i'm still thinking,I still wanna protect her...i really stupid and silly. Her father owe "Ah long" debts,i scare they come disturb her... i worry so much ,she don't know,just wanna hang out and play. She doesn't care for my feelings all the while. Now i wanna settle the education bank loan ,i'm her guarantor,i wanna cancel it. She had changed for what i've see,i scare she won't return me that money. Yet she keep delaying it,for 1 mth liao,yesterday i called her,she said she had no time to write that clarifying letter to be send to the bank. But my friends have saw her often at toa payoh,bishan,hougang ang mo kio sitting with group of ppl,might be her poly classmates,i dunno. Somemore very late midnight. She can have times for that dunt have time to write letter?
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Originally posted by ^Sankawa^:She kept complaining to her friends that i'm hot temper. But does she know what she had done? I attach Taiwan 2 yrs ago during my NS, she had accept a guy for 1 day(She told me that), and also allow another guy to send her home but she rejected him,which hurt them alot. She told me she miss me until cannot sleep,even late for school which end up debarred. Cannot sleep? Guess what? Her poly guy friend introduced her to group of guys at a coffeeshop nearby her house and she went there after her mum had slept which she joined them from 12am to 6am. She told me just few times..but heard from her god-sis,more than what she told me herself,even drink beer...Not to listen to other than my loved one much,so i ask her myself,she admitted. She wanna go disco as she had never been before, I allow,but must let me know who she's going with and also not alcohol,but seems like not happy. She wants to go malaysia with her god-sis and god-sis's parents,i don't allow,cos that period got lots of news about robbery and rape there. I explain to her but she kept persuading me, and i got fed up. One guy how to protect 3 ladies? Few months ago i wanna try accepting her to sing...she said she had gave up because of me. And she's actually going to join SG Idol but got sore throat that day. She said,"Heaven not allow her to sing,it's fate." On the break up day, She told me she wanna go back to the music school after hearing her friends whom she introduced them into the music school,got contract signed,her heart itchy,i know. I allowed...But she add in ,"If anything happen in future, don't blame each other." I got really upset to hear that!!! She can try giving up for both of us,why can't i try?? Firstly, let me know the name of the music school and the recording label involved- PM me if you need to. Got contract sign? On what basis? Competition prizes or cause got potential? Well congrats, but don't get deceived by bogus ones. (If you know, you could drop the names of the people, I may just know it)
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People with family problems involving the marriage of the parents will indirectly shape his/her attitude and preception of love during the course of their relationship. It's normally up to the individual on how they could break free of this psychological bond imprinted from their parents and lead a better love life together.
You are not hot temper and I must say slap yourself a pat on your back from understand that love comes from caring. But give a knock on your head because the way you bring across the message puts her on defensive mode and she felt possessiveness acting on her. As a bf, you have to protect her, but she is like a wilful bird - she hasn't seen much of the world and wished to leave that sheltered life of 3 years in this good relationship with you, to sacrifice them for another form of lifestyle. Time change, people change.
There are external influences that she is absorbing and that gradually mould her mindset. Wanna be a star? Just a little information, I am currently working within the music line and yes, I do see such people around. Her dream is a dream many people adore, but as to sacrifice everthing - she is prepare to leave that safety shore you set up to pursue another life. (Actually, sekali I know her)
Only experience and reality can be her tutor. You wanna impart; she is not listening. Let her go. Let the cruel side of reality burn and fry her life - by then, do not be soft hearted. Afterall, she chose the road she wanna walk.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Firstly, let me know the name of the music school and the recording label involved- PM me if you need to. Got contract sign? On what basis? Competition prizes or cause got potential? Well congrats, but don't get deceived by bogus ones. (If you know, you could drop the names of the people, I may just know it)
***I'll like to know what do u mean by that sentence,thanks.
People with family problems involving the marriage of the parents will indirectly shape his/her attitude and preception of love during the course of their relationship. It's normally up to the individual on how they could break free of this psychological bond imprinted from their parents and lead a better love life together.
You are not hot temper and I must say slap yourself a pat on your back from understand that love comes from caring. But give a knock on your head because the way you bring across the message puts her on defensive mode and she felt possessiveness acting on her. As a bf, you have to protect her, but she is like a wilful bird - she hasn't seen much of the world and wished to leave that sheltered life of 3 years in this good relationship with you, to sacrifice them for another form of lifestyle.
Thanks,I know I'm too possessive. But i'll be happy to see her with a very nice good decent guy. I'm not saying i'm good,at least i wanna protect her,care for her,love her.I already her to do what she wants. Just telling my sorrow here, and worried for her still. Time change, people change.
There are external influences that she is absorbing and that gradually mould her mindset. Wanna be a star? Just a little information, I am currently working within the music line and yes, I do see such people around. Her dream is a dream many people adore, but as to sacrifice everthing - she is prepare to leave that safety shore you set up to pursue another life. (Actually, sekali I know her)
Sorry that you don't have to know her,cos i dunt wanna let anyone know who is she. Some ppl might think it's ok for her to choose her way. But still some will think she's selfish,cold-hearted. I don't wanna have anyone have any attitude against her,hope you understand.
Only experience and reality can be her tutor. You wanna impart; she is not listening. Let her go. Let the cruel side of reality burn and fry her life - by then, do not be soft hearted. [b]Afterall, she chose the road she wanna walk.
What you mean don't be soft-hearted? I don't wanna see her suffering. When i love someone,i'll forgive whatever she did,cos i may have mistakes too. I did say harsh words during the break,cos i'm lost,cannot control. But i guess it's better,she'll then be more concentrate on her things .
Cheers [/b] -
How old is she?Originally posted by ^Sankawa^:Love can fade? So what's love for? Companion? Or just for fun?
We're born to love an inperfect person,as nobody is perfect in this world.
Well.. From the things you've said.. My personal advice is to TAKE CARE of yourself 1st... Loan guarantee and the $ she owe you... etc.
You can choose to help and care for her or not.. That's YOUR DECISION and CHOICE. A point to note, you're no longer her bf. And ultimately, it's HER LIFE. From the way I see it, her life's probably not easy.. So probably spells that yours won't be easy too if you're involved with her...
From the way I see it, some things cannot be much forced.. Especially when the STRAIN FACTOR is there... -
She's 20. Thanks for advice, I'm actually thinking the same way,but not yet decide. Just wanna concern how's her life. Love's blind.Originally posted by Devil1976:How old is she?
Well.. From the things you've said.. My personal advice is to TAKE CARE of yourself 1st... Loan guarantee and the $ she owe you... etc.
You can choose to help and care for her or not.. That's YOUR DECISION and CHOICE. A point to note, you're no longer her bf. And ultimately, it's HER LIFE. From the way I see it, her life's probably not easy.. So probably spells that yours won't be easy too if you're involved with her...
From the way I see it, some things cannot be much forced.. Especially when the STRAIN FACTOR is there... -
You simply can't run another person's life for that person. Unless you're god. Then maybe you can?Originally posted by ^Sankawa^:She's 20. Thanks for advice, I'm actually thinking the same way,but not yet decide. Just wanna concern how's her life. Love's blind. -
U are the guarantor...U can write to the bank yourself stating your intention.They will be able to advise you your next step.Originally posted by ^Sankawa^:Now i wanna settle the education bank loan ,i'm her guarantor,i wanna cancel it. She had changed for what i've see,i scare she won't return me that money. Yet she keep delaying it,for 1 mth liao,yesterday i called her,she said she had no time to write that clarifying letter to be send to the bank. But my friends have saw her often at toa payoh,bishan,hougang ang mo kio sitting with group of ppl,might be her poly classmates,i dunno. Somemore very late midnight. She can have times for that dunt have time to write letter? -
I) What I mean by bogus ones, is deceptive contracts.Originally posted by ^Sankawa^:As above...
II) You are way too defensive; I never did mentioned I am interested to know who is she, I merely state I may know her. Virtual words could even trigger your instant drive to protect - this 'protectiveness' has gone beyond a certain level of 'possessiveness' and may have to keep check from time to time. (If you have read my post carefully and not speed-read and induce selective preception)
III) You complete mis-read my last paragraph. I never mention about you being forgiving or not. In simple, what I mean was:
If you can't make her see things in a mature way - let experience do the job. If she has to cut herself to understand what pain is, let her. In life, reality always lust to teach the greenhorns some lessons in life. In love, we hope to protect them from this harsh weather.
However, have you ever wonder if your 'protection' is needed now? Does she even want that protection from you, now? Love in reality is the combination of both qualities: if that chapter of your relationship concludes, your job in her life is done. When your position is reduce to that of a friend, do you think she would even consider your so called 'good advice?'
What position do you have for her to listen to you?
She have changed... much over the years. Your extend of influence in her life is waning. There are greater issue waiting for her to explore, bleed and learn. You can't always be there and you shouldn't, for that is neccessary to happen before she can understand the value of your love.
Let her learn... release that string before your image is reduced to nothing but an annoying control-freak.
Since she wants to fly, let go.
Cheers -
I understand you Yunhaier. Thanks. I know i'll just let her go.
Regards. -
Yup,she said she no time to do it cos very busy,but my relatives and friends spotted her outside with friends at midnight. So i do it myself,just called her yesterday i've know the procedure, I've done the letter and had email to her,waiting for her to fill up then forward back to me. Been 1 mth ,she did nothing yet. From what i've heard,she seldom go music school ....must have hang around having fun,delaying this matter.Originally posted by Xcert:U are the guarantor...U can write to the bank yourself stating your intention.They will be able to advise you your next step.
Well thanks Xcert anyway.
Regards. -
Yup,I didn't run her life,indeed i have given her freedoms,well,i might done not enough,since like this ,end up better. She no money go school or work,for lunch and transport,keep asking me for money. I know my job is to take care of her,so i do. Now i'm struggling,but she don't care but leave me.Everytime don't want go home too early,wonder last time when i've no time with her,where has she been ...Originally posted by Devil1976:You simply can't run another person's life for that person. Unless you're god. Then maybe you can?
Thanks Devil1976 anyway.
Let her do what she wants, as long she's safe.
Regards -
Worth or not is not for me to say. I've tried jio her back,1st day she said no yet cry...2nd day she showed anger. Just go visit her only she like this. She said i can go find her & call her, but not too often. Well, what can i do?Originally posted by Saint`:fark her upside down .. i hate gals who treat guys for granted .. omg .. tmd .. looks like she doesnt worth it .. u r way too good for her .. koe whos wat the hell she did with those coffee shop ppl .. those ppl everyday don work go slack in kopi tiam .. veri good ar? mz be those extras either borned with silver spoon in mouth then don wan to work or wat .. then mayb those ah pek there .. so lame .. argh .. got so fed up while reading ur post .. can feel hw pek chek u r nw .. while u put in so much .. the other party jus somehw took u for granted .. hwever .. mayb at 1st u were too protective le .. haix .. or possessive .. dunno la .. mayb u try jio her back again .. if she is really tat worth it in ur eyes .. -
Well, you're right "you yuan wu fen". Willing investor,but not 0% return,I've learn something indeed.Originally posted by Ito_^:continue from above reply..
if she really dat worth it, den wait out lor.. no point insisting on someone. maybe thats your fate, you yuan wu fen. dun try to weigh out what you've done for her, or what she have done for you. relationships r the worst investment ever, you put in everything you got, and might get 0% return or even worse, but we are all willing investors.
im sure you would do all those for her even if you knew nothing good will come out of it. dats y its called love. ke xi is dat, at the end of the day, she will remember you and what you can do for her, and by then, its too late le, you'll probably n yr own life and she in hers. by that time.. really too bad lor, she missed the chance.
Haha,at the end of the day she might find someone with the same interest as her,maybe someone who suits her character. Thats good for her .
She said i'm the one and only she love most in this life, i treat those as rash words.... -
Originally posted by ^Sankawa^:Yup,I didn't run her life,indeed i have given her freedoms,well,i might done not enough,since like this ,end up better. She no money go school or work,for lunch and transport,keep asking me for money. I know my job is to take care of her,so i do. Now i'm struggling,but she don't care but leave me.Everytime don't want go home too early,wonder last time when i've no time with her,where has she been ...
Thanks Devil1976 anyway.
Let her do what she wants, as long she's safe.
Regards
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I might having planning,but still thinking of her...very stressful.
Her father imprisoned,just came out not long,she ask him to replace my guarantor. Can he? Will the bank accept? If i wanna cancel it myself, do i need to pay for the summon? Will she be drop off from school?But she has music school accompany anyway...she has no mood to study long ago.
I stress on work, stress on her, stress on money. Anyone of you have shared account in bank with your ex,or something guarantor . Will you cancel it? Depends on what she did to you....?
She's not worth for me to wait.
Sianz...why am i a human.....