relationship going nowhere
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hmmmm well its still early to say... none of u are working yet.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:nopez.. still studying. actually i tink he's much more mature than me. -
20+ best time to make plans... allow both of you to find out whether you share the similiar visions for future... if not similiar and realli keen on going together for long... den have to quickly settle the differences...Originally posted by Coco_Coco:marriage. saving up together.
20+.. is this age too young to make plans??
But if differences too contrasting... don't seems good... imagine going to have disagreement/quarrel over every single thing... requires very big effort from both party to make the relationship work out esp for long term... -
i dunno noe if i'm thinking too much... but sometimes i feel kinda stressed up with him. he's always expecting tis or dat... he's a perfectionist and as for me.. well... i'm far from onez...Originally posted by kopiosatu:hmmmm well its still early to say... none of u are working yet. -
Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmm so wad does he really mean when he said 'this relationship is going nowhere'? so how to make this r/p go somewhere? or is this the end already?
There are a couple of possibility to such cases and this is the time where you two ought to think about what you wanna do about it. Many people loved to talk about the problems in their relationship, but lack the initiative to do anything about it. If this problem of the so called nowhere 'aimless' sian relationship persist - you really need to see if you are hanging onto the relationship for love or duty.
No point trying to drag a relationship where even draft solution is not implemented. Though your solution may not be perfect as medicine to specific illness, but in the process of trying, you will discover new route to venture in your relationship.
It is never easy trying to keep the flame alive, but do we try half-heartedly or with our best?
Cheers -
The End.... The Omega.....haih.....Originally posted by X-men:r/s should ultimately go where har?
I'm not trying to fool ard, just that I'm also puzzle when this line is used. 'Its going nowhere' WHERE should it go then? -
Ask yourself whether u see him as the one u want to spend the whole life with. Is he caring? Does he makes plans for the future? Do not quarrel over yr differences & little things. It will ruin the relationship.
If u don't play pool, soccer, golf, etc learn to understand them. Who knows u might like them. If he doesn't like shopping, shop alone. Learn to accommodate each other. -
Suggestive of an ending in the near future but not necessarily so.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmm so wad does he really mean when he said 'this relationship is going nowhere'? so how to make this r/p go somewhere? or is this the end already?
From your context. He probably means that he don't see the relationship going in the direction he expect it to go.
How to go somewhere?
1st.. You've mentioned about differences... That don't always would break 2 parties up.. Given a situation, it's just how you would deal with it... In this case a relationship where both parties would decide how to deal with it....
Talk it out with your bf (think you've already done this step) and have establish some common grounds on in which direction should this relationship steer towards... See and discuss the possibilities... What are both of you looking out for in this relationship? A life-time commitment? Marriage? Or just a love relationship? -
Then together, you must make it go somewhere. A relationship takes two hands to clap.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:hmm so wad does he really mean when he said 'this relationship is going nowhere'? so how to make this r/p go somewhere? or is this the end already? -
initially i tot he's the one i'm going to spend the whole life with you know... he's caring towards me but sometimes he blow hot and cold. sometimes dunno becos i failure or wad but i really dunno what he's thinking. he got talk about the future, make plans and such... but sometimes... it sounds like he just talk about them in jest.Originally posted by gerrykoh:Ask yourself whether u see him as the one u want to spend the whole life with. Is he caring? Does he makes plans for the future? Do not quarrel over yr differences & little things. It will ruin the relationship.
If u don't play pool, soccer, golf, etc learn to understand them. Who knows u might like them. If he doesn't like shopping, shop alone. Learn to accommodate each other. -
i'm trying but he's always so busy. either that or he will be so tired he just wanna be alone and sleep at home. we don't get to see each other much. sometimes dun even talk to each other for days. maybe this is causing some distancing in the r/p?Originally posted by Eiizumi:Then together, you must make it go somewhere. A relationship takes two hands to clap. -
well, initially he said about marriage/serious commitment... den later he said it's going nowhere. and later suddenly again he said about sticking it out through. ???Originally posted by Devil1976:Suggestive of an ending in the near future but not necessarily so.
From your context. He probably means that he don't see the relationship going in the direction he expect it to go.
How to go somewhere?
1st.. You've mentioned about differences... That don't always would break 2 parties up.. Given a situation, it's just how you would deal with it... In this case a relationship where both parties would decide how to deal with it....
Talk it out with your bf (think you've already done this step) and have establish some common grounds on in which direction should this relationship steer towards... See and discuss the possibilities... What are both of you looking out for in this relationship? A life-time commitment? Marriage? Or just a love relationship? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
i tink tis is so true.. b/w love and duty. hard to differentiate at times. [b]you really need to see if you are hanging onto the relationship for love or duty.
[/b] -
Take this quiz: Is is time to break up?
But take the results at ur own risk though...
The best way to decide is to listen to ur heart, and listen to ur head. Reconcile the information and make a decision.
Don't drag it any further or the pain will be more.
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Hey, sorry to hear about your troubles.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:well, initially he said about marriage/serious commitment... den later he said it's going nowhere. and later suddenly again he said about sticking it out through. ???
May I be frank with you, I think both of you are still rather young and not mature enough emotionally to be making this type of decision. This is quite clear from the way you described what he did as quoted above.
I find that the best solution for a relationship is first and foremost to know yourself and know yourself well! Not just about what you like or dont like but what makes you tick! what excits you, what motivates you, what are your goals and how much energy you have to do what you want to do etc...
without knowing even these simple things about yourself as with many people (even older folks are not spared bec they never took time to reflect about themseleves) they enter into a relationship and guess what... they have no idea what they actually want or need! They usually become attracted to someone who is not suitable for them long term.
How did that happen?? well thanks to all the RA tv movies and all those hollywood stuff or now Korean shows etc and all the romantic books which tells us what "love" is... we ended up building a wrong picture of what to expect when we fall in love and even when we fall in love and the type of people we fall for! Unfortunately, we are all affected one way or another... some more than others and honestly I have not seen evidence that these model of love works!
What works?? Well, get to know yourself first, thats important! The other person must also be comfortable with himself. and contrary to popular believes, psychological and social studies shows that opposites actually make a relationship harder to sustain.
Its rather hard to advise you what it means or what to do since we dont have much info to go by but know this though, sticking around because you fear loneliness is not the right reason.
My question to you is... why do you love him? what is it about him that you love? what are the qualities?? Alot of people think that giving reasons to love is soo lame... unfortunately, it is the reasons that actually sees you though the hard times and not the iffy feelings that comes and goes. feelings are important but they will always fade and come back and fade again up and down... and if you use that as a guage to determine how healthy your relationship is and whether to stay or go... you will likely end up
making the wrong decision... bec sometimes people quit a relation ship too early... bec of no more feelings while othertimes, they quit a relationship too late also bec of these irrational unreliable feelings when their head tells them they should go.
so much to say and this is super long post!!!
So know yourself first, then askyourself why you love this man and ask do you see his potential that he will grow into a better person than he is at the moment.... I think this is at least a place to start. -
Originally posted by Coco_Coco:i tink tis is so true.. b/w love and duty. hard to differentiate at times. It's easy to differentiate - just that people don't want to know the truth.
Search your heart and your answer is there; question is can your handle the truth? And what are you going to do about it?
P.S: If you are troubled by this love/duty question - in fact, your inclination is towards duty more than love.
Cheers -
hmm, like doesn't really see where it will end. after pai tou for some time, say one, two years or so, maybe will see the other half as a sort of marriage partner
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It does happen to all young couples after one year of relationship, some even start to get cold after six months of r/s. Maybe you both need to sit and talk about your future but then I guess since ya still studying why not finish ya course first? Since he's more mature than you, then he did mention he's getting nowhere in your relationship, sounds contradicting. Most important of all, love yourself first
Wish ya good luck for your future undertakings ... -
but the thing is head and heart are hard to reconcile with each other??Originally posted by EricDraven:Take this quiz: Is is time to break up?
But take the results at ur own risk though...
The best way to decide is to listen to ur heart, and listen to ur head. Reconcile the information and make a decision.
Don't drag it any further or the pain will be more. -
......Originally posted by Coco_Coco:well, initially he said about marriage/serious commitment... den later he said it's going nowhere. and later suddenly again he said about sticking it out through. ???
How old are the both of you?
Both your star signs pls?
You mentioned that both of you often quarrelled... Over what?
Give a short accord... Where you would see this relationship be going...? Why? -
When the head don't agree with the heart, as far as possible, go with the head. 'cos that's where the brain is.Originally posted by Coco_Coco:but the thing is head and heart are hard to reconcile with each other??
But love is blind and irrational as they said, sometimes (or more often than not), people follow their heart.
Just have no regrets later on whatever you choose...
Good luck! -
It should go to hell hahahhha
sounds like a pre-breakup line -
i cancer he virgoOriginally posted by Devil1976:......
How old are the both of you?
Both your star signs pls?
You mentioned that both of you often quarrelled... Over what?
Give a short accord... Where you would see this relationship be going...? Why? -
thanks...Originally posted by EricDraven:When the head don't agree with the heart, as far as possible, go with the head. 'cos that's where the brain is.
But love is blind and irrational as they said, sometimes (or more often than not), people follow their heart.
Just have no regrets later on whatever you choose...
Good luck! -
This kinda relationship should be fundamentally unstable... Not that it won't work....Originally posted by Coco_Coco:i cancer he virgo
His proposal of this relationship going nowhere is probabaly out of the character difference that has been experienced...
As much as you would enjoy his company and caring character... He could often be too logical for you... And you, on the other hand is a rather emotional person.... Such that he should often find himself out of wits handling you... No doubt, both of you should enjoy romantic moments together... That level of closeness and togetherness... Should be such a spirit...
Indeed if much of the 'problems' you're experiencing now in your relationship is not handled properly... They could easily pose serious threats to your relationship in the future...
PS. Are you quite a materialistic person? Or of a tendency to be so?