Confused!! Please Help!
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Hi all. Recently know of the situation of a friend and she is confused and frustrated. So i am posting here so that she can get some advice from all you people out there..
Since young, she has been under the control of her mother. Besides going to school and fro, she has not much freedom. Her mother controls the amount of time and money she has. As a child, this was reasonable to her but as she slowly grew up, she felt that she is missing out a lot cos she cannot go out with friends due to low allowance and curfew set by her mum. She had a big fight with her mum because of this. At that time, her mom threatened to send her to a girl's home. As a young girl she is afraid and so the arguement was over. He mum agreed to double her allowance but from then on, she was under locks and keys. Other then to and fro school and ECA, she was never allowed much time outside. Her mum made sure she was kept busy. She had to do housework, cook dinner. She changes the water of her mums fish tank weekly ad feeds them twice daily. She has to teach her younger sister homework. If her sister has a project and she does'nt know how to do, she has to go online to find info for her. All this is besides the fact that she has to do her own homework and projects and take care of her own pet rabbits. After doing all these, she hardly has time to do any socialising. As a result, her social circle suffered and only a few close friends remained...In school she has always been teacher's pet and chairman of the student body. Her studies also not bad....She had a few boyfriends before but most broke up with her for the same reason. She is unable to go out with them often due to her curfews...
When she finally reached the age of adulthood of 21 years old, she asked her mum when she can have more freedom and go out till later in the nite. Her mum replied that she will have that freedom when she has married...My thinking at the time i heard this was : How was she going to get a boyfriend when she has all these curfews...
After graduating from poly, she got a job in a small firm. She was happy as this marked the start of her financial stability. She no longer had to depend on her mum for finanacial support. Her boss and fellow supervisor were kind to her and taught her a lot so she is happy there while learning all the skills to prepare her for her future role . As most of the time at the office, there is only her immediate supervisor and her, they talked, joked and played around when they have free time. However there are a few things that her supervisor does that strikes me and another friend as strange.
1. He calls her everynight to chat with her. Even when he is in malaysia, visiting his family. he is married with kids. His wife and kids are in malaysia.
To us, this is the behaviour of a boyfriend, not a normal friend.
To her, just a friend who has little friend in singapore and is bored.
2. He bought a gift for her friend as birthday present even though she has only know him since she worked at the site which is like 2 months. Later i got to know that he also invited both she and her friend to KTV as a belated celebration as he missed the birthday girl's celebration dinner.
To us, which guy will buy a gift for the friend of a normal friend when he barely knows her?
To her, just a gift, like a papa to daughter. (he is 39...)
3. He always joked with her in the office. He would say in a joking manner that he likes her. There was once when a friend (the birthday girl mentioned above) called her and he asked to talk to her. On the phone, he told her friend that he loved her. Her friend replied that she already has a boyfriend. Instantly the supervisor's face changed and he went silent and handed the hp back to my friend. Later when he talked to her again, he asked if she heard what he told her friend and if she wants him to repeat it... she told him don't need as she had heard it..
To us, he should not joke about this to a single woman especially when he is married and the girl is young...
To her, just crapping nia...
4. Everyone in the office is a smoker. She is the only one that does'nt smokes. So normally her boss and the other supervisors will smoke outside the office but only her supervisor smokes in the office. She complained but to no avail...
To us, because she doesn't put up much of a fight, he is in control...
To her, she bo bianz.. cannot do anything about it...
5. He told her about his past as a gangster and his family in malaysia. How he is indebted to them and loves them very much. How he slap his wife when she is unreasonable and only one slap sends his wife spinning...
To us, he is trying to intimidate her in a subtle way... defy him and she may kena whacked..
To her, she is afraid of him...afraid he give her shit at work...afraid of him physically...
6. Jio her go out la kopi, see movies and drink at pubs after work...
To us, he likes her. She does'nt reject his invitation maybe because she dreads going home?
To her, he no friend in singapore...
7. He used to borrow her hp to play the games inside. Last time he waits for her to hand him her hp. Now he just snatch from her. There was once an incident that scared her. He asked her for the hp and she refused jokingly and he come from behind her to snatch it from her! happened a few times already!!
To us, Openly touching her already! danger! danger! No matter what, the guy should not touch a girl physically. Cause for molest...
To her, She will just hand over her hp next time. Then there will be no such incident again...
Conclusion:
To us, she has little to no social experience. Problems in family, her longing for freedom from her over protective mother may lead her to seek solace elsewhere. Even though she has no intentions, she may be misleading the guy because she does'nt reject anything from the guy. Also, She is intimidated by him both physically and at work. She dreads going home. She has only puppy loves that has never advanced to anything further. Also being a teacher's pet could have moulded her into subconsciously she adores praise from her mentors, in this case, her supervisor. She fears disapproval from him.By not doing anything about his calls, his invitations, she is leading him on. She is only avoiding the problem, not stopping it.
To her, the actions of her supervisor are normal of friends. Nothing special. He tells her of his family often and how much he loves them. He told her he don't love her. He only like to chat and be with her because she makes him happy.
After we analysed the situation and explained to her, she is still unconvinced and confused. So we are posting this thread to seek advice.. please help.. thx... -
wa..u guy or girl? so concerned abt her?
i.c.y -
YOU are probably her closest fren/confidante.
Can i be honest?
If u can't even HELP her, THEN what hopes is there for any of us to assist her?
Go seek a trusted family member and seek their advice. -
ger... she is like a sister to me!Originally posted by icyprincess:wa..u guy or girl? so concerned abt her?
i.c.y
please help... -
because she said there is bound to be ppl who thinks like her... that we are wrong, he has no intentions on her...Originally posted by Fuqua:YOU are probably her closest fren/confidante.
Can i be honest?
If u can't even HELP her, THEN what hopes is there for any of us to assist her?
Go seek a trusted family member and seek their advice.
so what is your say, is he on to her? -
haha sorry...will try to help..Originally posted by Chi:ger... she is like a sister to me!
please help...
actually i am having the same problem as her lor...i used to get grounded by my parents back home, even now if I go back they still ground me. I am not allowed to date, not allowed to go out wif my frens, dat sort of things...
tell her that she has got to be assertive...if she doesnt like the way certain things go, then she has to stand up to it and say 'no'. like the handphone incident. if she really doesnt like it, she shud fight it to convey to that guy dat she is serious when she said no. then ppl will respect her more.
i.c.y -
Quit lah.
Might as well with such a pervertic supervisor. -
the guy seems to be trawling for a victim... seems to behave like a predator..
if you are her friend, help her.. do not let her be with him alone...
her accursed mother is one of the causes of this... being made to stick around and deprived of interaction, she is now emotionally stunted, and is so totally unable to handle herself socially..
she needs to break out, either have a heart-to-heart talk with her mom, or a knock-down-drag-out argument.... in order to be herself.. because if not, she'll be eaten alive in society where predators like that supervisor idiot abound..
she has to get out more often... this is paramount...
if she can get out more, the thing is to ease her into what goes on around... that's where YOU come in again.. slowly slowly and with the correct people around.. to help her and shield her from the sudden rush from exhiliration of freedom (which usually ends in tears as they still do not understand the consequences).. and also to deflect the advances of predators...
maybe, heck! if freedom is won, a starting point could be one of these various outings organised by the people in this forum.. especially those which are attended by huge groups... like the sentosa ones or the year-end barbeque (when someone steps up to organise it).. they are events where people get to know each other better in a relaxed environment, are friendly and not out on the prowl..
i wish you well..
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Ppl on position of authority who take advantage of those below him/her are scuMBaG. Married ppl who flirted with girls, who plays with other ppl emotions and hearts are scumBag.Originally posted by Chi:because she said there is bound to be ppl who thinks like her... that we are wrong, he has no intentions on her...
so what is your say, is he on to her? -
Yes... She's already 21... She has EVERY RIGHT for her OWN FREEDOM... How long does she wanna continue with this kinda life?
From the way you described her job and boss...
Certainly not bright future... Perhaps it's like you've mentioned, alot on her suppressed character... She should learn to speak up for herself.... Not all things should be close one eye... A supervisor has rights in CERTAIN ways and ONLY... Being afraid doesn't mean that she should be abused. As long as she does her job... With the kinda actions he's taking and advancing on her, she could have easily gave him sh|t anytime....
Do pull her along with you all or join us for outings more often? You people as her friends should take the lead in bringing her into the REAL world! -
I just got some advice......hope it will help
1 . Gifts are gifts .....he gave it and she took it. No one said she cannot accept it as a friend. If he uses it against her , she has to learn to be hard hearted and say "look no one forced u to give it to me " and best she return all of them to him as well.
2. Having a supervisor like that is going to have a backlash on her working environment. Sexual harassment is what I call it. If she doesn't feel good about working with him , she got 2 options - talk to the big boss or get another job.
I got a feeling last option is viable since her supervisor seems to be smoking inside an office and no one cares.
3. Talk to the police about it : her ex supervisor claims to be a malaysian gangster in the past ....SS section of the police may be interested to know him. And talk to them about how she feels intimidated by him i.e. how he bashed his wife and told her etc. I am sure mata can advise her on something. Ask her to keep a diary of the events as well for legal documentation - just in case they ask her regarding the events
Just let ur friend know :
She really needs to get out of this sinkhole type of relationship by standing her ground.I don;t mean to scare u but I think the jerk could be either showing off how controlling he is , or he could be a direct danger to her. Some guys like to talk - empty vessels make the most sounds.
If you are her friend , prolly she needs someone to accompany her back home or from work . My advise is to get her to talk to her big boss and see how it goes. If he views her as a troublemaker then maybe best for her to switch jobs.
Better to be under parental control than to get into a mess with a psycho guy.
At least parents are over protective and guard her against "perceived" evils.
that guy - who knows what he can do to her....he can stalk etc -
you can scold but no help leh.. pls advice... thx..Originally posted by Fuqua:Ppl on position of authority who take advantage of those below him/her are scuMBaG. Married ppl who flirted with girls, who plays with other ppl emotions and hearts are scumBag. -
we are trying hard to do it... but seems she is afraid to face up to the real problem....and we dunno what we can do to help her...Originally posted by Devil1976:Yes... She's already 21... She has EVERY RIGHT for her OWN FREEDOM... How long does she wanna continue with this kinda life?
From the way you described her job and boss...
Certainly not bright future... Perhaps it's like you've mentioned, alot on her suppressed character... She should learn to speak up for herself.... Not all things should be close one eye... A supervisor has rights in CERTAIN ways and ONLY... Being afraid doesn't mean that she should be abused. As long as she does her job... With the kinda actions he's taking and advancing on her, she could have easily gave him sh|t anytime....
Do pull her along with you all or join us for outings more often? You people as her friends should take the lead in bringing her into the REAL world! -
A nice start would be bringing her out more often for exposure to this world, the people and happenings around it...Originally posted by Chi:we are trying hard to do it... but seems she is afraid to face up to the real problem....and we dunno what we can do to help her...
As time pass by, she should be able to think for herself...
I reckon she's gonna 'break through' anyhow...? It's just a matter of how she's gonna do it.... Prepare her for the better... Just let her know... And let her do... What normal everybody else is doing...? -
We wanna bring her out...Originally posted by Devil1976:A nice start would be bringing her out more often for exposure to this world, the people and happenings around it...
As time pass by, she should be able to think for herself...
I reckon she's gonna 'break through' anyhow...? It's just a matter of how she's gonna do it.... Prepare her for the better... Just let her know... And let her do... What normal everybody else is doing...?
but her mum is another problem...
She cannot always come out...
When she does, her mum curfews her, come back by 1130pm.
Becos of this, she has quarrel wif her mum a few times... -
it will be her mother's fault when ur friend has some serious r/s with some married guy
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Rant:Originally posted by Chi:Hi all. Recently know of the situation of a friend and she is confused and frustrated. So i am posting here so that she can get some advice from all you people out there.. (Edited cause too long)
1. He calls her everynight to chat with her. Even when he is in malaysia, visiting his family. he is married with kids. His wife and kids are in malaysia.
To us, this is the behaviour of a boyfriend, not a normal friend.
To her, just a friend who has little friend in singapore and is bored.
2. He bought a gift for her friend as birthday present even though she has only know him since she worked at the site which is like 2 months. Later i got to know that he also invited both she and her friend to KTV as a belated celebration as he missed the birthday girl's celebration dinner.
To us, which guy will buy a gift for the friend of a normal friend when he barely knows her?
To her, just a gift, like a papa to daughter. (he is 39...)
3. He always joked with her in the office. He would say in a joking manner that he likes her. There was once when a friend (the birthday girl mentioned above) called her and he asked to talk to her. On the phone, he told her friend that he loved her. Her friend replied that she already has a boyfriend. Instantly the supervisor's face changed and he went silent and handed the hp back to my friend. Later when he talked to her again, he asked if she heard what he told her friend and if she wants him to repeat it... she told him don't need as she had heard it..
To us, he should not joke about this to a single woman especially when he is married and the girl is young...
To her, just crapping nia...
4. Everyone in the office is a smoker. She is the only one that does'nt smokes. So normally her boss and the other supervisors will smoke outside the office but only her supervisor smokes in the office. She complained but to no avail...
To us, because she doesn't put up much of a fight, he is in control...
To her, she bo bianz.. cannot do anything about it...
5. He told her about his past as a gangster and his family in malaysia. How he is indebted to them and loves them very much. How he slap his wife when she is unreasonable and only one slap sends his wife spinning...
To us, he is trying to intimidate her in a subtle way... defy him and she may kena whacked..
To her, she is afraid of him...afraid he give her shit at work...afraid of him physically...
6. Jio her go out la kopi, see movies and drink at pubs after work...
To us, he likes her. She does'nt reject his invitation maybe because she dreads going home?
To her, he no friend in singapore...
7. He used to borrow her hp to play the games inside. Last time he waits for her to hand him her hp. Now he just snatch from her. There was once an incident that scared her. He asked her for the hp and she refused jokingly and he come from behind her to snatch it from her! happened a few times already!!
To us, Openly touching her already! danger! danger! No matter what, the guy should not touch a girl physically. Cause for molest...
To her, She will just hand over her hp next time. Then there will be no such incident again...
Conclusion:
To us, she has little to no social experience. Problems in family, her longing for freedom from her over protective mother may lead her to seek solace elsewhere. Even though she has no intentions, she may be misleading the guy because she does'nt reject anything from the guy. Also, She is intimidated by him both physically and at work. She dreads going home. She has only puppy loves that has never advanced to anything further. Also being a teacher's pet could have moulded her into subconsciously she adores praise from her mentors, in this case, her supervisor. She fears disapproval from him.By not doing anything about his calls, his invitations, she is leading him on. She is only avoiding the problem, not stopping it.
To her, the actions of her supervisor are normal of friends. Nothing special. He tells her of his family often and how much he loves them. He told her he don't love her. He only like to chat and be with her because she makes him happy.
After we analysed the situation and explained to her, she is still unconvinced and confused. So we are posting this thread to seek advice.. please help.. thx...
Type a whole chunk of my essay, only to be destroyed by error in my IE. Argh!
***
Her life demonstrate a classic case for such scenario in love to take place. Its far too ideal as a good example of a possible karmic relationship. Strong parental influence limits her cosmic relationship lesson in life, thus the minute she enjoy whatever freedom she has outside her mum's apron - would you think that love's 'Cruel' Lessons would be easy for her?
Most people only learn through experience. As you have mentioned, her lack of proper socialising wouldn't allow her to understand WHY she has to avoid him at all. In her world, friendship is like a Mac treat to a child. There are no reasons why she should reject, therefore to her, everything happens in name of friendship, fun and informal. Personally, for me, often, I followed the sequence: I would say my piece, 'tie a string', throw my friend into his/her cauldron of karma before I haul him/her out. Nobody understand anything UNTIL experience teaches them something.
Law of Mirror is applicable here: We attract qualities that we exude. A relationship with this man showed two tendencies: of an almost sad ending and domestic violence. Look not at him, but at her. She presented three subconscious personalities that drew such man:
I) Suppressed emotions
II) Meek Character
III) General negative outlook
She resisted your attempt to introduce new concept because she doesn't feel the need to response to it. Understand that. Her attitude and mindsets has already build to encounter such man in her life - unless the course of leading them force her to be enlighten within.
If she is reading my post, this is for her: You are entitled to your own preception and how you wished to see things, in your own ways. However, you cannot banish other alternatives and possibilities that could be affecting your relationship with him. You cannot always reason out all closeness with him as pure friendship. Full Stop. You are walking into the snares of karma because he may not share the same sentiment.
What if his liking for you is for real? Frankly speaking, using the 'Joking' method of claiming liking is one poor attempt to express and hide emotions at same time. 85% of guys claiming to have done such thingy often meant when they say it. Scroll through old AA topic and see those who posted and jokingly say 'I like you,' how many of them actually admitted they meant it? So if it the truth... what are you going to do about it?
To be deluded is the result of karma. When karma were to manifest into its full potential, most people die trying to overcome them. (Of course, those who did became much stronger than they could ever imagine).
P.S: Its not about you - its about him. You want to achieve emotional entanglement as a result of this: just continue the way it is. Within an estimate short span of 2 years, you will probably understand what I wrote in this post.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
*Applaud Applaud
[b]Rant:
Type a whole chunk of my essay, only to be destroyed by error in my IE. Argh!
*** Her life demonstrate a classic case for such scenario in love to take place. Its far too ideal as a good example of a possible karmic relationship. Strong parental influence limits her cosmic relationship lesson in life, thus the minute she enjoy whatever freedom she has outside her mum's apron - would you think that love's 'Cruel' Lessons would be easy for her?
Most people only learn through experience. As you have mentioned, her lack of proper socialising wouldn't allow her to understand WHY she has to avoid him at all. In her world, friendship is like a Mac treat to a child. There are no reasons why she should reject, therefore to her, everything happens in name of friendship, fun and informal. Personally, for me, often, I followed the sequence: I would say my piece, 'tie a string', throw my friend into his/her cauldron of karma before I haul him/her out. Nobody understand anything UNTIL experience teaches them something.
Law of Mirror is applicable here: We attract qualities that we exude. A relationship with this man showed two tendencies: of an almost sad ending and domestic violence. Look not at him, but at her. She presented three subconscious personalities that drew such man:
I) Suppressed emotions
II) Meek Character
III) General negative outlook
She resisted your attempt to introduce new concept because she doesn't feel the need to response to it. Understand that. Her attitude and mindsets has already build to encounter such man in her life - unless the course of leading them force her to be enlighten within.
If she is reading my post, this is for her: You are entitled to your own preception and how you wished to see things, in your own ways. However, you cannot banish other alternatives and possibilities that could be affecting your relationship with him. You cannot always reason out all closeness with him as pure friendship. Full Stop. You are walking into the snares of karma because he may not share the same sentiment.
What if his liking for you is for real? Frankly speaking, using the 'Joking' method of claiming liking is one poor attempt to express and hide emotions at same time. 85% of guys claiming to have done such thingy often meant when they say it. Scroll through old AA topic and see those who posted and jokingly say 'I like you,' how many of them actually admitted they meant it? So if it the truth... what are you going to do about it?
To be deluded is the result of karma. When karma were to manifest into its full potential, most people die trying to overcome them. (Of course, those who did became much stronger than they could ever imagine).
P.S: Its not about you - its about him. You want to achieve emotional entanglement as a result of this: just continue the way it is. Within an estimate short span of 2 years, you will probably understand what I wrote in this post.
Cheers[/b]
Said my piece.... -
ahhahaa.. me too.. too long.. i dun wan to type..Originally posted by Axelheat755:*Applaud Applaud
Said my piece....
working halfway type halfway.. then realised dunno what i wanna write liao..
let yunnie summarized wat i have to say!!!
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To Yunhaier,
I supposed ur post requires her frens to `let her rot`
and allow her to learn the lesson the hard way.
I believe the person in the post here is stating his prob of
HOW TO HELP HIS FRIEND
instead of wat the gal should do or will expect..
I believe if you haf a fren tt`s heading for doom,
surely you wont allow her to head for it right?
For me,
I agree w the BEAR.
i feel the mother`s at fault for not allowing her to interact w society
thus causing the supervisor to become a latent promise of freedom.
IMHO
1st thing tt needs to be done is to ensure she gets the freedom she deserves.
2nd she needs to quit her job immediately
prerequistics : she needs to see `the problem` in her situation now
apparently she doesn`t see a need to change her present lifestyle.
IF SHE DON`T WANT TO HELP HERSELF, WHO CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
Another possibility is to get her an aim in life
it seems to me, other than fighting for freedom.
she have no other objective in life..
as mentioned, her previous bfs left her for her inability to company them..
so her freedom is of paramount importance..
To the victim herself if she`s reading this.
there`ll always be people that cares for you.
and you `ll know abt it..
not all people are bad, neither all are good
your inability of judgement is a result of ur lack of social sKill + a bit of reluctanct to make things happen in fear of CHANGE
if u cherish ur future, Live For It
It`s your life ultimately...
wat we can do here is to guide you.
and we wont always be here for you
the decision is yours to make..
But just to let u know
THERE`S ALWAYS PEOPLE THAT CARES FOR YOU
BaByBoY -
Still have to start somewhere... She's already 21 and financially and legally independent... This is the 1st point her parents would have to understand... NO MATTER how PROTECTIVE of her they are...Originally posted by Chi:We wanna bring her out...
but her mum is another problem...
She cannot always come out...
When she does, her mum curfews her, come back by 1130pm.
Becos of this, she has quarrel wif her mum a few times...
Does her parents have to depend on her in any way? Perhaps financially..? If so, can try a 'blackmail' or 'mutual agreement'... Though it might not sound right to be doing and advising such things, but things AIN'T right to begin with anyway...? In long term would only make her WORSE...
But she would have to be a little more tactful in her approach though not fearful.... Doing things too harshly might only complicates things.... -
Actually... I think he meant do something about it or suffer the consequences...Originally posted by BaByBoY:To Yunhaier,
I supposed ur post requires her frens to `let her rot`
and allow her to learn the lesson the hard way.
What Yun and you have in common in both your thoughts is that IF she don't wanna make the CHANGE and CHOICE to help herself, probably nobody can do much to help her... -
may sound unnecessary in most cases...but i believe this might help her...leave the company...staying in the company with his presence will nt help.
-
Yes Devil,Originally posted by Devil1976:Actually... I think he meant do something about it or suffer the consequences...
What Yun and you have in common in both your thoughts is that IF she don't wanna make the CHANGE and CHOICE to help herself, probably nobody ca do much to help her...
Something needs to be done..
But the how and what is crucial.
I feel that the thread starter prob is HOW TO CONVINCE HER TO CHANGE MINDSET and SAVE HER
Is it still possible to change her fate from being a passive home breaker
yet still allow her to remain the same innocent mindset?? -
If they wanna make her understand, she has to realise why her friends are warning and discouraging her from being close to him. At this moment she don't. Of course, if mere words could make her realise, I doubt her friends would post such lengthy essay in AA seeking for other's opinion since they would have already handled them?Originally posted by BaByBoY:To Yunhaier,
I supposed ur post requires her frens to `let her rot`
and allow her to learn the lesson the hard way.
I believe the person in the post here is stating his prob of
HOW TO HELP HIS FRIEND
instead of wat the gal should do or will expect..
I believe if you haf a fren tt`s heading for doom,
surely you wont allow her to head for it right?
[/quote] Actually, Devil was closer to what I meant. Recalled I mentioned about my sequences?
Say your piece > 'Tie a string' > Drop into pits of karma > haul back.
Personally, I don't actually 'let her rot' - rather, I secured her with my own means and in their case, they have to spin their own form of safety net. Because such cases usually have one very distinctive feature - the resistance of foreign assistance and knowledge. Remember that particular girl whom you dread currently and you once like? (If there are such cases in your life) and how your friends commented on her even she was a real biatch? You wouldn't even consider very much from their ideas on her and even if they make sense, you would still heed where you heart goes.
Sure sometimes friends stuff are crap, but because our defiant nature in love is strong - we often shut down and delude. We will only understand with time - love is blind? We choose to stab our own 'mind eye'.
There are few forumites here regretting on their route taken with the example above. Question is: so sure nobody said a thing prior? Think about it.
[quote]Originally posted by Devil1976:
What Yun and you have in common in both your thoughts is that IF she don't wanna make the CHANGE and CHOICE to help herself, probably nobody ca do much to help her
*** There are two forms of teaching in education:
I) Spare the rod, spolit the child.
II) Ai de jiao yu. ('Love Education')
BBB understand your concerns because you will be worried about her if she was your friend - I am of no exception. A big however is that you belong to analogy (I). There is nothing wrong with it, but the risk of creating a rebellious child is there. Analogy (II) served for life and what she would learn from her friend's advice, together her own situations would make her remember for life. Would you remember the girl whom wound you badly emotionally better or bear the same intense recalling as the girl whom had a crush on you, your friends cheered on, yet you had no feelings with?
I tell all my friends this thing: I am not here to make direction, I am here to stand when you fall and thus my position.
P.S: I learn to flow with the heart, not to work against it.
Cheers