I am Lost ....
-
hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing -
What's the problem that causes a separation?? Marriage bears alot of responsibilites and commitment.. You not only think of yourself only.. but also your wife.. and your family.. Living togther under one roof.. is not simple as you think it is.. Being together is easy.. When you live together you have to accept everything.. Habits.. and blah blah..Originally posted by dislusion:hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing
Cheers.. -
Hi.. Sorry to hear abt your problem.. Firstly.. marriage is a commitment.. You never really state whats the reason for your seperation and such.. How long were you 2 together before you were married? Things should be "settled" by the time you 2 get married.. Certain things that ought to be compromised SHOULD be compromised.. It takes 2 hands to clap.. If u don give in and vice versa.. things will definately go sour..Originally posted by dislusion:hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing
I am not sure how are things going on now for you.. But all i can say is i hope you have learn a painful lesson by this marriage seperation.. Its a hard fact that you got to accept..
Smile..
-
Why don't you tell us MOREOriginally posted by dislusion:hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing
-
Originally posted by dislusion:hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing
I am pretty sure your relationship already have issues before marriage. Likely, the fall of your marriage could be related to that.
Cheers -
hi all
thanks for all the reply..
Maybe i can go into more details....3 years back when i just knew her through one of my friend..Never really thought we can have a relation more then friends..But one thing lead to another..we are together after a while..
hmm...at that time my mum is critically ill..and i didn't really spend time with her..i think out of guilt,.. i make a proposal to her..and we ROM ...all my friends are shocked...
She is one type of gal, really very hard type..whatever she wants , she wants it her way there and then...I understand the need for mutual give and take and always i gave in to her..In a marriage, problems always evolves around friends/family/financial , and the same goes to me..
When we bought our 1st house, she wanted everything the best, from id to furnishing and i gave in to whatever she wants..as a result, not much money left..
Even when we are staying together, i go to my parent;s house everyday because my mum is critically ill and bed-ridden, and i feel that i am obligated to look after her,,,after work eveyday i will go to mum's place till about 10 plus 11..But when i am home, already shacked after work and looking after my mum.. She will raise her voice at me for coming back late, never company her...bla bla..but what can i say? I always keep quiet and very sad, y she dun understand?? We often quarrel over this issue..
When i am home, I still have to do all the housework, which she always ignore, mopping floor, washing clothes etc...I am very tired...
I keep enduring, i thought already married liao..then what for quarrel...I am not like that last time, i mean, i am those types of guys , abit bochup..party alot and never short of gals around me ....but i have change, change into something not me anymore and i can see the changes and i dun like it...But what can i do....
As time goes, we hardly really talk . always quarrel...i mean..after my mum pass away...it affects me a lot , and i knw that my wife is someone whom i cannot talk to..every issue that i try to raise or put across to her..she will just brush it aside and insisted that i listen to her...
Part 1
to be continue...
i ran far away into the woods.
and erased away my tracks.
so i couldn't turn back ever again.
so i'd journey forth without u. -
Hmm.. Any kids?
-
I'm sorry for what you are feeling now at this moment. However, you may need to put aside your emotions now & self-reflect.Originally posted by dislusion:hi all
thanks for all the reply..
Maybe i can go into more details....3 years back when i just knew her through one of my friend..Never really thought we can have a relation more then friends..But one thing lead to another..we are together after a while..
hmm...at that time my mum is critically ill..and i didn't really spend time with her..i think out of guilt,.. i make a proposal to her..and we ROM ...all my friends are shocked...
She is one type of gal, really very hard type..whatever she wants , she wants it her way there and then...I understand the need for mutual give and take and always i gave in to her..In a marriage, problems always evolves around friends/family/financial , and the same goes to me..
When we bought our 1st house, she wanted everything the best, from id to furnishing and i gave in to whatever she wants..as a result, not much money left..
Even when we are staying together, i go to my parent;s house everyday because my mum is critically ill and bed-ridden, and i feel that i am obligated to look after her,,,after work eveyday i will go to mum's place till about 10 plus 11..But when i am home, already shacked after work and looking after my mum.. She will raise her voice at me for coming back late, never company her...bla bla..but what can i say? I always keep quiet and very sad, y she dun understand?? We often quarrel over this issue..
When i am home, I still have to do all the housework, which she always ignore, mopping floor, washing clothes etc...I am very tired...
I keep enduring, i thought already married liao..then what for quarrel...I am not like that last time, i mean, i am those types of guys , abit bochup..party alot and never short of gals around me ....but i have change, change into something not me anymore and i can see the changes and i dun like it...But what can i do....
As time goes, we hardly really talk . always quarrel...i mean..after my mum pass away...it affects me a lot , and i knw that my wife is someone whom i cannot talk to..every issue that i try to raise or put across to her..she will just brush it aside and insisted that i listen to her...
Part 1
to be continue...
i ran far away into the woods.
and erased away my tracks.
so i couldn't turn back ever again.
so i'd journey forth without u.
Ask yourself, what does marriage means to you? From what you mentioned, about u deciding to marry ur girl out of guilt, that is not going solve the problem. Because marriage is never a tool for problem-solving. It is another level of commitment; another phase of life; a deeper relationship. How long and how much have u known the girl before u take her as ur wife? Ask urself this, is she qualified? Is she understanding enough to be able to relate to u? Is she prudent? Does she love u to the point of sacrificing her time, space, effort, money... etc..? If she doesn't have what it takes to be a wife, forget about the relationship. Break-up from there. It's a respectable and admirable action to take.
I hope you learn from this painful experience and try never to repeat it again. Never EVER marry anyone without first making wise decisions. Well, if the both of u are still together now, I would suggest that the both of you seek marrital counselling right away. It will not work out right if it continues like this. -
PLS BE STRONG...
-
ya..
i think its time to put aside all these emotional thingy..Its getting no where...
There are still alot of things which i haven really say..i m quite poor with words,so please bear with me ...
Maybe i just cut the story short ...come straight to the point
Life has been like that for the past 2 year, initially i tried to talk to her if i got problems etc..but as it goes i know that its useless to say anything..she wont understand...
Like i mention...after quarelling often and stuff...we begun to distant ourselves away from each other...i dun know if its intentiional or not..but i feel better keeping to myself..everyday after work...i go home straight as usual, do all the housework etc..and she will be working on the PC..
I am financially and emotionally drained ..I dono if its norm for other couple to both contribute to the expense at home..but in my case , i have to bear everything..from the condo loan, down to the PUB bills/car / credit card bill/ grocery/everything la
there was once when i told her about it that i am not coping well with the finances ...she say ,you are a guy so you should be paying..i dun think its fair but i just keep quiet..like i say..its useless putting messages to her , and she will not understand the least to what i meant
and regarding family and friends..i cannot say anything about them infront of her...she will jump and shout at me for saying abt them...and our work somehow got link...but she will definitely not suport me...
So there was one day last month..when she flared and i cant take it anymore...she keep shouting and shouting..and i on the radio so loud to ignore..the next two day we didn't talk. and on the 3rd day ..she pack her stuff and go...
she came with her parents to pack all her stuff recently..and thats it..
For me.i think i have been very tolerant and give in alot...but she is so hard to talk...Have i really make a wrong decision...What should i do now...I am lost..
dislusionn
u leave me hanging, dangling,
on this little piece of string.
i'm screaming, choking, gasping,
but nothing changes, nothing.
let me fall to my death,
or save me from my misery.
but please don't let me hang,
on this string of uncertainty. -
It's sad if you happen to marry someone who doesn't gives u moral support, who doesn't have understanding, who is not playing a responsible role as a wife and who is absolutely not cut out to be a wife. However, it's too late. You are already married. Thus, it's always very important to think a thousand times before marrying anybody, because it is a big decision in one's life.Originally posted by dislusion:ya..
i think its time to put aside all these emotional thingy..Its getting no where...
There are still alot of things which i haven really say..i m quite poor with words,so please bear with me ...
Maybe i just cut the story short ...come straight to the point
Life has been like that for the past 2 year, initially i tried to talk to her if i got problems etc..but as it goes i know that its useless to say anything..she wont understand...
Like i mention...after quarelling often and stuff...we begun to distant ourselves away from each other...i dun know if its intentiional or not..but i feel better keeping to myself..everyday after work...i go home straight as usual, do all the housework etc..and she will be working on the PC..
I am financially and emotionally drained ..I dono if its norm for other couple to both contribute to the expense at home..but in my case , i have to bear everything..from the condo loan, down to the PUB bills/car / credit card bill/ grocery/everything la
there was once when i told her about it that i am not coping well with the finances ...she say ,you are a guy so you should be paying..i dun think its fair but i just keep quiet..like i say..its useless putting messages to her , and she will not understand the least to what i meant
and regarding family and friends..i cannot say anything about them infront of her...she will jump and shout at me for saying abt them...and our work somehow got link...but she will definitely not suport me...
So there was one day last month..when she flared and i cant take it anymore...she keep shouting and shouting..and i on the radio so loud to ignore..the next two day we didn't talk. and on the 3rd day ..she pack her stuff and go...
she came with her parents to pack all her stuff recently..and thats it..
For me.i think i have been very tolerant and give in alot...but she is so hard to talk...Have i really make a wrong decision...What should i do now...I am lost..
Anyway, from what I noticed, you mentioned that your wife kept shouting and you turned on the radio to maximum volume. Now that's a grave mistake. You should have calmed down and listen to what she has to say. In marriage there must be communication. It's not just one person doing the talk all the time. It's both party talking and listening respectively to each other, one at a time.
I'm sorry but I need to be blunt with you that you are absolutely not there yet if you talk about being a husband. Not only u alone, but ur wife is just not there too. Since both ur marriage is now on the rocks, I suggest STILL - please, go for Marriage Counselling. Seek help! In this way, only then it will work out. Don't try to work things out among urselves already, at this stage, it's best to seek help ASAP!
Good Luck! -
How old are the both of ya...?
-
the way i see it.......
YOU ARE SO BLOODY LUCKY TO GET OUT OF THIS LIFE.
alot of women will want you. they can do a better too job and you deserve it. -
Take care.
Want to have a beer? -
i ran far away into the woods.
and erased away my tracks.
so i couldn't turn back ever again.
so i'd journey forth without u.
Hi, it's sad but true, marriage is all abt understanding. Unfortunately tt's wat u & ur wife lack. Have u tot if u would be happier without her? Wat's worse than returning to an empty home is to go home & face a woman whom u dun love. -
Hi dislusion,
Well, ur situation is quite same as mine. It's always not easy to deal with seperation or divorce. Sometimes things we can't change.
Have you tried talking to ur wife and think how to solve your problems?
I'm also dealing with this problem and initially, it's very difficult as you will feel hurt. Do you have any children? If so, things are not easy to settle.Originally posted by dislusion:hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing -
hi sorry to hear about your plight
marriage is essentially a commitment between 2 person to devote their rest
of their lifes to each other and to do so, there is a great emphasis on both
parties to communicate with each other actively and learn how to come
compromise, forgive and forget and to cherish each other.
I think that constantly giving in is not going to help in a relationship in anyway
and being quiet would only make your spouse think that you are not concerned with her. However, I do believe that the resultant rift between you and your spouse is not due solely to this. Try to voice out your concerns with her and seek to understand and come to a compromise. Do not give in all the time as it would only worsen her attitude in handling issues with you.
Stay firm and show your will but not your weakness in handling the situation when you come face to face to talk to her.
It is important to let her know how you feel or else u'd just end up feeling miserable keeping all the feelings inside.
remember marriage is about support and trust and you must not give up on yourself or your partner without giving it all to salvage it. Both of you cherished the relationship you once had and it's only right that both of you learn to commit to the vow made on your wedding day.
Marriage counselling is advised and I hope that both of you would be able to
iron out your differences and learn more about each other, but more importantly, learn to handle your relationship with your spouse as how it is supposed to be. -
Sit down & talk. Each take turns to listen to one another.
Regarding yr finances- She should also do her part in contributing. Maybe each of u shd put aside some of yr salary to pay for household expenses.
Cut out unnecessary expenses.
Also tell her she has to help with household chores. U cannot do everything alone.
Spend some bonding time together eg movies, makan etc.
Marriage is abt compromises & working together. -
hi all
thanks for the conceerns and the replies..
I think what i can really say here is ....after so much of thinking and blogging..I gave up..and since we already come to this stage..If only fair for the both of us to call it quits..
Yes, i admit its a mistake that i make previously, i never really consider the underlying consequences and responsibility invlove in a marriage...i didn't think through the options i had then, and never know what my needs are..
Hmmm...enough of all these ...I think now i have to pick my self up and start things all over again..alone...
These few weeks , I am all alone , facing the empty house, but i feel calm....i feel that i got to do what i got to do now...
Some of you ask my to talk to her...which is think i already tried and tried not only once but many many times..to no avail..no conclusion..
Counselling??? She is not interesetd when i told her about that last year...
I think i have to be responsibile for my own actions and do what is needed here...after all avenues of resources are exhausted...
to: devil1976: we are 27 and got no kids
dislusion
i had a drink too much yesterday at madam wong...and i feel the real me now.....hope its not too late...i hope its not
i admire the confidence in little kids. they're so natural and they dont care what people think. i'm feeling uglier by the day. self confidence is draining out of me. i feel like a fugly freak . i wish i were more handsome . i wish can talk better . i wish i were smart. i wish i were popular. i wish i could sing well. i wish i could play the piano well. i wish i could draw well. . i wish i could write well. i wish i were richer. i wish i never existed.....i wish -
Its really sad to see this happen. But you're just at the beginning of your life.
Assuming you live to 80, you're just past 25% of your life. There's no point spending the 75% in misery and regret. You're still young man, plenty of time to marry and have a kid... see your grandchildren...
Since you've made your choice, its the only way to go.
Time to dig yourself out of the hole instead of sinking further.
Best of luck to you. Hang on tight and all will be good. -
Hmm...
-
Oei Devil what happened to you... usually you say more than 1 line... oh no... you're becoming like FI!!!Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm...
-
Originally posted by dislusion:...I think now i have to pick my self up and start things all over again..alone...
These few weeks , I am all alone , facing the empty house, but i feel calm....i feel that i got to do what i got to do now...
* CONGRATULATIONS ON TAKING THE FIRST STEP TO MOVING ON.
wish i were more handsome . i wish can talk better . i wish i were smart. i wish i were popular. i wish i could sing well. i wish i could play the piano well. i wish i could draw well. . i wish i could write well. i wish i were richer.
* you may want to go out and fulfill whatever dreams you hade. doesnt take much to go to the library and get books to read.
i wish i never existed.....i wish
* you do exist... so get on with it. -
Glad you've made up ur decision.
Don't make the same mistake again. Open ur eyes WIDE when choosing ur life partner in future.
All the best! -
Was basically waiting for you to post everything before I will reply.Originally posted by dislusion:hi all..
dun really know how to start....hmm..Me and my wife was married for 2 years..
During this 2 years..our relation worsen and finally we have to compromise on a seperation....
Its not easy to handle this alone..so i thought maybe i can share with people in the forum ...
I am kinda sad becos i nver expect that something like that will happen to me...has anyone been thru this b4??
thanks
dislusionzz
an unfinished chapter
ending abruptly
a part of me died
along with my dreams
hidden tears falling
on holy ground
still within reach
the dark gift of choice
still i choose to fly
with a broken wing
*** It's a pity that your marriage ended in such a way. There are solutions to most relationship, but it is often the unwillingness of one party that make even the best solutions meaningless.
Your marriage shows alot of lessons, in which I will highlight to you: The ultimate flaw you made is NOT the beginning of your BGR relationship with her, rather, it began when you married her for the wrong reasons. You can have the longest, strongest, or whatsoever imagined relationship, but when you enter your marriage vow with the wrong kind of mindsets and reasons - marriage can be difficult. Love is something very unique and nothing can substitute. You can marry for any other reasons: but you will not achieve spiritual/emotional fulfillment, contentment and happiness.
Your initial relationship didn't achieve what you should learn and you leap hastily into marriage. First missing: Understanding. Second quality missing: too much emphasize on individualism. (Astrologically speaking, Uranus is a selfish planet and could produce alot of individualism component in one's life, hindering one's primary relationship) Where are these essential qualities? Again, as we could see here, its roots trace back to my above paragraph - married for wrong reasons.
Like when you are forced to consume an unripe fruit - you will induce stomach-ache; likewise, your relationship is far too raw.
*** Let me explain the part on individualism in a relationship:
Breaking up the word 'Relationship' is the words 'Relation' (bonds) and 'Ship' (Direction/choice). Logically speaking, we can't have relationship with ourselves, there must be another person where we could exercise this bonds with to greater heights. And because of this fact, 'mutual', 'compromise', 'cooperation', and thousands of other adjectives used to describe the two is needed to foster a reasonable balance relationship.
Individualism is self explainatory. One that has too much emphasize on Self, will find 'Cooperation' difficult, for relationship emphasize on Others and empathy is greatly needed. Thus as we can see here: there is a terrible lack of understanding and this love equations contains: 'You and I' instead of 'We'
From the above theory, you will understand the following:
I) Mum sick, experienced neglect and yet she mind
II) Demand company, without consideration of situations
III) Reluctance to financial assistance to family
You ought to learn a good lesson from this: You take marriage lightly, marriage play a fool with you. There are reasons why:
Friends > BGR > Marriage
You can't enter a BGR with someone you hate ya? And you have to think twice about marriage when the man/woman you are getting is not suitable. It flows naturally this way. If you handle each level poorly, you will end up trying to untangle everything later on and people usually die trying. (Pls ignore: Not including Ceiling Exception - CloUdiSm Remix III)
Cheers