matter of insecurities
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Why do I always feel so insecure??
I am always worried that even if I find someone who really like me one day, he might have a change of heart. Because once he saw all the flaws in me, he would think I am not so perfect after all. I always strive to hide the bad sides of me but I guess they will show sometimes. Especially when I start to let down my guard, when I have really fallen for a person..I would start to assume that it doesn't matter. But maybe it does...
I am really bad at expressing my feelings. I might act like an ice queen even if I really like someone. This had happened once to me when I was in high school. He was my first love. And he liked me too. But because I was too shy to give him any kind of encouragement...he decided to let me go and started to go after another girl. That was my first taste of pain in love...
I do not want this to repeat itself again. -
reminds me of someone.. vaguely la.
find someone who can accept as u are. -
Just be yourself. Nobody is perfect.
We all have insecurities, we worry about our looks, our actions etc.
No point in being on your "best" behaviour and then gradually he finds that you aren't what he was looking for. But as in all relationships, you will find out more and more things about each other - good or bad.
If the relationship is meant to be, then both of you will look past all these faults and concentrate more on the good points.
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I am not sure if he can accept me as I am...
I have been showing a lot of bad points of me these few days..part of it is because I have been rather stressed out due to exam and my PC giving me problems, part of it prolly cos I was PMS-ing oso, part of it I was worried about being my best whenever I am with him.
I do not know why I am doubting him. I doubt that he really wants to spend time with me, I keep thinking I am giving him too much trouble. I keep thinking that he deserves someone better.
I have such low self-esteem *sigh*
i.c.y -
hiya icy, i'm more or less an ice queen too in person & can be really shy in expressing myself sometimes.. esp with the one i feel deeply for. so, u're not alone...
by & by, through some good learning experiences, i gather that i muz first focus on enjoying d person's company rather than being too self-conscious.. juz concentrate on wat he says, thinks & behaves & react accordingly in a sincere & genuine way and things will turn out great during d date...
let your doubts rest and try not to have too much expectation or second-guess his intentions often (tho i know u can't help it with d person u like) or u'll find yourself thinking too much for his / your own good.
ultimately, be comfortable in your own skin & u'll glow naturally..
cheer up gal
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thanks sleepy catOriginally posted by sleepycat:hiya icy, i'm more or less an ice queen too in person & can be really shy in expressing myself sometimes.. esp with the one i feel deeply for. so, u're not alone...
by & by, through some good learning experiences, i gather that i muz first focus on enjoying d person's company rather than being too self-conscious.. juz concentrate on wat he says, thinks & behaves & react accordingly in a sincere & genuine way and things will turn out great during d date...
let your doubts rest and try not to have too much expectation or second-guess his intentions often (tho i know u can't help it with d person u like) or u'll find yourself thinking too much for his / your own good.
ultimately, be comfortable in your own skin & u'll glow naturally..
cheer up gal 
yea I tend to think too much for my own good *sigh*
i.c.y -
i guess everyone has their insecurities..
maybe slowly, slowly as he learns and you learn.. and both grow and the relationship develops.. hopefully the insecurities go away...
and if you figure you've got a good man you can love, love him with everything you've got! and if you are right about him, he'll love you right back and more!
good luck girl! -
u need to learn 'art of stoning'...Originally posted by icyprincess:thanks sleepy cat
yea I tend to think too much for my own good *sigh*
i.c.y -
I think he is a good guy. that's why I think I dun deserve him.Originally posted by the Bear:i guess everyone has their insecurities..
maybe slowly, slowly as he learns and you learn.. and both grow and the relationship develops.. hopefully the insecurities go away...
and if you figure you've got a good man you can love, love him with everything you've got! and if you are right about him, he'll love you right back and more!
good luck girl!
i.c.y -
wats the art of stoning? pls explain further.Originally posted by kaobeikaobu:u need to learn 'art of stoning'...
i.c.y -
never say that..
if you feel he's a good man, then become deserving of him!
i wish i will one day find someone who inspires me to become a better person...
you have found yours.. be deserving of him!Originally posted by icyprincess:I think he is a good guy. that's why I think I dun deserve him.
i.c.y -
Believe in yourself and one day you'll find that someone in your life who was ment for you
Now only time can tell , and the rest is up to you. -
dunno if he is the ONE...i keep worrying mebbe I am taking it wrongly..mebbe he does think of me as a fren after all...Originally posted by the Bear:never say that..
if you feel he's a good man, then become deserving of him!
i wish i will one day find someone who inspires me to become a better person...
you have found yours.. be deserving of him!
tho sumtimes I do think otherwise...but yet I dun dare to ask him because I have been too hurt by my past try in relationship...
i.c.y -
no one knows for sure whether one has met the ONE in their life until the relationship is going and going and going...Originally posted by icyprincess:dunno if he is the ONE...i keep worrying mebbe I am taking it wrongly..mebbe he does think of me as a fren after all...
tho sumtimes I do think otherwise...but yet I dun dare to ask him because I have been too hurt by my past try in relationship...
i.c.y
maybe it's time you bury away those worries due to your past relationships and start afresh. If u realli feel strongly for him, see if he reciprocates. Deep inside, I'm sure you know what you want and follow your heart.
All the best! -
agreed with you that I shud bury my worries due to the past unsuccessful relationship. mebbe because i was afraid of getting hurt again. I am afraid to love him and to only find out he doesn't like me in that way..
i.c.y -
Don't worry/analize so much. Just enjoy each other's company.
I'm sure yr bf also has flaws cos nobody is perfect. -
will try out this. btw, he is not my bf yet.Originally posted by gerrykoh:Don't worry/analize so much. Just enjoy each other's company.
I'm sure yr bf also has flaws cos nobody is perfect.
i.c.y -
"Nobody is perfectOriginally posted by icyprincess:Why do I always feel so insecure??
I am always worried that even if I find someone who really like me one day, he might have a change of heart. Because once he saw all the flaws in me, he would think I am not so perfect after all. I always strive to hide the bad sides of me but I guess they will show sometimes. Especially when I start to let down my guard, when I have really fallen for a person..I would start to assume that it doesn't matter. But maybe it does...
I am really bad at expressing my feelings. I might act like an ice queen even if I really like someone. This had happened once to me when I was in high school. He was my first love. And he liked me too. But because I was too shy to give him any kind of encouragement...he decided to let me go and started to go after another girl. That was my first taste of pain in love...
I do not want this to repeat itself again.
I am nobody"
Why do u care so much for perfection?
Everyone got flaws, there is no such a person who is perfect!!!
Love is a gamble, u need to take the risk!
Otherwise u will end up losing cos u never know the result. -
don't think of anything when u realise u think too much. Need practices. The more you think, the more you worried.Originally posted by icyprincess:wats the art of stoning? pls explain further.
i.c.y
Be yourself...run along and just enjoy his company. -
well-said. mebbe bcos in my eyes, he is close to perfect.Originally posted by Kenashi:"Nobody is perfect
I am nobody"
Why do u care so much for perfection?
Everyone got flaws, there is no such a person who is perfect!!!
Love is a gamble, u need to take the risk!
Otherwise u will end up losing cos u never know the result.
have you heard of once bitten, twice shy? i have gambled so many times and i have lost most of the times. that is why I am afraid now.
i.c.y -
okie no need to worry anymore
told him wat i feel..no i din ask him how he feel abt me or anything..but i just said I can be pretty irritating sumtimes...then he told me not to be so sad and said he would bring me to watch this show that I have been watching for sometime but never go bcos it is too expensive. The cheapest ticket costs like $40!!
So he said not to worry abt anything..he would pay for everything..
I am speechless.
i.c.y -
If it really bothers you so much... Slowly change your bad habits...?Originally posted by icyprincess:Why do I always feel so insecure??
I am always worried that even if I find someone who really like me one day, he might have a change of heart. Because once he saw all the flaws in me, he would think I am not so perfect after all. I always strive to hide the bad sides of me but I guess they will show sometimes. Especially when I start to let down my guard, when I have really fallen for a person..I would start to assume that it doesn't matter. But maybe it does...
I am really bad at expressing my feelings. I might act like an ice queen even if I really like someone. This had happened once to me when I was in high school. He was my first love. And he liked me too. But because I was too shy to give him any kind of encouragement...he decided to let me go and started to go after another girl. That was my first taste of pain in love...
I do not want this to repeat itself again. -
hmm..this bothers me this morning..it makes me realize that he does matter to me after all..Originally posted by Devil1976:If it really bothers you so much... Slowly change your bad habits...?
but just talked to him just now..see my earlier on reply...
mebbe this time I will have a chance of finding someone who is true to me after all...
i.c.y -
Originally posted by icyprincess:Why do I always feel so insecure??
I am always worried that even if I find someone who really like me one day, he might have a change of heart. Because once he saw all the flaws in me, he would think I am not so perfect after all. I always strive to hide the bad sides of me but I guess they will show sometimes. Especially when I start to let down my guard, when I have really fallen for a person..I would start to assume that it doesn't matter. But maybe it does...
I am really bad at expressing my feelings. I might act like an ice queen even if I really like someone. This had happened once to me when I was in high school. He was my first love. And he liked me too. But because I was too shy to give him any kind of encouragement...he decided to let me go and started to go after another girl. That was my first taste of pain in love...
I do not want this to repeat itself again.
That's the reason why you used your nick icyprincess - cold on the outside, but passionate within. Icy: distant, cool and mystical, Princess: Lovable and desirable. Someone who wants to protect herself defensively, yet desire love to plant seeds in her life.
In love, the measure of risk and intimancy is very similar to the ones of risk and profit. What we fear, we control and what we are comfortable, we open out. Think about why could you easily write everything in a single post, but on the other hand if I were to ask you to reveal them to someone whom you love about your deep-heart feelings and life, you will probably be so worried and wouldn't be able to speak as well.
To gain the most out of love, we have to open-up and be emotionally close. If you can't even be emotionally close to ones you love, how can a relationship ever grow properly? Yes, being emotionally intimate would means risk as well, however, even the best relationship has its own risk. Because you fear and feel the process in relationship is ever painful, you had to protect yourself.
By being defensive, your pain and suffering is a repeated lesson of your resisted learning - of the ability to give and to give properly. Like when the grass cuts you, you scream and ran back, failing to understand that you have to persist in order to leave the dense foliage. How can you ever move onto the next better phrase in love everytime you had to present a mask to people you love?
I understand your approach - to receive enough for someone to make you feel secured enough before you would attempt to be close. Then I would have to say: read my signature.
P.S: We will not die from giving, in fact, what we gain from giving, benefit us most of the time. We will not die from being defensive - but we won't be able to learn anything as well. Gradually you still have to perform the former. There is no perfect partner, we can only learn to shape our perfect love. Learn to love your flaws and improve them instead of outcasting them and brand them as the unlovable side of you.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
hehe I tot u MIA already...thank you for coming back to reply to this thread of mine That's the reason why you used your nick icyprincess - cold on the outside, but passionate within. Icy: distant, cool and mystical, Princess: Lovable and desirable. Someone who wants to protect herself defensively, yet desire love to plant seeds in her life.
In love, the measure of risk and intimancy is very similar to the ones of risk and profit. What we fear, we control and what we are comfortable, we open out. Think about why could you easily write everything in a single post, but on the other hand if I were to ask you to reveal them to someone whom you love about your deep-heart feelings and life, you will probably be so worried and wouldn't be able to speak as well.
To gain the most out of love, we have to open-up and be emotionally close. [b]If you can't even be emotionally close to ones you love, how can a relationship ever grow properly? Yes, being emotionally intimate would means risk as well, however, even the best relationship has its own risk. Because you fear and feel the process in relationship is ever painful, you had to protect yourself.
By being defensive, your pain and suffering is a repeated lesson of your resisted learning - of the ability to give and to give properly. Like when the grass cuts you, you scream and ran back, failing to understand that you have to persist in order to leave the dense foliage. How can you ever move onto the next better phrase in love everytime you had to present a mask to people you love?
I understand your approach - to receive enough for someone to make you feel secured enough before you would attempt to be close. Then I would have to say: read my signature.
P.S: We will not die from giving, in fact, what we gain from giving, benefit us most of the time. We will not die from being defensive - but we won't be able to learn anything as well. Gradually you still have to perform the former. There is no perfect partner, we can only learn to shape our perfect love. Learn to love your flaws and improve them instead of outcasting them and brand them as the unlovable side of you.
Cheers [/b]
Anyway good advice I realize I have been closing my heart for quite sometime now, especially after the failed attempt with my ex-crush. So somehow I was afraid to commit myself to another person because I was afraid of loving someone too much again, because it will only mean I will get hurt just as badly as before...
But I remmeber what Devil1976 mentioned in one of his "enlightening" post, about the 4 ppl we will meet in life. Devil1976, thank you for posting that thread. Because somehow it makes me understand more now...I know now here is someone who has always been waiting for me patiently, someone who sees me beyond my flaws..someone who is willing to stand by me when I am happy or sad. Seeing him is like seeing myself in the past. Before I have given so much, maybe I gave it to the wrong person...but maybe this time..I would have a chance finally to give it to someone who would cherish it...
He is giving me a lot of chances now. I do not want to miss out those chances. So I think I will take the risk and go with it...maybe it is time for me to open my heart to someone else now...I have grieved enuff.
i.c.y
P/S: And yea, you are right on why I chose this nick when i first came here