I am very stressed up...how to change a lifestyle of a ger.
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haix...i know i not wat she lookin for...but i guess she think i am too good to be true..
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Match20, u fall in love too easliy. Know her on frienfster and chat on MSN with few dates than on liao......
Any girls that come along u will also accept. Please ask yourself do u really love her or u just wanna to have a gf and happen to know her at friendster???
Don't be too naive and waste both of your time..... -
nope...i like her after tokin to her....
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I belief that any ladies u talk to, u will also like them all. Get a life kid.Originally posted by Match20:nope...i like her after tokin to her....
Ok, if u insist u like her and not love her, and wanna to change her to became a good girl, good luck to u.
Even if u are able to change her into a good girl, u two will still unlikely to be together. She will still leave u one day. Because u two are having two extreme characters.
U will definitely try your best to hold on to this relationship. How long can u hold on to? The longer u hold on, the harder u fall.
I hope I am wrong and good luck to u. -
i admit tt there is some truth in wat u say...but the feelin i had for her rather diff....if it means changin myself for her...i might do it
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Err I would suggest that you do not do that. In as much as you care enough for a person, you do not want to give them money until you know that the money will be put to good use. In this case, you really dont know what she will do with the money. You may just be encouraging her to continue living in this irresponsible manner for longer!Originally posted by Match20:the main problem is tt, now she refuse my help...so far i wanna transfer money to her..she will say no ...i think she isnt as bad as u all thinks..
The key here is, you really dont know... . you dont know alot of things about her, about the TRUTH of her situation, about what she thinks or even about the truth behind those innocent eyes... there are plenty of people with that look but no WILL to do anything about it. That is a sad sad fact about life, which is why there are so many nasty people in this world. We all had that innocent look once upon a time and only very few managed to keep that innocence though out their lives!
Sorry but I need to know what is your concept of love? What is it about her that you love? Love is not just an emotion, contrary to popular beliefs... true love actually have reasons and basis for that love! this may sound funny and UNromantic that this is really what love is! Sorry mate but I am not sure that you actually love this person. You are obviously attracted to her, nothing wrong with that but it is also clear is that like many man (and man from all ages) unconsciously you may be role playing a guy coming to the rescue of a damsel in distress. This is one of the basic reaction of many man, and many man and woman consciously or unconsciouly play this "game" bec the guy feels good to be able to provide and the girl gets attention and sometimes $$.
if i am not in love wif her...u think i be with her in first place??
sometime i also dun understand how i feel...i feel so useless...if i was able to lend her the whole lump sum in the first place...she wun have to be with tt guy...
it is admirable that you wish to help a person who is clearly in distress and is besides herself at the moment but giving her money is not it. Getting yourself emotionally and romantically involved is also not it. You cannot help her like that. Further, by doing these No Nos you are inviting trouble for yorself. You are a nice enough young man, there are plenty of other woman who are more stable out there for you to love and provide for. I am not saying that this girl is not worth it, I am saying that she is not suitable for you (at least for the time being) and there is a WORLD OF A DIFFERENCE so dont misunderstand ok
Take care -
yup yup.... match 20... u have ur answers... but becoz u think u love her, tt's why u're trying to find some other ways, some other excuses to blind urself from reality... love is blind.... and it's not ur fault realli.. becoz many of us, myself and lots of pple out there are blinded by love... u onli listen and believe wad u wan reality to be like.... this is the root to why u're so troubled.... i dun think there's a problem actually.... it can be easily solved... if u choose to do the rite thing.... wad's the rite thing? u noe the answers... they may be painful.. but face up to reality ya?
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i know reality is cruel...alway cruel....but why cant i touched her by stayin beside her...will she notice my existence?
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time will tell... but it'll be a long painful process... if u realli wanna stay by her side, den better prepare urself to go thru some shit.... yeah.. shit.. it's probably gonna be tt bad...Originally posted by Match20:i know reality is cruel...alway cruel....but why cant i touched her by stayin beside her...will she notice my existence? -
alamak... i cant spell s.h.i.t? wahahaha.....
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that why i must prepare my self...if i really like her...den i must sacrifice myself for her....
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dun sacrifice foolishly... consider the facts, the hints, the warnging signs before u commit urself ya? test the depth of the waters before u jump in... u dun wanna drown... o btw, consider it with a clear mind... make sure u dun bling urself anymore...Originally posted by Match20:that why i must prepare my self...if i really like her...den i must sacrifice myself for her.... -
ok..u go lor..stay with her.. whether she notice ur existence / not, doesn't matter.Originally posted by Match20:i know reality is cruel...alway cruel....but why cant i touched her by stayin beside her...will she notice my existence?
now u better do ur to-do list for her, if that really could make u feel better. start now n stop complaining. stop thinking whether she notice u, dun wanna talk to u, dun wanna lend money fm u, u cannot touched her, etc..
yes, life is cruel, love is blind, love is unfair n bla bla bla.
now..u ask urself lor what u wanna do actually ?
ppl here hv given u so many good advices. it's now ur choice what u wanna do. we can only advice, it's still u who'll do the action.
so ? -
Its really up to her how much energy and WILL she wants to put into her heart and mind to change and WALK away from her present self into something more stable something better.Originally posted by Match20:that why i must prepare my self...if i really like her...den i must sacrifice myself for her....
You can encourage her but being her bf isnt it. giving her money isnt it either. You can be her friend and support her emotionally and mentally. that is all you can do for now. Dont get even more emotionally involved than you already have bec that will mess up her mind and emotion. she needs a friend who will tell her the truth who will feed back to her what she cannot see. Dont raise your voice and shout... respect her as a person and offer alternate view points and convice her why these "alternative lifestyle" (ie the boring life that everyone lives by) is superior to the mess that she lives in now.
The fact that she still wants to have fun etc shows that she has not settled in her heart and mind. you cannot stop her and cannot catch her. you try you loose. she has to stop herself. if she doesnt, no one else can short of jail.
In the mean time, you really have to protect your own heart and mind and yourself from the potential harm and hurt that can and will come your way. You have to be even more alert and exercise your wisdom otherwise you may get entangled in this web and hurt yourself unnecessarily! That is also one of the reason why you should not be emotionally and romantically involved with her at this moment.... she is not suitable for you. she is worth helping just like everyone else on earth but like I said, you have given too much of your emotions already... you need to pull back a little so that you are your thinking person again. then and only then can you really help her if you wish to.
A wise man will choose his fight... in this instance, you are not wise to choose to fight this fight in the way you have choosen. -
it's so easily said than done....u all r not me...so far, all the advice is leading to one answer..
---> to leave her...
if leaving her was so easy...why i took so long to leave her?? it quite impossible for me to forget abt her.. -
u all got think be4 anot...if i leave her, whu is going to care for her without a motive?? whu is going to bring her to the right path??
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huh ? i tot u've only known her for a while ?Originally posted by Match20:it's so easily said than done....u all r not me...so far, all the advice is leading to one answer..
---> to leave her...
if leaving her was so easy...why i took so long to leave her?? it quite impossible for me to forget abt her..
how long hv u tried to forget her ?
i've been trying to forget someone fm year 1998 n yet..i still cannot forget him now. why ? it's easy..bcos deep in my heart..i never wanna forget him. u cannot just forget someone lah. it takes forever to do that. -
As it is you appear to have quite lost emotionally. it will be hard for you to help her in your current emotional state
She is not suitable as you must have seen her current state of mind and emotion and the things she does. Also you must also know that at this moment whatever it is that she is doing it has a huge impact on your emotional and psychological welbeing. this is bec you have allowed yourself to be so engrossed by her and the role you want to play and the fact that you feel good playing this role that you find it difficult to let it go.
you dont seem to realise what it is that you are talking about at this moment bec you are very emotional now... and just bec someone is nice to you means that you are suitable. -
You can only do what you can do.. Don't push or force yourself if you can;t... Noone is telling to leave her or not.. decision is still up to you.. Eeveryone is jus merely giving their opinion.. Don't take it to heart if they sounded harsh or wat.. cos we are the 3rd person hearing.. we are not you not the girl.. That's why we can do is to give advices.. or solutions to what you can do..Originally posted by Match20:u all got think be4 anot...if i leave her, whu is going to care for her without a motive?? whu is going to bring her to the right path??
Match20 jus tried your best to help her in any way you can.. but if you really cant.. then dun force it.. you might end up hurting yourself.. yes.. you may say you dun mind so long she's on the right path.. but this isnt the way it should..Jus becos of one girl and you yourself changed to someone i guess your friends or your family don't even know you..
You have to be strong too.. You are too soft hearted.. you are too kind.. To easily being take advantage of.. We are jus worried that you might get cheated by her.. Stay calm.. If you are giving yourself too much pressure and stress... you cant even help yourself.. don't say her.. You need to have a clear mind... and think thru.. DON"T THINK ABOUT GOIN INTO A RELATIONSHIP YET!! it's not the time ok.. Take it easy... take it slow..
If you ain't the one who can make her go the right path.. someone else will do the job.. You might be one of the nice guy she met.. But then again.. she needs to help herself oso.. if she failed to do that.. then that's no point of you helping to start afresh.. cos she don't even give herself chance to!
Don't get worked up.. Your mind is confused... you dunno what to do.. dunno where to start.. dunno how to help.. If your mind is in such a mess.. you never think of a way to help her.. but coming in here and asking about what you can do.. Go rest.. Concentrate on your work first.. Take a deep deep breath.. Clear your mind.. Sit down and think of what you can do next.. ASk her out or call her.. or watever you think can work.. JUS STAY COOL AND CALM!! DOn't PAnic!!
Cheers.. -
thx alot to all those that have help me...or rather given me advices...i value them and will seriously consider my option...
Hopefully i can of help to her... but i wan to know if she got think abt me if i wasnt there for her...so i might juz leave her alone for a time being and observe e situation.. -
Yup, I also agree !! Dun ever think that you can change her with money or anything unless she really want to change. Dun b so naive...Originally posted by Kenashi:U only met her once n u called that love!!!
u really cannot make it.
even if u can lend her the whole lump sum, what is going to stop her from asking more n more!!
It is a bottomless pit!!!
u r just throwing money into the sea...
wake up yr ideas lah -
once again...she is not as materialistic as u all think she is..
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didnt she ask u to lend her money??? below quote..Originally posted by Match20:but she never want to lend money from me le...dunno wat she wan..
this is what i call give u a little sweetness den hang up sell.. make u dying for more...Originally posted by Match20:Den she even ask me to lend her money to pay her fone bill, saying that is her grandma who is payin her bill and her uncle want the money back.
She soundurgent and vexed, den suddenly she sms me saying that we not suited for each other. I called her back and found out she wanted to lend money from this guy, in return the guy doesnt wan money but wan her to be his stead. -
she didnt wan my help anymore after the first time...coz that time , we r supposely stead wat..
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lets say if i am the girl.. i told u i need money urgently else i will get beaten up by my uncle.. u offered to lend me the money.. but i will definately say "nvm.. u work until so hard earn so less money .. i cant bear to use ur money" wont u get touched ??? but all along i will sure geh siao say infront of u that "haiz i very headache.. why this world is like that.. why all is money..haiz haiz haiz"
u sure will offered me the money again.. but i will reject a few times b4 i accept the so called loan.. coz in that case u will have the impression of me dun bear to use ur money..
this is call " fang chang xian , diao da yu "
i potrayed myself as the girl.. this is what i will do if i am the girl..
sorry in the world of mine.. i always take extra precaution in whatever i do.. i will always portrayed a situition as a bad sitution first.. before concluding the final answer..