I am very stressed up...how to change a lifestyle of a ger.
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She seems very young to me.. You are a working adult.. The kind of lifestyles that you both are having is totally different.. i dunno about the age gap.. but i sensed that it could be a great difference.. Since she's those girls who doens't like being controlled by people.. the more you controlled her.. the more she rebels.. Don't be too possessive.. Anyway.. You only chatted with her online.. You said you love her.. Is this true love?? Or you are jus seeking for a partner for companion?? Well.. i personally dun believe this online love thingy..Originally posted by Match20:that why i am here to ask ppl how to change her...i really at wits end...she now not at home...coz i jus called...and i worry abt her lor..
How well you know about her?? Her past?? And what makes her become like this.. You know?? From an innocent sporty girl..to a wild and wilful girl?? Have you ever thought wat really happen?? Do you think you know what she needs and what she really wants?? If you wan to help.. then understand her more.. But.. Be careful! She needs a helping hand to lift her up.. she's too weak to do herself.. cos of temptations.. Show more care..concern.. but not posssessive!!
Right now.. is not to think about goin in to a relationshiop first.. now is to think and do what you can to let her change back to good.. Let me remind you.. if you really want to help.. HELP ALL THE WAY.. don't stop halfway.. Make her trust you.. This changing process is not one day or two can be done.. it'll take a long time..make sure you think about this.. and be prepared.. whether are you ready to do this anot.. She needs people constantly to remind her wrong doings.. if you are the one.. then go..
Relationship.. can talk later.. Don't becos you wan to be with her then you wanna change her.. This is a selfish thought of you.. Treat her as a friend and know more abotu her.. about her family.. about her friends.. about her past.. about her future.. get her to talk to you about this.. if she got dreams.. help her to fulfil if you can! For instance, she wants to be good AGAIN!
She needs support from you.. she cannot talk to her parents.. head bang head.. she's hot tempered so is her parents.. She cannot rely on her friends.. that' even worse.. at least now there's a good guy who come along.. she knows it.. but she don't wan you to get involved in those activites she's in.. or maybe she doens't wan you to see the bad side of her.. That's why she keep rejecting.. Though she might be very bad.. or might be those girls got money anything oso can.. but i believe she got a kind heart too.. noone is born to be bad!!
Likewise everyone says.. jus be carefull and dun let her cheat on your money.. and cheat on you.. Is not worth.. if you cant change.. someone will do it.. Don't force yourself.. ok..
Cheers..
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haix...u hit all the bull eyes...that how i felt...but the love i had for her too strong for me to think abt all this now...even i know e road down is so difficult and might not have a ending..i have to walk....
i wan to see her becomin good one day.. -
the main problem is tt, now she refuse my help...so far i wanna transfer money to her..she will say no ...i think she isnt as bad as u all thinks..
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"The first move is : Get her to find a job, earn her own income and pay off whatever debts she has. $ doesnt fall from the sky."Originally posted by SwtHippy:She might be sleeping in someone's bed.. anyway... if this happen to me,, i will give her up. I dont want to be in this kind of troubles... dont even know who the baby's father will be.. if i am the parents, i will send her to girl's home.
If she dont even want to help herself, no one can...
There's nothing u can do..
If she really loves you, she will change for your sake... too bad....
From our point of views.. she's isnt serious in you!!!
Plse use your head to think abt it.. or get someone to knock your senses out.
Take care!
SwtHippy has given her/his good advice. but then..u said she only wants to PLAY !
Well, if u REALLY REALLY LOVE her n still think there's an innocent gal inside her n u are also willing to pay for her everything (since she cares abt. nothing but to PLAY), then keep on ur work on changing her.
fm what i know abt. this kind of person is..money will only make her/him worst. stop giving her money, then u'd say.."she'll go look fm another". then let her be. she loves clubbing (n i've no idea where the hell she got money for clubbing ?) n u cannot just tell her to stop doing it. u can slowly reduce her visit to clubbing. but how ? ask her to go out somewhere else with u (that..if she's willing). somewhere more interesting than just clubbing (which i dunno what, cos i'm not a clubber).
there are people who can only listen if u talk softly to them (the hot tempered one).
but there are also some people who need to be slapped hard to make them realise that they're wrong.
now...which one is she ? -
She's acting.. my dear.. cant u see.. sorry i know u cant see.. love is blind.. so are you!
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hi match20... firstly, i gotta say that i'm glad that there are actually nice guys like u in this world... i can feel and i am touched by how much u love that gal...
but then again, i'm alarmed that u actually lend her so much money when u dun realli noe her well... i'm not trying to discourange u from anything.. just wan to remind u that she's realli very different from who u r from wad i read... going to chiong often doesnt make a gal or a guy bad... but if she takes drugs, den i would say that she's mixing with lots of bad companies. she's probably around our age. and we all noe that teens are rebellious at this age.. it's probably why she gets easily influenced by her frens who go chiong with her and introduce drugs and smoking to her... we're all born as angels...as inncoent, white like a sheet of blank paper... but the environment, pple around her can dirty this sheet of paper and disfigure it easily....
just to confirm... wad do u mean by she has to be with the beng who lent her the money? does it mean she realli sleeps with him like wad others have comment? i shall not assume wad u never mention... i'm sure she knows deep down inside her heart, she's doing alot of wrong stuff... she continues doing it becoz of peer pressure, becoz pple around her are doing it.. and this may just make her feel like, "wad's the big deal?" her relationship with her family, her parents seems to be quite terrible.. and this may be one the reasons why she has become like that... teenagers like us are attracted to the outside world becoz we believe that there's sth away from our family which we can get wad we cant get at home... she probabaly dun get much attention from her parents. she probabaly dun feel loved. or may be too restricted at home.. that's probably why she started hanging out outside so often. having too much freedom probably made her lose her way and lose her innocence...
i suggest that u should try to convince and make her feel that u;re a true fren and u will be there for her no matter wad... but i'm not encouraging u to jump into a relationship with her... she's still not sure of wad she wans.... and i'm u sure u dun wan to end up getting urself hurt too... befriend her and earn trust... it's onli when she wll listen to u and when u can try to change her... this will definitely take a long time... if u are sure that u can take on the job, den try heeding my advice... if u think it's too much a pain, den i suggest that u keep a distance away from her and try to get over all the feelings u have for her... -
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make matter worse...she now seem to refuse my care and concern le...she once told me...
in her mind now is only money and how to repay that guy...
haix...why muz lend money from such a bas*3rd.... -
You cannot help those who don't want to help themselves. You are also easy to manipulate because you have feelings for her.Originally posted by Match20:make matter worse...she now seem to refuse my care and concern le...she once told me...
in her mind now is only money and how to repay that guy...
haix...why muz lend money from such a bas*3rd....
You are asking to get bitten and mauled by an untameable person. If parents cannot control her, it is a high probability you cannot control her because you only just knew her.
Get out quick of the relationship fast because she is like a quicksand and will only pull you into her troubles. She is playing mindgames with you. If you don't heed what I am saying, good luck to you. You are going to be miserable with this girl and stay miserable.
That is my advice to you. -
wo... i totally agree!!!!!Originally posted by SunRisE:She seems very young to me.. You are a working adult.. The kind of lifestyles that you both are having is totally different.. i dunno about the age gap.. but i sensed that it could be a great difference.. Since she's those girls who doens't like being controlled by people.. the more you controlled her.. the more she rebels.. Don't be too possessive.. Anyway.. You only chatted with her online.. You said you love her.. Is this true love?? Or you are jus seeking for a partner for companion?? Well.. i personally dun believe this online love thingy..
How well you know about her?? Her past?? And what makes her become like this.. You know?? From an innocent sporty girl..to a wild and wilful girl?? Have you ever thought wat really happen?? Do you think you know what she needs and what she really wants?? If you wan to help.. then understand her more.. But.. Be careful! She needs a helping hand to lift her up.. she's too weak to do herself.. cos of temptations.. Show more care..concern.. but not posssessive!!
Right now.. is not to think about goin in to a relationshiop first.. now is to think and do what you can to let her change back to good.. Let me remind you.. if you really want to help.. HELP ALL THE WAY.. don't stop halfway.. Make her trust you.. This changing process is not one day or two can be done.. it'll take a long time..make sure you think about this.. and be prepared.. whether are you ready to do this anot.. She needs people constantly to remind her wrong doings.. if you are the one.. then go..
Relationship.. can talk later.. Don't becos you wan to be with her then you wanna change her.. This is a selfish thought of you.. Treat her as a friend and know more abotu her.. about her family.. about her friends.. about her past.. about her future.. get her to talk to you about this.. if she got dreams.. help her to fulfil if you can! For instance, she wants to be good AGAIN!
She needs support from you.. she cannot talk to her parents.. head bang head.. she's hot tempered so is her parents.. She cannot rely on her friends.. that' even worse.. at least now there's a good guy who come along.. she knows it.. but she don't wan you to get involved in those activites she's in.. or maybe she doens't wan you to see the bad side of her.. That's why she keep rejecting.. Though she might be very bad.. or might be those girls got money anything oso can.. but i believe she got a kind heart too.. noone is born to be bad!!
Likewise everyone says.. jus be carefull and dun let her cheat on your money.. and cheat on you.. Is not worth.. if you cant change.. someone will do it.. Don't force yourself.. ok..
Cheers.. -
haix...juz heard tt...she had a bf she loved alot...but when this guy in NS, she stilll go out with other guys..sadz le..
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i think u better check out if she's taking drugs. if so, u know how to help her. and it's not easy to deal with a drug addict. she/he must hv support fm all her/his family n frens.Originally posted by cOnFuSiOn:hi match20... firstly, i gotta say that i'm glad that there are actually nice guys like u in this world... i can feel and i am touched by how much u love that gal...
but then again, i'm alarmed that u actually lend her so much money when u dun realli noe her well... i'm not trying to discourange u from anything.. just wan to remind u that she's realli very different from who u r from wad i read... going to chiong often doesnt make a gal or a guy bad... but if she takes drugs, den i would say that she's mixing with lots of bad companies. she's probably around our age. and we all noe that teens are rebellious at this age.. it's probably why she gets easily influenced by her frens who go chiong with her and introduce drugs and smoking to her... we're all born as angels...as inncoent, white like a sheet of blank paper... but the environment, pple around her can dirty this sheet of paper and disfigure it easily....
just to confirm... wad do u mean by she has to be with the beng who lent her the money? does it mean she realli sleeps with him like wad others have comment? i shall not assume wad u never mention... i'm sure she knows deep down inside her heart, she's doing alot of wrong stuff... she continues doing it becoz of peer pressure, becoz pple around her are doing it.. and this may just make her feel like, "wad's the big deal?" her relationship with her family, her parents seems to be quite terrible.. and this may be one the reasons why she has become like that... teenagers like us are attracted to the outside world becoz we believe that there's sth away from our family which we can get wad we cant get at home... she probabaly dun get much attention from her parents. she probabaly dun feel loved. or may be too restricted at home.. that's probably why she started hanging out outside so often. having too much freedom probably made her lose her way and lose her innocence...
i suggest that u should try to convince and make her feel that u;re a true fren and u will be there for her no matter wad... but i'm not encouraging u to jump into a relationship with her... she's still not sure of wad she wans.... and i'm u sure u dun wan to end up getting urself hurt too... befriend her and earn trust... it's onli when she wll listen to u and when u can try to change her... this will definitely take a long time... if u are sure that u can take on the job, den try heeding my advice... if u think it's too much a pain, den i suggest that u keep a distance away from her and try to get over all the feelings u have for her...
n yes, be friend first. a true friend. -
She loves her bf but when he is in NS ....she goes out with other guys. Lovely and you still want to change her?Originally posted by Match20:haix...juz heard tt...she had a bf she loved alot...but when this guy in NS, she stilll go out with other guys..sadz le..
If you can change her , the mountains will move ....totally earth shattering.
I am not trying to put her down but she is trouble from what I am reading in this topic -
i dunno le...but from her mouth...she say she no money so never take drugs le..
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i believe becoz she wans to "play" and not willing to work for it... so the onli thing she can think of is earning money from the kind of sexual job she's doing now... if u think of it, it is actually the fastest way for someone to earn big bucks in a short time without realli working hard.... but the again, it's morally wrong... i believe she knows it.. and she probabaly find her self dirty... may be tt's one of the reason she's avoiding u... may be she also know that u're worlds apart... that's why she dun wan this to drag on? dun push her or force her to change... like wad Sunrsie amd myself have said, befriend her and make her feel that u;re realli a true fren who cares about her... she has to see the light... she have to realise herself that it's time to change.... it's onli then, can she have the determination to change herself...Originally posted by Match20:make matter worse...she now seem to refuse my care and concern le...she once told me...
in her mind now is only money and how to repay that guy...
haix...why muz lend money from such a bas*3rd.... -
now... do u still wanna change her ?Originally posted by Match20:haix...juz heard tt...she had a bf she loved alot...but when this guy in NS, she stilll go out with other guys..sadz le.. -
"had".... means an ex? i have a bf in ns too.. seriously, a lot of times, the gal will feel very neglected... all the time alone.. think of it.... u wanna be loved and pampered by someone... u seem to have gotten someone.. but he's never there for u... tt's proabably why she went out with other guys... i can understand how she felt... but the again, she is being unfaithful... she proabbaly noes that it is wrong... but she cant resist the temptations since otehr guys are giving her tha attention that her ex isnt giving her...Originally posted by Match20:haix...juz heard tt...she had a bf she loved alot...but when this guy in NS, she stilll go out with other guys..sadz le.. -
yah....she was willin to change for tt guy....but i dunno why they broke up...
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Yah ...u better find out why before u get sucked in. I think it is even better if you could talk to her ex as well for the reasons why , if possibleOriginally posted by Match20:yah....she was willin to change for tt guy....but i dunno why they broke up... -
She's not bad.. i already say.. mankind are not born to be bad.. is the company that she's mixing with.. that lead her to become like this.. if money wise you can help.. then help her in other ways..Originally posted by Match20:the main problem is tt, now she refuse my help...so far i wanna transfer money to her..she will say no ...i think she isnt as bad as u all thinks..
So what if she got bf.. Bear in mind that you are not suppose to chase her at this point of time.. Are you sure you wanna step into a relationship like this.. You know it wont last.. Being together be bf/gf is not important.. what's important now is that you wan her to be good.. don't wan her to go stray anymore..
You are doing a good deed not only for herself.. but for everyone.. Even if you aren't together but at least you did something good.. and forever she'll remember you for life.. You ain't forgotten.. you wan to be someone she toys around.. and soon not long after.. she totally washed you off her mind.. and leave a deep hurt in you.. You wan tat??
Cheers.. -
Originally posted by cOnFuSiOn:wo... i totally agree!!!!!
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You HELPING HEROriginally posted by Match20:that why i am here to ask ppl how to change her...i really at wits end...she now not at home...coz i jus called...and i worry abt her lor..
You HELPING YOURSELF
SERIOUSLY, I THINK you've still got a LONG WAY in wanting to ACCOMPLISH that... Especially when you're already so DEEPLY IMMERSED... I say you should be counting yourself lucky already if you're able to get out of this one....
Personal Advice: She's WAY OUT of your calibre, if you know what I mean -
this type of girl i seen many la.. 100% plus chop she wanted to cheat money one.. heed my advice.. this kind of girl not worth for ur care and concern.. all she is after is ur money.. mai wee dio charbo si la .. show some man-ness in U !! im not throwing u cold blanket.. but i just dun wan to see a guy being cheated.. i meet b4 1 girl.. can even cry on the spot saying she how cham la.. parents neglect her la.. very lonely la.. owe money la..hinting me she love me alot.. and trying to say what true love la.. nonsense... she even cried to me ask me to lend her the money.. imagine she cried on the spot.. how many of u sure will think its real.. YES i did thought it was real.. but however i found out many loopholes in her story..and she didnt contact me since i refused to lend her the money..and oh ya didnt she say she love me ??lol ?? shes just out for my cash.. so i nv lend her the money.. sometimes things aint that simple as u thought... its a human world here....
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but she never want to lend money from me le...dunno wat she wan..
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Totally agree with you!Originally posted by Devil1976:You HELPING HER
You HELPING YOURSELF
SERIOUSLY, I THINK you've still got a LONG WAY in wanting to ACCOMPLISH that... Especially when you're already so DEEPLY IMMERSED... I say you should be counting yourself lucky already if you're able to get out of this one....
Personal Advice: She's WAY OUT of your calibre, if you know what I mean