Hello:
I tried to post once and it seems to have disappeared, so my appoloigies if I end up with two very similar theads.
I made an initial post here in August of 2012 and AEN confirmed that I had an "I AM" experience (http://sgforums.com/forums/1728/topics/457328). I have continued with a very simple practice of sitting and experiencing sensations as clearly as I can. I do the same off the cushion, in my daily life. I switch between this and self inquiry("Who am I?") practice. These two seem more or less effective at different times so I just use what seems best at the time. I meditate twice a day for about 30 miutes each.
At the beginning of May I had a change in how I experience my daily life. Looking at my initial thread I noticed some advice that AEN had given me and it seems to fit my current experince:
"hi brian, your case reminded me of someone in this forum five years ago, casino€_king. he had similar initial openings. Just told Thusness about it and he just advised "feel this energy and aliveness in a relaxed way until total and complete oneness. Work on the view later. Total oneness means there is no gap between him and this sensation of energetic aliveness. And understand what exactly led to the separation"
The sentence describing Total oneness:
"Total oneness means there is no gap between him and this sensation of energetic aliveness."
Seems to capture what I am experiencing very well. The feeling, and awareness, of energetic aliveness is very strong. When this change occured in early May it was almost like waking up from a dream. It seems that I had spent my entire life not really awake or aware of the present moment. I always thought I was, but I seem to have been mistaken.
Initially this change was very strong, almost to the point of being over powering. It stunned me that I could have not been aware of this always present aliveness. It was similar to suddenly realizing that a punk band is playing really loudly inside your home, but you never noticed it. I would find myself just sitting and staring into space and feeling this energy/aliveness and being amazed.
For the first week it was constantly "on". I was aware of this aliveness before I opened my eyes in the morning, it was obvious when I spoke to people, and I felt it as I fell asleep at night. No break from it, not for a second. But I fell into an old pattern of trying to manipulate/control and it slipped away for a few days. As soon as I gave up and let go, the alivenss was again obvious.
Since then it has changed from a loud punk band to a lovely string quartet, which I can focus on and enjoy, or let slip into the background while I go about my daily tasks. It has become obvious that it is always present however. I may not notice it, but it's still there.
I'm curious what this may be, just a continuing "I AM" experience? Or something else altogther? Either way I'll be continuing with my same practice.
I'd love to hear any comments or questions.
Thanks, and Metta.
Brian
You'll need more qualified people to confirm this, but this does sound like I amness.
It is good you are having more vivid experience of the I AMness. Though not to the point of realization yet.
Thank you both for your replies and support.
I'll continue as I have been practicing, and check in occasionally, as seems appropriate.
Metta
Brian