Funny Jokes
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True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car." -
DONATING CENTER
There is a man and a woman in a elevator in a donating center. The man looks at the woman and says, "Why, hi there, what are you here for?"
The woman replies, "I'm here to donate blood."
"How much do you get for that?" The man asked.
"About 200 dollars." The woman replies. "What are you here for?" She asked.
The man replies, "I'm here to donate some sperm."
The woman asks, "How much do you get for that?"
"About 500 dollars." The man replies.
A few weeks later they meet in the elevator once again.
"Oh, hey there again." The man says to the woman. "Are you here to donate some more blood?" He asked.
The woman looked at him pointing at her mouth which was really puffy and shaking her head no. -
RETIREMENT DAY
After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!
When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All of this was just too wonderful for words." He said. "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, Screw him. Give him a dollar." "The breakfast was my idea!" -
THE FROG
A woman walked into a pet store one day to get some supplies. She went up to the cash register to pay for them and she saw a sign next to a small fish tank that said, "Pussy eating frogs - $2.00" So not to be embarrassed she whispered to the cashier, "I'll take one of those." The cashier said, "Ok, now here are some instructions. Take them home and do every thing they say, in order."
The woman went home and did every thing the instructions said. She first took a bath, then she put on some perfume, then she put on a sexy nightgown, then she laid on the bed with the frog between her legs. She waited and waited and nothing happened. She thought maybe she did something wrong, so she did everything over again and still nothing. She called the pet store and told the manager, "Look, I've done everything the instructions said and this frog won't do anything." The manager said, "I'll be right there."
The manager arrived and the woman showed him again every thing she had done. The man picked up the frog and said, "I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" -
I dont get this lehOriginally posted by evodarren:DONATING CENTER
There is a man and a woman in a elevator in a donating center. The man looks at the woman and says, "Why, hi there, what are you here for?"
The woman replies, "I'm here to donate blood."
"How much do you get for that?" The man asked.
"About 200 dollars." The woman replies. "What are you here for?" She asked.
The man replies, "I'm here to donate some sperm."
The woman asks, "How much do you get for that?"
"About 500 dollars." The man replies.
A few weeks later they meet in the elevator once again.
"Oh, hey there again." The man says to the woman. "Are you here to donate some more blood?" He asked.
The woman looked at him pointing at her mouth which was really puffy and shaking her head no. -
She gonna donate wat she has in her mouth...Originally posted by the.raven:I dont get this leh
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whoa kaoz, must have a dirty mind to understandOriginally posted by hiddengal:She gonna donate wat she has in her mouth... -
Hi everybodu, am new here, can someone tell me how do i post a picture please.
Thans -
Your reply is a kinda joke too..Originally posted by SibeiSuayKia:Bull shlt, even if u put a super 20 litre engine into the hull of the bionix..
the bionix will smash and all of the occupants at 90 mph..will die
Even the best volvo built cannot stand this kind of speed into a wall..
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Oi!!!Originally posted by the.raven:whoa kaoz, must have a dirty mind to understand 
Wat u mean huh??? 
So straightforward u dun understand say u toopid lah!!! -
??? why u so angry? what did I do?Originally posted by hiddengal:Oi!!! Wat u mean huh???
So straightforward u dun understand say u toopid lah!!!
i not toopid k -
=POriginally posted by the.raven:??? why u so angry? what did I do?
i not toopid k
Who ask u say it takes a dirty mind to understand??? -
true whatOriginally posted by hiddengal:=P
Who ask u say it takes a dirty mind to understand??? -
DENTIST APPOINTMENT
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" -
Originally posted by the.raven:true what
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PHYSICAL THERAPIST
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explain that she was a physical therapist, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!" She told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnoooo, I'll be all right. I'll will be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hand inside. After a short massage, she asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!" -
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I WOULD WANT SILICON
In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she talks about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Steve raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because it is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nod and called on Jane. Little Jane said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."
The teacher smiled and then called on little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded by saying, "Because my mom had two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"