Originally posted by sillyme:
Hi ettitus,
The two of you went through so much to be together, it is a wonderful journet filled with so much experiences. It is sad that things are in the state it is now. Don't give up hope, maybe there's a way to sort things out. I assume she had initiated the breakup. Did she give a reason?
I'm indeed new here, and there was really no need for me to visit forums like this last time, as I never had problems with my relationship before. This is least expected!
Anyway, you are right. She did initiate the break-up. But she is not entirely at fault, although on the surface, it seems like she is wrong. She gave no real reasons. I was simply told to shift all the wrongdoings to her, and that she is sorry that she is doing this to me! I know that she has mixed feelings about this relationship because of many issues - she owes me too much now, be it both money and relationship. She doesn't want to feel indebted to me now that she is gaining independence. However, the real deal here is the changed her! Her career in the finance sector has changed her tremendously! Frequent brainwash session by superiors and peers, motivation talks, has spurn her into her desire for success and becoming like them. The change has been drastic!
She seems to have forgotten all the vows we made to one another half a year ago, and has since developed a very self-cantered character. Her job as a financial consultant has cost me dearly as she changed. Of course, I think there are also the flaws in me that resulted in this outcome! For instance, she always feels that I'm trying to boss her around because I'm the one that made her what she is. However, I had tried explaining to her not once, but always, that I'm simply trying to assist her and be responsible towards her. Maybe she felt that I was too domineering, and take she has no free play with my presence. She is in a managerial position now, and I can see that she is thirsty for power and wants to assume responsibility. What I thought was best for her became something she hate! I guess itÂ’s my fault after all for not identifying the change in her earlier!
However, all these to me are just secondary. The one thing that is really upsetting me is the fact that she actually hated my sight! Straight after our break-up, I tried salvaging it as soon as possible. Although she insisted that we must not meet, but I really just cannot let go. I just can't help getting worried if she comes home too late (She normally work till 1am to 2am now due to the year end). I will get so worried if she is still not back, and will be running all around Singapore just to find her. I couldn't call her, and it seems altogether true that I'm quietly standing by her now. But 11 years prove to be something not easy to overcome! Just one day without her with me spiritually, I'm losing myself! As such, although I promised her that I would not look her up, I just can't keep to it! I think she hated me for that, and hurting remarks can really come from her after which. This is really upsetting me a great deal. Its simply too extreme! From someone that I can share my joy and sadness, she suddenly does not even want anything to do with me! That hurt me a lot! Moreover, when we were together, we often will care for one another, and always think in the best of the others interest. However, she does not even care whether what is happening to me now.
Currently, I quit my job and am studying now. While I was working, I was always able to support her financially. There is no such thing as my money. I regarded everything as ours the moment we were engaged. We even bought a car together because the car can assist her career. She does not have the cash, so I do not even mind paying cash upfront just to have a car for us. I can say that actually I disagree to the purchase, but thinking that we will be needing a car anyway, I agree to it. I'm even willing to compromise my plans just to make sure her work. Like I say, itÂ’s ours, and not mine or hers only! However, despite all the thing I done, I do not seem to be seeing any help in the relationship. I'm currently having some difficulties financially, but she definitely cannot assist me - She is heavily in debt to me anyway. Although I understand that love cannot be measured by such actions, but surely she should be able to feel my sincerity towards her right? Why is she so cold towards to me? Don't I even deserve at least credits for all these?
Having been together for eleven years, I'm sure that she is never a materialistic girl. I can feel that all these while! It is only for the past few months that things happened. However, I have to admit that she is never an effective decision maker. Perhaps in her position now, she yearns for a chance to make decisions, and to have a say in this relationship. To me now, I just hope that she is really in her post-success status, and do not really know what she wants. Of course on my part, I will continue to improve myself - to give her that respect that she wants, and to be that gentleman she wanted ...