Adult jokes
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what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9...... -
First Visit
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby. -
3 men were chatting in a pub.
The French proudly declared, "Every night, before we make love, I pour chocolate syrup on my wife's body and lick her all over, and she goes crazy!"
The Italian said, "Once in a while, I sit on the washing machine, switch to spin mode and place my wife on top of me, and she goes crazy!"
The Briton, after a long silence, finally said, "After making love, I wipe my prick on the curtain, and my wife goes crazy." -
takumi and miss matthew nice try
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nice 1Originally posted by F Takumi:3 men were chatting in a pub.
The French proudly declared, "Every night, before we make love, I pour chocolate syrup on my wife's body and lick her all over, and she goes crazy!"
The Italian said, "Once in a while, I sit on the washing machine, switch to spin mode and place my wife on top of me, and she goes crazy!"
The Briton, after a long silence, finally said, "After making love, I wipe my prick on the curtain, and my wife goes crazy." -
Originally posted by Elftain:takumi and miss matthew nice try
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friends
good friends are like underwear, always cover you.
better friends are like condom, always protect you.
best friends are like viagra, always keep you up when you are down.
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TWO DEAF MUTES
Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street
corner talking to each other with sign language.
Mute #1 (SIGN) "What would you like to do?"
Mute #2 (SIGN) "I don't know, what about you?"
Mute #1 (SIGN) "Let's get my car, find some girls,
drive to a dark spot and have some fun."
Mute #2 (SIGN) "Good idea."
So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and
are having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy
in the front seat on the shoulder...
Front Seat Mute (SIGN) "What?"
Back Seat Mute (SIGN) "Have you got any protection?"
Front Seat Mute (SIGN) "No. Don't you?"
Back Seat Mute (SIGN) "No.
We had better go to a drug store and get some."
They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back
seat gets out and goes inside.
In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN) "What?"
Outside Mute (SIGN) "I've got a problem."
Inside Mute (SIGN) "What?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)
"I can't make the druggist understand what I want."
Inside Mute (SIGN) "I know what to do."
Outside Mute (SIGN) "What?"
Inside Mute (SIGN) "Go back inside.
Put five dollars on the counter.
Put your penis on the counter.
He'll know what you want."
Outside Mute (SIGN) "Good idea."
The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later
he's back at the car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN) "Well?"
Outside Mute (SIGN) "It didn't work."
Inside Mute (SIGN) "What do you mean?"
Outside Mute (SIGN) "I did what you told me to do.
I went inside. I put 5 dollars on the counter.
I put my penis on the counter.
He put his on the counter.
It was bigger than mine.
He took my 5 dollars."