Secret of a good marriage - but can women accept it?
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Keeping one eye closed is acceptance.Originally posted by casino_king:Nobody need to accept anything, they just do it and the other side just keep one eye close and always accept any stupid excuse... as long as he/she does his/her spousal duties... dote and love when come home.
I don't think in our society, couples will actually sit down and discuss it. More like, you know I know but let's pretend nothing is happening.
You don't need to talk about it. There is active acceptance and passive acceptance -
Casino, it's best that u dun get married... so u can bring as many gals home as u want and nobody gonna stop u...
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i have seen some men who are so happy with their marriage simply because their wives never control them and they go fooling around. Some are so miserable because every 1/2 hr they get an sms or phone call from their wives... I know of one wife who keeps getting calls from her husband... but that is only 1 woman compared to almost every man who has a wife, GF I know.Originally posted by elindra:Keeping one eye closed is acceptance.
You don't need to talk about it. There is active acceptance and passive acceptance
So the problem is obviously with the women... if more of them are like one eye dragon's wife, married life will be so much better. -
can both have an affair outside but still come home everyday to play their roles as husband and wife? can any man tolerate that? which man like to be made a cuckold? maybe some women can tolerate, for the sake of the family and kids, if there's any.. but for me, I can't.
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Halo, i feel personally that it is wrong to hv afairs outside n come home n pretend that everything is okay. Never know how the wife feels, knowing taht her hubby is fooling outside or hv affair. I am m.w so i dun tolerate my hubby hvg affairs or fooling outside... cos i dread catching the STD and AID from the husband if he really catches it outisde... who bear the outcomes??? -
The point is the hubby and the wifey has no idea because both do not bother to find out in the first place. Of course if one side do it until it becomes open, then that would be bad. The understanding is that you can fool around but don't do it to that extent. As for STD, only if you don't use condom and fool around with cheap pros then maybe you get it.Originally posted by chgal78:can both have an affair outside but still come home everyday to play their roles as husband and wife? can any man tolerate that? which man like to be made a cuckold? maybe some women can tolerate, for the sake of the family and kids, if there's any.. but for me, I can't.
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Halo, i feel personally that it is wrong to hv afairs outside n come home n pretend that everything is okay. Never know how the wife feels, knowing taht her hubby is fooling outside or hv affair. I am m.w so i dun tolerate my hubby hvg affairs or fooling outside... cos i dread catching the STD and AID from the husband if he really catches it outisde... who bear the outcomes??? -
i dont think a third party is neccessary.
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Then whats the point of a marriage ?Originally posted by casino_king:You think that my wife will go out with you because I command her? If she wants to date you and she does not tell, me why should I care?
Of course it must work both ways, the women must be allowed to do whatever they want outside as long as they do not come home and brag about it just as the men do not come home and give a blow by blow account. Both parties just close one eye and do not try to find out. -
You live a terrible marriage life.Originally posted by casino_king:You think that my wife will go out with you because I command her? If she wants to date you and she does not tell, me why should I care?
Of course it must work both ways, the women must be allowed to do whatever they want outside as long as they do not come home and brag about it just as the men do not come home and give a blow by blow account. Both parties just close one eye and do not try to find out. -
It seems to me that most men if not women find marriage life stifling.Originally posted by banzie and others:i dont think a third party is neccessary.
Then whats the point of a marriage ?
You live a terrible marriage life.
The simple reason is that women tend to want to know what their husbands or boyfriends are doing every second of the day.
Men not necessarily want to fool around but would prefer that they have the option and as long as they come home, dote on the wife and do their husbandly and fatherly duties, that would make a perfect marriage as far as the men are concern.
I have seen marriages like that and wonder why not all are like that. The men in these sort of marriages seems very happy to be married. The others seem to live married life like a chore and responsibility. So it is up to the women to allow the men and give them the happiness that they want. How, girls? -
Heh.. some questions have no answers simply because every individual's value system is different. What works for me might not work for you.Originally posted by casino_king:This is what a forum is for right? To solicit and exchange views. If so many people cannot come up with an answer then the individual is left standing alone?
There are some couples who have a swinging relationship before and after marriage. Both are sexually active within, and outside of marriage together. They are happy with this arrangement as long as there is a form of honesty about who they sleep with.
There are some couples who believe in the sanctity of fidelity in a relationship. They believe the promises they made to each other will help them to form a happy marriage. There ARE some men who actually like their wives to care about where they go and what they do.
Ultimately, if you marry someone who have the same beliefs abt what makes a happy marriage as you do, then it is easier to be happy. And if that set of beliefs involves closing one eye while both parties have free rein outside of the marriage, then ~shrug~ why not.
But if it involves one party having a strong fervent belief abt what makes a happy marriage, and the other party cannot believe in it.. then no matter how much so called 'love' there is... it won't work out cos i don't believe love is enough to make people give up their value system. -
I agree with you. The more forbidden the fruit is, the more the man want to eat it.Originally posted by casino_king:i have seen some men who are so happy with their marriage simply because their wives never control them and they go fooling around. Some are so miserable because every 1/2 hr they get an sms or phone call from their wives... I know of one wife who keeps getting calls from her husband... but that is only 1 woman compared to almost every man who has a wife, GF I know.
So the problem is obviously with the women... if more of them are like one eye dragon's wife, married life will be so much better.
Can you help define what you mean by fooling around? -
Your comments seem devoid of judgement. I can only assume that you are not of any religious school? Or you are but you suppressed it in favour of logic? Excellent.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Heh.. some questions have no answers simply because every individual's value system is different. What works for me might not work for you.
There are some couples who have a swinging relationship before and after marriage. Both are sexually active within, and outside of marriage together. They are happy with this arrangement as long as there is a form of honesty about who they sleep with.
There are some couples who believe in the sanctity of fidelity in a relationship. They believe the promises they made to each other will help them to form a happy marriage. There ARE some men who actually like their wives to care about where they go and what they do.
Ultimately, if you marry someone who have the same beliefs abt what makes a happy marriage as you do, then it is easier to be happy. And if that set of beliefs involves closing one eye while both parties have free rein outside of the marriage, then ~shrug~ why not.
But if it involves one party having a strong fervent belief abt what makes a happy marriage, and the other party cannot believe in it.. then no matter how much so called 'love' there is... it won't work out cos i don't believe love is enough to make people give up their value system.
The reality is as you described. I am just throwing up an idea to the women folks here who are making the lives of their husbands/boyfriends miserable without realising how miserable they feel. If the marriage is getting to be a fight more than companionship, maybe they should think of letting their husbands/BF "go." -
I noticed that many times the wife just asume that the husband/BF is up to no good even when they are just hanging out with me.Originally posted by Gazelle:I agree with you. The more forbidden the fruit is, the more the man want to eat it. Can you help define what you mean by fooling around?
Is mahjong fooling around? I play with this guy who will always tell us to keep quiet whenever his wife is on the phone. Why does the wife keep calling? Why can't she just leave him alone? poor chap.
Is hanging out at Joo Chiat Road karaOK fooling around? -
Not every women keep a close tab on their husbands or boyfriends. I know of guys who keep close tabs on their wife / gf.Originally posted by casino_king:It seems to me that most men if not women find marriage life stifling.
The simple reason is that women tend to want to know what their husbands or boyfriends are doing every second of the day.
Men not necessarily want to fool around but would prefer that they have the option and as long as they come home, dote on the wife and do their husbandly and fatherly duties, that would make a perfect marriage as far as the men are concern.
I have seen marriages like that and wonder why not all are like that. The men in these sort of marriages seems very happy to be married. The others seem to live married life like a chore and responsibility. So it is up to the women to allow the men and give them the happiness that they want. How, girls?
Anyway, if it is done by either gender, it is not acceptable to me -
I think no one can make anyone go if they don't want to. What I don't understand if why men often persist in failing relationships, often waiting and waiting for the other party to force a split up simply cos they don't want to be the bad person to trigger the breakdown of a marriage.Originally posted by casino_king:Your comments seem devoid of judgement. I can only assume that you are not of any religious school? Or you are but you suppressed it in favour of logic? Excellent.
The reality is as you described. I am just throwing up an idea to the women folks here who are making the lives of their husbands/boyfriends miserable without realising how miserable they feel. If the marriage is getting to be a fight more than companionship, maybe they should think of letting their husbands/BF "go."
There are many reasons why marriages don't work out, and what you have described - the insecurity of women - is only one possible reason.
I think it is equally painful for women to suffer insecurity. And many men, who 'suffered' at the hands of insecurity, have their tables turned when they have relationships with independent women who are not insecure. It is a sad irony that, basically what a lot of men want is to BE the person a woman thinks about, without wanting to feel the inconvenience and pressure of being missed. Unfortunately marriage is about commitment AND an obligation to each other, whether it is about fidelity or not.
Without commitment, there neednt be a marriage n the first place, a casual relationship is good enough. -
the myth of the monogamous male:
generating miilions of sperms every other hour... add to the gene pool... the alpha male... yet...
ninth months of labourious pregnancy... years of growing up...
SHORT TERM = prostitutes, whor*s ... all males...
LONG TERM = wives... families... legacies... egos...
sex = reproductive function
sex = pleasure, fun...
are we addressign these issues here?
marriage = overrated?
polygamy, monogamy, feminism, this-ism, that-ism...
love!...
sorry, i am still trying to make sense...
of my big d*ck ... and my passion... for humanity... -
Keeping close tab not acceptable to you? OK, right on, give it up babe.Originally posted by elindra:Not every women keep a close tab on their husbands or boyfriends. I know of guys who keep close tabs on their wife / gf.
Anyway, if it is done by either gender, it is not acceptable to me
I am starting to fall for you already. Hope you are of the opposite sex. -
Like I said, come home and dote, love till death.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:I think no one can make anyone go if they don't want to. What I don't understand if why men often persist in failing relationships, often waiting and waiting for the other party to force a split up simply cos they don't want to be the bad person to trigger the breakdown of a marriage.
There are many reasons why marriages don't work out, and what you have described - the insecurity of women - is only one possible reason.
I think it is equally painful for women to suffer insecurity. And many men, who 'suffered' at the hands of insecurity, have their tables turned when they have relationships with independent women who are not insecure. It is a sad irony that, basically what a lot of men want is to BE the person a woman thinks about, without wanting to feel the inconvenience and pressure of being missed. Unfortunately marriage is about commitment AND an obligation to each other, whether it is about fidelity or not.
Without commitment, there neednt be a marriage n the first place, a casual relationship is good enough.
It seems that it is not enough for many and thus resulting in misery. Maybe the issue is not fidelity but security and insecurity. It would seem though that more women are insecure than men. Could be that men are known to have strong urges while women no.
Like I read somewhere, if a man had sex, he had sex with another woman.
When women had sex, she had sex with their lovers.
An average woman will not simply have sex for fun unless it is for money as a profession or with a lover. Men can have sex with anybody who offers herself up or is not too expensive. This could be where the insecurities of women stems.
An interesting note; even women who have sex as a profession is possesive of their regular customers. Something to think about. -
Originally posted by casino_king:
I dont think it is ANYBODY, but ANYBODY that he find sexy.
[b]An average woman will not simply have sex for fun unless it is for money as a profession or with a lover. Men can have sex with anybody who offers herself up or is not too expensive. This could be where the insecurities of women stems.
[b] -
You will be shock. Granted he will not do it with one that he finds disgusting. Other than that almost anyone will do as long as it is free. I have seen it.Originally posted by Gazelle:I dont think it is ANYBODY, but ANYBODY that he find sexy. -
amazing, so the female you are married to is just someone ceremonial, whom you bear kids with, cheat on, and to be your darling at company functions and dinners. someone to wear your wedding ring for status, and conspired with in front of friends and relatives when you said "i do".
ok. -
Wrong, someone to dote and love when you come home.Originally posted by coffeeortea:amazing, so the female you are married to is just someone ceremonial, whom you bear kids with, cheat on, and to be your darling at company functions and dinners. someone to wear your wedding ring for status, and conspired with in front of friends and relatives when you said "i do".
ok.
I will give you a real story to illustrate what many men think of as a good marriage.
I was at a bar in Bangkok with the GM of a subsidiary of a bank. Of course we were surrounded by young women.
He got a call from his wife asking him to buy some stuff from NTUC on the way home. He told her that he is in Bangkok. The wife has forgotten or does not even know that he is in Bangkok
See this man is happily married and his kind of marriage is for men, like the best. -
I think age does play a part.Originally posted by casino_king:You will be shock. Granted he will not do it with one that he finds disgusting. Other than that almost anyone will do as long as it is free. I have seen it. -
If you mean that after a man goes beyond a certain age all young girls are beautiful to the men, that I agree.Originally posted by Gazelle:I think age does play a part. -
marriage is a natural or unnatural act, situation, contract or arrangement depending on how you want to see it...
it feels so right at times (for both sexes) ... (some good old fashioned way!)
just like the love thing...
people who consider ïnspirations and impulsiveness as vices... they take marriage as an arangement...
then there are some who blend two far extremes...
of arrangements, contracts and institutions
... and inspirations, love, impulsive behaviour ...
... let the married folk stay married I say...
.. and the unmarried bask in the glory of their "freedom" (just another word)...
and the fence-sitters argue endlessly ...
and fornicate or dream about it (it's an evolutionary necessity: no need to prove anything)!
...sensualists like me, just let go... and regret the hangover next morning...
come on people, get a life...
... married or not!