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A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldnÂ’t have to explain it to her daughter.
"But when a babyÂ’s actually being born," responded the teenager.... "how does it get past your teeth?" -
A woman goes over to her married son’s house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law said, “What the hell are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven’t made love in a while, so I wore it.” So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.” She goes home and her husband wasn’t home yet, so she undressed. Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband’s car. He walks in the front door and says, “What the fuck are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” says the wife. “Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”
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needs to be ironed
ROFLMAO -
Originally posted by molgax:needs to be ironed
ROFLMAO
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What the fart.
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crump old skinOriginally posted by VanillaIce: -
This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband is home early!"
The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like crazy out there and I'm naked!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window!
When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running marathon," so he started to run along beside the others - only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes over his arm.
One of the runners asked, "Do you always run in the nude?"
He answered, while gasping for breath, "Oh yes. It feels so free having the air blow over my skin while I'm running."
Another runner then asked the nude lover, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
The naked lover answered breathlessly, "Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car and just go straight home without a shower!"
The marathon runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
The nude man answered, "Only if it's raining..." -
Little Johnny, Billy and Tommy were walking home from school one warm
spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and backyards,
they happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards
where a woman was sunbathing in the nude.
As they looked through the hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream,
left his friends and took off running for home.
The next day, as the three boys came home again, they found the same
hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just
a few minutes, Johnney started screaming and ran off quickly.
On the third day, the boys were peeping into the hole in the fence
again after school, when Johnny turned around and started to run
again. But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to
know what was wrong.
Johnny replied, "My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked
woman, I would turn to stone....
And I started to feel a part of me getting awfully hard........ -
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend. -
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!" -
cute johnny
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got new one
A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
No offences though
"Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
"Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea." -
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"Best Sex Ever"
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said,
"I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said,
"That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"
His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass." -
Originally posted by Phoebie:"Best Sex Ever"
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said,
"I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said,
"That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"
His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass." -
P*ssycats
Goldie was sitting on a beach, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like p*ssycats?"
With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before. As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied,
"How did you know my name was Katz?" -
"How did you know my name was Katz?"
hurhurhurhurhur...
phoebie should post more in BAR.
then hopefully there will be fewer crappy rubbish threads -
Originally posted by udontknowme:hurhurhurhurhur...
phoebie should post more in BAR.
then hopefully there will be fewer crappy rubbish threads
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Jokes
The teacher walked into the classroom to find the word "penis" chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn't say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class. But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again - "penis", this time written slightly larger.
So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson. Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word "penis" again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson. Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger. Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: "See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!" -
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back? -
There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis." The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"
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Originally posted by Phoebie:There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis." The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"
MORE JOKES!!! -
wow phobie should post more