Cheated on BF with his good friend last night...
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and to add... don't forget to love yourself hor... love yourself for what you are... or nobody else will be able to love you...Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You think you cheap only lah.... reading what you have written so far, you not bad wat.. willing to do so much for you bf... wat more he want and what more you want?
ai yah, nobody ish perfect in this world, so no nid so hard on yourself...
uncle seen so many types of people in this world... you not bad already hor... -
Sex is not everything to me, but when mixed with other stuff, it became something bigger... like i dun get adequate sex, plus no romance, and dun even have a bf to walk me down the streets... so they all add up...Originally posted by Pitot:Since you have acknowledge the mistake, i think you should move on and treat this as a lesson learnt. hopefully.
But, hey.. If intercourse is a major part of the relationship to you, i suggest you consider what is on the table for both of you and whether, he is the one for you.
Can you accept someone just because he is good to you?
Or what you really want is someone who is good to you and does well on bed.
Temptations dont just disappear overnight. You need to work it out before you can truly say you have learnt your lesson.
And i think you should rethink your position of trust and relationship between W.
But yet, these are things too small for a break up... he's like becoming someone i can't live with, and yet, can't live without either... can't explain the exact way i'm feeling...
Like how a chinese song: "Zui Jing" by LI Sheng Jie~~ It says that "i can't give you what you want, and the things i can give you are not what you really desire".
So right now, im trying to teach myself the art of accepting and changing my expectations, rather than trying to change him, coz for almost 3 years he doesn't change, he's probably not going to change ever...
So it's either i give up my expectations or give him up.. although sometimes, i really wished he could meet me in the middle and try to make things easier for me...
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Yes i know the lyrics to that song.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Sex is not everything to me, but when mixed with other stuff, it became something bigger... like i dun get adequate sex, plus no romance, and dun even have a bf to walk me down the streets... so they all add up...
But yet, these are things too small for a break up... he's like becoming someone i can't live with, and yet, can't live without either... can't explain the exact way i'm feeling...
Like how a chinese song: "Zui Jing" by LI Sheng Jie~~ It says that "i can't give you what you want, and the things i can give you are not what you really desire".
So right now, im trying to teach myself the art of accepting and changing my expectations, rather than trying to change him, coz for almost 3 years he doesn't change, he's probably not going to change ever...
So it's either i give up my expectations or give him up.. although sometimes, i really wished he could meet me in the middle and try to make things easier for me...
But its going to be a fine line between loving him for what he is and loving him because he loves you more.
If its the latter, i think its going to go wrong again sometime in the future.
put the points to him and see what he says? This is a 2 person thing, so i think you should consult him too. It may not be just u feeling unsatisfied. he may too.
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Thanks Andrew...Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You think you cheap only lah.... reading what you have written so far, you not bad wat.. willing to do so much for you bf... wat more he want and what more you want?
ai yah, nobody ish perfect in this world, so no nid so hard on yourself...
uncle seen so many types of people in this world... you not bad already hor...
Honestly, when i wrote in here, i expected lots of flaming and i'm prepared to get screamed at by many... i didn't expect to receive so much forgiveness... i actually wrote in to get scolded coz i know i deserve it...
Really thanks so much...
I had an urge to confess to him and maybe it might show a red light sign to him that something is seriously wrong with us... But come to think of it, all that he's done is just not liking to go out and not being able to last in bed is obviously not what he wants either...
So our problems is like no one's fault, just character clash... but having affair is no need argue one, sure wrong.... Deep inside i know that no matter how he makes me unhappy, no one deserves to be cheated on...
Now, the thing is, can i forsake all those things i desire to accept him as who he is... without having the resentment and thinking," Why can't he accept my need for romance and a date?" If i keep on thinking this way, i'll always, and i mean ALWAYS, be unsatisfied. -
I think you just probably posted at the right time and got the few right people who replied.
It is interesting that you are pretty close to W. It is also interesting that you are labelling your one night mistake as an affair.
You are someone who is smart. Can see. -
I know what he hates about me, he hates it when i ask him to go out with me, and so now i dun ask anymore...Originally posted by Pitot:Yes i know the lyrics to that song.
But its going to be a fine line between loving him for what he is and loving him because he loves you more.
If its the latter, i think its going to go wrong again sometime in the future.
put the points to him and see what he says? This is a 2 person thing, so i think you should consult him too. It may not be just u feeling unsatisfied. he may too.
I'm still hoping for a day he would see the light that if i didn't make efforts, we could have been history long ago... For example if he plays games and instead of joining him, i sit there and complain whole day that he's playing game and not keeping me company... Or if i just keep going out and leave him alone at home... i know he likes me to be around even though he's looking at his computer 99% of the time
There's something i must learn too... It's to give unconditionally... maybe subconsiously, or even consiously, when i go into his world and do the things he loves because i know they make him happy, i also expect him to do the same... apparently, not everyone can adapt to changes very well, and he could be someone who prefers to remain who he is with a take it or leave it style...
But....... easier said than done... i've been learning for near to 3 yrs, still in kindergarten..... -
jeez, how i wish my girlfriend would be like that.
edit: the giving in part. only! -
Hello, I am a guy, I know, please don't confess to him...Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Thanks Andrew...
Honestly, when i wrote in here, i expected lots of flaming and i'm prepared to get screamed at by many... i didn't expect to receive so much forgiveness... i actually wrote in to get scolded coz i know i deserve it...
Really thanks so much...
I had an urge to confess to him and maybe it might show a red light sign to him that something is seriously wrong with us... But come to think of it, all that he's done is just not liking to go out and not being able to last in bed is obviously not what he wants either...
So our problems is like no one's fault, just character clash... but having affair is no need argue one, sure wrong.... Deep inside i know that no matter how he makes me unhappy, no one deserves to be cheated on...
Now, the thing is, can i forsake all those things i desire to accept him as who he is... without having the resentment and thinking," Why can't he accept my need for romance and a date?" If i keep on thinking this way, i'll always, and i mean ALWAYS, be unsatisfied.
Go out on date with you once in a while also he finds it hard? That one he is in the wrong lah...
One day when you two are in a good mood ask him directly "I want to go out on dates and you don't want to go with me so who do you suggest I go with?" -
W is one of my bf's close friends... My bf only brings me out with his group of friends to do the things they do, he doesn't like to go out with me alone... haha, dun ask me why, coz i dunno :p Thus we always hang out together and in the past, W will always call me to ask me for romantic ideas to do for his now-ex-gf... and he's also my shopping kaki...Originally posted by Pitot:I think you just probably posted at the right time and got the few right people who replied.
It is interesting that you are pretty close to W. It is also interesting that you are labelling your one night mistake as an affair.
You are someone who is smart. Can see.
But after this thing, i think we can never be the same again... now the thought of him makes me feel dirty... though i allowed it to happen, but still, i feel er xin....
I called this an affair coz to me, it's not the length of time, it's the fact that it happened... one night stand to me, is an affair... with or without intercourse... i wouldn't think of it as nothing if i see my bf holding hands with a girl, even if he tells me," i hold her hands for one min only, then u caught me liao".
It's funny that in the past when i pictured cheating on him, i thought of it as something that isn't that wrong coz he's the one who refuses to work on our differences...
But now when it really did happened, i couldn't find any excuses to support my scandal... Every excuses i used to play in my mind all seem terribly invalid now...
And well, if i were smarter, i would have known better the theory," Do not unto others what you do not want others to do unto you." -
I am still puzzled as to the fact that you are so certain he is the one for you?
I mean, you can disagree with him and even think abt cheating behind his back, but now you are willing to change for him?
is this you being guilty or otherwise? -
Haha, i tried liao lor...Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Hello, I am a guy, I know, please don't confess to him...
Go out on date with you once in a while also he finds it hard? That one he is in the wrong lah...
One day when you two are in a good mood ask him directly "I want to go out on dates and you don't want to go with me so who do you suggest I go with?"
I always ask him," Can bring me go gai gai? (walk walk)" and he always get fed up and ask me why i can't stay home... but ive been staying home!!! LOL...
Then i will tell him," ok lor, then i go on dates with other guys liao ar..", and he will say," YOU MUST GO OUT HOR???" lol...
So Uncle Andrew, how? -
S.L.U.T
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You really tried EVERYTHING in the book already hor?Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Haha, i tried liao lor...
I always ask him," Can bring me go gai gai? (walk walk)" and he always get fed up and ask me why i can't stay home... but ive been staying home!!! LOL...
Then i will tell him," ok lor, then i go on dates with other guys liao ar..", and he will say," YOU MUST GO OUT HOR???" lol...
So Uncle Andrew, how?
Don't say "then i go on dates with other guys liao ar.."
say "I very bored always stay at home... you suggest who I go with?" -
Say i just made friend with this party boy next block of ours and we agre to have a nice time out.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You really tried EVERYTHING in the book already hor?
Don't say "then i go on dates with other guys liao ar.."
say "I very bored always stay at home... you suggest who I go with?" -
I have always been trying to change, this is why i learned to play PC games when i couldn't even function the W A S D keys very well for directions... I'm a game idiot... when i played CS, i didn't even know i died when i was looking at things horizontally... and still asked him to adjust for me LOL... (well, this is just one of my dumbest moments in game)... And now, i have a rather powerful character in world of warcraft (but still a noob in disguise :p)... i know how hard i tried to play as well as him so that we could have fun together...Originally posted by Pitot:I am still puzzled as to the fact that you are so certain he is the one for you?
I mean, you can disagree with him and even think abt cheating behind his back, but now you are willing to change for him?
is this you being guilty or otherwise?
And when a new show is on screen, i suggested going for it and he will very lovingly tell me he'll get the dvd for me when it's out... i also dunno whether to laugh or cry... To him very sweet la, to me i want to die.. wahahah..
To ans your qns,
All along, ive been trying, and when he doesn't try, i feel resentful and thus the thought to cheat. I'm not trying to push the blame back to him, just to let you know why i had those thoughts... i thought that by having someone to fill in the blanks might work, i could have the things i want and come back home to him... But...... Cheating really not easy... now i know...
No doubt i'm terribly guilty now, but it's not guilt that makes me want to work harder, but an acknowledgement that if i can feel so lousy now, it means that he means a lot to me, more than i thought...
I thought i could do it guilt free coz i was on verge of strangling him everytime he refuses to bring me on a date.. (Even my b.d cake is cut at home lol)... And i thought i would come home a happy girl... But apparently, it wasn't what i thought... When i was being touched last night, i was more guilty and uncertain than enjoying the process...
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it just brings up more questions.
If the person who touched you yest night wasnt "W". i wonder what would have happened.
And going out with someone to fill up the gap... or jut to spite him?
In any way, hope u realise that this is wrong and hopefully things will work out afterall. -
The person who should be in the sorry state is your Bf.
He'll live in the dark for the rest of his life with a girlfriend who had a night affair with his BEST friend.
In this case,he has been shortchanged by the trust of you and his friend.
If u didn't enjoywhat he does,tell him instead of cheating on him. -
That one is so true... but I think it is easier for guys... so guys what you think? Is it easier for guys?Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Cheating really not easy... now i know... -
Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:That one is so true... but I think it is easier for guys... so guys what you think? Is it easier for guys?
shhh... -
Originally posted by Pitot:
shhh... -
I know...Originally posted by boka:S.L.U.T -
If it wasn't W, then maybe won't happen so soon...Originally posted by Pitot:it just brings up more questions.
If the person who touched you yest night wasnt "W". i wonder what would have happened.
And going out with someone to fill up the gap... or jut to spite him?
In any way, hope u realise that this is wrong and hopefully things will work out afterall.
I could get close to him to that extent coz we are familiar with each other... I don't make friends with guys when i go clubbing and stuff... and i keep conversations casual all the time if i do talk to anyone... and i always say i have a boyfriend and can't give numbers... this is why i never had any such encounters...
For W, i guess it's a familiar feeling, I don't know how to put it...
As for your next qns, filling up the gap is one reason, but you got it right, it's more of a out to spite him case... i'll be telling myself, he doesnt want to do it, there are many guys who would want to do it... i dun wanna look like a total loser to him that without him, i have no choice but go out alone or to get stuck at home... (Though many time i lied that i was going out with frens, but i was in fact out shopping all alone... )
But everytime when im out with W or other girl/guy friends, i wished he were there with me... when i see pretty things, or found a new cozy place, first thing that comes to mind is i wanna bring him there.... but next moment i just snap at myself," He won't come."
And finally, yes... i am totally remorseful and can't imagine doing this ever again... This is really the worst thing i had ever done to anyone in my life.... Scary..... -
get it over and done with.
and like i said, reconsider the position of trust and also the relationship with W.
what a friend.
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Yes i couldn't agree more with you... This is big mistake i made and this shameless act has totally betrayed the trust my bf had for W and I...Originally posted by boka:The person who should be in the sorry state is your Bf.
He'll live in the dark for the rest of his life with a girlfriend who had a night affair with his BEST friend.
In this case,he has been shortchanged by the trust of you and his friend.
If u didn't enjoywhat he does,tell him instead of cheating on him.
Hardly anything could be worse than your partner having something going on with your trusted friend... -
people want to "get it over and done with" but how? as for W, he is human after all bah... just like TS is human after all...Originally posted by Pitot:get it over and done with.
and like i said, reconsider the position of trust and also the relationship with W.
what a friend.
Just don't do it again because it is so painful but if she does not solve the underlying issues... all bets off...