How to please a guy?
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SuperchargerÂ…..believe me when I tell you I have gone through my fair share of pain and agony. It is forever a decision about whether to go to the one you love Or the the one who loves you. And I am forever incline to choose the formerÂ…and end up being rejected. Should I choose the latterÂ…I will forever live a life of wondering whether another better one will come along.Originally posted by supercharger:I agree with Most_inner_Tots... sometimes in life, esp in relationships... its next to impossible to have a whole big bunch of flowers and you decide. Even if you did manage to have a whole bunch... managing them, watering them and making that decision will be way way tougher than you can possibly imagine.
Plenty of people have been hurt that way both guys and gals and honestly, it is not an easy decisioin. I have frens who are like this going round picking flowers and others who are fortunate to be loved by a few girls... you think they have it easy? no... they are constantly asking themselves and their frens who is better/sweeter/more suitable and this and that. Having Choices alone does not mean that you will end up selecting the right person. I agree with her that not only will you potentially jeopardise your chances with the girls, its potentially hurtful for the girls/guys... I tell you its real agony when you know that you are being 2 timed or 3 timed
and you actually lost! What about the horrible wait when you have to wait and wait to hear who that person has choosen?? remember those horrid times when you have to wait???
There is no time as long as when you are uncertain about whether a person loves you... in a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber "Aspects of Love"
".... Love, love changes everything.... Love can make a summer fly or a night seem like a life time... " have you experience that pain and agony of waiting where 1 night feels totally like a life time??? how horrible!
So why put yourself and the other person through this?
What you actually need during courtship is first an understanding of yourself, your needs and expectations. Alot of people actually dont know themselves as well as they should! Once you know yourself, it will be easier to immediately identify will gell with you and who will not. By having this basic knowledge, you can avoid wasting your own time and energy pursuing girls/boys that are just not suitable for marriage/long term relationship. You also spare plenty of people hurts and pains.
You are probably right about wasting time and energy pursuing that ONE person in your live. But it is about prioritizing ones lifeÂ…..we spent a quarter of our lives building up a careerÂ…..so now it is time to find and win the heart of our ONE and only. I think this activity do deserve some effort. I just hope I am not too late. All the flowers have gone to lucky husbands everyone
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Life is just like a box of chocolates.....
Life can just about loving someone or somethings.
I believe there is no greater power than love.
I will say this apply to everywhere, anybody.
Anyone agree? -
Your sage lecture rather longÂ….so I had to break it in two.Originally posted by supercharger:As to the sex bit... sex is a very very powerful bonding agent that its there to help kick start and CEMENT a marriage. (yes old world ah peh views but what the heck!) You see, when you have sex before any meaningful and strong committment is made and before you understand yourself and the other person properly... you actually short circuit the courting and love process!
How??
You see no matter what... we are all looking for intimacy, yes physical but more than that, mental and EMOTIONAL intimacy. What happens with sex is that it can totally enhance the existing mental and emotional intimacy or it can fake it and replace it. If you do not already know that person and love that person, sex often will give you that false sense of intimacy.
Sex is something sooo personal and deeply ingrained in our soul that when given and received you will feel that you are really really close to a person. That is a fact and that is intimacy. But there are more than 1 type of intimacy and you honestly need all of them to get a meaningful and enjoyable relationship that last. Sex attempts to and does leap over the usual getting to know a person part. Sex actually makes you think that you are communicating at a very deep level but you are actually not!! Only mental and emotional intimacy can fulfill. That is why you would have heard many of your frens complain (and you know that they have had sex... that there is a void and emptiness and sometimes immediately after the sex act these empty feeling actually comes in... and no matter how much sex you have... you still feel empty!
Now there are many good reasons to spice up their sex lives but if it is so as to fill that intimacy void... it will not work bec the exchange of bodily fluid does not equal to the exchange of minds and feelings!
Now courtship.... all this are intertwine and it applies before marriage as well as after.
How would you know that a person is right??? unfortunately, knowing a person's sexual responses and how he moves when having sex is not = to knowing him. All you know is how he behaves during sex. now if you have sex 18hrs a day then that would be important. But the rest of the time, the mind and emotion must take over!
So whether its great sex or not should not be a major consideration. There is no denying that its important but should not be the key cos... you will feel empty after. There is no substitude for knowing a person thru and thru emotionally and mentally. sex will give you a false sense of closeness that cannot last bec it is not based on any tangible intimacy other than both of us had a great time getting that big O!
Again I do agree with what you had written about the sex part. But I do detect you are leaning towards a strong view about pre-marital sex.
To me there are two kinds “Making Love” and “Having Sex”. You ‘make love’ to someone you LOVE. ‘Having sex’ is everything else minus the love part.
You are probably going to toast (as in burn and not as in raise a glass ) me for saying this….but I believe ‘making love’ is important before marriage 
. It is part of the trial of being TOGETHER for life. And I believe you can never feel empty 'making love' to the one you love. It can only make a love grow stronger.
But if it is just ‘having sex’ before marriage….well I am toward the view that it should not be done. But…….that would be easier said than done
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Congrats on ur success.... lolz..
So did your bf ask u qns like "what happen to you?" or maybe... "why are u suddenly 'like that'?"
haha.... -
I fully agree.Originally posted by getkool:Life is just like a box of chocolates.....
Life can just about loving someone or somethings.
I believe there is no greater power than love.
I will say this apply to everywhere, anybody.
Anyone agree?
And there is always that ONE chocolate that you like better than the others in the box ...... Flowers or chocolate the same applies.
But seriously...Love makes the world go round. -
hmm....im not saying that its wrong to get to know many friends...wat im saying is that while u get to know friends...ur partner shld also know who u know....otherwise it is unfair to them...Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:SuperchargerÂ…..believe me when I tell you I have gone through my fair share of pain and agony. It is forever a decision about whether to go to the one you love Or the the one who loves you. And I am forever incline to choose the formerÂ…and end up being rejected. Should I choose the latterÂ…I will forever live a life of wondering whether another better one will come along.
You are probably right about wasting time and energy pursuing that ONE person in your live. But it is about prioritizing ones lifeÂ…..we spent a quarter of our lives building up a careerÂ…..so now it is time to find and win the heart of our ONE and only. I think this activity do deserve some effort. I just hope I am not too late. All the flowers have gone to lucky husbands everyone...
hmm...if ur former n latter disturbs u so much...den they are not the right ones for u....den u shld wait for the one who likes u n u like her??? rite?? otherwise u are forever at SQUARE 1??? -
lol...of course he will ask lah...but then i didnt tell him...i juz tell him that its a secret....anyway...he is more than happy in my change...haha...Originally posted by getkool:Congrats on ur success.... lolz..
So did your bf ask u qns like "what happen to you?" or maybe... "why are u suddenly 'like that'?"
haha.... -
yes perhaps we could do dinner sometime.Originally posted by supercharger:I agree with Pete Parker that making frens as many as you can is vey important. It does give us more choices and let us see what is "available" out there. AS to flirting... I guess we all do that but so long as we are not like some people who would "bao ga laio" then decide type... those are the one that causes real pain.
I love making frens and meeting new people... so perhaps we could do dinner together too!
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No pain no gain....Originally posted by Fuqua:Nice to see all these long discussions.
I thought i had ALL the answers in my previous relationship. THAt one ended disastrously a year ago. Discussions are GOOd. But I find there are some things u just have to learn the HARD way to fully comprehend its meaning. Pity.
The more pain you go through the more you gain -
Does that mean the dinner is onOriginally posted by most_inner_thoughts:hmm....im not saying that its wrong to get to know many friends...wat im saying is that while u get to know friends...ur partner shld also know who u know....otherwise it is unfair to them...
hmm...if ur former n latter disturbs u so much...den they are not the right ones for u....den u shld wait for the one who likes u n u like her??? rite?? otherwise u are forever at SQUARE 1???
We can have supercharger along...I owe him dinner too...
You like square, hor.....ok we will have dinner with a SQUARE table...the four of us on each sides.....you, your BF, me and supercharger (if he chooses to come). We shall discuss further the pros and cons of having more than one BF/GF. I would like to sit directly opposite of you....I want to see whether you can say "NO, I am just going to have one BF and will NEVER consider ANOTHER" with a straight face . -
hahaha thanks for the dinner invite...Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:Does that mean the dinner is on
We can have supercharger along...I owe him dinner too...
You like square, hor.....ok we will have dinner with a SQUARE table...the four of us on each sides.....you, your BF, me and supercharger (if he chooses to come). We shall discuss further the pros and cons of having more than one BF/GF. I would like to sit directly opposite of you....I want to see whether you can say "NO, I am just going to have one BF and will NEVER consider ANOTHER" with a straight face .
Indeed.. life can be like a box of chocolate... but pls ah pls... try not to pick the one with the NUT in it!
Dinner sure sure it will be a pleasure
... but as for the bf present... no issue about it only thing is I scared later kaana humptum buy bfs... cos he/they think I'm trying to get fresh with their ger! -
Sorry la.. I know my post really long one! tsk tsk... its the nature of my job training... I'm trained to waste paper writting rubbish!Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:Your sage lecture rather longÂ….so I had to break it in two.
But if it is just ‘having sex’ before marriage….well I am toward the view that it should not be done. But…….that would be easier said than done .
As to whether to have sex or not... its really up to the individual's own values moral/religious/personal etc...
just wanted to bust this myth that sex = love cos there are plenty of people who are having sex under the cover of making "love"... and also the very real effect of what happens when sex takes place without real love and committment! -
hmm....i wun say that particular sentence with a STRAIGHT face...i will say it with a SERIOUS face....i tink my bf noes me better than anyone else other than my family n close friends...so in the end i might not even have to say anything at all...he will know what place he stands....Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:Does that mean the dinner is on
We can have supercharger along...I owe him dinner too...
You like square, hor.....ok we will have dinner with a SQUARE table...the four of us on each sides.....you, your BF, me and supercharger (if he chooses to come). We shall discuss further the pros and cons of having more than one BF/GF. I would like to sit directly opposite of you....I want to see whether you can say "NO, I am just going to have one BF and will NEVER consider ANOTHER" with a straight face .
fair enough? -
I fully agreed... anyway, love just dun come in free gift.. Especially for some ppl, they got so much painful experiences and finally got into a prefect love. Anyway, prefect love needs lots of time to be modified into it. Same as LOVE, u dun call love if u just like someone if there is no bad and good experiences. You only classified LOVE someone when so much time had proven it to you.Originally posted by most_inner_thoughts:hmm....im not saying that its wrong to get to know many friends...wat im saying is that while u get to know friends...ur partner shld also know who u know....otherwise it is unfair to them...
hmm...if ur former n latter disturbs u so much...den they are not the right ones for u....den u shld wait for the one who likes u n u like her??? rite?? otherwise u are forever at SQUARE 1???
LOve in first sight? I dun believe in such things... That will only be a temp feeling for those ppl, unless time had proven real love exists in them.
Why not give urself more time to cool down ... Rushing into relationship will get urself hurt again.... Believe me, you will not know what u want if u rush into one... unless u want to get hurt again.. -
wait a min ...
* checks forum *
wahhaha since when bar become so serious ?
zui tu fu ren xing !!!
if ur bf leaves you for someone else, must wish that their new r/s die meh ... can't you wish him all the best ? -
haha...of course i will wish him all the best...best worst relationship he can have in his life ever...haha....Originally posted by meander:wait a min ...
* checks forum *
wahhaha since when bar become so serious ?
zui tu fu ren xing !!!
if ur bf leaves you for someone else, must wish that their new r/s die meh ... can't you wish him all the best ? -
pardon me....Originally posted by meander:wait a min ...
* checks forum *
wahhaha since when bar become so serious ?
zui tu fu ren xing !!!
if ur bf leaves you for someone else, must wish that their new r/s die meh ... can't you wish him all the best ?
BUt..
zui tu is most poisonous...
fu ren is woman...
xing is heart..
therefore... woman's heart is the most poisonous... -
Painful experience, yet it teaches me by far the greatest lesson of all about relationship .. and woman. But dam*, I must be deeply flawed, i keep making the same stupid mistakesOriginally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:No pain no gain....
The more pain you go through the more you gain
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Originally posted by getkool:
Woman - Can't live wiv them, can't shoot them.
pardon me....
BUt..
[b]zui tu is most poisonous...
fu ren is woman...
xing is heart..
therefore... woman's heart is the most poisonous...[/b] -
SO true indeed.Originally posted by supercharger:just wanted to bust this myth that sex = love cos there are plenty of people who are having sex under the cover of making "love"... and also the very real effect of what happens when sex takes place without real love and committment!
And the very reason why girls must be aware of WOLVES in sheep's clothing.
THERE ARE MEN who will pretend to love just for the sake of 'having sex'.
These are the BAD FLIRTS, most_inner_thought and juz_a_gal probably mistook me for. NO, I am the good flirt, believe it or not. -
Ok...fair enough.Originally posted by most_inner_thoughts:hmm....i wun say that particular sentence with a STRAIGHT face...i will say it with a SERIOUS face....i tink my bf noes me better than anyone else other than my family n close friends...so in the end i might not even have to say anything at all...he will know what place he stands....
fair enough?
But the dinner......still on right? -
lol...now i didnt say tat or think tat u are one BAD flirt...juz a flirt...haha...juz kidding lah...i mean like i said...not wrong to try to know more friends....but if the fren wants to remain as frenz...den treat the person as a fren...Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:SO true indeed.
And the very reason why girls must be aware of WOLVES in sheep's clothing.
THERE ARE MEN who will pretend to love just for the sake of 'having sex'.
These are the BAD FLIRTS, most_inner_thought and juz_a_gal probably mistook me for. NO, I am the good flirt, believe it or not. -
ahhhh.....tat one hor...i have to ask my bf opinion leh...ask him again okie? i miting him tml mah...so can ask him...Originally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:Ok...fair enough.
But the dinner......still on right? -
of course important to have plenty of friends. but personally, i don't have that many. I have a same close bunch and I always believe that inviting more guys into the "game" = inviting trouble.
If you're happy with this one, why would you look elsewhere? I don't close my eyes and turn blind to all others. I admit I can compare in my head once in a while, but ultimately, the one I'm with always wins.
I can "shop" around for someone else. Leave the guys dangling - but why do that? why cause people to suffer? I don't understand. Not interested say not interested. Interested means something wrong with current relationship.
Sex before marriage is like an intimacy thing of the relationship. But surely it's not the only basis of the relationship?! There's got to be some common ground for the 2 to stay together.....
my bf and I don't have many hobbies in common - but we have little things/values which can be quite close. Those which don't, we obviously have disagreements on, which is good 'cos at least we get to "argue".
We don't have long arguments 'cos there really isn't a point being angry with one another. Just give way, let go, forget, and you can move on. -
nice galOriginally posted by juz_A_gal:of course important to have plenty of friends. but personally, i don't have that many. I have a same close bunch and I always believe that inviting more guys into the "game" = inviting trouble.
If you're happy with this one, why would you look elsewhere? I don't close my eyes and turn blind to all others. I admit I can compare in my head once in a while, but ultimately, the one I'm with always wins.
I can "shop" around for someone else. Leave the guys dangling - but why do that? why cause people to suffer? I don't understand. Not interested say not interested. Interested means something wrong with current relationship.
Sex before marriage is like an intimacy thing of the relationship. But surely it's not the only basis of the relationship?! There's got to be some common ground for the 2 to stay together.....
my bf and I don't have many hobbies in common - but we have little things/values which can be quite close. Those which don't, we obviously have disagreements on, which is good 'cos at least we get to "argue".
We don't have long arguments 'cos there really isn't a point being angry with one another. Just give way, let go, forget, and you can move on.