Disappointed Viet brides dump S'pore hubbies
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Taken from The Electric NewPaper - April 7, 2005:
WHY THEY WALK OUT
- Can't adjust to lifestyle here
- Language barrier
- Unrealistic expectations
- Cold feet
THEY may have travelled a long way from their homes in rural Vietnam to marry Singaporean husbands.
But some matchmade Viet brides have no qualms about dumping their men and making a quick U-turn if things are not right. They're even prepared to endure shame when they return home without hubby in tow.
For every 100 cases of matchmade couples involving Vietnamese women and Singaporean men, at least three brides initiate breakups, said a matchmaking agency here.
An inability to adjust to the lifestyle here, as well as the language barrier can sometimes push these women to the brink, said Mr Mark Lin, managing director of Vietnam Brides International Matchmaker.
He said: 'Many of these women come here with an over-glorified notion of Singaporean men, and sometimes their hopes are dashed when they realise the men don't live up to their expectations.
'There are also those with the 'playgirl attitude' who think they can find a better man.
'It's unrealistic expectations like these which cause the match to fail before the marriage is legally recognised.'
When a woman dumps the man, Mr Lin will find another woman for free, since it's his 'duty' to ensure the mans get a wife.
He charges $10,000 for a match made in Singapore, and $16,000 for one made in Vietnam.
Some men and women also get cold feet and change their minds at the last minute about getting hitched, he added.
Some brides-to-be may even be sent home to their families by their prospective husbands before marriage, Mr Lin said.
He estimated that out of 100 women, only about seven are rejected by the men before marriage.
Said Mr Lin: 'Not all marriages (matchmade or otherwise) end up happy, and divorces happen.
'But these are very rare in matchmade marriages, because both parties go into it not for the purpose of dating, but for practical reasons of marriage and starting a family.'
However, other Vietnamese matchmaking outfits, like Mr Cupid International Matchmakers and Crossing Point Friendship, claim they have not had any divorces.
Mr Lin said the overwhelming majority of cases of women being rejected by men happen before they are legally married.
Couples file a notice of marriage at the Registry of Marriages when the Vietnamese bride arrives in Singapore.
Before the solemnisation, there is a waiting period of 21 days, during which the bride will live with the man and consummate their marriage.
Mr Lin gave three reasons why men reject their prospective brides.
Objections from his family (siblings, parents).
'Playboy' attitude. 'Some men are under the impression that they are far superior to the woman, and that perhaps the next woman they find will be better. So they reject the bride.'
When the bride asks him for an exorbitant sum of money to send to her family.
When women are dumped, or choose to leave their Singaporean spouses, they usually return to their villages in shame, said Mr Lin.
He adds that if the bride is rejected by the Singapore man, she won't be ridiculed that much back home, as her community would merely think that Singaporean men are hard to please.
But if she doesn't want the man, it will reflect badly on her, as she will be seen as a playgirl who squandered her chances.
HARD TO STAY ON
She will find it hard to stay on in her village, as people will call her a loose woman.
But these women usually get back on the matchmaking circuit - probably ending up with Taiwanese or Korean husbands.
One young foreign bride told The New Paper how she was sent home by the Singaporean man she was to marry barely two weeks after they met.
The man dumped her unceremoniously, she claimed, saying that he was going to the UK to study, and could not take her along since he would be gone for two years.
Said the woman, through a friend: 'He had obviously made plans to go for further studies sometime ago.
'Not coming clean with this from the start gave me the feeling that he was out to cheat me.'
Despite such setbacks, many of these women still prefer to marry foreign men.
Another bride-to-be, who did not want to be named, said: 'It's better to marry foreigners because I have friends who get beaten by their local husbands who are drunks or are in financial trouble.
'Overseas men are less violent and more loving to their wives.' -
i guess this is better then the divorce rates of singapore couples.
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Reminds me of trading cattle really.
*wants to add more mean stuff but decides against it* -
those singaporean men are so lousy, marry then dump that poor girl!!
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tough business
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u need 2read the newslines in report :
abt every 100 there r mayb 3-5 ,better then the local divorce rates so
the blue paper always hv smething towards local get Viet girls (seems like their sorrow
frm last reporting of the :"local men as Lokang fishes") and the report done always by female reporters
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singaporean women likes to complain about singaporean menOriginally posted by ha8n:u need 2read the newslines in report :
abt every 100 there r mayb 3-5 ,better then the local divorce rates so
the blue paper always hv smething towards local get Viet girls (seems like their sorrow
frm last reporting of the :"local men as Lokang fishes") and the report done always by female reporters -
i personally find it difficult to accept such form of marriages. how can anyone get married without proper communication. how do these men talk to their wives. really beats me.
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Haiz....ok ok I go for Cambodian brides instead....
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- Can't adjust to lifestyle here
- Language barrier
I recogn those two are the killer part.. -
my post is right.
marriage is nothing more than a business contract where both parties seek to be finacially afloat -
Originally posted by gentlerock:Haiz....ok ok I go for Cambodian brides instead....
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how hard is it to learn these two words ......Originally posted by dragg:i personally find it difficult to accept such form of marriages. how can anyone get married without proper communication. how do these men talk to their wives. really beats me.
Sex ..... Money ..... -
But the SG guys are complaining that SG girls only want Money. Isn't that the same thing?Originally posted by InnoHippo:how hard is it to learn these two words ......
Sex ..... Money ..... -
The Viet brides must have conned their husbands to give them money, then give excuse & run back home.
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no lar, they wan $$ n sex also..hahaOriginally posted by elindra:But the SG guys are complaining that SG girls only want Money. Isn't that the same thing? -
well ..... dont forget the exchange rates ......Originally posted by elindra:But the SG guys are complaining that SG girls only want Money. Isn't that the same thing?
if not, SG guys would be getting American or European chicks -
How can you say that Gerry?Originally posted by gerrykoh:The Viet brides must have conned their husbands to give them money, then give excuse & run back home.
You are going to shatter the dreams of certain forumites here that Viet girls are sweet, gentle, demure, good housewife, good mother etc and not the money-grubbing materialistic useless bitches we SG girls are. -
there are differences.Originally posted by elindra:But the SG guys are complaining that SG girls only want Money. Isn't that the same thing?
1. the expectations of the brides are lower.
2. they are at the mercy of the local men due to language barrier -
Originally posted by dragg:there are differences.
1. the expectations of the brides are lower.
True, in our terms their expectations are lower. In their local terms, their expectations are high. It's all a matter of perception
2. they are at the mercy of the local men due to language barrier
You make our guys sound like tyrants -
3 out of 100 brides initiate breakup means a failure rate of only 3%..
What's the divorce rate for a pure SG couple? Is this piece of article news worthy? -
buy russian bride arh!!
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to elindra:
let me clarify my posting...
lower expectations from the viewpoint of singapore men. they can cope with the expectations of vietnamese brides much better those of local women
i did not mean to say that local men are tyrants. one of the reason for our high divorce rate is the earning power of local women. their expectation of men and marriages has changed with better earning power. vietnamese brides have little or no earning power. thus they are at the mercy of their singapore husbands. -
elindra, you're still talking to those losers about this issue? i've long given up. nothing stays in their pin-hole brains.Originally posted by elindra:But the SG guys are complaining that SG girls only want Money. Isn't that the same thing? -
tts the prob with language barrier...dammit..why singaporean man marries vietnam girl...