Would you guys ever date a transsexual?
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Agree that the wife/gf shouldn't tell.Originally posted by Finnz:Well then that settles it
And i think you shouldn't tell too, the guy is better off not knowing and lets just say some thing are better off kept tight in your closet
A lot of married women have hidden secrets of their past which they will never share with their life partners. So I suppose this goes the same for transsexual.
If it doesn't make the man loves you more by telling him everything, then don't. -
Honestly I really, don't think its exacly right if I were to keep such a big issue from him. *sigh* I mean like, if he ever does find out one day, its really going to cause a hell lot of problems. Besides I doubt I could hide something like that forever anyway.
And yes HENG, I do know how lucky I am compared to other TS women. I really consider myself one of the luckiest simply cause my parents (my mum anyway) supports me and doesn't mind me going on with this. But well, my family is facing a little financial difficulty at the moment, and no, your not exacly correct either by saying that its better to get an op as young as possible. -
For me, nope.. Since I'm pretty exclusively gay and I'm not sexually attracted to a woman..Originally posted by JennTS:Honestly I really, don't think its exacly right if I were to keep such a big issue from him. *sigh* I mean like, if he ever does find out one day, its really going to cause a hell lot of problems. Besides I doubt I could hide something like that forever anyway.
And yes HENG, I do know how lucky I am compared to other TS women. I really consider myself one of the luckiest simply cause my parents (my mum anyway) supports me and doesn't mind me going on with this. But well, my family is facing a little financial difficulty at the moment, and no, your not exacly correct either by saying that its better to get an op as young as possible.
But, glad that you have the courage to take the very first step to do what you want in life..
However, I do agree with you that honesty is the foundation of all relationship.. Not many straight men might accept a transexual woman.. But then, it's still good to find someone who can love you, no matter who you are..
Just my personal opinion.. and best of luck.. =) -
Well, if you try doing the right thing, you might end up making the wrong move.Originally posted by JennTS:Honestly I really, don't think its exacly right if I were to keep such a big issue from him. *sigh* I mean like, if he ever does find out one day, its really going to cause a hell lot of problems. Besides I doubt I could hide something like that forever anyway.
And yes HENG, I do know how lucky I am compared to other TS women. I really consider myself one of the luckiest simply cause my parents (my mum anyway) supports me and doesn't mind me going on with this. But well, my family is facing a little financial difficulty at the moment, and no, your not exacly correct either by saying that its better to get an op as young as possible.
Many women, including myself, will have some dark secret that we will always keep to ourselves only, or maybe just confide in our girlfriends who can understand. Your man might love you very much, but that doesn't mean the truth won't hurt him.
If telling him the truth is going to make him less happy, then don't. It's for the good of both of you.
Some of my gf who are married even had abortions before they met their husbands. They decide to keep this dark secret to themselves and I totally agree with that.
Many a time, truth hurts the man, esp if he really loves you with all his heart. He is not going to be indifferent to what you tell him, cuz he loves you very much. IMO, it is not fair to let the man go thru this hurts.
sometimes ignorant is a bliss. I'm sure you will want your man happy. Right? -
IMO, I think that most guys are unable to accept the fate. Guess you just have to keep the skeleton in the closet but if you wish to let it out. Do it before marriage or it might turn too ugly...
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homosexual, transsexual, hetrosexual, bisexual
We are all but the same, lets try to live with one another and respect each other -
Tell him will only hurt him very very deeply.Originally posted by caleb_chiang:IMO, I think that most guys are unable to accept the fate. Guess you just have to keep the skeleton in the closet but if you wish to let it out. Do it before marriage or it might turn too ugly... -
I dont think many of us can help you here. The kind of problems associated with transgender is rather difficult to be understood by most people.
Do visit this website to get more info about transgender in Singapore. They might point you to a transgender support group.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_people_in_Singapore
Alternatively, you might want to write to:
Oogachaga
http://www.oogachaga.com/
They might be able to help you out too. -
maybe u dun think so, but trust me, a lot of TG women who only get the op late in their lives end up being on a mental level where they feel they have to make up for their lack of a childhood and teenhood as a girl. I've known about cases where a 36 yr old TG ends up feeling like she's only 6 years old... If u can go for an op and avoid this "making up for lost time" syndrome, then why not?Originally posted by JennTS:Honestly I really, don't think its exacly right if I were to keep such a big issue from him. *sigh* I mean like, if he ever does find out one day, its really going to cause a hell lot of problems. Besides I doubt I could hide something like that forever anyway.
And yes HENG, I do know how lucky I am compared to other TS women. I really consider myself one of the luckiest simply cause my parents (my mum anyway) supports me and doesn't mind me going on with this. But well, my family is facing a little financial difficulty at the moment, and no, your not exacly correct either by saying that its better to get an op as young as possible. -
Seriously i can't bring myself to do it.
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no.Originally posted by JennTS:Well, simple one word answer, just yes or no lol. -
u talking about me?Originally posted by SMAPLionHeart:Never , not even harisu.. -
uhhh, think hes referring to the real one.
so umm, how you doing sis? i'm lene btw. -
Nope..
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i guess fully depending on the guys itself..
some friend of mine dnt mind.. for me as a gal i wouldn't mind having as friend maybe can chit chat exchange pointer on beauty etc..
Dnt worry too much there are still guys out there able to accept.
But why the legal ? Is legalise so important to you ? -
hi lene, how are u there? I'm fine.. how's your progress?Originally posted by JennTS:uhhh, think hes referring to the real one.
so umm, how you doing sis? i'm lene btw. -
I'm still the same Harisu, I guess.... *sigh* dad still won't accept it.
and HENG; well, umm, I'm planning to get my op in my early twenties which is well, still young. I'm not that worried about making up for my missing childhood as a girl, since I'm already full time female, so I sorta live my life already as a female, except for a certain something which I haven't gotten removed yet.
glad I still have lots of female friends though. they don't really seem to mind as much. then again, a bunch of my male friends are fine with us just being....friends.
and uhh, subarugal you referring to my getting of a legal name change? well it sorta looks alot better on my IC lol, along with my change in photo. also it did cause ALOT of problems last time when people asked for my IC, then they stare at it, and stare back at me, then stare at it again, and ask me a bunch of stupid questions. still causes a problem sometimes though, if they happen to look at my sex which appears as M. =(
anyway umm well, I still rather not keep it from my boyfriend, if we're planning on getting serious. it'd have disasterous concequences if he happens to find out one day after we're happily married lol. oh I don't know really....bleh. guess I'll just stick to doing whatever feels right to me... -
I understand your situation but this is your life and no one should stop you from being who you are... I felt that one should not be hindered from becoming what one want to be... especially when one's sure about one's path.
You will have my full support. Don't live a life with regrets but rather embrace what you want to become.
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well Jenn, all I can say is, lucky u. The best part of your deal is probably that u don't have to hide it from your family, even if your dad doesn't approve. That feeling sucks like hell.
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i'm sorry to say that while i'm willing to date one, i do not think it would ever turn into anything serious
and if my partner's TS i would rather not know
as they used to say, ignorance is bliss -
unfortunatly he still treats me like a guy....which really sucks. keeps telling me to get my hair cut and alot of other stuff. he thinks I'm gay too, since I date guys. I honestly thought that he'll get used to it over time but, well, unfortunatly I was wrong.
something I want to ask you guys though....do you think you'd rather date a trans without knowing, and have her tell you halfway about her past, or totally not know anything at all, and your get happily married and eventually find out one day? -
The more the guy loves you, the more vulnerable he is.Originally posted by JennTS:unfortunatly he still treats me like a guy....which really sucks. keeps telling me to get my hair cut and alot of other stuff. he thinks I'm gay too, since I date guys. I honestly thought that he'll get used to it over time but, well, unfortunatly I was wrong.
something I want to ask you guys though....do you think you'd rather date a trans without knowing, and have her tell you halfway about her past, or totally not know anything at all, and your get happily married and eventually find out one day?
All my ex bfs mind hearing about my past relationships, even though the r/s are just like any common relationships out there. I used to think they were being narrow-minded and petty. But later on in life, I realised that men can be very easily hurt by the women they love. That is why, many married women choose to hide their past, or speak less of it as much as possible.
So if you really think you shld be honest, then you have to really do it very very tactfully cuz your case is quite rare and hence very sensitive.
But my advise is : Don't. I am advising you like the way I will advise any of my girlfriends. I was also told the same thing by older gfs before. That's why I believe there is a good reason not to tell.
Let's say one day he finds out on his own your past. He will of course be very very shocked. Just like if I find out one day that my husband was ever married before and has kids with other women, I will be devastated too. If the guy loves you, given some time, he will come to term with it. This is provided you choose the right guy. Right guy = good, nice guy who treats love seriously. Just tell him straight that if u hide it from him because you love him too much that you are afraid to lose him. But then, at any part of the relationship he's told the truth, the reaction will still be the same, be it he accepts or not.
Also, I saw from a HK serial that a transsexual murdered her ex lover who pestered her like hell. Through thorough investigation, the police found out that she was a man before and this of course was revealed to her husband who knew nothing about it at first. Her husband rejected her at first but later on out of love, helped her to escape arrest.
We may think this is just a drama. But scriptwriters most of the time, write stories based on some facts in daily life. -
I guess most dads act that way. And yea, u need to educate him on what constitutes a gay. A Gay is a man who wants to love another man AS a man. I often tell many people, gender, gender-identity and sexuality are very independent issues. In fact, your sexuality is straight since u want to love men as a woman yourself. your gender-identity is female while your gender is Transgender/3rd gender.Originally posted by JennTS:unfortunatly he still treats me like a guy....which really sucks. keeps telling me to get my hair cut and alot of other stuff. he thinks I'm gay too, since I date guys. I honestly thought that he'll get used to it over time but, well, unfortunatly I was wrong. -
JennTS,
If you want to see a real life example of a happily married transsexual, there is one working at City Plaza (level 1) hair salon. Not sure of the name, but the shop door is facing outside the building one, next to the entrance of the building. I dunno her name also. But heard that she gets along pretty well with her mother in law and her husband treats her very well. Once, I heard that she even took leave to go out with her mother in law (this shows good relation between them).
But word of advise : It is sad to say this, but it is true that there are many, too many b astard guys out there. Just be careful with ppl you meet. I know of another transsexual who holds a good job in one big company. She has been wanting to find happpiness but men all never treat her seriously because of her gender. She ended up getting hurt all the time.
I think both are in their late 30s.
Just wanna show you the two extremes of how a transsexual's life can be.