The Stripper
She walks into the gym wearing a tight
short sleeve compression shirt and long spandex pants.
After her first exercise she strips off her shirt to
reveal a crop top not much bigger than a running bra.
After her third exercise off comes the spandex pants to
reveal some very short gym shorts. She proceeds to do
bent over cable flys being careful to get into the cable
rack so she faces the most men. I can't figure out how
she gets those spandex pants off over those huge cross
trainers she's wearing.
Muscle Midget
Short guy with extreme muscularity. If
you took a picture of him along side children's furniture
he would still look short. Can be easily bench pressed
by the lightest 6 footer in the gym.
Mr Paranoid Partial reps
Theres this guy who uses the worst form on every exercises, and seems to have a workout composed of exclusively partials and cheating reps. The funny part is that he swings his like if trying to crack his neck before sets of bench press, looks at you with very aggressive eyes if you work on the same machine/cable station, but never says a word. Dang he freaks me out.
The Gun Slinger
Skinny guy that snatches up a pair of 65's and proceeds to use his entire body to "curl" them. Usually manages to cheat out only 2 or 3 reps out before he slams the 65's on the floor and looks around to see who is watching his display of "strength".
Gym queer
the person who seems to always be behind you when you're doing bent over cable flys; the one who always happens to be in the sauna, like he's "waiting for something"; gives you that 'wink wink' kinda look throughout your workout.
"Nothing better to do than Stare, Man!"
Sits there and does a set every 20 minutes. Between those 20 minute sets, he stares at you without glancing away. Makes people real uncomfortable.
Ugly "hot" chick
She is plain and sometimes overweight, but stares in the mirror on her way to the aerobics room. She is easily spotted when she enters the gym because she's the only chick in the entire gym who struts and looks as if she's seriously bothered by all the guys staring at her - even though they're not.
Ugly "hot" chick usually travels in packs of other, Ugly "hot" chicks and can be heard complaining about how "There wasn't ANY hot guys out this weekend!"
The One-Rep Wonder:
I see this guy in the gym one or two evenings a week. He's in his early fifties or thereabouts and weighs maybe 160. Most of his workouts are the same: he goes to one of the benches and, without any warmup, does a single bench press rep of 245 to 265 - a pretty decent amount given his age and weight, that's for sure. He then wanders off and talks with other people in the gym for about ten minutes. When the ten minutes are up, he comes back to the bench and does another single rep at the same weight. He repeats the process a few more times, so that he ends up doing around six or seven reps over the course of an hour or more. Then he leaves.
The "I don't practice what I preach" trainer
This is the guy (nearly always a guy) who gets paid to train others, usually newbies, in general fitness regimens. However, one look at them will tell you they can rattle off the phone number for Pizza Hut faster than they can load up weights for their third set. In other words, they have enough spare tires to take care of your entire car.
JEALOUS BOYFRIEND
Jealous boyfriend is a dweeb but is somehow dating a hot chick with big tits. Said hot chick is serious about her workouts though and can often be seen in the gym every evening. Jealous boyfriend though, doesn't seem to like working out but tags along and follows her around like a puppy. Jealous Boyfriend also knows so little about working out that he doesn't pay attention to the fact that his girlfriend uses more weight than him on most every exercise they do together. No matter though, because 1-2 sets is all Jealous Boyfriend ever does. The rest of his evenings in the gym are spent giving hard looks to all the guys who are checking out his girlfriend.
Nudist in the locker room
The old men in the locker room who I SWEAR just LOVE to be naked! They sit on the benches naked, shave naked, go to the bathroom naked.....it drives me insane. They'll stand and have 20 minute conversations each other while totally naked. I'm not homophobic or anything, but c'mon guys....not while you're naked
The Bride of Ben Dover
A young woman who wears sweat pants that are so low-cut, every time she bends over her Whale Tail* and Tramp Stamp** are in plain sight. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not an unpleasant thing to see, it's just that it can be very distracting when you're in the middle of a heavy set.
* Whale Tail = a visible thong, so called due to its resemblance to the tail of a diving whale
** Tramp Stamp = a tattoo across a woman's lower back, just above the rear end.
Mr & Mrs STAIRMASTER TRICEPS
This title belongs to both men and women who get on the Stairmaster - presumeably to workout - but for some reason try to support themselves with their arms. They give it their all and you have to give them an "A" for effort, but 10 minutes or so on the machine is all they can stand because, in their own words, "My arms give out too fast."
Mr & Mrs STAIRMASTER TRICEPS, is closely related to Mr & Mrs. TREADMILL AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE: This couple gets on the treadmill, sets is at its steepest angle, revs it up to warp speed and then holds on for dear life while they "walk."
Belt Man
The guy who wears a weight belt the entire time he is in the gym. It is only a 1 in a million chance he will do an exercise that may need a weight belt (squats, dead lifts). He will proudly carry the weight belt to the gym on his shoulder, like he is a big man, ready for a big work out. He then tightens his belt, and does his usual work out, consisting of: Flyes, followed by Preacher Curls, then Tricep push downs. Afterwards, the belt is removed, and placed back on his shoulder, as he struts to the stair stepper for 10 min. of "hard" cardio, and then home.
TO BE CONTINUED...
