Why Are Friendships So Fragile Nowadays?
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Then your friend isn't a friend.Originally posted by OasisBlue:Pls enlighten me
I cant fight...dis fren hate me so much that she dun even want to talk to me...give her presents she just dump it on de ground and leave...
She (is your friend a he or she? I stick with she first) is giving you the cold shoulder so ignore her. If she doesn't wants to be friends, then don't. Why give the sastification that you are LOST without her? -
Your friend don't deserve such a good friend as you.Originally posted by OasisBlue:I did a reflection already...very ashamed of myself... i did all those...it wun work sigh... -
Sadly i must say this is a result of living in Singapore.
Do something good and they reward you. Do something bad and they punish you. Children of singapore grow up with the mentality of doing something for something.
There isn't anything much people would do selflessly for others anymore. One of the factors here.
Secondly is ranking. Heard of the term BEST FRIEND?
In my opinion, nobody have best friends. No seriously. Nobody have best friends and this shouldn't be only my own opinion. It has to be taught to everyone. I do my best to preach.
You see a person can have many friends. By defining someone your best friends you are putting pressure on that friend(his best friend is someone else). Or you might be hurting someone whom you deem as a best friend. You see if a person isn't an enemy, he is only a neighbour/colleague/classmate. Most people classify these people as friends. Which is wrong.
If you had a friend under which should belong to that category instead, you would soon realise that a babe/dood will be the key to souring your friendships, supposingly the two of you fell for her/him. In essence, it is no longer a healthy competition. Inside your heart you are secretly rooting out for yourself and cursing your 'friend' to be doomed to failure. The essence here isn't friendship but more like a war.
Another example is if your friend keeps bringing up something to smear your reputation/make you really really angry but is always friendly to you. That friend is probably jealous of something you did or have that he didn't and can never posess. While he/she is friendly to you, he/she is secretly hoping to bring you down to his/her level so you two can be truly equal to be friends. The essence here is jealousy, not friendship.
Finally one last example(Real life example happened to menames and timeline are changed to protect the identity of the guy who left me to die). 2 friends who go back a long way. Around 30 years of friendship. One day FriendA likes this girl who happened to be FriendB's ex. FriendA have been doing silly things to get his ex back with him but to no avail. One day they were at the beach with a group of friends. FriendA had both legs cramped badly from the waist down and shouted for help. FriendB was quick to tell everyone that A is acting hoping to attract his ex's attention. Making sure he is loud enough to let everyone hear this, including A's ex. A's ex was so disgusted she walked off. Other friends were convinced and didn't help.
FriendA only made it back alive by transfering every ounce of hate and anger he had into survival instincts. Thus my signature in this forum. After that everyone that is a friend to me i regard as friends. Others i am quick to end my friendship with. People tell me i am harsh to end a long friendship just like that. I think i have become wise and do not want to waste time with enemies by my side.
It doesn't matter how far back the friendship ran. It is the essence of the friendships that matters. If the essence of friendship is no longer there, even if we ran 10000 years back, i can end it right there and then.
It isn't fragile. It isn't being harsh or mean. I am always true to those whom i treat as my friends. I go out of my way to help them with what i can. There are something which you can forgive but sometimes alot of things are not meant to be forgotten and forgiven. If a friend watch you die without offering help he can do everything in the world to ask your forgiveness but from that moment on he can never be your friend again ever. Friendships should be made after a long time of getting to know the person. When it turns sour, you have to judge the situation and decide if you want to salvage the situation.
This isn't about forgiveness. I can only say if your friend leave you to die and you forgive him just because you two go far back you are an idiot. It isn't about how long the friendship runs back. It's about if there is any essence of friendship in there. I can NOT know anything of a dood i met just 1 week ago but i can trust him. That is friendship. If a friend is jealous of me and upgrade himself to compete against me instead of tearing me down by making rumours or hurting my self esteem that is friendship(takes alot of experiences to know the wisdom in this). If a friend scolds and insults me to fire up my anger in the hope that anger is better then despair, instead of saying oh poor you, let me know if you need help in anyway when they know they can never help you in any way. That is friendship.
Wisdom is gained through experiences in life, my dear. -
learn to appreciate,forgive and forget.
If always talk about $ and taking advantage of others, nobody wan to be friends with you.
When you grow older and married, family is more important and you don't find time for yr friends cos everybody is busy making $ and looking after their family, where got time for you!
Nowadays when old friends meet up always asked where you work how much you earn? these type of question already tell you this is no longer a friendship anymore. For youngster, what HP you carry or try to compare, you will find yr friendship won't last after sometime.
Good friend is about caring and helping each other, don't ask too much from friends cos that is wat you also don't want them to do to you rite.
I only have 2 good friends for many years, and that is enough, there are other which we still have contact after many years. Those who always try to take advantage of me I will say bye bye to them, so simple. -
That day i had a argument with my best frn. She made me so pissed off because although she could no longer argue her way through she continued ranting on. It amused me to see the way she insisted she was right even though the whole world knew she was wrong. Stubborn ox. I had given in to her many times but this time i thought over and decided to stop contacting her. To my surprise, this best friend who was the most most most stubborn person in the world actually sort of called and asked me for a movie with another friend. This was her way of giving in. I was touched becos i thought this friendship was gone case as i did not expect she give in and i knew this time i would not.
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i dont think all pple are self centered when it comes to friendship. rather,they expect symmetry from their relationships. there must be give and take...its different from being selfish.Originally posted by monoslayer:bcos humans r self-centred.. normally, ur closest fren is ur worst enemy..
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In my class, i treated almost everyone as friends. When they need help, i will help them...
There was this once...we had to go to de art room after recess...and we had to bring art materials... my fren and I agreed on helping them to bring all their art materials up to de art room... and b4 u knew it, they ran for recess... Not saying that i m very wei da or anything...its just no one appreciates it...
Sometimes, i will try to join in their conversations... my ex best friend is in netball, i went to borrow books and ask my frenz to teach me netball so i can understand her better...They just won't appreciate my effort to try go along with them...seriously, i m not into those branded stuff like billabong...nevertheless i join in thier conversation, but some got annoyed dat i m a fool in all those stuff...that really hurts me alot... den netball, they think i m some dumb dumb... yes i m in a stupid inactive cca...but it does not mean dat i m inactive! One of my close fren even insulted me as inactive and dunnoe anything bout sports...she is calling me a loser!
and not long ago...i got into some trouble...all of them shun away when they see me... for fear of getting into trouble...some even spread the news to other classes...and soon de other lvls...WTH...They are like seizing away the opportunities for me to make friends...and now everyone has a bad imrpession of me and dun wish to be friends with me becoz of their inconsiderate act...Seriously, they dun wana help me den fine...they even spread rumors bout me and said i was very bad...come on...all this time i try to be nice and gd to them...whenever i see them i at least greet them with a smile and a hi...i help them when they r in need...i dun ostracize them becoz of wad other ppl say...i try to be frenz with everyone...i dun yearn for popularity in sch or class...i just want to be a fren that is worth for...
Seriously wad they did are like watching me die as well...Till den i will nvr forgive them and their doings...
And now i have total phoebia of girls...i dun dare to go near them...seriously, wonder when they will backstab me... I totally hate those who bitch around that i m sticking with boys so i m a tomboy or bad ppl mixng with boys... Its so
They even spread rumors that i m dating someone when i m absolutely not...and now everyone noes bout my male fren and i...i just cant get peace in dis sch...Why must we be a couple!?
now i realised its been my pri frenz and my childhood frenz who been with me
PLS DUN CONDEMN ME! I BEG U ALL!~ (refering to my so call frenz) -
And i forgot to mention some dumb dumb even believed in their stupid rumors! This is wad they call friendship! To side the powerful ones and leave the weak one behind!
PS: sry bit piss off...that my classmates are now ostracizing my fren too... and btw one of those so called frenz who ostracized me as well...she got her retribution...now her frenz dumb her alone... -
First off if they did those things to hurt you, end your friendship with them.
People who continue frienships with 'friends' all out to hurt them are silly -
I pretended that i m ok...but in my heart i hate them like hell...i wun forgive them...to leave me alone when i at de brim ofdeath!Originally posted by SaintDL:First off if they did those things to hurt you, end your friendship with them.
People who continue frienships with 'friends' all out to hurt them are silly -
well...I had a 10 year friendship put on hold recently...so tell me about it.Originally posted by snobbish:Opinions.. -
That's an interesting insight. Just like I'd think a person who actually wrote me a letter with pen and paper to be more sincere than someone who sent me and e-mail, as it takes more effort and consideration to write out a letter in ink than on the computer.Originally posted by mochou:Once Jin Yong(The famous Wu xia novel author) comments about the love life of mordern life and the time of his novel stories.
He explained that the reason why ppl in the ancient time are more loyal and more chance of "love in first sight" is becuase the communication technology is not as good as the mordern time.
In the ancient time, when they meet someone by chance, and has good feeling about him/her, they will choose to be this someone forever.(become lovers, or "jie bai" as brothers/sisters) Becuase once this someone is gone, it's quite impossible to contact him/her again. So they treasure the chance of first meeting. For us who living in the mordern age. It's very easy to contact everyone. You lose a fren, you find a new one easily. You break with your bf/gf, just call her and try to patch back if you want. Or you just go out and find someone else. In the ancient time, the chance the you meet new ppl are more slim than the in mordern time, so they treasure relationship with the ppl they already know. -
Select your friends well and while you don't have to judge, in your heart you should know which friends are best for what. There are some friends that are great to party with, others providing a listening ear, yet others who can give u a valuable impartial opinion and give a discerning eye to things and events when you are confused.
Does this mean friends that are good to party with are lousier friends? Well I think friends that give you good times in your life are as impt as those who help you to get by the bad times.
Not everyone is brave or understanding or generous or considerate. All of us want our friends to be perfect this way, and get bitterly upset when they fail to be as generous or as understanding as we expect. Who doesn't want heroes for friends? Someone who would stand by you despite fear, who would fight for you despite lack of aptitude?? But we don't live in a Hollywood world - looking at our own imperfections, who are we to demand a friendship like this? Are you able to give a friendship this way? As the government says - your friend does NOT owe u a living.
As long as we value our friends for what they are worth, and be down to earth, sincere and humble about friendship - what is there to complain about?
And yet they are those who bitterly disappoint - now, these people didnt turn into bad friends overnight - they have ALWAYS been like this, you have just failed to understand them well enough. Be discerning who you spend your time with, we have only one life afterall.