What's Wrong with the older Generation
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Actually, to be truthful, i never like the tradtional Chinese interpretation of filial piety and respect. Respect must be earned and filial piety centres around love
Unfortunately, most often than not its more on ego, pride and status, and most importantly, mian zi. You were taught to be more respectful to elders not because you like them, or they are your close ones, or anything, but because probably your dad or someone wants his mian zi, to show he got 'teach his kids manners'.
I find this hypocritical, and if your parents are the traditional type, tell them this and you will be labelled 'unfilial'. Duh..spare me the 'unfilial' crap...
These labels are very unneccessary, although I will still call an 2nd Aunt as Er Gu, tad too much to start calling people same generation as you by status label. -
I dont like old ppl either, being honest here.
Some old ppl think they have rights to EVERYTHING in this world merely coz they are OLD.
I know I'll get old one day, but that doesnt mean I have to bow to them all the time when some of them dont deserve it.
And these old ppl are always complaing abt the younger generation. Time for us to fire back!! As they say, what goes ard, comes ard.
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including breaking their hearts and make em suffer?Originally posted by Jerina:I dont like old ppl either, being honest here.
Some old ppl think they have rights to EVERYTHING in this world merely coz they are OLD.
I know I'll get old one day, but that doesnt mean I have to bow to them all the time when some of them dont deserve it.
And these old ppl are always complaing abt the younger generation. Time for us to fire back!! As they say, what goes ard, comes ard.
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Honestly, i cant help but feel they are bullying you. are you a quiet and mr yes man?Originally posted by IronBandit:Just last night I had to have dinner at my wife's grandmother's place. Believe me I never liked to go there.
Its inhabitants the grand pa and ma, and 50+ aunt that is not married ever, and a 40+ uncle. Going there makes me feel so old.
What ever it is I got in to a slight disagreement with the Aunt. As my Cousin-in-Law is getting married and "The Aunt" told me what I must address the Cousin-in-Law's wife as. And of course I said huh????? and WTF in my heart. And explain if the person is a generation above or older we should give them the respect and greet them the title they deserve like Aunt, Uncle and grandma and so on... So I would just call my cousin in law and his wife by name as we are in the same generation and its not needed and both of us would feel so awkward if i were to do so. So i rebark that their favorite boy the family my wife's younger brother (a brat and Spoilt brat by "the Aunt " and grandmother) also never call me by my title "Brother in Law" and do you know what they replied "he's still young"
Do you think 21 years old is still considered young, finish NS still need "the Aunt" and grandmother to scoop rice and other food for him during meals and wash his plates after that and also do his laundry for him weekly.
I think the older generation perception of respect is totally wrong and its subjective to their likings.
Whould you all agree with me? What "the Aunt" said is totally rubbish as she didn't ask my "young" bro-in-law to greet me with the title its not that I want it. Its that I don't like it when they say its a tradition that its a must. Almost felt like saying to "the Aunt" up yours you old hag. You should stay in the 70's it fits your mentallity perfectly.
On another occasion "the Aunt" complain that we must increase the household payment to them as I am going there to eat and its not enough.
Let me explain, my mother in law gives 300 to them and only the "Brat" goes there to eat everyday. Me and my wife gives 100 and I go there like once or twice per week. The reason why the money is not enough is because the grand mother would buy snowfish like a small piece for $18-$20 for the brat to eat. Where as me and my wife would always be the last to eat, therefore eat the left overs. Its totally stupid and nonsense for "the Aunt" to claim more from me.
Than it came down to the grandmother. Telling us we must give more Ang Pao to the Cousin-in-law for the wedding. Then I was thinking to myself WTF when I got married they never give a cent to me because they were not married and now I must give more.
That's why I'm so fed up of this place, these type of tradition shit is too much for me to handle there fore lucky me my application to migrate is approved and I'm getting the F**k out of this place in 3-4 months.
I hope you people are more lucky than me and your in-laws don't suck like them. Anyway Peace, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in 1 months time.
Out -
Something Wrong with the older GenerationOriginally posted by kaobeikaobu:wah..so long..can summarize or nt?
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Yes, that's very good of you that you dont want to be like that when you are old. bcos how you are being treated will be passed from generation to generation if you dont make a change.Originally posted by IronBandit:I have to agree with you on that note but I'll not be that changed to that extend of what I've been through
Eg. If your father beat you, scold you for every small little thing you do, dont blame him, blame your grandpa. The reason your father is like that is bcos he was treated that way by your grandpa, i am not saying he's taking a revenage on you from your grandpa. But he thought it's how to "teach" kids, cos that's what your grandpa did to him. But if your father realize he shouldnt do that, he teach you with reasons, lecture you instead of scolding you. Punish you in more civilised ways other than beating you, then when you have kids, most likely you wont beat your kids like what your grandpa did. Becos your father made that change.
But my reminder on "one day you will get old too", that's different thing. What i really want to tell you is that, the world is always changing. You can put away all the traditional thinking, keep yourself as modern as you are now until you are 80yrs old. But you will never be as modern as the generations much younger than you. Bcos the culture background of your grandpa's time, your dad' time, your time, your son's time, your grandson's time are all different. Now you think you are very open minded already, but maybe when you get old, gay/lesbian has become legal, the young ppl are taking it as very common thing, but you may not be able to accpet. There will always be some new things that you cant accept.
Some good traditions, family values should be passed on to the lower generations. But some that couldn't match well with the mordern time, it's ok to change it.
And dont under estimate your influence on your kids, how you treat your parents will affect how your kids treat you in the future.
btw, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too. -
Wah liao eh,Originally posted by IronBandit:Just last night I had to have dinner at my wife's grandmother's place. Believe me I never liked to go there.
Its inhabitants the grand pa and ma, and 50+ aunt that is not married ever, and a 40+ uncle. Going there makes me feel so old.
What ever it is I got in to a slight disagreement with the Aunt. As my Cousin-in-Law is getting married and "The Aunt" told me what I must address the Cousin-in-Law's wife as. And of course I said huh????? and WTF in my heart. And explain if the person is a generation above or older we should give them the respect and greet them the title they deserve like Aunt, Uncle and grandma and so on... So I would just call my cousin in law and his wife by name as we are in the same generation and its not needed and both of us would feel so awkward if i were to do so. So i rebark that their favorite boy the family my wife's younger brother (a brat and Spoilt brat by "the Aunt " and grandmother) also never call me by my title "Brother in Law" and do you know what they replied "he's still young"
Do you think 21 years old is still considered young, finish NS still need "the Aunt" and grandmother to scoop rice and other food for him during meals and wash his plates after that and also do his laundry for him weekly.
I think the older generation perception of respect is totally wrong and its subjective to their likings.
Whould you all agree with me? What "the Aunt" said is totally rubbish as she didn't ask my "young" bro-in-law to greet me with the title its not that I want it. Its that I don't like it when they say its a tradition that its a must. Almost felt like saying to "the Aunt" up yours you old hag. You should stay in the 70's it fits your mentallity perfectly.
On another occasion "the Aunt" complain that we must increase the household payment to them as I am going there to eat and its not enough.
Let me explain, my mother in law gives 300 to them and only the "Brat" goes there to eat everyday. Me and my wife gives 100 and I go there like once or twice per week. The reason why the money is not enough is because the grand mother would buy snowfish like a small piece for $18-$20 for the brat to eat. Where as me and my wife would always be the last to eat, therefore eat the left overs. Its totally stupid and nonsense for "the Aunt" to claim more from me.
Than it came down to the grandmother. Telling us we must give more Ang Pao to the Cousin-in-law for the wedding. Then I was thinking to myself WTF when I got married they never give a cent to me because they were not married and now I must give more.
That's why I'm so fed up of this place, these type of tradition shit is too much for me to handle there fore lucky me my application to migrate is approved and I'm getting the F**k out of this place in 3-4 months.
I hope you people are more lucky than me and your in-laws don't suck like them. Anyway Peace, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in 1 months time.
Out
Brother I think u have a problem lah, and the problem is you. Don't like them why you still go there few times a week?? Go there 2-3 times a week $100, can go eat out also what.
Tell you to address by title, up to you what, don't like don't do lah, complain for what. Give angpow also want to complain, bugger when people give you when you got married, u think they don't feel the pinch ah, they still give what.
BTW are you sure you man ah? So damn petty for what, small things like this want to complain, wah liao eh I pity your wife lei.
No in-law perfect, just tolerate, give face to wife. One thing u must understand, beyond fillial piety is compassion. They are old and have nothing to look forward to in life and "Grandma" may soon die, what's wrong if she likes snowfish, not like you cant afford.
I agree, respect must be earned, but to live life without compassion will leave you a bitter person. Live and let live brother. -
To a certain extend I agree with your thoughts but I think at least Filial Piety to those that feed you, cloth you should be there as for those hypocrits they can kiss my big fat ugly.. A...s...s....Originally posted by laurence82:Actually, to be truthful, i never like the tradtional Chinese interpretation of filial piety and respect. Respect must be earned and filial piety centres around love
Unfortunately, most often than not its more on ego, pride and status, and most importantly, mian zi. You were taught to be more respectful to elders not because you like them, or they are your close ones, or anything, but because probably your dad or someone wants his mian zi, to show he got 'teach his kids manners'.
I find this hypocritical, and if your parents are the traditional type, tell them this and you will be labelled 'unfilial'. Duh..spare me the 'unfilial' crap...
These labels are very unneccessary, although I will still call an 2nd Aunt as Er Gu, tad too much to start calling people same generation as you by status label.
Your last para is totally alignde with my stand now. Same generation still must have "that" barrier forever there wouldn't be any closeness between the cousins. more over when you go out side you yell Er Sao.... everyone would stare at you and laugh cause no one does that anymore...duh those old idiots are really senile and out dated right? -
Yeah look whos talking to be polite to others and stuff and when these old senile "da Pai" go for people's wedding everyone have to wait for them to come in as they are the oldest and should always be late so the later they are the more "Dua Pai" they are... HypocritsOriginally posted by Jerina:I dont like old ppl either, being honest here.
Some old ppl think they have rights to EVERYTHING in this world merely coz they are OLD.
I know I'll get old one day, but that doesnt mean I have to bow to them all the time when some of them dont deserve it.
And these old ppl are always complaing abt the younger generation. Time for us to fire back!! As they say, what goes ard, comes ard. -
Well there is something called ignorance is blist?? heard that before just brush it off or one ear in one ear out but end of the day you will feel F...Ked up but to keep the peace and harmony with the in-laws... just pretend blur and goes "HUH? What was THat? huh?"Originally posted by blu_sky:Honestly, i cant help but feel they are bullying you. are you a quiet and mr yes man?
LOL but have to say it out to release the stress build up by them lol
but thaks for understanding -
True enough that's the reason I want to move away from here and bring up my kids (if I do have in the near future) I don't want my kids / future daughter or son in law to knee to me to present tea and stuff i rather they be nice to my children he/she is marrying. All the kneeling and stuff would be useless if he/she does not treat my children with respect, care and love.Originally posted by mochou:Yes, that's very good of you that you dont want to be like that when you are old. bcos how you are being treated will be passed from generation to generation if you dont make a change.
Eg. If your father beat you, scold you for every small little thing you do, dont blame him, blame your grandpa. The reason your father is like that is bcos he was treated that way by your grandpa, i am not saying he's taking a revenage on you from your grandpa. But he thought it's how to "teach" kids, cos that's what your grandpa did to him. But if your father realize he shouldnt do that, he teach you with reasons, lecture you instead of scolding you. Punish you in more civilised ways other than beating you, then when you have kids, most likely you wont beat your kids like what your grandpa did. Becos your father made that change.
But my reminder on "one day you will get old too", that's different thing. What i really want to tell you is that, the world is always changing. You can put away all the traditional thinking, keep yourself as modern as you are now until you are 80yrs old. But you will never be as modern as the generations much younger than you. Bcos the culture background of your grandpa's time, your dad' time, your time, your son's time, your grandson's time are all different. Now you think you are very open minded already, but maybe when you get old, gay/lesbian has become legal, the young ppl are taking it as very common thing, but you may not be able to accpet. There will always be some new things that you cant accept.
Some good traditions, family values should be passed on to the lower generations. But some that couldn't match well with the mordern time, it's ok to change it.
And dont under estimate your influence on your kids, how you treat your parents will affect how your kids treat you in the future.
btw, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too.
Also away from my in-laws especially "the aunt" so she doesn't spoil my child like my brother in law.
I pretty sure me and my wife would be able to handle it as both of us are Psychology Grads although we did not specialise in Child Development ...lol but still basics of understanding a small one should be ok i guess.
Last not to bring along any of the bad chinese habits to the future generations like remember last time your mom have to kneel like few hours in front of her mother-in-law to listern to her lecture about her duties as a wife... daughter-in-law... guess what i went through that when i got married made me so mad even my own parents also never ask me to kneel and present tea...her parent... aunt... and grand mother gave me lecture man WTF...
but ignorance is blits still hahahaha -
I respect you views brother... true enough i don't wanna go but no choice my wife wants to see her grandmother i go only once now but still give....Originally posted by bozo43:Wah liao eh,
Brother I think u have a problem lah, and the problem is you. Don't like them why you still go there few times a week?? Go there 2-3 times a week $100, can go eat out also what.
Tell you to address by title, up to you what, don't like don't do lah, complain for what. Give angpow also want to complain, bugger when people give you when you got married, u think they don't feel the pinch ah, they still give what.
BTW are you sure you man ah? So damn petty for what, small things like this want to complain, wah liao eh I pity your wife lei.
No in-law perfect, just tolerate, give face to wife. One thing u must understand, beyond fillial piety is compassion. They are old and have nothing to look forward to in life and "Grandma" may soon die, what's wrong if she likes snowfish, not like you cant afford.
I agree, respect must be earned, but to live life without compassion will leave you a bitter person. Live and let live brother.
lets tackle your comments objectively by clarifying them one by one.
I tried not to address by title but would you want to make a scene on the wedding day i guess no.
Give Ang pow I don't mind just people telling me how much to give is the irritating part.When i got married for your information the in-laws took almost 40% F..K I feel the pinch more than anyone that's why i give slightly more thatn enough to cover my share on the table when i attend the problem do you still think the problem is me?
I think you for your pity for my wife but i think you should rephrase as its her family that is treating her wrongly... oneside they tell her you are married out but on another side you have to give money leh come on i have my own parents to feed don't I? If you don't earn a lot, do you think you would be able to feed both sides?
please read carefully the snowfish is not for herself or us its for an ungrateful grandsone that she have that does not contribute to the family and sometimes when she cooks for him he doesn't even turn up for dinner and it goes to waste and for a 21 year old "idiot" i would call him he have to have his grandmother to wait for him by scooping rice into his bowl and washing up after him? would you be angry if you would in my shoe? Not to the people but their practice?
Hope this changes your view that I'm still the problem -
It must be someone up there punishing me for being too nice...
Just sunday went down for dinner against my will again .... got F... by grand mother... Aunt-in-law....
Any why?
Well, my brat-bro-in-law didn't tell them that he was going out for dinner with my mother-in-law and they cooked extra for them and its my fault for not telling them that they are going out...
WTF is really wrong with my in-laws man... eat give too little also get F.... other people don't have dinner there also get F....
Guys you tell me whose really got the problem now...?