When will he save?
-
i ponder upon the qn becoz.. initially, he suggested we open a joint account to start saving money for our future.. ie marriage etc on top of his own savings.
but in the recent months, he took up photography. nt that its a bad idea, but seems like he's overspending every mth.
Nt only is he depleting his own savings, he hasnÂ’t really saved for these few mths coz money-in, money-out.
Usually near the mth end, IÂ’ll hav to transfer him some $$ to help him tide until his pay comes. (gd thing is heÂ’ll always pay me once his pay comes.) my disposable income is lower than him, but lucky thing is, I dun spend much, so I usually hav enuf to lend him.
I did bring up nicely to him abt spending so much on the camera, lens, accessories and bags. His reply was, “ I may die anytime. If dun try nw, when wan to try”
I was quite disappointed when I heard that. IÂ’m nt desparate to settle dwn. Juz that I felt that weÂ’r alrdy in our 20s.. shld start planning for the future alrdy, esp in such a fast-paced Singapore.
He mentioned in the past, his ex made a lot of noise when he was into fishing. At that point, I didnÂ’t understand how bad it was, and I casually remarked that she shldnt be unreasonable coz fishing isnÂ’t a bad thing (if u compared to wasting money on drinking. No offense to drinkers out there.)
But nw, IÂ’m starting to see a bigger picture. And I sort of understand y she was unhappy abt it.
And since he started buying the camera stuff, the idea of joint acct was slowly put aside. Problem is, nt that I very gian his money. Its becoz he has a study loan to repay. So IÂ’m wondering how long itÂ’ll take for us to start saving up for our future. Coz the loan amt isnÂ’t small. After saving for that, then can save for future. Haiz.
I did let him know that I will nt interfere with how he spends his money becoz it is his money anyway.. but how can I let him know that IÂ’m really quite upset with regards to his spending habits?
-
haiz
reading abt ur story, makes me think of my story
sighh
doko -
Just tell him that planning for the future is as important as having a happy life now. Tell him what if you don't die and become severely incapacitated from working, then how? Live on what?
Tell him that you are serious on settling down and want to see some seriousness in this regard.
I have friends who have been together for over 8 years and the girl left the guy because the guy had little direction and thoughts for the future. Only after my guy friend lost the girl then he tried to correct himself and propose to her. Of course, it was too late. -
i worry that i might end up like the girl u mentioned.Originally posted by pwnz0r:Just tell him that planning for the future is as important as having a happy life now. Tell him what if you don't die and become severely incapacitated from working, then how? Live on what?
Tell him that you are serious on settling down and want to see some seriousness in this regard.
I have friends who have been together for over 8 years and the girl left the guy because the guy had little direction and thoughts for the future. Only after my guy friend lost the girl then he tried to correct himself and propose to her. Of course, it was too late.
he knows im' serious. i think he's serious also. but his actions juz dun show it. how can i verify then?
-
eek.
sounds like me.
-
Money is usually an issue among couples. I think both of you must sit down and talk about it.
Discuss about how both of you should spend the money. Pioritise spending. Agree to put in money to the joint account once pay is in. Be disciplined about it.
I think you should stop lending him money. Photography can be an expensive hobby if uncontrolled. As long as he knows you will lend him money, he will spend without any regards. -
Sometimes soft and gentle is no good. You must be harsh and serious when it comes to think kind of matters. Don't give him any lee way! Show him who's boss.
You have to do that to guys sometimes. My wife does that to me more and more often I think mainly because it works. -
but to me, i rather he borrow from me than he borrow from other ppl..Originally posted by sillyme:Money is usually an issue among couples. I think both of you must sit down and talk about it.
Discuss about how both of you should spend the money. Pioritise spending. Agree to put in money to the joint account once pay is in. Be disciplined about it.
I think you should stop lending him money. Photography can be an expensive hobby if uncontrolled. As long as he knows you will lend him money, he will spend without any regards.
then in this case, how? i wun reject him if he ask money from me.
i really dun wish that money becomes an issue. i'm ok with him pampering himself with camera stuff.. juz dun over do it till have to eat grass coz of that.
-
I think both of you must discuss what your future is. There must be a plan. If not, you'd just be wandering around. You might end up eating grassOriginally posted by littlepea:but to me, i rather he borrow from me than he borrow from other ppl..
then in this case, how? i wun reject him if he ask money from me.
i really dun wish that money becomes an issue. i'm ok with him pampering himself with camera stuff.. juz dun over do it till have to eat grass coz of that. 
I think if you're lending him money, you're always going to make it easy. If he has to borrow from others, it might not be as easy. Poor money management is a bad habit. -
how to put it across to him nicely that i wan more commitment? its like i'm starting to feel sad about the relationship coz of this matter.
alittle insecurity stepping in.. -
Talk to him. If he still wont relent, sorry but imho, hes either
1) Selfish because hes only thinking about himself
2) Immature because he is only thinking about himself
3) Childish and wanna play with his toys and is only thinking about himself
4) Don't have foresight, is don't really think about the future and is only thinking about himself.
In fact, I'd personally worry about getting married to him since he seems to have trouble managing his own desires and finances. Unless he makes a 180 degree turn.
Time to look for someone who is more mature perhaps, hope it doesn't come to that of course, it depends on how long you wanna wait for him to wake up his idea.
-
sounds alot like me
................
-
First thing , don't start a joint account at all if he has been spending on flitty interests . He sounds flitty enough.Originally posted by littlepea:i ponder upon the qn becoz.. initially, he suggested we open a joint account to start saving money for our future.. ie marriage etc on top of his own savings.
but in the recent months, he took up photography. nt that its a bad idea, but seems like he's overspending every mth.
Nt only is he depleting his own savings, he hasnÂ’t really saved for these few mths coz money-in, money-out.
Usually near the mth end, IÂ’ll hav to transfer him some $$ to help him tide until his pay comes. (gd thing is heÂ’ll always pay me once his pay comes.) my disposable income is lower than him, but lucky thing is, I dun spend much, so I usually hav enuf to lend him.
I did bring up nicely to him abt spending so much on the camera, lens, accessories and bags. His reply was, “ I may die anytime. If dun try nw, when wan to try”
I was quite disappointed when I heard that. IÂ’m nt desparate to settle dwn. Juz that I felt that weÂ’r alrdy in our 20s.. shld start planning for the future alrdy, esp in such a fast-paced Singapore.
He mentioned in the past, his ex made a lot of noise when he was into fishing. At that point, I didnÂ’t understand how bad it was, and I casually remarked that she shldnt be unreasonable coz fishing isnÂ’t a bad thing (if u compared to wasting money on drinking. No offense to drinkers out there.)
But nw, IÂ’m starting to see a bigger picture. And I sort of understand y she was unhappy abt it.
And since he started buying the camera stuff, the idea of joint acct was slowly put aside. Problem is, nt that I very gian his money. Its becoz he has a study loan to repay. So IÂ’m wondering how long itÂ’ll take for us to start saving up for our future. Coz the loan amt isnÂ’t small. After saving for that, then can save for future. Haiz.
I did let him know that I will nt interfere with how he spends his money becoz it is his money anyway.. but how can I let him know that IÂ’m really quite upset with regards to his spending habits?
Second , don't lend him money to tide over ....let him learn his lesson or else you will be finding yourself saving his ass ALL THE TIME.
Third , save your own money for yourself - you are not married to him yet , why even bother with a joint account in the first place. You stand to lose out more. -
"CAMERA OR ME?"
-
YOU!Originally posted by missqi:"CAMERA OR ME?"
-
Originally posted by seow:YOU!
-
camera.
because missqi beri expensive. hard to sarport. -
i think hor if she really did this, the relationship ending soon already...Originally posted by fymk:Second , don't lend him money to tide over ....let him learn his lesson or else you will be finding yourself saving his ass ALL THE TIME. -
wah.
some girls want the guys to spend $ many2 on her.
but you want him to save up.
you is good ger! -
Can have bothOriginally posted by missqi:"CAMERA OR ME?"
-
TS, you can go ask tamago about camera thingy. But for entry level shooter, I think it's kinda useless to spend sooo much money on acc and equip unless your bf is taking some course in polytechnic/uni about digital imaging etc...
-
thanks for all ur replies.
we're alrdy working adults actually.
but sad to say, i still am unable to be decisive abt things.. esp matters of the heart.
at the moment, i really do feel that he's only thinking for himself..
he alrdy made known that if he dun try nw, wait until when.
this makes me wonder wat i'm doing to my own life. haiz..
i shldn't also enjoy my life.
if 2 person are attached, but lead single lives.. then wats the point. -
First of all , she has no guarantee that she is going to marry him. So I think a joint account is really out of the question. Joint accounts happen when you establish trust .In their relationship , with him spending on photography stuff and overspending - it is going to end already! sooner or later she will resent him for spending money on his stuff and he will resent her for showing unhappiness.Originally posted by Y_Shun:i think hor if she really did this, the relationship ending soon already... -
If you love and he loves you as well, this situation wouldnt have arises.
Let him be what he wants to be. As long as at the end of the day, he is back in your arms, is enough already. From what you mention, he is a very responsible guy. He pays you and the loans back.
This camera thing is just a phase. Sooner or later, like fishing, the craze in him will be over. Be thankful he is not spending his time alone without you knowing what he is doing. example, girls or clubs or wadever bad.
So yeah, learn the art of zendo and just let everything be as it is. Do not tense yourself. Cos if you do, you will tense him up as well and more problems will arise.
-
youngster now adays...