When will he save?
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Hi, I am a married guy in my 30s. Your bf and you sound young but let me give you some advice....Originally posted by littlepea:i ponder upon the qn becoz.. initially, he suggested we open a joint account to start saving money for our future.. ie marriage etc on top of his own savings.
but in the recent months, he took up photography. nt that its a bad idea, but seems like he's overspending every mth.
Nt only is he depleting his own savings, he hasnÂ’t really saved for these few mths coz money-in, money-out.
Usually near the mth end, IÂ’ll hav to transfer him some $$ to help him tide until his pay comes. (gd thing is heÂ’ll always pay me once his pay comes.) my disposable income is lower than him, but lucky thing is, I dun spend much, so I usually hav enuf to lend him.
I did bring up nicely to him abt spending so much on the camera, lens, accessories and bags. His reply was, “ I may die anytime. If dun try nw, when wan to try”
I was quite disappointed when I heard that. IÂ’m nt desparate to settle dwn. Juz that I felt that weÂ’r alrdy in our 20s.. shld start planning for the future alrdy, esp in such a fast-paced Singapore.
He mentioned in the past, his ex made a lot of noise when he was into fishing. At that point, I didnÂ’t understand how bad it was, and I casually remarked that she shldnt be unreasonable coz fishing isnÂ’t a bad thing (if u compared to wasting money on drinking. No offense to drinkers out there.)
But nw, IÂ’m starting to see a bigger picture. And I sort of understand y she was unhappy abt it.
And since he started buying the camera stuff, the idea of joint acct was slowly put aside. Problem is, nt that I very gian his money. Its becoz he has a study loan to repay. So IÂ’m wondering how long itÂ’ll take for us to start saving up for our future. Coz the loan amt isnÂ’t small. After saving for that, then can save for future. Haiz.
I did let him know that I will nt interfere with how he spends his money becoz it is his money anyway.. but how can I let him know that IÂ’m really quite upset with regards to his spending habits?
If your bf and you are not thinking of marriage, you SHOULD not open a joint account. because it will add complications.
BUT If you ARE thinking of marriage, then his money is no longer HIS money... his money and your money is now joint money....
if you guys are financially incompatible, then you should give serious thoughts about the r/s. seriously!
It is very very impotant to be finaically compatible in a marriage.....
on a seperate note, many guys are like that... they are into hobbies, it could be computers, high-fi, fishing, photography and then when older and richer, golf and cars....
some guys will not change at all even when they are older. it is fine when they have the means to indulge in those hobbies, but some guys spend above their means....
so if he can't change, you should seriously think about whether you can accept it or not.... trust me, after photogrpahy, he willmove into something else... -
Hi littlepea,
Well you should just not transfer extra money to the join account. One word, no money he cannot buy. Also if he does not save then transfer less to the joint account , safe in your own account.
If he say - “ I may die anytime. If dun try nw, when wan to try” - don't worry people who so say this one alway last one to die !!! Tell him that if he may die anytime, there is more reason for him to save, so you got money to buy him a nice coffin, grand funeral.
Well if overspending in photography beyond his limit , it is addiction. So what it is not drinking .... still it bring problems .
He got a study loan to pay somemore..... !!! One thing this one you have to put your feet down, he must put a certain money into the joint account, and that one is use for saving and family. His photography come from his own saving that is if he have it .
If he does not understand it, then forget it , let him go .... no matter how much you love him, sometime if like what he say, anytime can die - that time without even money for food and coffin, what is there love to talk about . -
I totally agree to Spencer99 . I too too take up fishing then photography .... and it will get more expensiveOriginally posted by spencer99:Hi, I am a married guy in my 30s. Your bf and you sound young but let me give you some advice....
If your bf and you are not thinking of marriage, you SHOULD not open a joint account. because it will add complications.
BUT If you ARE thinking of marriage, then his money is no longer HIS money... his money and your money is now joint money....
if you guys are financially incompatible, then you should give serious thoughts about the r/s. seriously!
It is very very impotant to be finaically compatible in a marriage.....
on a seperate note, many guys are like that... they are into hobbies, it could be computers, high-fi, fishing, photography and then when older and richer, golf and cars....
some guys will not change at all even when they are older. it is fine when they have the means to indulge in those hobbies, but some guys spend above their means....
so if he can't change, you should seriously think about whether you can accept it or not.... trust me, after photogrpahy, he willmove into something else...
. Face the fact, if you do not put a stop to it , it will get worst ... it is call addiction.
With study loan, he already overspend .... you may just have to put a stop to it now, and if needed walk away if he does not . Face the fact ... if now with study loan he overspend ... later how with study load + house load + marriage bill then bady bill ? You think if he cannot handle it now, with other bills coming in he can handle it and stop ?
If he love his camera more then he love you , then he is someone not for you .... maybe a painful truth , but you have to face it now or sometime in the future also. No escaping. -
with regards to the 'if he does not indulge himself now,then when?', when you talk to him, tell him he can always indulge himself so long as he is spending within his means. ie so long as he does not overspend. take out a designated % of his pay for savings, and the balance, he can indulge himself in his hobbies.Originally posted by littlepea:how to put it across to him nicely that i wan more commitment? its like i'm starting to feel sad about the relationship coz of this matter.
alittle insecurity stepping in.. -
I agree too. I have a friend who was so into fishing, the last that we went fising together, he was talking to the boatman about buying a boat!!!Originally posted by spencer99:Hi, I am a married guy in my 30s. Your bf and you sound young but let me give you some advice....
If your bf and you are not thinking of marriage, you SHOULD not open a joint account. because it will add complications.
BUT If you ARE thinking of marriage, then his money is no longer HIS money... his money and your money is now joint money....
if you guys are financially incompatible, then you should give serious thoughts about the r/s. seriously!
It is very very impotant to be finaically compatible in a marriage.....
on a seperate note, many guys are like that... they are into hobbies, it could be computers, high-fi, fishing, photography and then when older and richer, golf and cars....
some guys will not change at all even when they are older. it is fine when they have the means to indulge in those hobbies, but some guys spend above their means....
so if he can't change, you should seriously think about whether you can accept it or not.... trust me, after photogrpahy, he willmove into something else...
Hobbies can really be expensive. So long as one spends within his means, it should be fine. -
scary. my boyfriend also like that. ask him to save up he say no ability to. Sure.. he's a full-time student, but I last time full-time student also can save wat.
anyway, joint-account biz is really when the two of you are en route to getting married. Or, unless you create an account where the money can only be put in and not taken out (or only by you lah), AND that you match what he put in dollar for dollar (less nvm, but never more).
But yeah, i see your problem. i've got the same problem. same dilemma. if by the time he starts working and still have this problem then...... i guess i won't be thinking too much of a future together. -
Guys wat u all think of this plan...I'm 21 going to 22 this year end...Juz started my job abt 2 months ago...With the take home pay of abt 1.5k like tat
$300 giv parents...
$200 into prucash(Savings plan) for 25 years...
$300(can be more) into a bank account which i won't touch unless really emergency.
Then onli tell myself per month spend $400 to $500(abt $100 a week and at most $600 per month). Rest of the $$ will put into that bank account.
Wat do you think of this plan? Is it good for savings? do you think will i have enough for marriage, buy flat, future studies(Company will sponcer $12000 for my degree studies future), etc etc...??
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Start a new thread.Originally posted by milk_milk:Guys wat u all think of this plan...I'm 21 going to 22 this year end...Juz started my job abt 2 months ago...With the take home pay of abt 1.5k like tat
$300 giv parents...
$200 into prucash(Savings plan) for 25 years...
$300(can be more) into a bank account which i won't touch unless really emergency.
Then onli tell myself per month spend $400 to $500(abt $100 a week and at most $600 per month). Rest of the $$ will put into that bank account.
Wat do you think of this plan? Is it good for savings? do you think will i have enough for marriage, buy flat, future studies(Company will sponcer $12000 for my degree studies future), etc etc...?? -
Shinta should look at this page.
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So that she would break up with you?Originally posted by Nelstar:Shinta should look at this page. 
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if he love you , he will save, he is not in love with you enoughOriginally posted by littlepea:i ponder upon the qn becoz.. initially, he suggested we open a joint account to start saving money for our future.. ie marriage etc on top of his own savings.
but in the recent months, he took up photography. nt that its a bad idea, but seems like he's overspending every mth.
Nt only is he depleting his own savings, he hasnÂ’t really saved for these few mths coz money-in, money-out.
Usually near the mth end, IÂ’ll hav to transfer him some $$ to help him tide until his pay comes. (gd thing is heÂ’ll always pay me once his pay comes.) my disposable income is lower than him, but lucky thing is, I dun spend much, so I usually hav enuf to lend him.
I did bring up nicely to him abt spending so much on the camera, lens, accessories and bags. His reply was, “ I may die anytime. If dun try nw, when wan to try”
I was quite disappointed when I heard that. IÂ’m nt desparate to settle dwn. Juz that I felt that weÂ’r alrdy in our 20s.. shld start planning for the future alrdy, esp in such a fast-paced Singapore.
He mentioned in the past, his ex made a lot of noise when he was into fishing. At that point, I didnÂ’t understand how bad it was, and I casually remarked that she shldnt be unreasonable coz fishing isnÂ’t a bad thing (if u compared to wasting money on drinking. No offense to drinkers out there.)
But nw, IÂ’m starting to see a bigger picture. And I sort of understand y she was unhappy abt it.
And since he started buying the camera stuff, the idea of joint acct was slowly put aside. Problem is, nt that I very gian his money. Its becoz he has a study loan to repay. So IÂ’m wondering how long itÂ’ll take for us to start saving up for our future. Coz the loan amt isnÂ’t small. After saving for that, then can save for future. Haiz.
I did let him know that I will nt interfere with how he spends his money becoz it is his money anyway.. but how can I let him know that IÂ’m really quite upset with regards to his spending habits?
if a guy really loves a woman and that love is destined to be the type that he wants to marry her
the guy will change for her,
if he wont change for you , then most probably is not that type of love.it just the type that you are here i am here, lets be lovers love, its not the type of love that transcends time and space
so its up to you
but its tricky to find such a guy, only once a lifetime you will find him and if you find him
you have to keep him!
good luck
my suggestion is to dump this fish back into the sea! -
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I'm her "Get out of jail free card".Originally posted by M©+square:So that she would break up with you?