help me in my compo shool work plz!
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can someone help me out with this?
i got a compo which i need help as i am really bad in english...
can anyone help me edit it or saw any mistake like grammer or spelling mistake of mine? thx in advance.
the question for this compo is : write about a time when you gave your hard work but it was not appreciated.
k here it goes....
I felt a pair of evil and angry eyes staring at me. It was that of a monster which entered my paradise. He let out a thunderous roar, which pierced my ears and started the transition of my dream into a nightmare. I was suddenly jostled awake by my classmate. My teacher was staring at me, his eyes gleaming with fury. He had caught me sleeping during his lesson again.
I slept in class all because of my work in McDonald that week. As my stall didn't have enough crew, I was called back to help. Although I had a choice not to work that day, I chose to help my manager.
I was lacking sleep because I worked the night shift, from sunset till dawn. Sleep deprived, I went straight to school after work. A few teachers kindly suggested that I quit my work as it was affecting my studies. However , I had to earn my own money to pay for bills such as mobile and internet subscriptions because my family could not afford such luxuries.
At first, it was easy to balance my study with work. I had only needed to work for two days per week. However, my outlet faced shortage of crew and I had to work everyday of that week.
It was after my final exams, so my worries about my studies were forgotten for that year. Life felt horrible that week. I was so exhausted after work that I started to fall asleep without knowing it . My teacher was keeping tabs on me. Each time he saw me sleeping , he would roar at me at that opportune moment, snapping me out of my dreamland. Coffee was the only substance keeping me awake.
It was torturous battling my heavy eyelids in order to keep my bloodshot eyes open. I was only allowed a peaceful sleep of two hours each day. After that precious two hours, I had to start my work at McDonald. My manager was nasty. I also met unreasonable customers. I tried my hardest to keep on going.
After the third day of this torture, I couldn't take it anymore. I worked with my eyes half-closed, serving all the unreasonable customers with their unreasonable requests. I was trying my best to reach the 'sixty second each customer' target with my last bit of energy.
It was the toughest battle I ever fought in my life. It was more tiring than any physical training I ever went through. I felt very unappreciated. My workplace did not notice the efforts I had made to assist them in the time of a staff shortage. They even scolded me for being slow in my service and not paying attention to the needs of my fellow colleagues.
Till this day, I still feel very unappreciated. My workplace seemed to not notice the efforts I had made to assist them in the time of a staff shortage. They seemed to take my efforts for granted. If not for me, I bet that particular restaurant would have closed down long ago. I was not asking for much but more 'thank-you's would have been nice instead of the incessant scoldings I received.
Indeed, humans often reprimand people for bad things they did.
When things goes the way they think it should, they would not be praising the people who made that possible, but instead, take it for granted.
The End
i got 450 word but the my teacher wants it 500 at least. i add alot of boring things inside to make the compo longer liao... but still not enough... and i think my ending sux... anyone can help plz? or if can add me in msn and teach me... my msn is [email protected]
- last edited by combining a few people edited... hmm... i guess ok liao... very very good liao... any further my teacher will consider me cheating liao... -
you primary school?
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y dont u edit it yourself -_- if not u dont learn
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wat happened to all ur upper cases at all the places tt they shd be?
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Don't demoralize him le.Originally posted by Agenda:you primary school?
In the end I dont see the point in ur compo
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thx for replying to everyone.Originally posted by FireIce:wat happened to all ur upper cases at all the places tt they shd be?
err fi you mean those capital letters that should be after the full stop? i lazy to type them so just leave it lower case lor...
wha you ask me if i primary school anot thats means my compo look like pri sch de... thats mean very vert bad... sainz...
btw i sec sch liao... sec 4 this year but not taking n or o lvl this year... but taking o next year...
i try to edit myself liao... but i am bad at editing... everytime my teacher call me to edit, i only found a few mistake... regrading my friends work or mine still the same... but my friend and teacher can find many mistake...
one thing, i am just bad at english... -
what should or how should i do then? cus i noe my ending sux... but just dont know what to do liao... been rewriting this for the third time liao... but still dunno what to do...Originally posted by RaaRaa:Don't demoralize him le.
In the end I dont see the point in ur compo -
In my time, if I wrote a compo like that, its a straight F, and it ain't the grammar errors.
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x2Originally posted by ditzy:In my time, if I wrote a compo like that, its a straight F, and it ain't the grammar errors.
you want the truth? heres the truth... thats something i expect a primary 2 kid to write... not a N level student -
why? what thing did i done wrong? tell me plz...Originally posted by ditzy:In my time, if I wrote a compo like that, its a straight F, and it ain't the grammar errors.
erm can you all dont just give comment? i accept comment but plz come along with a reason/explanation so i know what to do with my compo. thx... -
urm, is there anyone currently helping u now?
when must hand up? -
i cant bear to give it an FOriginally posted by ditzy:In my time, if I wrote a compo like that, its a straight F, and it ain't the grammar errors.
it would be...............ungraded...................... -
thx for telling your truth. but i really dont think a pri sch kid can write this type of things... a pri 3 student only need to write 100words essay... you call them write 200 they also cannot liao...Originally posted by Agenda:x2
you want the truth? heres the truth... thats something i expect a primary 2 kid to write... not a N level student -
Soli, mine england ish beri powderful wan, so cannot help you.
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alot people are helping me... they only help by giving comments but not suggestion... so didnt help me much...Originally posted by laurence82:urm, is there anyone currently helping u now?
when must hand up?
mus hand up on friday which is today... -
So your point is that, you work so hard in your work, but the customers dont, appreciate it ? Then why dont you end it off by saying something like, 'no matter what, I still chose to look at brighter side of life and move on blah blah blah'Originally posted by popikachu:what should or how should i do then? cus i noe my ending sux... but just dont know what to do liao... been rewriting this for the third time liao... but still dunno what to do... -
You are correct to say that. But I also don't expect secondary school kids to write like that.Originally posted by popikachu:thx for telling your truth. but i really dont think a pri sch kid can write this type of things... a pri 3 student only need to write 100words essay... you call them write 200 they also cannot liao... Maybe if its some foreign country, I'll close one eye. But this is singapore. -
K.I.S.S.
i was gonna say, "can la, wun fail la." den after reading it..
i better shut up now. -
let me tell you a secret.
the teacher dun care how many words your wrote.
can you imagine them having to count all the words of their students?
it would be tougher than marking the papers. -
do you still need help?
i could do a quick check for u. -
all help are welcome.Originally posted by mamamamama:do you still need help?
i could do a quick check for u. -
i think u shld take out the NPCC part. replace it with something.
Please. -
i would end instead with something like..."i looked at someone etc etc(someone who also put in some hard work and did not get appreciated)...and i decided that he will not end up in the same situation as me(meaning u will help/encourage the person)..."cant think of the exact sentences to write now...chiong-ing my own project now...have fun...english is fun...Originally posted by RaaRaa:So your point is that, you work so hard in your work, but the customers dont, appreciate it ? Then why dont you end it off by saying something like, 'no matter what, I still chose to look at brighter side of life and move on blah blah blah' -
What's the title of the essay? Try to work along the lines of the title. Do a simple mindmap before writing to ensure maximum creativity and minimum mistakes from being out of topic.
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Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:What's the title of the essay? Try to work along the lines of the title. Do a simple mindmap before writing to ensure maximum creativity and minimum mistakes from being out of topic.
the question for this compo is : write about a time when you gave your hard work but it was not appreciated.
i find mindmaps useless...for me...i go straight into compo writing...think as i write...but tt's for me...