help me in my compo shool work plz!
-
Originally posted by missqi
but, i just want a pass for my english i very happy liao...
i think plot is very important.
no matter how good the vocab and grammar; if the story is boring; it will still not get a satisfactory grade.
Satisfactory grade Arrow at least 70% of marks
and btw how you know my full name de?!?!?!? -
woah thats great
at least to me.. i sec 3 already but i cant write that gd... i cant even be better than a p5 
can someone tell me how to improve my compo writing? -
You will never say that if you read the 'unrevised' version!(if im not wrong)Originally posted by OasisBlue:woah thats great at least to me.. i sec 3 already but i cant write that gd... i cant even be better than a p5
can someone tell me how to improve my compo writing?
I was reading the 'revised' version and I was very impressed until I started reading every single reply and slowly I realised there was another version, which was the unrevised one. I was like zomfg!, that one is a sure-fail.......!!!!
But ok lah, thinking back, my angmoh also cannot make it, next time i post my compo let you all laugh.
-
the point is... i can speak well(at least better than writing) but not writing it out... i just cant think of any impressive sentences to write out... and i am very bad at describing...and so i wrote like a pri kid...Originally posted by skeletonsAREcute:You will never say that if you read the 'unrevised' version!(if im not wrong)
I was reading the 'revised' version and I was very impressed until I started reading every single reply and slowly I realised there was another version, which was the unrevised one. I was like zomfg!, that one is a sure-fail.......!!!!
But ok lah, thinking back, my angmoh also cannot make it, next time i post my compo let you all laugh. -
u have a very heavy intro and body, but a very light rear
in other wards, u talked crap in the front and just very little in the topic part -
focus on getting the sentence structures right first...plot-wise i think you just dont go too far with your imagination...lest you get out of point...no grammer errors etc + plot not going out of point is more than enough to secure a pass...
-
If I was the marker for the unrevised version, it won't even get a 40%Originally posted by missqi:i think plot is very important.
no matter how good the vocab and grammar; if the story is boring; it will still not get a satisfactory grade.
Satisfactory grade
at least 70% of marks
For the version I tried correcting, it is still very borderline.
Like I said - it is still abit disjointed and the composition needs to link back into the topic. -
The trick to a composition is keeping it simple. No more than 10 words per sentence. My written work is not perfect but I just keep trying to improve on my previous work. This is the way I learn.Originally posted by OasisBlue:the point is... i can speak well(at least better than writing) but not writing it out... i just cant think of any impressive sentences to write out... and i am very bad at describing...and so i wrote like a pri kid...
You just need to read more to get an idea on how to express yourself. If you really cannot, try using the thesaurus .
For example your quote could be rearranged in this format:
I can articulate my thoughts well. However, I find it difficult to express myself in written form. I feel that I am bad at describing situations or objects. In my opinion, my writing resembles that of a primary school child. -
now i cant even do what u rearranged...Originally posted by fymk:The trick to a composition is keeping it simple. No more than 10 words per sentence. My written work is not perfect but I just keep trying to improve on my previous work. This is the way I learn.
You just need to read more to get an idea on how to express yourself. If you really cannot, try using the thesaurus .
For example your quote could be rearranged in this format:
I can articulate my thoughts well. However, I find it difficult to express myself in written form. I feel that I am bad at describing situations or objects. In my opinion, my writing resembles that of a primary school child. reading more dint aid either. -
My edited version. This should sound more logical, and more engaging.
I felt a pair of evil eyes staring at me. It was that of a monster which entered my paradise. He let out a thunderous roar, which pierced my ears and started the transition of my dream into a nightmare. I was suddenly jostled awake by my classmate. My teacher was staring at me, his eyes gleaming with fury. He had caught me sleeping during his lesson again.
Indeed, I was tired. I was lacking sleep for the past few days of that week. I worked the night shift from sunset till dawn in McDonalds, a famous fast food restaurant. The section which I was assigned to did not have enough crew. They called me back to help. I felt reluctant - it was going to be overtime work! Nevertheless, I chose to help my manager, hoping that my hard work would pay off some day.
Having not slept for the night, I went straight to school after work. Some teachers noticed that I had been dozing off in lessons, and asked me for a reason. My academic results have also worsen since then. I told the teachers that I had to work throughout the midnight, as I had to earn my own money to pay for my handphone and internet bills, as my family was very poor. They advised me to quit the job.
However, there were some teachers who despise students who sleep in their lessons. Unintentionally, I often fell asleep in lessons as I would be seriously too tired after a whole night of work. However, whenever the teacher saw me dozing off in class, he would roar at me, snapping me out of my dreamland.
It was torturous battling my heavy eyelids in order to keep my bloodshot eyes open. I was only allowed a two hours of peaceful sleep each day. After that precious two hours, I had to start my work at McDonalds again. My manager was nasty. He refused in any way to increase my pay even though I worked overtime. I felt very unappreciated. It was like I did all these, helping them in time of crew shortage, and all came to a nought.
I felt that I really could not take it anymore. I was working with my eyes half-closed, trying to serve all the customers with their unreasonable requests, but no one appreciated me, apart from a few 'thank-you's from the customers. The crew members scolded me for being slow as I often exceed the 'sixty-second-target', that is to finish serving each customer within a minute. I was tired, very tired.
But luckily, things turned out to be better as the restaurant employed more workers. But I would never forget the toughest battle I ever fought in my life - to juggle between studies and work. It was really more tiring than any physical training I ever went through.
Till this day, I still feel very unappreciated. My workplace seemed to not notice the efforts I had made to assist them in the time of a staff shortage. They seemed to take my efforts for granted. If not for me, I bet that particular restaurant would have closed down long ago. I was not asking for much but more 'thank-you's would have been nice instead of the incessant scoldings I received.
Indeed, humans often reprimand people for bad things they did.
When things goes the way they think it should, they would not be praising the people who made that possible, but instead, take it for granted. -
Originally posted by secretliker:My edited version. This should sound more logical, and more engaging.
I felt a pair of evil eyes staring at me. It was that of a monster which entered my paradise. He let out a thunderous roar, which pierced my ears and started the transition of my dream into a nightmare. I was suddenly jostled awake by my classmate. My teacher was staring at me, his eyes gleaming with fury. He had caught me sleeping during his lesson again.
pro........
Indeed, I was tired. I was lacking sleep for the past few days of that week. I worked the night shift from sunset till dawn in McDonalds, a famous fast food restaurant. The section which I was assigned to did not have enough crew. They called me back to help. I felt reluctant - it was going to be overtime work! Nevertheless, I chose to help my manager, hoping that my hard work would pay off some day.
Having not slept for the night, I went straight to school after work. Some teachers noticed that I had been dozing off in lessons, and asked me for a reason. My academic results have also worsen since then. I told the teachers that I had to work throughout the midnight, as I had to earn my own money to pay for my handphone and internet bills, as my family was very poor. They advised me to quit the job.
However, there were some teachers who despise students who sleep in their lessons. Unintentionally, I often fell asleep in lessons as I would be seriously too tired after a whole night of work. However, whenever the teacher saw me dozing off in class, he would roar at me, snapping me out of my dreamland.
It was torturous battling my heavy eyelids in order to keep my bloodshot eyes open. I was only allowed a two hours of peaceful sleep each day. After that precious two hours, I had to start my work at McDonalds again. My manager was nasty. He refused in any way to increase my pay even though I worked overtime. I felt very unappreciated. It was like I did all these, helping them in time of crew shortage, and all came to a nought.
I felt that I really could not take it anymore. I was working with my eyes half-closed, trying to serve all the customers with their unreasonable requests, but no one appreciated me, apart from a few 'thank-you's from the customers. The crew members scolded me for being slow as I often exceed the 'sixty-second-target', that is to finish serving each customer within a minute. I was tired, very tired.
But luckily, things turned out to be better as the restaurant employed more workers. But I would never forget the toughest battle I ever fought in my life - to juggle between studies and work. It was really more tiring than any physical training I ever went through.
Till this day, I still feel very unappreciated. My workplace seemed to not notice the efforts I had made to assist them in the time of a staff shortage. They seemed to take my efforts for granted. If not for me, I bet that particular restaurant would have closed down long ago. I was not asking for much but more 'thank-you's would have been nice instead of the incessant scoldings I received.
Indeed, humans often reprimand people for bad things they did.
When things goes the way they think it should, they would not be praising the people who made that possible, but instead, take it for granted.[/b]
-
Use ur computer to check for grammar and spelling mistake.
It do helps.
-
pass har..Originally posted by popikachu:but, i just want a pass for my english i very happy liao...
and btw how you know my full name de?!?!?!?
den write simple, easy to read, no mistakes, no fuss. u shld read more model essays, follow their style to start with.
storyline muz be clear, got proper beginning and ending. preferably start with an introduction, den problems den solve em, end with happy ending or pleasant surprise. keep everything in a well defined structure.
if they can't find fault with ur essay, they can't penalise u even if they dun like ur story.. juz not give u distinction only.
the english exam basically is not a literature contest, its to examine ur competence in the english language. how u present ur thoughts and ideas in english. if its basic and clear, they can only suck thumb.
dun write insults or vulgers, as far as the story goes, u're last angel on earth.
if not enough words, describe the events in more details. e.g. rather than saying opening the door, describe the colour, the sound and the feeling when opening it. make sure its relevant though, dun feel horny when opening a door in a haunted mansion with ghosts flying around.
impt is don't add too much to complicate things, juz fpr the sake of adding some words. e.g. suddenly gundam freedom smash into the mcdonald.. blah blah. which is not related at all.
once u can write a simple essay, error-free, den think of plots and twists to make it interesting. otherwise, keep it simple. keep it real. don't write far fetched stories like alien adduction or wad.
dun go and pull off a stunt like writing a story memento style. confirm die if cannot succeed. -
wha thanks all of you so much leh...
now my bet my teacher know that i din write it myself liao...
lol...
anewae, this is the first timei pass up my compo to this teacher... so he dont know me... lol... still can fake away... -
.
-
you sure your english sucks? you used some good vocab words what, maybe you haven't seen worse ones
-
i guess u just seen the edited version...Originally posted by cockaholic:you sure your english sucks? you used some good vocab words what, maybe you haven't seen worse ones -
My english teacher says that the best way to improve/learn english is by reading.
Nah.
It's just natural. Creativity and imagination are all that helps.
IMHO, the best way to learn english is by interacting with people who speak good, proper english.
I wonder why some people get their language foundation corrupted by peer pressure/influence. They mostly don't have their bilingual skills sharpened enough. -
i think we must brush up our english and chinese. i tell you, those china FT are laughing at us saying our english and chinese are neither here nor there.
-
hmmm.. normally sec 4 dun write stories anymore....
Write argumentative la...
Watch more of " The Arena" can le... -
and lastly, its not McDonald... Its McDonalds
-
I beg to differ. Stories are easier to score than argumentative essays, imho. You just need an arsenal of vocabulary, and a teeny bit of creative juice.Originally posted by metalizechicken:hmmm.. normally sec 4 dun write stories anymore....
Write argumentative la...
Watch more of " The Arena" can le...
Argumentative essays require making your stand, quoting evidence etc to support your stand, and sufficient command of the language to put your thoughts into words, which isn't really as easy as it sounds.
If I had any choice, I'd be writing stories when I was still in JC, hah. -
wow, there is really a lot of disheartening comments.
Although i never read finish the whole thing, i manage to glance through the first paragraph.
And it can be seen that u did attempt to use a higher level of vocabulary, that is a plus point. Also, i assume that u are still under the cambridge syllabus. So, the plot can be simple and predictable, a fanciful one will lead to more mistakes.
Cambridge markers have a very huge emphasis on the grammar usage, so try to cut down on that. And never go out of point.
If you have accomplish these things, you should be able to pass. Read more storybooks to improve your english. -
The storyline no link 1.. Like watch naruto halfway they start showing gay porn...