lame jokes/riddles
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Birthday present.
Guy A, "You don't seem too happy."
Guy B, "Yesterday was my birthday and my girlfriend invited me to her house to celebrate. She asked me to wait at the living room for 5 minutes before I went into her room."
Guy A, "Isn't that great? Your birthday and "good" fortune.
"
Guy B, "I thought so too... but the moment I went in, I saw her and the rest of my company staffs holding the birthday cake for me..."
Guy A, "Well, that is not bad too. The whole company is celebrating your birthday."
Guy B, "But I went into her room naked..." -
i somehow like this one.Originally posted by Bontakun:Basic level of English......
Two person bumped into each other.
1st guy, "I am sorry."
2nd guy, "I am sorry too."
1st guy, "I am sorry three."
2nd guy, "What are you sorry for?"
1st guy, "I am sorry five."
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A steward taking care of his lord's house broke an expensive bottle.
Steward, "Oh no~~~ I broke the lord's favourite..."
The lord returned and spoke, "When I was out for a vacation, are there any major happenings?"
Thinking for a moment, the steward repiled, "Umm... my lord, why is there life and death?"
Surprised at such a deep question, the lord still managed to reply, "This is part of nature. Everything that has life has death."
Steward, "My lord, your high class vintage XO has died!" -
Originally posted by Bontakun:Birthday present.
Guy A, "You don't seem too happy."
Guy B, "Yesterday was my birthday and my girlfriend invited me to her house to celebrate. She asked me to wait at the living room for 5 minutes before I went into her room."
Guy A, "Isn't that great? Your birthday and "good" fortune. "
Guy B, "I thought so too... but the moment I went in, I saw her and the rest of my company staffs holding the birthday cake for me..."
Guy A, "Well, that is not bad too. The whole company is celebrating your birthday."
Guy B, "But I went into her room naked..." Owned -
Lieutenant, "Sergeant! Didn't I tell you to secure all the exits in the compound?"
Sergeant, "Yes sir! We did secure all the exits and security is very tight."
Lieutenant, "If the exits are secured, how did the intruder escaped?"
Sergeant, "We did as you have instructed to secure all the exits, but he escaped through the entrance." -
Guy A, "Hey, I heard you have failed your swimming test."
Guy B, "Because I don't know how to swim."
Guy A, "But I heard your family reside near a river..."
Guy B, "Yeah."
Guy A, "And you still don't know how to swim?"
Guy B, "Nothing strange about that. You are surrounded by air yet you can't fly." -
LOLS..Originally posted by Bontakun:Guy A, "Hey, I heard you have failed your swimming test."
Guy B, "Because I don't know how to swim."
Guy A, "But I heard your family reside near a river..."
Guy B, "Yeah."
Guy A, "And you still don't know how to swim?"
Guy B, "Nothing strange about that. You are surrounded by air yet you can't fly." -
omfg, this is lame.Originally posted by 798:Her Side of the Story:
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He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no.
But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back
home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know, he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, he responded to my
advances. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.
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His Side of the Story:
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Nabei! Man U lost to Arsenal!!! -
LOL!!!!Originally posted by Bontakun:An employer is having a good time with his boss in a pub.
Employer, "Boss, which hand do you write with?"
Boss, "My right hand."
Employer, "Which hand do you use to hold chopsticks?"
Boss, "My right hand too."
Employer, "Then when going to the toilet..."
Boss interupted, "Of course my right hand lah!"
Employer, "Boss that is unhygenic. We use toilet paper......" -
omg lame.Originally posted by Bontakun:Guy A, "I am going to break up with my girlfriend!"
Guy B, "What did she do?"
Guy A, "I can't stand it! 1am in the morning and she still go to the bar!?"
Guy B, "I symphatize with you! What did she do down there?"
Guy A, "Dragging me back home." -
rofl!Originally posted by Bontakun:Lieutenant, "Sergeant! Didn't I tell you to secure all the exits in the compound?"
Sergeant, "Yes sir! We did secure all the exits and security is very tight."
Lieutenant, "If the exits are secured, how did the intruder escaped?"
Sergeant, "We did as you have instructed to secure all the exits, but he escaped through the entrance." -
nice !!!Originally posted by Bontakun:Guy A, "Hey, I heard you have failed your swimming test."
Guy B, "Because I don't know how to swim."
Guy A, "But I heard your family reside near a river..."
Guy B, "Yeah."
Guy A, "And you still don't know how to swim?"
Guy B, "Nothing strange about that. You are surrounded by air yet you can't fly." -
Can somebody post that joke bout Deng Xiaoping going to America? I thought that was pretty good.
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What do you drink when you agree with someone?
Soda. -
Deng Xiaoping is visiting the US. Tired of being shadowed by his entourage at all times, he decides to go for a walk on his own. This alarms his translators and bodyguards who fear that Mr. Deng will get into trouble since he does not speak any English. However, realizing that they cannot change his mind, they decide to at least prepare him in case he gets stopped by the police. "If you get stopped", they coached him, "they'll first ask for your surname and then they'll ask for your given name. Just tell them and everything will be fine". So Mr. Deng goes out and enjoys himself. A policeman recognizes him. Having heard that Mr. Deng prides himself in his knowledge of American history, he decides to start a conversation with an appropriate subject.Originally posted by fallin:Can somebody post that joke bout Deng Xiaoping going to America? I thought that was pretty good.
Policeman: Who was the first president of the U.S?
Mr. Deng: Wo xing Deng [我姓鄧: My surname is Deng]
Policeman: Yes, Washington. And what are you doing in the U.S?
Mr. Deng: Xiaoping [小平]
Policeman: Ah, shopping. Very good. Have nice day!. -
Subsidiary of Disney, Winnie The Pooh intends to launch a full scale purchase of property in Singapore.
After scouting various places, they decided to buy over Boat Quay and reshape it into a world of fantasy.
The new name for the place will be called "Pooh Quay".
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Originally posted by mhcampboy:Subsidiary of Disney, Winnie The Pooh intends to launch a full scale purchase of property in Singapore.
After scouting various places, they decided to buy over Boat Quay and reshape it into a world of fantasy.
The new name for the place will be called "Pooh Quay". -
Originally posted by popikachu:i ask you all one question ahh... maths question de... alot people answer wrongly at first...
1 + 1 X 0 = ? ? ?
lame la u stupid . 1+1x0 IS 0
answer is 1 and not 0...this is pri sch maths... -
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Singapore Pool-kie (bookie)
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1) what was the highest mountain before mount everest was discovered?
2) a boy went into a bakery shop with 2 coins total of 60 cents.
he bought a bread of 60 cents and gave the 2 coins to the uncle.
if 1 of the coin is not 10 cents,
what is the 2 coins?
3) when did the army of israel march in underwears?
1) mount everest
2) 10 cents and 50 cents
3) when they march out in triumph. -
this one still the best.Originally posted by pervertboi:3 bears came home after a hunting trip:
'Somebody has been eating my porridge,' said Father Bear. 'Somebody has been eating my porridge too,' said Brother Bear. 'Somebody has been eating my porridge and eaten it all up,' cried Baby Bear.
Mama Bear:
F.ucking chee bye i haven't cook the f,ucking porridge yet.... -
Originally posted by popmynutsy:1) what was the highest mountain before mount everest was discovered?
2) a boy went into a bakery shop with 2 coins total of 60 cents.
he bought a bread of 60 cents and gave the 2 coins to the uncle.
if 1 of the coin is not 10 cents,
what is the 2 coins?
3) when did the army of israel march in underwears?
word play at work. u got me
1) mount everest
2) 10 cents and 50 cents
3) when they march out in triumph. -
tis is one of my fav joke even though it is the lamest!
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=104871 -
hahaha this thread is still alive!!