k compo time!!!
-
try to brainstorm on ur own la...
otherwise during exam time, u can come here ask for ideas meh?
brainstorming is a very important process while writing essay, try to list out everything that goes inside your mind while you are writing, then choose those ideas that you think you really know how to elaborate on... -
you are not to the point, you keep giving a blow by blow event, focus on a certain event that ruined ur holiday.
-
erm...Originally posted by Ito_^:
you got edit? -
Hi popikachu,
After reading through, I feel that there isn't enough "life" in your characters. The way you had narrated the trip was rather flat. In order to visualise the "disappointment" you have to create a build-up. Explain the preparations. The anticipation.
How about start off with something a little more screen-play like?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Click, click, click-click!"
There it is, the website for the resort! My mouse pointer zero in on the"Outdoor Theme Park" tab.
"Click-click!"
The page opens up to a whole list of thrill rides like Pirate Ship, Spinner, Cyclone, Corkscrew and Rolling Thunder Mine Train. I could feel the adrenaline rising and I can almost picture myself on those thrill rides, the drops, the spins, the screams, the smell of fresh popcorn and candy floss, I can almost sink my teeth into the juicy drumstick.
A sudden rattle on my door brought me back.
"Popikachu, we're setting off soon, and you're not done with your packing! Get off the computer now! We're leaving in 15 minutes, sharp!" my uncle snapped.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Writing a good composition is akin to writing a story that people want to read on and find out more about the developments. Think movies. Every part is written to support and prepare the audience for what is to come. -
lol...tried my best to edit grammar and sentence structure only...thanks for the re-edit asdfzhao...the compo's contents quite boring...like no climax...
read liao will sian one...TS try to use more expressive words and widen the scope of "disappointment"...
sick->see doc->rest in hotel->no going to theme park->sad->go home
try to think of something which will make your teacher want to continue reading to find out more about the ending...
or u can try putting the ending at the beginning...maybe will interest the marker to read on in order to find out about the reasons behind the happenings you have stated in the beginning...
yup
im juz a n00b -
wha lao!!! you noob i then i become noober liao!!!Originally posted by _n00b_:lol...tried my best to edit grammar and sentence structure only...thanks for the re-edit asdfzhao...the compo's contents quite boring...like no climax...
read liao will sian one...TS try to use more expressive words and widen the scope of "disappointment"...
sick->see doc->rest in hotel->no going to theme park->sad->go home
try to think of something which will make your teacher want to continue reading to find out more about the ending...
or u can try putting the ending at the beginning...maybe will interest the marker to read on in order to find out about the reasons behind the happenings you have stated in the beginning...
yup
im juz a n00b
cannot be noob! -
omg squiggly my eng teacher said NEVER to start off a compo with a sound effect or conversation . lol . i did that once and he just mentioned it in front of the whole class . damn was it embarassing . but i still got B . lucky xDOriginally posted by Squiggly:Hi popikachu,
After reading through, I feel that there isn't enough "life" in your characters. The way you had narrated the trip was rather flat. In order to visualise the "disappointment" you have to create a build-up. Explain the preparations. The anticipation.
How about start off with something a little more screen-play like?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Click, click, click-click!"
There it is, the website for the resort! My mouse pointer zero in on the"Outdoor Theme Park" tab.
"Click-click!"
The page opens up to a whole list of thrill rides like Pirate Ship, Spinner, Cyclone, Corkscrew and Rolling Thunder Mine Train. I could feel the adrenaline rising and I can almost picture myself on those thrill rides, the drops, the spins, the screams, the smell of fresh popcorn and candy floss, I can almost sink my teeth into the juicy drumstick.
A sudden rattle on my door brought me back.
"Popikachu, we're setting off soon, and you're not done with your packing! Get off the computer now! We're leaving in 15 minutes, sharp!" my uncle snapped.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Writing a good composition is akin to writing a story that people want to read on and find out more about the developments. Think movies. Every part is written to support and prepare the audience for what is to come. -
whoa kaoz do you own homeworkOriginally posted by popikachu:compo is out!!!
can help me check see got any gramma mistake or spelling mistake? i am sure got alot de...
comments are very welcome too!!!
.