Help! Do me a favour guys(Writing Novel)
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Hey guys, could you rate my short draft of a novel's im gonna write
I know it isnt good, just edited it
I need to get ppl opinion of it..
The Beginning Of the End? (Chapter 1)
Taking a last look at his family, he felt a sense of regret.Private Bill Curtiss had never experienced this worry before.He felt a pang of utter fear and hopelessness.He was serving in the Air Force in Baghdad as a pilot.As the last call for Flight 453 ended, he tore his gaze away from his lovely wife,Marsha and his wonderful daughter Kristinne.
He proceeded to the gate and soon disappeared around the corridor.As the Boeing 747 taxied down the runway, Marsha and Kristinne whispered an almost inaudible prayer for Bill.
In the aircraft,where the jet engines shuddered and groaned as the pilot cruised down to the taxiway of the Texas airport.With a feriocious roar,the throttle on full revolution, the aircraft roared towards the runway.Like a graceful eagle, the aircraft lifted into the air and soon disappeared from view.
High above the skies,Private Bill started on his steaming hot lunch and glanced over to other servicemen who were taking part in the war against MEC.
It was well into midnight when the plane touched down in Oman,Pakistan.With a shudder, the plane groaned as the brakes were applied harshly.As the aircraft taxied to a stop, 4 , almost invisible people were waiting impatiently
The person in the middle of the four, lined up in a linear position held a loudspeaker and barked menancingly"All Pilots to the bunk please!".He motioned towards a small ,yet cosy building.
Pilot Examination.(Chapter 2)
Sunrise.
The Commander was designating servicemen towards their respective platoons.Private Bill was immediatly cleared to join Alpha platoon and rushed into the crowd of Alphas without further ado.
Later that day, the sun was high up and looking gallently towards the yellow earth.
The Commander hastened the Alphas into attention.Bill Curtiss was assigned to a F-15 Eagle, which was quick and agile when it came to a dogfight.Equipped with laser digital warning system and AGM missiles,it was a deadly machine.He teamed up with Flight Instructor Ross Wingley and shook hands.Without a word,they both climbed into the cockpit and so began the first day in Pakistan.
At the end of a long and eventful day of bomber training, Bill hastened into his bunk.He shook hands and acknowledged his neighbour Private Jim Weiss, who was assigned to a F-14 Tomcat.
Lurching off into an eventful sleep,he tossed and turned,with loud cackling, planes being shot down being replayed over in his dream.
Regeneration. (Chapter 3)
As months flew by without incident,Bill was now a corporal.He knew how to operate the aircraft and soon , became an experienced pilot.
He was lurching off into sleep... Loud Cackling filled his dreams yet again......
An Air Raid siren sounded impassively.A night raid was materializing and the radar had picked off 15 airplanes swooshing overhead .Patriot missiles were deployed and pilots were hastened towards their planes.
Bill jumped into the cockpit and switched on the engine.His Co-Pilot, Ross Wingely mounted into the plane, switched on the AGM missile system.With a loud roar, the Eagle screamed down the runway and took off into the night
"Alpha-34,Confirm position and status."A voice materailsed over the intercom .
"Yeah, i hear you buddy".."Loud and clear".Position 56 Km away from Base Gerring"!.Turning to Ross, he gave a thumbs-up and started for the clouds.
Suddenly, it seemed that the night sky was exploding with MEC airplanes.The Eagle sidebanked, dodged a MEC plane.He decided to engage a MiG-29 which was concentrating on attacking the airfield.Bill flicked the missile fail safe system from neutral to Active.Locking his target, he pressed on the trigger.A loud swooshing sound followed by a stream of red light issued from the lethal, fired AGM now bent on engaging its target .Bill and Ross waited with bated breath
It hit home with a loud explosion.Cheering, Bill started for the skies, rejoining his comrades in battle.
When the threat was finally removed, Bill landed and reported to Ground Control and the Commander that he had shot down 4 planes .Without a moment, he dashed straight into his bunk and fell asleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow.
Will edit and put in more, just completed it.
Thanks -
Your paragraphing very off...
then.. vocab like p6 standard.
and then worst of all..
punctuations all at wrong places. -
I tired mah, no time edit cause had to write plot, think up of characters and scenes... Took 5 hours niaOriginally posted by rathcycle:Your paragraphing very off...
then.. vocab like p6 standard.
and then worst of all..
punctuations all at wrong places.
Later will edit so it become much more better -
don't bother tooOriginally posted by Evolution IX MR:I tired mah, no time edit cause had to write plot, think up of characters and scenes... Took 5 hours nia
Later will edit so it become much more better
the content disgust me.. -
Cricitism i wont bother about anyway.Originally posted by rathcycle:don't bother too
the content disgust me..
Suggestions would be welcomed.
You think so easy write a novel, go write one lor
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it's not easy writing one, therefore don't try.Originally posted by Evolution IX MR:Cricitism i wont bother about anyway.
Suggestions would be welcomed.
You think so easy write a novel, go write one lor -
can u don't use ang moh names? use more local names... the marker don't like to see ang moh names, especially those at cambridge one.
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But no choice, story based in US
Seriously , SG has never been in a war so nth to write about our armed forces lor
I thought up this story its plot derived from JK Rowling de -
You got your facts wrong.
F-15 is in the Air force while F-14 WAS in the Navy.
Privates dont get the chance to pilot a plane.
Somemore a Marine?
What's a Marine doing with air force and navy jets? -
Oops.... Will editOriginally posted by Marco_Simone:You got your facts wrong.
F-15 is in the Air force while F-14 WAS in the Navy.
Privates dont get the chance to pilot a plane.
Somemore a Marine?
What's a Marine doing with air force and navy jets?
Fighter Training school? -
There is no rank of Commander and Flight Instructor in the US Marines also...
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I thought it has?Originally posted by Marco_Simone:There is no rank of Commander and Flight Instructor in the US Marines also...
I did my research on BF2 on the USMC.It Had a commander and squad leader
My Bad if im wrong. -
aiya just say it's a sg guy go sign up to be a marine or sumthing.Originally posted by Evolution IX MR:But no choice, story based in US
Seriously , SG has never been in a war so nth to write about our armed forces lor
I thought up this story its plot derived from JK Rowling de -
BF2??? HAHAHA...its just a game.Originally posted by Evolution IX MR:I thought it has?
I did my research on BF2 on the USMC.It Had a commander and squad leader
My Bad if im wrong. -
But it has real positions like Commander in each game.He has radio control and controls Arterilly , UAV,Satellite scanning supply and veh drop
Correct me if im wrong -
AGM=Air to ground missile
so when you say AGM missile,you are saying Air to ground missile missile.
And I dont think its so easy for the MIGs to attack the US base. -
MEC... You must be a BF2 player... IGN?
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OMG,your story is full of factual errors.
OMAN in Pakistan???
There are no PLATOONS in the air force also. -
They have Bombs, missilesOriginally posted by Marco_Simone:AGM=Air to ground missile
so when you say AGM missile,you are saying Air to ground missile missile.
And I dont think its so easy for the MIGs to attack the US base.
Ops My bad, got confused
What type of missiles do Eagles use while in combat with enemy planes? -
Nick4532, Gunnery Sergeant.Roams around Gamearena server #18Originally posted by wonderamazement:MEC... You must be a BF2 player... IGN? -
AAM=air to air missiles.Originally posted by Evolution IX MR:They have Bombs, missiles
Ops My bad, got confused
What type of missiles do Eagles use while in combat with enemy planes?
Next time u write this kinda military story must let me vet first...and I have not started looking at your language yet... -
and he expect ppl to understand his acronyms..Originally posted by Marco_Simone:OMG,your story is full of factual errors.
OMAN in Pakistan???
There are no PLATOONS in the air force also. -
Aiya, I just mixed up Gulf Of Oman with the Oman in rl lah
Okay lah, cause i mixed up with USMC and Air force
I tot USMC stand for Air force cause they got combat aircraft also mah -
Gulf of Oman,the state of Oman is nowhere near Pakistan!Originally posted by Evolution IX MR:Aiya, I just mixed up Gulf Of Oman with the Oman in rl lah
Okay lah, cause i mixed up with USMC and Air force
I tot USMC stand for Air force cause they got combat aircraft also mah -
you fast forward your content of your last paragraph too fast already, the flow of your story is too fast already, the starting of your first paragraph makes no meaning at all, if you consider this as a novel,
i will fail you, simple as that