Parents who do not want to work
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Anybody here got parents who do not want to work and ask you for money every month?
I have a mother who is 52 years old this year. My parents are divorced so my father do not stay with us. He only give my mother $200 every month plus a 4 room hdb flat when they divorce.
My mum has resigned from her job and her last working day is the end of May 2008. She do not have the intention to work anymore. She intent to retire already and stop working. Her mother which is my grandmother is still alive and she still has to support my grandmother. I do not need to support my father as he is currently working and he has planned his retirement well and do not need me to support him.
I am not sure how much savings she has and how much money she have in her cpf account but I am pretty sure her cpf and savings should not be enough to support her for the rest of her life as she is only 52 years old this year.
As for me, I have just started work for 7 months right after I ord and I recently found a new job and intenting to resign soon. I also worry that I will not be able to survive in the new company and will get sack during the probation period..
Even if I can survive in my new company, I don't think my salary will be enough for me, mother and grandmother to spend..I am currently single..I am a diploma holder..My salary is less than 2k a month and that is before deducting cpf..
Anybody here facing the same situation as me? -
what are u working as??
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convince her that free time is boring
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Give her $200 and $400 total can monthly can take care of grocery riao leh....If she cooks, you can even save money by eating home.
Do you iron your own clothes? Wash your own clothes? Make the bed? Clean the house? Pay the electricity bills?
Think of it as you are staying alone and you have a mother to care for you while you work.
If she doesn't do anything of the above, then I guess you have to decide what the word 'mother' means to you....
I have a fren who recently left her diabetic mother to fend for herself cos the mum soiled herself. She left the house cos she blames her siblings for not taking care of the mother, and leaving it all to her.
Is it the mother who deserves it? Or does my fren deserves it? Is it the upbringing? Is your mother a victim of agism? Is she sick? Do you know? Do you care? Do you wish to find out more?
There are some burden that we cannot offload from our shoulder. In our asian confucious (some called confusion) society, it's called duty.
If you qualify for grassroot support, maybe you can apply for it since you have 2 dependent, excluding yourself.
No body said self-sacrificing is easy. If your mum has supported you for 20 years. Maybe you have to support her for the next 20 years? Your mother has to think of how she has to support her mum for the corresponding duration.
Life is such. Is there a short cut?
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Originally posted by nehpyh:
Give her $200 and $400 total can monthly can take care of grocery riao leh....If she cooks, you can even save money by eating home.
Do you iron your own clothes? Wash your own clothes? Make the bed? Clean the house? Pay the electricity bills?
Think of it as you are staying alone and you have a mother to care for you while you work.
If she doesn't do anything of the above, then I guess you have to decide what the word 'mother' means to you....
I have a fren who recently left her diabetic mother to fend for herself cos the mum soiled herself. She left the house cos she blames her siblings for not taking care of the mother, and leaving it all to her.
Is it the mother who deserves it? Or does my fren deserves it? Is it the upbringing? Is your mother a victim of agism? Is she sick? Do you know? Do you care? Do you wish to find out more?
There are some burden that we cannot offload from our shoulder. In our asian confucious (some called confusion) society, it's called duty.
If you qualify for grassroot support, maybe you can apply for it since you have 2 dependent, excluding yourself.
No body said self-sacrificing is easy. If your mum has supported you for 20 years. Maybe you have to support her for the next 20 years? Your mother has to think of how she has to support her mum for the corresponding duration.
Life is such. Is there a short cut?
well said -
Ask her to put all her CPF monies into a dividend paying stock like SPH or SMRT. Or better still invest in stocks that pays more than 10% dividend yield like Babcock and Brown
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First rule: Parents always come first. Without them, we would never have been born. While we never ask for it, but we had been given life. It may not had been a good life of wine and roses, but then there were plenty of good times - schooldays, friends, movies, music, camaradarie, etc. We were the lucky ones, compared to the many of our brothers/sisters who didn't had a chance in our mom's womb.
They would have done a good job, for you had a diploma, and seem a normal man. They would have sacrificed much to have brought you up to adulthood. And they would have defended you with their own lives if you came into harm.
Now it's time to defend and protect them as is our responsibility. She is already 52, and chances are almost nil for her to find work. Even cleaner jobs goes to cheap foreign workers. Give her a break.
The practicality lies in finances. I do believe that as a young man, there are many things you would want to own and experience - pubs, girls, cars, travels, etc. And such experiences would cost, even more than your monthly salary can afford.
Worse is if your peers and friends are doing that and seem to have deep pockets, and you would feel inferior. BUT, don't be, because this is Singapore with majority middle classed and not many could afford such lifestyle without going bankrupt behind the scenes.
You too can have that lifestyle for you are still young. You only need to work hard and smart, look for a job that matches your educational level, take up additional courses to keep relevant and in time, with experience, you will be able to move up. Singapore is a society based on merit.
Your current savings and expenditure:-
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basic pay = $2000
balance less cpf = $1600
Necessary self expenses:-
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Transport = $200/mth
Food (breakfast and lunch) = $300
Clothing = $150
Balance = $950
You would still have $950 for savings. With these sum, you could split a portion of it to your mom, she's already 52 and would not have much wants or need abalone/sharkfin dinners, a portion for your rest and recreation, and last portion as savings for future.
Do remember, your current salary is only at entry level. In time, with experience, it will rise accordingly and would have sufficient for more activities. Just don't give up doing the right thing. These are hard times, but if our previous generations could survive, so shall we all if we are realistic and have our feet on the ground. Good luck.
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I think u will have problem getting a wife next time.....after she learn of the burdens she needs to share with u.....u better talk to ur mother again and ask her not to quit....or get a new job.
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Originally posted by Point_blank:
First rule: Parents always come first. Without them, we would never have been born. While we never ask for it, but we had been given life. It may not had been a good life of wine and roses, but then there were plenty of good times - schooldays, friends, movies, music, camaradarie, etc. We were the lucky ones, compared to the many of our brothers/sisters who didn't had a chance in our mom's womb.
They would have done a good job, for you had a diploma, and seem a normal man. They would have sacrificed much to have brought you up to adulthood. And they would have defended you with their own lives if you came into harm.
Now it's time to defend and protect them as is our responsibility. She is already 52, and chances are almost nil for her to find work. Even cleaner jobs goes to cheap foreign workers. Give her a break.
The practicality lies in finances. I do believe that as a young man, there are many things you would want to own and experience - pubs, girls, cars, travels, etc. And such experiences would cost, even more than your monthly salary can afford.
Worse is if your peers and friends are doing that and seem to have deep pockets, and you would feel inferior. BUT, don't be, because this is Singapore with majority middle classed and not many could afford such lifestyle without going bankrupt behind the scenes.
You too can have that lifestyle for you are still young. You only need to work hard and smart, look for a job that matches your educational level, take up additional courses to keep relevant and in time, with experience, you will be able to move up. Singapore is a society based on merit.
Your current savings and expenditure:-
---------------------------------------------
basic pay = $2000
balance less cpf = $1600
Necessary self expenses:-
--------------------------------
Transport = $200/mth
Food (breakfast and lunch) = $300
Clothing = $150
Balance = $950
You would still have $950 for savings. With these sum, you could split a portion of it to your mom, she's already 52 and would not have much wants or need abalone/sharkfin dinners, a portion for your rest and recreation, and last portion as savings for future.
Do remember, your current salary is only at entry level. In time, with experience, it will rise accordingly and would have sufficient for more activities. Just don't give up doing the right thing. These are hard times, but if our previous generations could survive, so shall we all if we are realistic and have our feet on the ground. Good luck.
excuse me. Please go and read carefully what I have written in my 1st post. I write that my salary is less than 2k a month and that is before deducting cpf. I did not say that my salary is 2k.Do remember that there are other expenses which you have not written. Electricity bills, telephone bills, insurance etc.and I have a grandmother also who is still alive and none of her children that is my uncles and aunties are supporting her except for my mother. The worst thing is that my grandmother is very money minded. When my mother is still working, she give my grandmother $500 a month and yet my grandmother is not satasified despite her $500 does not need to pay for the house expenses and it is more than enough to support herself.So you can imagine what is going to happen when my mother become jobless and stop giving her money.
Balance=$950. work hard and smart, look for a job that matches your educational level, take up additional courses to keep relevant and in time, with experience, you will be able to move up. Singapore is a society based on merit.
If only life is as simple as what you have calculated..
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Originally posted by nehpyh:
Give her $200 and $400 total can monthly can take care of grocery riao leh....If she cooks, you can even save money by eating home.
Do you iron your own clothes? Wash your own clothes? Make the bed? Clean the house? Pay the electricity bills?
Think of it as you are staying alone and you have a mother to care for you while you work.
If she doesn't do anything of the above, then I guess you have to decide what the word 'mother' means to you....
I have a fren who recently left her diabetic mother to fend for herself cos the mum soiled herself. She left the house cos she blames her siblings for not taking care of the mother, and leaving it all to her.
Is it the mother who deserves it? Or does my fren deserves it? Is it the upbringing? Is your mother a victim of agism? Is she sick? Do you know? Do you care? Do you wish to find out more?
There are some burden that we cannot offload from our shoulder. In our asian confucious (some called confusion) society, it's called duty.
If you qualify for grassroot support, maybe you can apply for it since you have 2 dependent, excluding yourself.
No body said self-sacrificing is easy. If your mum has supported you for 20 years. Maybe you have to support her for the next 20 years? Your mother has to think of how she has to support her mum for the corresponding duration.
Life is such. Is there a short cut?
Give $200 to $400 a month is enough? Apply for grassroot support?
Do you know what type of people qualify for grassroot support? The type that is so poor that they don't even have a place to stay or at least don't even have money to pay the monthly loan instalements, the type that have many children perhaps 5 or 6 children in the family and the family earns less than 1k a month, the type that have parents or spouse or children who are suffering from illness such as kidney failure etc..So do you think I will qualify for grassroot support even if I have to support my mother and grandmother?
If only life is as simple as what you think..
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money is never enough. whatever annual increments are used to offset inflation. take home 2.5k a mth also not enough. can only cover the bmw.
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Originally posted by maxsee:
I think u will have problem getting a wife next time.....after she learn of the burdens she needs to share with u.....u better talk to ur mother again and ask her not to quit....or get a new job.
I have talked to her. This whole month she has been clearing leave but she can't be bothered to go and look for jobs. I ahev introduced jobs to her too but she can't be bothered to even apply for it.She has leg problems and she can't stand for too long..despite that, she will rather everyday go dancing until midnight than she come back..she does not even care that her legs cannot take it..
i have talked to her, my grandmother, uncles and aunties have talked to her but she does not listen to any of our advise..
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Originally posted by shade343:
Ask her to put all her CPF monies into a dividend paying stock like SPH or SMRT. Or better still invest in stocks that pays more than 10% dividend yield like Babcock and Brown
she got invest her cpf money and I think she make a profit of about 30k like that so far..but is 30k enough to last her entire life as she is only 52 years old now
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like mother, like son.
she wan quit, u oso wan.
both oso not responsible.
me got one frd more chiarm then u.
once he went out to werk, parents retired wif no savin.
housing loan, household stuff & sis' education all tro to him.
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Tsk Tsk .
So many people having money problems .
I think u should ask ur uncles and maybe ur close friends for help .
If really bo pian take 2 jobs lo . One of my friends also like that .
Bo pian she`s your mom . Unless u want to be a bu xiao zi
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i gave my mom 800 a month and she's working. how about that!
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how long are your working hours
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If I were you, I will probably be dissatisfied with the answers - the imposition of values, the moralizing. These values are applicable to them and may not be for others.
Let's look at the facts. Your divorced mother got the house and the kids. In which case she is probably receiving alimony as well as child maintenance for you for a long time. Since you are now working, she is looking towards you for the shortfall in maintenance.
Ask her about her monthly expenditure.
Tell her about the government policy that your burdens are your own.
Tell her you need to look after your own financials too, even more so as your income is little.
Tell her in this present age, the entire family needs to pull together.
Determine how much you can afford to give her. Consider this formula: pay yourself the first 20%. Go to funds supermart and choose a good fund. Forget about insurance savings plan in your case as you need ready cash in the event...well, just in case.
The remaining 80%, give $50 to the church or charity. The remainder will be used for your transport, food, fun (give yourself a reward once every month), your mother's allowance, you and your mother's medishield (must!) and critical illness policies for yourself and mother. Are you a nationalservice man? (sorry i did not read carefully to see if you are a guy or gal). If yes, go to SAFRA and take up their NTUC policy or AVIVA to take up their SAF policy. That is all you need and these policies are the cheapest in the market.
You need to be comfortable. Your mother need to be comfortable. The best way is to talk it over with your mother, a heart to heart talk.
Give some money to your father too. He has taken care of you too all these years. He will be delighted because a child is always a child.
My comments are generic in nature. If it does not apply to you or if it will make more sense if more details are known, then please pm me at my email if private or here if public.
I wish you the best and hope that your solution will be meaningful to you and your mother.
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*yawnz*
ur answr least helpful & most unwelcm one de leh.
he oladi tell u no $$$ den go whr find $$$ pay for ur insurance/investment.
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Well, I give the threadstarter the best I can -
an answer that:
(1) maximise his money,
(2) look after his present and future,
(3) takes care of his mother, father,
(4) takes care of his church or charity;
(5) takes care of possible eventualities (hospitalization, critical illness at the CHEAPEST possible cost in the Singapore insurance market at this time)
(6) caters for his cashflow needs when needed and
(7) a discussion with his own mother on the issues involved
Once this is done, the whole situation will be clearer.
......
Unless of course, you come up with a most helpful answer.
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tsk, go away lah u.
cheat ppl's $$$ nia.
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Hello Kitty,
You are really quite pathetic.
You have no useful suggestions to make.
.......
Note: these policies are bought directly from SAFRA (NSmen group term policy) or AVIVA - SAF term policy (call their hotlines). Funds Supermart is a DIY mutual funds center. Again check out their website.
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wait wait wait, i have one suggestion.
go take a piss & look into it at urself.
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kakowi's replies are very unpractical and belonged to those "ideal" and "model" answers from counsellors.
Let me start by first saying, I am in a very similar boat as you. I have both parents, brother and sister living together with me. Both parents are 57 and 53. Sister is 18 and brother is 16. My father suffers from schizoprenia but is now like lao ren chi dai, and my mum was also schizoprenic but had since recovered fully. My dad does not wor, not that he doesnt want, but he has the heart but no strength and breath. My mum is currently working as a school cleaner, income: 650 per month before deduct CPF. My sis is studying in poly 2nd year, my bro, just admitted to boy's home recently.
With a family like this, I believe many will have given up, but not me. My parents provided basic schooling and food for me till I am in JC. From then on, how I survived my dailies is by loans from governement, bursaries and kind loans of 100 or 200 every few months from my uncle and aunty. I survived thru my uni studies by 100% loan from the bank, which I am currently repaying: 36k in total. I did not really work part time in my uni as I was actively involved in CCAs.
Currently, my expenses are as follows every month:
Uni loan repayment: 600
Bills (HDB loan, PUB, Town council, Starhub, Singtel): 1000 average
Insurance: 240
Food: 400 average
Transport: 100 average
Don't worry, with your current case, if you go to your grassroot MP, you will definitely get monthly assistance from them, 300 per month. If you don't get it, send me a PM, I will advise you how. You need supporting documents, for example medical certs (very powerful) to prove that your mum can't work, your outstanding monthly bills, your pay slip, your mum declaration of divorce/unemployed etc. Anything that can prove your hardship will help. You can also apply for temporary waiver of housing loans and utilities but remember that it is only temporary, you will still have to pay back in the end when you earn enough for your salary.
Don't worry too much about your investments for now, you simply do not have enough money. Wait for about 2 years or 3 years when your pay increase or you change job. If can, take a part time degree WITH your company sponsoring you. Think of ways to minimise your spendings, take buses, walk to nearest MRT, cycle.
Times are hard, but if you persevere, one day, you might just get lucky and land into a job which pays you well and things will change for the better like myself currently. Good luck!
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
like mother, like son.
she wan quit, u oso wan.
both oso not responsible.
me got one frd more chiarm then u.
once he went out to werk, parents retired wif no savin.
housing loan, household stuff & sis' education all tro to him.
I think you are the one who is not responsible.
Different people resign for different reasons. I resign because I have found a job which I can learn more than in my current company. Not everybody who resign is irresponsilble. You should be more responsible with what you write