What shall I do?
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Same here.
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Same to what?Originally posted by Dreamland:Same here.
You mean if you're in your bf's shoe you'll leave too? -
Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change. -
Most guys will reject counsuelling as an option........Man with their ego problem and tendency to go into "denial" mode........ go for counsuelling yourself to help both of you then....... stop using harsh words to hurt each other anymore for a start!
in times of relationship breakdown both parties will have to share the blame equally...... unfair for him to say that it is yr problem and not his thou.....strongly encourage you to talk to someone professional train in human psychology.....she/hewill be able to help you see things in another light & guide you to tackle the relationship problems & on how to handle the relationship better.......TRUST ME!! From there....you may want to decide to stay or go!!
Good luck to both of you
p/s enjoy reading??? Recommend you to read " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" - a practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in yr relationship by John gray ( can buy from major bookshops or rent from National Library)...... good self improvement book to read for a starter....
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There's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Sometimes, love just ain't enough.
It's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had -
Originally posted by Dreamland:
Real smooth. The girl has to prove her worth in order to be with the "guru".
I dun find it nice when he comes back and tell me that his frens are laughing at him cos he used to be a guru, that the 3rd party mesged him that she swear to do anything just to be with him. He said that I have to prove my worth to be with him. How am I supposed to react when I hear that?
What's next? The girl has to bend over on her knees and say "ah" in order to be blessed with his holy seed?
Maybe the calm influence of the "guru" has over-sedated your nerves? Or you are willing to put up with the humiliation and stick by His Holiness because you love him too much?
Edit: Sorry I lost my cool, but you have certainly painted a truly unflattering picture of your boyfriend. It is hard to give you a reason why you should love him in spite of your descriptions of him here... -
Hmm... Just a personal suggestion... How about polishing up on the hj or petting just to see how things go....?Originally posted by Dreamland:Thank u..been there and done that.
Guess it's accumulation.
The sex issue is a major hindrance cos it keeps coming up.
why should I be made to feel that i am a weirdo everytime I make my point?
Why must he threaten me with another girl?
Why must he criticise my principles as stupid?
Perhaps most of the forumnites might feel that i am a freak too. But he is not anyone else but my bf. He should at least respect it and recognise that given my character, I have already compromised by tryin the hj.
I dun find it nice when he comes back and tell me that his frens are laughing at him cos he used to be a guru, that the 3rd party mesged him that she swear to do anything just to be with him. He said that I have to prove my worth to be with him. How am I supposed to react when I hear that?
I say it again, those words were not mention in a fit of anger. He was relating his worries to me nearly everyday.
That's why I am thinkin of giving him up to another girl if it makes him happier. But just the tot of it is unbearable.. In any case, when he reads this message, hope he understands the dilemma that I am facing.
Btw, do you have much exposure to such sexual stuffs...? Like from the internet, porno or from friends etc...? -
I'm counting the days till he finds someone to have sex with and DUMP you.
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leave him better, he's not the only guy aroundOriginally posted by Dreamland:My bf keeps asking me to have sex even though I am against pre-marital sex. He says that our relationship is not passionate. He does not look forward to our annivesaries, valentine's day or any other occassions. He says that next time if he strays, it is my fault.
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Mutually agree to have a cooling down period ....... do not see or call each other .... over a period of a month..... give yourself a chance to experience life
without him..... it may be unbearable initially but you will realise that your life still continues with or without each other..... he will only be yours truly if he comes back willingly on his own free will....
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I'll throw a party for you if he does that one day. He's not worth you doing anything for him. Not even a kiss on his manhood.Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:I'm counting the days till he finds someone to have sex with and DUMP you.
I hate guys who does that to the girlfriend. No sex no love? F**K them. \
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Till sex do you part....
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Sorry, its seems like he's hurt by his ex-gfs and is actually still in darkness although 4 years have passed. He opt for a more proper gf, opposite to what he has been going after, as he deems that it is less likely for her to hurt him while he has the ability to hurt her back.
There is no longer any other form of communication beside the topic on having sex. There is difficulty for the mind of the 2 of u to meet since as u 2 are at the different end of the line. With this topic ard there is no room for any other forms of communictaion. DO u think ur r/s can grow healthily from here?
U both tried to convert each other to ur ways. How permanent could the change be if it was a direct conflict against ur belief? For eg. u decided to give in to him and have sex with him. He stays with u, no more arguments abt pre-marital sex anymore. Will u still be able to love urself? How will u see urself? Will u ever enjoy when having sex with him from then on?
When mind differ, everyone is a partial alien to everyone else. Just like different races aee each other differently. (i am not trying to be racist, jus an example.) So there will be pple who shares ur views to certain extent. U will not be an absolute alien.
Hope that this is not too late.
Good luck. -
Hello,
Dreamland, I am a guy, and I feel rather sad to read ur story. I think u r really sacrificing urself too much by being in such an unbalanced and torturous relationship.
As a guy, I can 100% say that u r not "weird" in trying to maintain ur principles and refrain from sex.
I can understand his sexual drive, any normal young men would have it too. The problem is, he doesnt really know how to control his sexual drive nor respect u as a person who has ur own views and principles.
If he truly loves u, he shouldn't keep on pestering u, for something which is against ur deeply held principle. U need to see this point as his major fault.
Do u want to continue in this kind of relationship? He keeps pestering u, uses tactics like bringing up his friends and 3rd party (this 3rd party might be just an imaginary person, as a ploy to trick u?), and even mentioned that what he needs is different with what u need in a relationship.
U r obviously getting emotionally blackmailed and abused, u love him too much and cant get out of the blackmail and abuse. It's up to u, do u want to continue to suffer this way? Please think about it and decide for ur own good. -
better dump him, after he got your body, he will be fed up, n he will firt around, i guarantee u,Originally posted by Li Ka Shing:Hello,
Dreamland, I am a guy, and I feel rather sad to read ur story. I think u r really sacrificing urself too much by being in such an unbalanced and torturous relationship.
As a guy, I can 100% say that u r not "weird" in trying to maintain ur principles and refrain from sex.
I can understand his sexual drive, any normal young men would have it too. The problem is, he doesnt really know how to control his sexual drive nor respect u as a person who has ur own views and principles.
If he truly loves u, he shouldn't keep on pestering u, for something which is against ur deeply held principle. U need to see this point as his major fault.
Do u want to continue in this kind of relationship? He keeps pestering u, uses tactics like bringing up his friends and 3rd party (this 3rd party might be just an imaginary person, as a ploy to trick u?), and even mentioned that what he needs is different with what u need in a relationship.
U r obviously getting emotionally blackmailed and abused, u love him too much and cant get out of the blackmail and abuse. It's up to u, do u want to continue to suffer this way? Please think about it and decide for ur own good. -
He found a 'proper' girl in you and now wants to convert u into a 'dominatrix'?
What have u found in him and now try to convert?
You both chose each other. Remember?
It's clear that u love him, and he loves u too.
But if there's an aspect in the r/s that is always a cause of dissatifaction, it will surface time & again. Even after marriage. -
Dreamland, what I am about to say may offend you so I apologise before you read on.
I am female and have had my fair share in relationships as well. I am no younger or older than you are and hence I do share some of your perspectives as well as some of your boyfriend's.
In all frankness, I believe you no longer feel as deeply for him. In fact, I may suspect that you've hung on to him for practical / social / realistic / psychological reasons other than for love. Not that these reasons are invalid but that, love & feelings should reign above and over any other factors should you decide to stay with a person for the next 60 years or so.
Why do I say so? Naturally, given biological chemical reactions intensify by your 'strong' emotions for a man you love, there is no boundary in the things you are willing to do for him.
To clarify, I am not saying that you should satisfy him with penetrative sex, but if you do love him with all your mind, soul and also - your body, your body languages will tell. HJ, BJ or kisses will naturally be more intense and no one needs a teacher in sexual intimacy with a partner he/she feels passionately for.
Furthermore, from what I have read in your account, you strive for mental and emotional support above anything else and yet, he is unable to satisfy you. This is as much a hindrance to you as to how the lack of sexual intimacy baffles him.
Why then is it unbearable for you to leave him? Many reasons (eg. possessiveness, jealousy, habitual reliance and other practical / social reasons) may explain but your inability to leave him need not and does not prove that you still love him.
I respect your boyfriend for his honesty and though his words are harsh and unbearable, he has laid the cards out clearly for you.
I am sure you know that if you continue to abide by his rules, you will suffer further in the end. So, if you ignore all these tell-tale signs and go ahead with marrying him lawfully, you've just done a stupid in the name of love, but is it really for love?
All the best for any decision you will be making or not making. -
If u choose love and he chooses sex...
Both of you got in a r/s for a different reason , and with such conflicts of interests.. i believe that this r/s will be a rocky one...
Leaving him is the best option...
Coz u'll never know what will happen in future...sex craze people , most probably will be unfaithful if their partners if they do not satisfy them...u'll regret if u carry on with such a person... it's just a waste of time! Go find someone better! -
You are not so in love wif him dat you are willing to go the distance (Not to the extent of having sex).
He is also not so in love wif you dat he is willing to change his mindset.
In short, 2 of you should break and find someone else. -
Break away from this relationship and dump him. If you are unable to do so, I would strongly suggest you to inform your parents about it. <- Please do so immediately.Originally posted by Dreamland:My bf keeps asking me to have sex even though I am against pre-marital sex. He says that our relationship is not passionate. He does not look forward to our annivesaries, valentine's day or any other occassions. He says that next time if he strays, it is my fault.
Such ploy are termed as peer pressure. You felt really compelled to do something against your wishes under the constant complaining of the people around you.
Bottomline, this bf of yours is in love with your vagina and not you as a real person...and someone else will definitely treasure you more and your current bf. Well, you do deserved someone a lot better than your current bf...don't you think so?
Do participate in the upcoming outing for sgForums.com and check out Chit Chat forum for more details or click on this link -> CLICK THIS
Good luck and have fun. -
i got many friends who admit that after getting to bed their gfs they start to lose interest in them...
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just out of curiosity, how old are you?
wondering how long your bf gotta tahan before he can get laid... -
o.0 .. wat prove ur worth .. omg this guy is sick .. he is playing with ur emotions .. trying to psycho u n weaken ur defence .. u see drama or movies anot .. ppl always try to force gfs with that line .. y not u retort n say .." y nt prove urself worthy to be a man by respecting my decision " .. but then again .. since both of u arent tat young .. it is normal for him to be like tat ba .. lol .. mayb if i were him i oso sian .. ai ya .. but i still think ur beliefs r correct ..Originally posted by Dreamland:Thank u..been there and done that. Guess it's accumulation.
The sex issue is a major hindrance cos it keeps coming up.
why should I be made to feel that i am a weirdo everytime I make my point?
Why must he threaten me with another girl?
Why must he criticise my principles as stupid?
Perhaps most of the forumnites might feel that i am a freak too. But he is not anyone else but my bf. He should at least respect it and recognise that given my character, I have already compromised by tryin the hj.
I dun find it nice when he comes back and tell me that his frens are laughing at him cos he used to be a guru, that the 3rd party mesged him that she swear to do anything just to be with him. He said that I have to prove my worth to be with him. How am I supposed to react when I hear that?
I say it again, those words were not mention in a fit of anger. He was relating his worries to me nearly everyday.
That's why I am thinkin of giving him up to another girl if it makes him happier. But just the tot of it is unbearable.. In any case, when he reads this message, hope he understands the dilemma that I am facing. -
wat a dilemma. a dilemma rather for forumites to see that you are being psychologically threathened left right center, front, back and yet u persisted.
A Human will not psychologically threaten the partner he or she loves for sex. Once you give in, he will leave. 99% confirm and 1% that he finds he is gay.
the only reason for daily dosage of his psychological attack is your body, not your heart.
My conclusion: He does not know how to love you or anybody esle. You are just a tool for his arrogance, pride and ego. Leave him while you can. No, RUN. -
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