Stupid ex-bf harassing my gf
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All I can advise is to keep doing what u are doing. give her time. if she really wanna take a break from ur relationship, Let her but remind her that u are here waiting whenever she feels she's ready.
Don't talk bad abt her bf. it puts u in a bad light.
Don't confront her ex (unless she is really getting frighten, and she gives the ok) cos she might not like that u went behind her back indicating u may not trust her
in these kinda situations u can only:
1. ask urself whether she is worth all these waiting and effort
2. if she is. stand by her and let her know u'll not let her go without a fight but Bottom line u just want her to be happy.
3. Protect her if her ex starts to cross the line and try to harm/scare her.
Love is not an easy game to play!Originally posted by sentguy:hi guys.. i really appreciate so many of u giving me suggestions and listening to my problem... let me explain the situation now..
this is actually the 2nd time that he is back for her.. the 1st time he came back..i used all my persuasion powers and skills to ask her to give us(my gf and me)more time and it was a success...
During the 1 month that he did not come back to harrass her.. we were very happy.. i could see her smile radiently..truely... and it hurts me now to see her so upset.. confused...
Yes u guys might say, if she is undecided, then obviously she doesn't love me as much as love him. But, we are a 3 months couple, they are 3 years... so i really do not expect her to forget him so fast.. im willing to give her time.. as much as she needs... oh and yes to clear up the point, i went after her only AFTER she break with him.. so i was not the 3rd party.. its fair and square and above board..
Her point of view for wanting to break up with me is that.. she feels its unfair to me when she is with me,and she still thinking of him sometimes.. For my point of view, im willing to give her as much time as she needs.. simply becox i love her.. (no,not her body, we haven't had any sexual contact)
And about the suggestion of 1 brother here to speak bad about her bf, i can't do it. It would sound really bad that i purposely speak bad about her ex and that might have a negative effect- she might think im a 'small air' guy to do such things. Honestly, i don't hate him on a personal level, i just hate him for making my gf so upset..so xinku..making her depressed..
Im sorry guys(and girls) that this is such a long post..
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She needs time to cool down and come back to her senses. Forget about her request for break-up. Just listen to her and advise when necessary. Try to make her forget abt her problems...see the movies...go to the beach...go downtown east..??!!??!!
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yes,she is worth waiting for and i will stand by her.
she just showed me some sms from her ex-bf. He sent messages saying he hearing voices in his head, maybe going to do something silly. Then say ignore him he talking rubbish and then hahahahahhaah..
Sounds like he is using psychological battle now.. i can imagine the amount of stress my gf is getting from these messages.. and he calls her like 2am in the morning(yes i know because it was last night i was talking to her on phone). He calls her late at night and sends her many sms. And using 'maybe going to do silly things' is a very strong thing.. she is very scared he do silly things..
I don't want to use psychological tactics to add to her pressure.. my tears just came out just now.. she saw it.. but i just say i yawned... im not like that guy, getting pity and attack her mental state of mind...
am i stupid?
i feel like asking her for her ex-bf hp and ask him out for a man-to-man chat. is it a bad idea? i don't want to see her suffer until like that.. hurts my heart.. -
How about asking her to change her contact...?Originally posted by sentguy:yes,she is worth waiting for and i will stand by her.
she just showed me some sms from her ex-bf. He sent messages saying he hearing voices in his head, maybe going to do something silly. Then say ignore him he talking rubbish and then hahahahahhaah..
Sounds like he is using psychological battle now.. i can imagine the amount of stress my gf is getting from these messages.. and he calls her like 2am in the morning(yes i know because it was last night i was talking to her on phone). He calls her late at night and sends her many sms. And using 'maybe going to do silly things' is a very strong thing.. she is very scared he do silly things..
I don't want to use psychological tactics to add to her pressure.. my tears just came out just now.. she saw it.. but i just say i yawned... im not like that guy, getting pity and attack her mental state of mind...
am i stupid?
i feel like asking her for her ex-bf hp and ask him out for a man-to-man chat. is it a bad idea? i don't want to see her suffer until like that.. hurts my heart.. -
I think u can call IMH then tell them that there is an escaped patient from there.Originally posted by sentguy:yes,she is worth waiting for and i will stand by her.
she just showed me some sms from her ex-bf. He sent messages saying he hearing voices in his head, maybe going to do something silly. Then say ignore him he talking rubbish and then hahahahahhaah..
Sounds like he is using psychological battle now.. i can imagine the amount of stress my gf is getting from these messages.. and he calls her like 2am in the morning(yes i know because it was last night i was talking to her on phone). He calls her late at night and sends her many sms. And using 'maybe going to do silly things' is a very strong thing.. she is very scared he do silly things..
I don't want to use psychological tactics to add to her pressure.. my tears just came out just now.. she saw it.. but i just say i yawned... im not like that guy, getting pity and attack her mental state of mind...
am i stupid?
i feel like asking her for her ex-bf hp and ask him out for a man-to-man chat. is it a bad idea? i don't want to see her suffer until like that.. hurts my heart.. 
From ur descriptions, everyone can see that the ex-bf is a plain loser who does not know how to admit defeat. He does all those stupid things on purpose. (If he wanted to die, y wait till ur gf attach to u then say he wana die?? Shld have done so long ago.) Like what many have said, he is plain jealous and cant stand ur bf having a new and nice guy like u.
Keep standing by ur gf and like many day dun give her stress but do not totally dun care as well. Tell her that u love her and will take care of her always. If she can, try to persuade her to see the situation as what we all see it. That way i am sure both of u will feel better.
As for the ex, I guess hes going to be a loser forever if he continues to harass ur gf. Too many people in this world, they need to be tot how to face reality. -
First of all, your gf is definitely confused and would be totally stressed out.
Secondly, you don't want to contribute to her stress.
Thirdly, you will need to released her of her problems with her ex.
So, why don't you 2 take a short holiday somewhere and enjoy yourself. Even a week in Bali or Phuket or even Perth, Hong Kong etc. This will take both your mind away from her ex for a while. Being far away from her ex is also good for her so she has no chance to "accidentally" meet him.
Then during the holiday, talk to her and tell her that you understand her predicament and you are there to help her through. Also, slowly let her enjoy your company. Make her feel that you need her more than she needs you.
If possible, get a SIM card of the country for her so her family can still contact her and that her sg phone is turned off.
Whatever you do there, just enjoy each other's company. Slowly, she may feel that you are more important to her than her ex.
Good Luck.
PS. May be good if you can let her ex know that both of you went on a holiday together AFTER you come back. -
By showing you the SMS that she recieve shows that she really value your presence in her life. Seems like the ex guy is taking advantage of her weakness for being sympathetic....dat crazy idiot!!Originally posted by sentguy:yes,she is worth waiting for and i will stand by her.
she just showed me some sms from her ex-bf. He sent messages saying he hearing voices in his head, maybe going to do something silly. Then say ignore him he talking rubbish and then hahahahahhaah..
Sounds like he is using psychological battle now.. i can imagine the amount of stress my gf is getting from these messages.. and he calls her like 2am in the morning(yes i know because it was last night i was talking to her on phone). He calls her late at night and sends her many sms. And using 'maybe going to do silly things' is a very strong thing.. she is very scared he do silly things..
I don't want to use psychological tactics to add to her pressure.. my tears just came out just now.. she saw it.. but i just say i yawned... im not like that guy, getting pity and attack her mental state of mind...
am i stupid?
i feel like asking her for her ex-bf hp and ask him out for a man-to-man chat. is it a bad idea? i don't want to see her suffer until like that.. hurts my heart..
No use for a man-to-man talk. He's determined to get her back. After meeting you, he might just sms and say that you caused him a lot of pain..only see him if your gf wants you to. -
why not just change hp number?
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hi all..thanks once again. And yes, i mentioned to her about taking a short holiday overseas and she okayed it. I'm looking for a short tour now, just to nearby places like malaysia or bangkok,but i want to fly asap, like 2 weeks time, so a bit difficult.
Anyway right, changing her hp number does not help, becox he can even call her at 2am in the morning.. so if he really wanna look for her, he can. To make it worse, he might even go to her house(or wait below her flat) to talk to her face-to-face.
i got the feeling im going to lose the battle soon.. last time she said she won't go back to him already.. and when i read her blog just now.. she said she is still choosing..
am going for a drinking session myself tonight,im really miserable now..
but how can i win ? they 3 years and i 3 months! i must be dreaming.. -
Relax. Lean back. Show her you are the man who is not afraid to lose her.
Don't let this loser jump straight in your relationship and take it away from you. If she considers choosing, i probably felt you did not do much in your part. -
Maybe give her some time to cool down and think about it? Meanwhile, be by her side.. Afterall, you're still her bf?Originally posted by sentguy:hi all..thanks once again. And yes, i mentioned to her about taking a short holiday overseas and she okayed it. I'm looking for a short tour now, just to nearby places like malaysia or bangkok,but i want to fly asap, like 2 weeks time, so a bit difficult.
Anyway right, changing her hp number does not help, becox he can even call her at 2am in the morning.. so if he really wanna look for her, he can. To make it worse, he might even go to her house(or wait below her flat) to talk to her face-to-face.
i got the feeling im going to lose the battle soon.. last time she said she won't go back to him already.. and when i read her blog just now.. she said she is still choosing..
am going for a drinking session myself tonight,im really miserable now..
but how can i win ? they 3 years and i 3 months! i must be dreaming..
The last thing you should be doing is getting despair and just drunk yourself dead.
If she has to think, let her settle her emotions 1st. But why did she broke up with her ex in the 1st place? Can she still remember? -
hey dudeOriginally posted by sentguy:hi all..thanks once again. And yes, i mentioned to her about taking a short holiday overseas and she okayed it. I'm looking for a short tour now, just to nearby places like malaysia or bangkok,but i want to fly asap, like 2 weeks time, so a bit difficult.
Anyway right, changing her hp number does not help, becox he can even call her at 2am in the morning.. so if he really wanna look for her, he can. To make it worse, he might even go to her house(or wait below her flat) to talk to her face-to-face.
i got the feeling im going to lose the battle soon.. last time she said she won't go back to him already.. and when i read her blog just now.. she said she is still choosing..
am going for a drinking session myself tonight,im really miserable now..
but how can i win ? they 3 years and i 3 months! i must be dreaming..
seriuosly i`m v impressed at the way u love her
u sure sound like u really put ur feelings into it and is serious abt this relationship
wat u`re doing is already on the right track..
now that such stuff had hapened
make use of this `significant event` to let her heart choose,
u`ve done the right thing by setting her free. cuz she came back and she`s already urs.
Love is not all about time, it`s abt what happened. 3 yrs or 3 mths or even 10 yrs.. it doesnt matter..
Let me sheld some comfort to you..
wat makes her cry MIGHT not be the reason that she still misses her EX??
but probably that she`s afraid that something bad might happend to one person that was ONCE dear to her??
put urself in her shoes..
if you`re the gal and everytime u get such SMS and threats, u might 1st feel pissed off and scared that it`ll really happen..
psychologically, it`ll built up a temporary `love` feeling based on fear and symphathy, that can however develop into true love after sometime...
wat u can and should do now is to continue what u`re doin..
show her that you can better take care of her and let her feel safe and not insecure like her ex.. persist and after sometime when this fear of him dying or getting injured fades, it will become disgust and anger, thus wins you the battle naturally.
If you love someone, set her free, since she came back, she`s already urs..
let her discover it, help her, be confident.
rite now, u`re still at the upper hand
cuz she don feel disgust abt you,
let her decide for awhile, admist you still let her know ur presence and her importance to you...
On a more positive note, take this as a test for you,
if you all can survive this ordeal,
the 2 of you will be so much closer and better than last time you,
it`s always the hardest love that is the best love.
You`ll will cherish each other more than ever after such things happen.
and there after, you can be sure that she had truely let go of the past and loves you for wat u are.
takes a mind off that you`re not just a subsitude, but her lover
Be happy,
You`ll be the one -
ok people u heard his story,
so if you were him wat will u do?
1) fight on to save the relationship?
2) or to give her up to her ex?
I will fight on personally cos if I love her, she will be worth my effort.
lets hear from u guys out there. -
ya sound like a kid who is not matured...
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maybe ?
well what will u do ?
dump her? -
To brother babyboy, just want to extend a really warm thanks to you,for your opinions and views, and to all other brothers, thank you very much. I feel better now, im glad to hear im on the right track. Indeed, im not giving her any pressure, am setting her free to think about it. In fact, i told her to think over it slowly and not make a hasty decision. If she still decide to break with me, i will accept the decision and not mess up her life(like what her ex is doing). I told her i love her and hence if breaking up makes her happier, then so be it and i will accept it. But again, i also said im not giving up without a fight, so yes i can only try to pretend to be happy myself, and talk silly jokes to make her laugh(even if its only temperory), and yes i've already check out the tours. Might be going to bangkok for a few days to R&R, hope the tour proceeds on smoothly. Let her get away from S'pore so won't see or hear from him, or think of sad things so much.
Today just went out for a short walk with her, she still has the very 'sian' face, and sadly, she doesn't seem to hold my hand as much as she did before this incident. Felt very upset but i still put up a brave front and try to make her laugh.. cannot let her know im so sad because if i don't give her support at this moment, who will? Even if she might leave me, i still can't bear to see her sad. I just want her to be happy.
She said its difficult to forget because its 3 years..did many things together and went many places together.. so go to any place also will strike up memories of him. I said i willing to give her as much time as she needs but then again, she don't sound convinced that she will forget him. I also said its normal to have such feelings.. like 'nostalgia' feelings.. and hopefully they will fade away slowly after a few months/years ( thats if she haven't break with me..)
Right now, im doing all i can to fight to keep her by my side. At the same time, im sad to see her to 'sian' look(prob depressed but trying not to show it). And i still need to fake to be happy to cheer her up. What a struggle.. not easy.. but im going to push my chin up, suck thumb and DO IT!!! -
u are a nice guy.. It takes lots of courage to do all these.. all the best and hope the trip helps! take care...Originally posted by sentguy:To brother babyboy, just want to extend a really warm thanks to you,for your opinions and views, and to all other brothers, thank you very much. I feel better now, im glad to hear im on the right track. Indeed, im not giving her any pressure, am setting her free to think about it. In fact, i told her to think over it slowly and not make a hasty decision. If she still decide to break with me, i will accept the decision and not mess up her life(like what her ex is doing). I told her i love her and hence if breaking up makes her happier, then so be it and i will accept it. But again, i also said im not giving up without a fight, so yes i can only try to pretend to be happy myself, and talk silly jokes to make her laugh(even if its only temperory), and yes i've already check out the tours. Might be going to bangkok for a few days to R&R, hope the tour proceeds on smoothly. Let her get away from S'pore so won't see or hear from him, or think of sad things so much.
Today just went out for a short walk with her, she still has the very 'sian' face, and sadly, she doesn't seem to hold my hand as much as she did before this incident. Felt very upset but i still put up a brave front and try to make her laugh.. cannot let her know im so sad because if i don't give her support at this moment, who will? Even if she might leave me, i still can't bear to see her sad. I just want her to be happy.
She said its difficult to forget because its 3 years..did many things together and went many places together.. so go to any place also will strike up memories of him. I said i willing to give her as much time as she needs but then again, she don't sound convinced that she will forget him. I also said its normal to have such feelings.. like 'nostalgia' feelings.. and hopefully they will fade away slowly after a few months/years ( thats if she haven't break with me..)
Right now, im doing all i can to fight to keep her by my side. At the same time, im sad to see her to 'sian' look(prob depressed but trying not to show it). And i still need to fake to be happy to cheer her up. What a struggle.. not easy.. but im going to push my chin up, suck thumb and DO IT!!! -
i know this thread is getting long and boring.. but thanks to all brothers(and sis) for support..
bad news.. the trip is cancelled! sigh.. she has family problems..(i know about the problem,its genuiene) ...
sigh.. actually i feel selfish... im like keeping her body with me but not her mind and soul... i was thinking to give her a cooling period where i don't find her at all.. let her straighten out her thoughts...
if i do this.. i'll be really sad and most probably i'll lose her.. but i can't be so selfish right? i gotta let her make her own decision with a clear mind.. if she comes back to me, im the winner. If she decides to choose neither both(high chance), or choose to go back to her ex-bf, then im the loser. Whatever happens.. i just hope she is happy...
u guys think im stupid to do that? -
I just want to mention something in the film Coach Carter.
Even though you deserve it, sometimes you still need to go and get it yourself.
Just be by her side unless she really really want to stop seeing you. She needs emotional support from you now, not a cooling period. Family problems plus BGR problems are not easy to resolve, especially now when both happen at the same time. -
nice guys never get the girls
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agreed with leddy. cliche, sad, but true.
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sorry hor k-po a bit
wondering why she break up with her ex when they are together for 3 years? -
Be by her side at this moment of nuisance.. be her support..
Do not confront the guy.. he might juz indeed be a lunatic.. the 999 hotlone is always available for u to dial..
Dont give up too easily on ur girl ya..
The only thing tt may be bugging u n may including some curious concerned souls in sgf.. does ur girl still have feelings for her ex hence her emotional outbursts? -
STUPID. You ARE her BF!! You can give her more free time and freedom to think things through, but you don't have to vanish from her life totally what...? What are you thinking about....?Originally posted by sentguy:i know this thread is getting long and boring.. but thanks to all brothers(and sis) for support..
bad news.. the trip is cancelled! sigh.. she has family problems..(i know about the problem,its genuiene) ...
sigh.. actually i feel selfish... im like keeping her body with me but not her mind and soul... i was thinking to give her a cooling period where i don't find her at all.. let her straighten out her thoughts...
if i do this.. i'll be really sad and most probably i'll lose her.. but i can't be so selfish right? i gotta let her make her own decision with a clear mind.. if she comes back to me, im the winner. If she decides to choose neither both(high chance), or choose to go back to her ex-bf, then im the loser. Whatever happens.. i just hope she is happy...
u guys think im stupid to do that? 
And don't try things like bringing her out of the country so that she won't have to face him again... He'll probably still linger on her mind... And even if he doesn't, she would still have to think about him when she comes back to Singapore... It probably won't work but might only complicates things... -
i do not know the actual details, but i roughly hear my gf say its because she losing a bit feelings for him then she initiate break up. None of the guy's fault i think(not confirm).Originally posted by drx:sorry hor k-po a bit
wondering why she break up with her ex when they are together for 3 years?
And after they break up, my gf actually called him back to ask to patch up, but the guy say consider.. so in the end she moved on with life.. and found me.. yup..thats how it goes..