help in my love problem
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leaving him might not be the best for her, she waited for an entire year remember? maybe they can have a chance?Originally posted by panicTheory:accountability for his actions.
Would her peers or family take kindly of the way he is handling her right now?
More often than not we percieve the whole world revolving around us and our feelings. But we forget abt the causality of our actions.
people do grow up you know, even adults.
ps: i still can't believe he is 20+++. -
i truely understand the considerations for worryingOriginally posted by panicTheory:accountability for his actions.
Would her peers or family take kindly of the way he is handling her right now?
More often than not we percieve the whole world revolving around us and our feelings. But we forget abt the causality of our actions.
but once again
we cant possibly please everyone in this world
juz make sure the ones around you are well taken care of
givin each other a chance is really that bad an idea??
or really do you prefer the gal to wait aimlessly and the guy to be rejecting the emotion whilst there`s some feeling too??
right now, as i may understand, the author DO have feelins for her too
juz that he need affirmation ya?
Froggy, i you love her, show it
if things don work out well in the end
at least u`ve given her and yourself a chance
there`s not right or wrong answers to love
you make the choice and be responsible for the kind of ending tt u`re gonna face
i`ve trust in you that u`ll love her as much as she does for you
all the mumurings will not falther ur feelings for her if u truely accept her
wat i feel the prob is that she`s the st that loves you
thus i find it much less of a challenge to recieve the love,
tt`s why u need to consider
but w the right attitude
and the rite cherishments,
u can still afterall haf a happy ending
u`ve my blessing
juz don play w ppl`s feelings ya??
I TRUST YOU
BaByBoY -
i think that too if i love her very very much, I won't even care about what the world think. But sometimes t took her for granted but only a few times. she cried on the phone before when I say i only treat her as a good friend. But now she makes me like her so much already and everyday I must talk to her or else I feel so uneasy. when she cried on the phone, i soft hearted already and everything she says I also promise just to make her stop crying. But is it a little unusual for a 26 yr old girl to cry over this right?Originally posted by BaByBoY:hmmm.....
however there`s one thing i don really like abt wat`s gg on..
don take her for granted
more clearly, don put her as an underground gf
only to share ur own precious time `alone`
when u`ve reached the state where u loved her enuff
the rest of the world doesn`t even matter anymore
so dun need to bother abt her looks ba -
thou i may understand how u might feel at times..Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:i think that too if i love her very very much, I won't even care about what the world think. But sometimes t took her for granted but only a few times. she cried on the phone before when I say i only treat her as a good friend. But now she makes me like her so much already and everyday I must talk to her or else I feel so uneasy. when she cried on the phone, i soft hearted already and everything she says I also promise just to make her stop crying. But is it a little unusual for a 26 yr old girl to cry over this right?
this is just a warning that ur heart might alraedy had fallen for her
juz that u might not know it
if u cont taking it for granted that she`ll love you
she might leave you, and u`ll live to regret it!!!
and it ain`t unusual for anyone to cry for anyone whom mean a lot to them and yet neglect them -
Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:...you got it right because now there is no ship in my dock beside her. But on the other hand this ship might not be Star Cruise but well it's her character that makes me like her.
There will be a day when someone better looking comes along, with similar nice character and you will likely to be in peril.
Not possible? Very likely.
That's because you are unable to overcome the stigma of her physical beauty by wholly accepting her as herself (As stressed in my earlier post). For if you wish to have this relationship, you got to dump your original mindset - there is no way both qualities could 'co-habit'. As mentioned before, it's perfectly normal to demand certain qualities of your potential mate. However, you could probably only choose one - maintain mindset or screwed it; no room for both.
Originally posted by BaByBoY:from my understanding of the point of view from the author`s side
he did try to reject the gal rite??
it`s her persistance and motivation that touched the guy in this instance
thus the guy decideds to give both of them a chance??
i don really see a prob w that
to fully understand how he feels before flaming him at all,
put urself in his shoes ya?
keke
BaByBoY He could give her a chance; it doesn't even matter which gender. Of course, the freewill is used to allow a relationship to begin.
Then again, what's the ultimate definition that give birth to the creation?
No alternative? As he has causally admitted? I love you because there is no one else there for me to choose?? It's kinda sad isn't it? Furthermore, for him to say I love you and NOT mean it means ALOT of things.
Giving the person a chance still includes the basis element of falling in love, the basis acceptance of a person. What's falling in love? To be soaked in Love's work means whether he has an alternative or not, it shouldn't even matter. Love is almighty, just like the way she sees him, although not neccessary the same way around. He is beginning to love her character, that's a good start, BUT the psychological hurdle of not being able to match up to his minimal standard in looks WILL poise a problem in the future for his relationship is not born of pure love, but of chance.
In my humble years of relationship studies and analysizing, relationship born of chance are very...very tricky. (Don't ask me to define tricky... it would probably be another topic altogether).
To ride the donkey while looking for the horse?
*** I am not saying a relationship between the both of them will fail; this scenario belongs to the same category as shotgun marriage - People making decisions due to circumstances not entirely by choice: with the former begins in a relationship on a wrong footing, while the latter is a marriage case on the same footing.
Can a wrong footing be corrected?
That depends on how enlighten one is.
Cheers -
u think i want to waste her time is it? she kept bugging me and say she wants to be with me all these. How can I tell her "hello i don't like you because you are not pretty" I think that will hurt her very much as for the age gap between us, there is no problem.Originally posted by Xcert:kns.dun waste her time leading her on.I am sure U would be able to find a way to make her understand that u mind her looks and doesnt love her.just a matter of whether U want to do it or not.She would be better off WITHOUT U.
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she is an insecure person, and if she is emotionally unstable its probably thanks to you. so what if its 26 yr old.. age doesn't matter, i learnt this today. heck, im only 21.Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:i think that too if i love her very very much, I won't even care about what the world think. But sometimes t took her for granted but only a few times. she cried on the phone before when I say i only treat her as a good friend. But now she makes me like her so much already and everyday I must talk to her or else I feel so uneasy. when she cried on the phone, i soft hearted already and everything she says I also promise just to make her stop crying. But is it a little unusual for a 26 yr old girl to cry over this right?
1. don't take her for granted.
2. be stable in your actions, don't be drastic and be a drama king.
3. when she cries, reassure her often that you will be there.
4. talk to her often, ask for her opinions. she would probably be hiding some not very nice thoughts from you too - like how insecure she really is.
5. accept her flaws, don't ask her to change.
6. get to know about her friends, i believe your life will be easier even if you will to break up later on.
7. don't betray her.
8. don't backstab her, not even to your closest friends.
9. tell yourself, don't worry so much. the more doubt you have in your commitment, the more frustrated you will be - and she will share that frustration as well - which in turn, will be your frustration too.
love is not always the passion that people imagine. i for one, believe feelings can be developed over time, its a matter of how commited you are.
in fact, most of these common sense isn't even about love, its about taking care of someone important to you or you are commited to take care and accompany. -
you have a problem with physical appearance. and she has a problem with letting go.Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:u think i want to waste her time is it? she kept bugging me and say she wants to be with me all these. How can I tell her "hello i don't like you because you are not pretty" I think that will hurt her very much as for the age gap between us, there is no problem.
really.. compatitble.
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Love cannot try wan, like wat Yun said, if a better girl comes along, with more physical attraction, he will be shaken.
Love cannot try wan, only love or not love. -
Well it looks like you arent really sure. You talk to her out of habit. That habit was cultivated due to the fact she treated you nicely and you felt guilty. You accommodated because she cried.Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:i think that too if i love her very very much, I won't even care about what the world think. ...
everyday I must talk to her or else I feel so uneasy.
when she cried on the phone, i soft hearted already and everything she says I also promise just to make her stop crying.
...
"hello i don't like you because you are not pretty" I think that will hurt her very much as for the age gap between us, there is no problem.
If a friend were to be in a exactly same situation as you and asked you for advice, what would you have said?
You dont have to tell her that she is ugly. That doesnt make sense at all. Honesty is one thing but it pales in comparison to another's feelings. Being as emotional as she is, that would not be a smart move. -
i konw wat u meanOriginally posted by Yunhaier:To ride the donkey while looking for the horse?
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but it could also be a case of riding the donkey and loving it all along??
every case would haf been different all along
but i do hope that people will give him support to love the gal instead of just telling him to leave ya?
it might be only so called a chance to love from the guy`s perspective
but to the other party , it can mean a whole new world of possibilities
in this case it`s highly dependent on how the gal is to retain his heart
and how willing the guy is goin to open his heart
since now the author is willing to try, why stop him?? -
u sure or not love cannot try one? if we don't try, how do we know it will work?Originally posted by browniebaobao:Love cannot try wan, like wat Yun said, if a better girl comes along, with more physical attraction, he will be shaken.
Love cannot try wan, only love or not love. -
hey dude i really understand how u feel i really think that the mindset about physical appearance is freaking hard to change. it cant just just change overnight. ya i know that its wrong to just base it on physical appearance. trust me i believe that guy tried many times to psycho himself not to mind her appearance and care about her other fantastic qualities but its not really that easy. thats the hard part because people do see beyond appearance but its about accepting it. maybe someone would like to suggest something that people can do to overcome. that would be great for everyone.
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Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:u think i want to waste her time is it? she kept bugging me and say she wants to be with me all these. How can I tell her "hello i don't like you because you are not pretty" I think that will hurt her very much as for the age gap between us, there is no problem. First Law of Love states: we are the one who chooses our partner, not the other way around.
Nobody can force you to be in a relationship.
Rejection is constant; to reject and accept inconsistently is DEFINITELY not rejection. That's already the boundary of AOS.
Cheers -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:i konw wat u mean
but it could also be a case of riding the donkey and loving it all along??
every case would haf been different all along
but i do hope that people will give him support to love the gal instead of just telling him to leave ya?
it might be only so called a chance to love from the guy`s perspective
but to the other party , it can mean a whole new world of possibilities
in this case it`s highly dependent on how the gal is to retain his heart
and how willing the guy is goin to open his heart
since now the author is willing to try, why stop him?? I do understand from your point of view, thus I had never mention that he shouldn't pursue this relationship for my post directed at IF HE WANTS to purse the relationship, there are certain thingy he had to do if he wants to correct his footing a little.
To begin with a wrong step, many times means a complete wrong turn altogether.
Cheers -
I am meeting her tomorrow after work. We go watch movies and have dinner then we see how things go. Hope things will turn out good.
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all the best dude.Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:I am meeting her tomorrow after work. We go watch movies and have dinner then we see how things go. Hope things will turn out good. 
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i am thinking of wat to wear later because she will be wearing her office wear so i cannot wear like T-shirt and short pants and go out with her. Better don't go home and change after work. Just meet her in my office wear too. any suggestions?
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I really really hope you arent asking people you hardly know for suggestions on what to wear for your date. You are 23 dude. Im sure you can handle this terrible onus.Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:i am thinking of wat to wear later because she will be wearing her office wear so i cannot wear like T-shirt and short pants and go out with her. Better don't go home and change after work. Just meet her in my office wear too. any suggestions?
If you arent seeking attention and really asking this question out of innocence I would then suggest you go out during lunch time and buy something nice to wear for her. If you dont want to spend the money then go home and change and go pick her up in a cab and send her home so she can change as well. If thats beyond your budget as well then you can go in your office clothes. Either way the clothes you wear doesnt really matter cos your presence is enough for her.
I hope both of you have fun.
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Frog, you mind if i ask you a question?Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:I am meeting her tomorrow after work. We go watch movies and have dinner then we see how things go. Hope things will turn out good.
if one day, you find out that she is pregant with your child, she do not want to go for abortion and wants to keep it, will you marry her or dump her?
by answering this question will help you solve many doubts you have.
1)if you want to dump her, then i think like what others say, you best leave her alone!
2)if you want to marry her, it is out of responsibility or love? if it is out of love, i congratulate you. this relationship will last.
3) if it is out of responsibilility, this relationship may last, cause you are not a bad guy after all.
I only know 1 thing, LOVE can be cultivated with time.
Guys out there, give him some time, stops splashing him cold water..Cheers -
pregnant with my child? we haven't do anything to that extend yet but i ask her this question before and her answer is if i dump her, she will still keep the baby then in future the baby ask where is daddy, she will say daddy die long ago already and she is not the kind of girl who will go for abortion. But i will not do anything like that with her until i really confirm i love her very much.Originally posted by heavenlyfire:Frog, you mind if i ask you a question?
if one day, you find out that she is pregant with your child, she do not want to go for abortion and wants to keep it, will you marry her or dump her?
by answering this question will help you solve many doubts you have.
1)if you want to dump her, then i think like what others say, you best leave her alone!
2)if you want to marry her, it is out of responsibility or love? if it is out of love, i congratulate you. this relationship will last.
3) if it is out of responsibilility, this relationship may last, cause you are not a bad guy after all.
I only know 1 thing, LOVE can be cultivated with time.
Guys out there, give him some time, stops splashing him cold water..Cheers -
afterall, isn't most love cultivated over time? =) i agree with the above-mentioned..
since she dun wanna let go, let him make the decision. she has chosen her path, and now it's his turn. -
Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:u sure or not love cannot try one? if we don't try, how do we know it will work?
Some things, no matter how hard u try, u juz can't get it right.
How to try? Ok lor u go try, but I hope i wun see another thread from u saying u tried to love her but still mind her looks or watever stuff like that.
To me, love is a very natural thing. You may try to make a r/s work, yes it can be done, but wat's in the realtionship? Responsibility? Love? -
so is very hard to judge, but with this sentence, i am sure you know very clear what alreadly one and definitely mature, so the best to the both of you all, if you both are in love.Originally posted by Kerotan Frog:But i will not do anything like that with her until i really confirm i love her very much.
CHeers man!I always believe that true love can overcome everything. -
but i am meeting her in abt 2 hrs time and my heart is pounding and i feel excited.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
Some things, no matter how hard u try, u juz can't get it right.
How to try? Ok lor u go try, but I hope i wun see another thread from u saying u tried to love her but still mind her looks or watever stuff like that.
To me, love is a very natural thing. You may try to make a r/s work, yes it can be done, but wat's in the realtionship? Responsibility? Love?