Anyone can help: Maintaining love without getting physical?
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Originally posted by Jean3:
Physical intimacy comes quite naturally to many couples in a healthy relationship. By the very nature of their instincts, yes, guys are usually the ones who initiate physical contact with their partners.
Emm, is it true that guys by nature are more advancing whenever there is opportunity or the ambience, and of course i mean towards their girl only?
However, thanks to their upbringing and other external influencing factors, there are also the exceptions -- the shy guys who would rather wait for their partners to make the first move.
Times are changing, though. One wouldn't be too surprised if the same rule could be transferred and be applicable to the opposite camp one day. -
In general people are more open towards sex as compared to the past. I expect your boyfriend, being experienced, may have a more liberal attitude to sex within a relationship, while you're conservative.
But if you're not ready, you're simply not. All other external factors should not affect your decision with regards to intimate physical activities, and you shouldn't feel overly guilty or pressured about it. And while it may annoy your boyfriend (hey he's human), he should still respect and accept your decision and attitudes.Originally posted by Jean3:Maintaining love without getting physical, possible?
I am recently starting my first relationship with a guy whom is older and have experience in long term relationship before. I am serious abt this r/s. But I am unsure abt whether, is it possible to maintain the relationship without any sexual activities? Not even those...well, so call hand job? Correct me if i am wrong. There is no specific reason for me to say a 'No" to this but jus wana to wait for a longer period maybe after a yr or two, but how can i negotiate this with him then? Will it be too much if i say 'No' all the way? -
Hi MC Square, Thanks for such a detail analysis u had given to me.
My replies is as follows, sorry for the late reply.
And also, Thanks everyone for such giving such a good advice.
How long has this relationship been?
Hi MC Sq, Thanks for such a detail analysis u had given to me. Thanks everyone for such giving such a good advice.
I am jus starting off with this relationship for only a short period of one month plus, I am thinking about all this because I feel that there is a need to set the limit clear and not leave it unattended. Another reason why I want to set it clear is because I had a feeling that thing might be out of control if I donÂ’t set it clear before hand.
Do you feel that he's serious too?
From your observations..
From my Observation I think he is serious too. But knowing that man has their own needs, and that there is a high possibility that he might had a problem keeping his hand on himself, thus would like to know to what extend I should set the limit till.
Honestly I donÂ’t really think I can accept the so call hand job at this point in time, but simple kissing is still within my acceptable range (PS: He didnÂ’t make any request for hand job so I am safe). And to me hand job, is almost equal to sex.
But can I jus safely assume that in the norms, for bf to have more right to place their hands on their gf? Well I am not referring to the sensitive place, maybe jus maybe putting their hand on waist, hips, etcÂ… sound like I am from old mainland girl right, but I am this conservative for no reason.
Yes it is possible.
If his values includes physical intimacy, both of you will go through some hiccups.
Yes in fact, I think so too. But so far our topic has not explicitly state the limit for sexual activities be it the so call petting.
Do you wish to tell us more on why you don't wish to compromise? I'm interested to know your stand on this.
Nothing to correct you, because each relationship are special. And Not until we know what is going on, none here should correct you.
Honestly, I believe in giving in to someone whom I will be marrying to, starting off in a relationship to me mean giving an opportunity for each other to understand, know and love each other more, before knowing whether both are suitable for each other, to spend their life time with. But of course meanwhile within this period of being together, not everyone can end up in a marriage. Thus, I donÂ’t wish to give in.
Why do you think it's too much?
Expectations?
Fear?
If it's no all the way, what do you think is his responses, what problems ddo you forsee?
If I say no all the way, I think he will be unhappy. It could mean I am not committed to this relationship too. I donÂ’t fear sex, but I take it as a very angelic act of union between the two person.
To be honest, I donÂ’t like to view my bf as being too sensational or sexy, because that would rather bringg me the thoughts of him as being bad. I know this is not a correct thinking, but I sometimes really cannot help it. And thus wanted to set the limit clear, but something are not able to be this clear like black and white right?
By the way MC Sq, are you a lady? Thanks a lot for such a gd analysis! -
Hihi BrUtUs, What do u mean by "jz"?Originally posted by BrUtUs:all u need is to let him noe how u feel.... if hes understanding, he should hv no problem.... avoid being jz with him most of the time might help.... -
So is there any conclusion..as in should i state it to him up front now? Or Stop him when he his hands are not in the right place?
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Originally posted by Jean3:
Depending on the guy's character and his possible reaction, you'd have to come to your own decision. No one here knows the guy better than you do.
So is there any conclusion..as in should i state it to him up front now? Or Stop him when he his hands are not in the right place?
One could perhaps share with you the possible merits of each option.
The "xian bing hou li" (first the soldier, then the envoy) option may be recommended if the guy is not very magnanimous and has considerably less control of his emotions. Putting the ugly undesirable words across to him when he is calm and composed could avoid the possible awkward situation of stopping him when both of you are in the "heat of the moment".
The "bing lai jiang dang" (comes the soldier, then the general blocks) option, of course, would be better if you are confident that the guy could hold himself in check without you telling him explicitly. That when you are in the "heat of the moment" and his roving hands stray to the sensitive areas, you could gently push them back to where they belong and he would respect your decision. -
happy to know that you are not rushing into any physical intimacy till you are ready.
it is your body... you have the right to make decisions... since you will have to be responsible for the consequences. -
meaning u 2 better go public places where many ppl around n avoid gng to his place when nobody is home....Originally posted by Jean3:Hihi BrUtUs, What do u mean by "jz"? -
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if he really loves u he wil not force u to do anything
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Cross the bridge when you come to it.
You cannot foretell how your boyfriend's approach to sex will be based on what people tell you. Perhaps he will show more sensitivity than you expect?
I think for now you could work in a light hearted discussion about how comfortable you are about physical intimacy and your views on sex and marriage. And if he does something you're not comfortable with, stop him.Originally posted by Jean3:So is there any conclusion..as in should i state it to him up front now? Or Stop him when he his hands are not in the right place? -
I haven't even got into analytical evaluation. Ha.
Anyway my replies stated in orange.Originally posted by Jean3:
Conclusion.
Hi MC Square, Thanks for such a detail analysis u had given to me.
My replies is as follows, sorry for the late reply.
And also, Thanks everyone for such giving such a good advice.
I am jus starting off with this relationship for only a short period of one month plus, I am thinking about all this because I feel that there is a need to set the limit clear and not leave it unattended. Another reason why I want to set it clear is because I had a feeling that thing might be out of control if I donÂ’t set it clear before hand.
From my Observation I think he is serious too. But knowing that man has their own needs, and that there is a high possibility that he might had a problem keeping his hand on himself, thus would like to know to what extend I should set the limit till.
Honestly I donÂ’t really think I can accept the so call hand job at this point in time, but simple kissing is still within my acceptable range (PS: He didnÂ’t make any request for hand job so I am safe). And to me hand job, is almost equal to sex.
But can I jus safely assume that in the norms, for bf to have more right to place their hands on their gf? Well I am not referring to the sensitive place, maybe jus maybe putting their hand on waist, hips, etcÂ… sound like I am from old mainland girl right, but I am this conservative for no reason.
[b]It is of good intention for the better of the relationship. I believe your present boyfriend will be glad when he knows how well thought you are. Trying to protect the relationship from straining maybe good. But You'll never know unless both parties communicate.
Yes in fact, I think so too. But so far our topic has not explicitly state the limit for sexual activities be it the so call petting.
Honestly, I believe in giving in to someone whom I will be marrying to, starting off in a relationship to me mean giving an opportunity for each other to understand, know and love each other more, before knowing whether both are suitable for each other, to spend their life time with. But of course meanwhile within this period of being together, not everyone can end up in a marriage. Thus, I donÂ’t wish to give in. .
Your view is respected. So now, it's his turn to hear this
If I say no all the way, I think he will be unhappy. It could mean I am not committed to this relationship too. I donÂ’t fear sex, but I take it as a very angelic act of union between the two person.
To be honest, I donÂ’t like to view my bf as being too sensational or sexy, because that would rather bringg me the thoughts of him as being bad. I know this is not a correct thinking, but I sometimes really cannot help it. And thus wanted to set the limit clear, but something are not able to be this clear like black and white right?
I believe you're a lady who knows what you want and why you do.
Live by it and stand by this values.
By the way MC Sq, are you a lady? Thanks a lot for such a gd analysis!
Long time since anyone asked for my gender! I'm flattered.
[/b]
Two person can maintain love without getting to sexual issues.
Physical expression are normal affectionates shown between couples.
Learn to enjoy and hold your values.
Cheers -
hey jean, in a r/s, i guess intimacies are inevitable. and personally, i'm a conservative gal by nature also. but i'm sure if the guy's seriously in love with you, he'll respect you. whenever you feel uncomfortable about what he's doing, just reject him nicely. assure him that you love him, but you're just not ready for that level yet. i'm sure he'll understand and love you for that.
just remember, you're not obliged to give in to anything, and any guy who makes you feel obliged is not worth obliging to in the first place. cheers.. -
Hi,
I'm facing similar intimacy issues.
Me and bf have been havin very intimate and heavy petting for the past 3 yrs. But recently, I had a pregnancy scare. Now I have this fear and do not wish to be too intimate with my boy. I will go no further than kissing and hugging.
But bf not understanding. Kept saying tat r/p cant do w/o physical intimate contact. If no intimacy, we are jus like ordinary friends. Said tat he can be more careful in future. And he is losing patience.
But... I jus cant do it...
Can anyone advise wat I should do? -
i believe love can withstand anything...
me and my gf been together for 1 year 2 months.. we are deeply in love with each other, we are so reliance on each other on our lives and everything..
it depends on individual, my gf told me that she only wan to have sex with me only after we got married.. though sometime i have the urge and need(i bet most guys have it) but i ctrl it alot of time, the most we go is juz kissing and cuddling each other and touch touch here and there on bed only... i guess its juz the mental strength to ctrl it and our love for each other ba...
mayb to some extend, love needs to have physical, but physical to some limit... kissing and hugging are part and parcels in a relationship, but when it comes to sex it really have to depends on individual if he loves u, he will wait for that right time to do it with u... -
all of you can just go ahead and have sex, sex is great for a healthy long lasting close relationship and it feels good for both and makes u 2 closer. it is also very common to have sex by the 2nd date if the girl finds you attractive in my experience. why wait till after marriage for what? wasting the best 10 years when u feel the most (15-25) with no sex for what? you probably wont even experience 1 or 2 good sex partners in your life then. ur missing out on 100s of orgasms and emotionally close n good feelings together with ur partner. guys wont mind that the girl not a virgin, guys shouldnt be a virgin by marriageable age also unless no girls have been attracted to them. and it is not easy to get pregnant la. just dont shoot inside ard the 2nd week
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i do not agree with u...Originally posted by {}==[GOD OF FUCK:::;;::>:all of you can just go ahead and have sex, sex is great for a healthy long lasting close relationship and it feels good for both and makes u 2 closer. it is also very common to have sex by the 2nd date if the girl finds you attractive in my experience. why wait till after marriage for what? wasting the best 10 years when u feel the most (15-25) with no sex for what? you probably wont even experience 1 or 2 good sex partners in your life then. ur missing out on 100s of orgasms and emotionally close n good feelings together with ur partner. guys wont mind that the girl not a virgin, guys shouldnt be a virgin by marriageable age also unless no girls have been attracted to them. and it is not easy to get pregnant la. just dont shoot inside ard the 2nd week
not easy to get pregnant? how do u ctrl urself? this kind of thing when u are doing u wont know wat...
if u really love her dont u want her to live in fear? fearing of getting pregnant, or in the case of she is pregnant, wat will u do? dump her? abortion? or bear the responsibilities? but do u have the abilities?
think long, dun think of the orgasm only dude.. unless u have the abilities to support her, mayb u can try doing that...
if not i suggest a place for u... go geylang ba... -
GOD OF FUCK rox!Originally posted by {}==[GOD OF FUCK:::;;::>:all of you can just go ahead and have sex, sex is great for a healthy long lasting close relationship and it feels good for both and makes u 2 closer. it is also very common to have sex by the 2nd date if the girl finds you attractive in my experience. why wait till after marriage for what? wasting the best 10 years when u feel the most (15-25) with no sex for what? you probably wont even experience 1 or 2 good sex partners in your life then. ur missing out on 100s of orgasms and emotionally close n good feelings together with ur partner. guys wont mind that the girl not a virgin, guys shouldnt be a virgin by marriageable age also unless no girls have been attracted to them. and it is not easy to get pregnant la. just dont shoot inside ard the 2nd week
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Maybe florajoy should consider ROM since your bf is in a hurry to go for it and do not care about your feelings.
It protects you and if possible your baby if something happens.
I know ROM will not tie a person down but it offers some protection if your bf decides to run after you got your baby as it forces him to take care of the baby by law. -
Originally posted by florajoy:
Simple. You sound like you don't mind physical intimacy, but you are scared of getting pregnant. So tell him to use a condom. He may promise to be more careful, but when he is at the height of ecstasy, he probably wouldn't remember his mother's name, less even yours.
Hi,
I'm facing similar intimacy issues.
Me and bf have been havin very intimate and heavy petting for the past 3 yrs. But recently, I had a pregnancy scare. Now I have this fear and do not wish to be too intimate with my boy. I will go no further than kissing and hugging.
But bf not understanding. Kept saying tat r/p cant do w/o physical intimate contact. If no intimacy, we are jus like ordinary friends. Said tat he can be more careful in future. And he is losing patience.
But... I jus cant do it...
Can anyone advise wat I should do?
"No glove. No love." If you don't want to protect yourself, then it may be advisable to get mentally prepared for either motherhood or an abortion. -
Hi,
I don't mind physical intimacy if it doesn't go beyond kissing and hugging. All this while I have not been totally comfortable about the level of intimacy that we had. Always feel guilty after every session. And there are times where bf would try his luck (possible sex) and I constantly have to remain clear headed (so that I can stopped him).
Whenever that happens I would remind him, he would promise not to try. Few months later, he would forget and try again.
I'm sick and tired of this!
And I'm not prepared to get ROM or married or have a baby. -
You haven't mention anything about the progress of relationship.Originally posted by florajoy:Hi,
I don't mind physical intimacy if it doesn't go beyond kissing and hugging. All this while I have not been totally comfortable about the level of intimacy that we had. Always feel guilty after every session. And there are times where bf would try his luck (possible sex) and I constantly have to remain clear headed (so that I can stopped him).
Whenever that happens I would remind him, he would promise not to try. Few months later, he would forget and try again.
I'm sick and tired of this!
And I'm not prepared to get ROM or married or have a baby.
How has it been?
But from what i read. It is advisable for you to consider breaking up.
(Initial advise) -
Set the boundary line early in the r/s. That way, you have something to remind him if he goes overboard.
It is also good if both of you can sit down and talk about this. I talked to my guy for a long time reg. this issue and we come to a compromise we know we will both be able to stick to -
Keep breaking up till one finds the "right" guy?Originally posted by M©+square:You haven't mention anything about the progress of relationship.
How has it been?
But from what i read. It is advisable for you to consider breaking up.
(Initial advise)
Aren't guys the same? sigh..