Am i right?
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~Throws a dime~ Why torture yourself...?Originally posted by kiekie:wahahahahaha........sob sob.............................................................. My heart ache....really... I quited my 8 - 5 job and hold on to my tuition as they fetch back more and i tried to re-scheldule my tuition time to come home before 6.30pm to accompany him already. Somehow he did try to change abit but i juz felt that alot of things i m kept in the dark.... Sad................................
Now i m going broke and wat the ?^#!#^$)*%!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will give myself 3 wks time from now on. At least wait till his Bdae over, by that time, i should know the outcome..........
Now the thing is i wanted to truth. I know the truth hurts, but i rather get hurt than to be betrayed by him!!!!
But He's so scared of telling me... cuz he scared he will "yue miao yue hei". and gradually more underlying truths will be revealed.
He dun dare and kept asking me to drop the topic. But i merely wanted the truth and tat's it.
I asked him since u already admitted them, den why r u afraid of revealing all?? So it can stop me from guessing all the time and making assumptions on my own. I rather he tells me on his own than to figure them out myself.... It's even more hurting. And it's not only making him crazy, me too is not behaving normal too!!
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Hi CuriousOrange,
Sorry for this late reply, I've Not dropped into this thread for awhile. Yep, I understand where you're coming from. The husband has acted irresponsibly, I agree with you, & frankly, I don't condone what he's done. No matter what kinda reasons he may have, it's just Not the right thing to do.
I'm basically coming from another angle, I'm glad we can see eye to eye on that. That a marriage is based on 2 parties, & when a marriage fails, 2 parties are to blame, it's just how much or how little (frankly, it doesn't matter, does it?). I'm just wary about condemning 1 person when the other party comes across as "all innocent" (for lack of a better phrase, No offence intended). Frequently, if we look beneath the surface, there's also fault on the other side.
Notwithstanding what we've agreed on above, my main objective was to highlight to KieKie, that instead of justifying to me whatever reasons for her blasts against her husband, whatever sacrifices she's made, blah blah blah, there could still be things done to salvage a marriage. I'm Not interested in who's more at fault, I'm more interested in what CAN be done in the hopes of salvaging a marriage.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by curiousOrange:To Feow
I probably did not make myself clear in my previous post. Obviously the poor baby will probably feel lonelyÂ…his emotions is not a choice. I agree with that.But he can choose the manner he dealt with loneliness. And he chose to be irresponsible (I have to admit I despise that about him).
When I point out that he is irresponsible, I'm not trying to judge who should take the blame...it's irrelevant. ItÂ’s just that I donÂ’t believe she is capable of loving someone who is irresponsible and unfaithfulÂ…this is regardless of who started the mess.
My intention is not to pinpoint to kiekie who is at fault because it really doesnÂ’t matter. Maybe you are thinking it matters because if she knows where she did wrong, she can try to savage the relationship and make things workÂ…
But why should she try to savage a relationship when there is no longer trust and sincerity?
Because she still loves him? How can love exist in that kind of environment? Read below to see what I mean.
To Kie kie
Feow is right when she tells you that you donÂ’t need to justify anything.
What happened cannot be undone. He is irresponsible and unfaithful, those are facts. So can you live with that fact and continue to live with him? I said in my earlier post that I donÂ’t believe you love him anymore. Staying in this relationship is going to do you more harm than good.
Look at what you wrote recentlyÂ…
You are sensitive and critical over trivial thingsÂ…
“So, i told him.. Yalor, ur fren should learn from u mah, want to talk, should wait until knock off then tok or sms wat, no need to be do it so obviously. Wah...ha... he flared up and that's why he told me he cudn't stand the way i m treating him now.. he says that i ve changed completely into another person. And he cried....so we cried together.”
You are suspiciousÂ…
“I juz found out that he went to a website regarding massaging... I can't help pondering if he had visited any or merely thoughts of them and i wonder how he got to know the website too”
You feel that you should be at the receiving end now because you have been victimizedÂ…
“I am wondering what else should i do.. Somehow i felt that I am the one who is trying hard in making up for our quarrels instead of him”
There is no trust and sincerity in that relationship anymore. You and him right now is like an accident waiting to happen. No matter how strongly you are attracted to him, love cannot exist in an environment like that.
From the way I look at it, you are just unwilling to let go -
HAR?
You mean she's better off Not knowing?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:~Throws a dime~ Why torture yourself...? -
Ohmigawd Kie Kie, what in the world do you think you're doing?!
I think I'd go absolutely demented if I have to answer everyday to my guy what I'm doing, who I talked to, & since 1 of my bosses is a male, every single word of our conversation!
Get a grip on yourself, for Christ's sake!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by kiekie:wahahahahaha........sob sob.............................................................. My heart ache....really... I quited my 8 - 5 job and hold on to my tuition as they fetch back more and i tried to re-scheldule my tuition time to come home before 6.30pm to accompany him already. Somehow he did try to change abit but i juz felt that alot of things i m kept in the dark.... Sad................................
Now i m going broke and wat the ?^#!#^$)*%!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will give myself 3 wks time from now on. At least wait till his Bdae over, by that time, i should know the outcome..........
Now the thing is i wanted to truth. I know the truth hurts, but i rather get hurt than to be betrayed by him!!!!
But He's so scared of telling me... cuz he scared he will "yue miao yue hei". and gradually more underlying truths will be revealed.
He dun dare and kept asking me to drop the topic. But i merely wanted the truth and tat's it.
I asked him since u already admitted them, den why r u afraid of revealing all?? So it can stop me from guessing all the time and making assumptions on my own. I rather he tells me on his own than to figure them out myself.... It's even more hurting. And it's not only making him crazy, me too is not behaving normal too!! -
THEORIES THEORIES... So much of it... Even if she go get herself a LIFE... A LIFE which is nonetheless irrelevant to her husband... Irrelevant to what's happening between them...Originally posted by FeowFeow:HAR?
You mean she's better off Not knowing?
FeowFeow
No matter if it's BLACK...? It's WHITE...?
Actions... So little of them...
ULTIMATELY we're still back WHERE we were.. ALMOST..?
She simply can't OVERCOME and CONQUER her heart...
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*nods nods* Ok, I agree.
What's the use of knowing the truth, if you canNot walk away? Furthermore, the husband had even asked her to go back to her parents'. I suppose I won't be able to understand fully what the poster is going through, because I'm too different, too proud a person.
I guess it's impossible for me to help everyone, especially some who just won't see.
FeowFeow outta here before I go demented
Cya elsewhere Lucy!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:THEORIES THEORIES... So much of it... Even if she go get herself a LIFE... A LIFE which is nonetheless irrelevant to her husband... Irrelevant to what's happening between them...
No matter if it's BLACK...? It's WHITE...?
Actions... So little of them...
ULTIMATELY we're still back WHERE we were.. ALMOST..?
She simply can't OVERCOME and CONQUER her heart... -
Last wk his married colleague was hospitalised. He has close contact wif her although he didn't tell me. Cuz he used the housephone to call her, he is smart to deleted the no. he called but forgot that there's a redial.
I asked him abt it and he pick up a fuss that i trying to dig out something again.
I really cudn't take it. He tried all means of excuses and accuse me of my past.. rdg my abortions. He used that as a form of threat saying that he loves me but he cudn't accept the fact of my abortions.
yah.... now he pointed his fingers at me and say i m the cause of everthing....
Anyone can recommend me any law firms? I ve to engage a lawyer. thks -
I moved back last wk after the heated arguement. He didn't call me except the day after. Again, he asked for forgiveness and wanted me back. I resent and rejected him straight and slammed down the receiver.
Now he depised me for who i m and then why the hell did he marry me last yr?? Sad to say, my marriage is short-lived.. it only lasted for 10 months after 4yrs of dating....
I m not young anymore and i dun ve the strength to play this kinda of mind games wif him!! Yes, like wat curiousorange had said in another post, " I HATE HIM."
To leave him is to wish him all the best, hope he can find the kind of gf or wife he wants.... i m not his type.....not anymore.
It's not that i ve invested alot and yield for returns. It's the Gan Qing I have Fu Chu that hurts most....
In front of everyone, i tried to fight a fierce battle, put up a strong front..
Thinking that wud make myself feel better... but deep inside my soul, i m not such a strong-headed woman.
For a few days, i reached my home at 1.30am, cuz i dun want my mum to questioned me. I cried alone somewhere ard my void deck...puffing away at least a pack if cig each day.... i dun want them to see me cry....
Well at least i find an avenue here for me to air out my torments...the torments which i had brought upon myself. -
thk u guys and gals for all ur advices esp feowfeow and curiousorange...and alot more.
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...... Take care?Originally posted by kiekie:I moved back last wk after the heated arguement. He didn't call me except the day after. Again, he asked for forgiveness and wanted me back. I resent and rejected him straight and slammed down the receiver.
Now he depised me for who i m and then why the hell did he marry me last yr?? Sad to say, my marriage is short-lived.. it only lasted for 10 months after 4yrs of dating....
I m not young anymore and i dun ve the strength to play this kinda of mind games wif him!! Yes, like wat curiousorange had said in another post, " I HATE HIM."
To leave him is to wish him all the best, hope he can find the kind of gf or wife he wants.... i m not his type.....not anymore.
It's not that i ve invested alot and yield for returns. It's the Gan Qing I have Fu Chu that hurts most....
In front of everyone, i tried to fight a fierce battle, put up a strong front..
Thinking that wud make myself feel better... but deep inside my soul, i m not such a strong-headed woman.
For a few days, i reached my home at 1.30am, cuz i dun want my mum to questioned me. I cried alone somewhere ard my void deck...puffing away at least a pack if cig each day.... i dun want them to see me cry....
Well at least i find an avenue here for me to air out my torments...the torments which i had brought upon myself. -
Yesterdae nite i met him.
I threw all the papers(the call list from beginning of aug to end of sept) and also the necklace he bought for me(the 1st Vdae gift he ever gave me) at his chest. And told him to wait for my lawyer letter.
I held back my tears and walked away... didn't turn back. He rushed forward and grabbed my arm, i stared at him and wish him all the best.. and tried to struggle off and ran home in tears.
Last night, he sms me...calling me a bitch , a slut, a whore...............................................................................................
I m devastated. -
Smoking sucks. Even I myself am trying to quit after being a slave for ten years. Be a good girl and cut it down.Originally posted by kiekie:puffing away at least a pack if cig each day....
This is a new beginning, you will need plenty of determination and will power from now on.
Determination to let go, get your life back on track and resist the urge to turn back.
But you will realise that everything is worth it. -
Dear Kie Kie, I m gonna used wat u posted on my thread back at you:
"Pat pat.... dun be sad....... life is always full of ups and downs. Dun live in the past memories. Cuz thery hurts."
something dat I wish to share wif u (which I din previously in my thread) which is very similar to your plight was my failed marriage:
I knew him for 7years, got married for 8years (including the 3years' separation). I did everything for him, cooked, washed, ironed (even his hankerchieves) and also paid all bills + his debts as he was struggling financially and at work. The initial 2 years were ok, then he took me for granted (surprise surprise), and he was often not patient with me, flared up if I asked him too much. He went clubbing all the time, came back drunk and I had to clean up after him. At times he told me lies but I chose to believe him instead e.g. there was a credit card charge at a Geylang hotel and he told me his fren got drunk so he checked him into one etc.
Then 1 day 3 years+ ago, I was sick at home, lying on the sofa, he called me. As the reception was not good, I could not hear him so I hung up. The next call from him he scolded me with foul language for hanging up on him. Strangely that was the last straw, that night I told him (in tears of course) that I din deserve to be treated this way, that I was tired of looking after him after all these years, dat I wanted to live for myself and I moved out.
Though it was my decision, it was not easy, I cried and cried for the next month, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. He too begged for forgiveness, told him he will change and that he was so sorry that he took me for granted. But I had already given out on him and more so bcos I realised that I need to get myself out of this co-dependent relationship.. the rest of my story, u oredi knew.
I guess wat I wanted to say was you made a right decision to move on, dun look back, he ain't worth it. One day u will find that someone who will love and cherish u... take care... -
kiekie finally u have decided.
Was wondering when you will ever leave him...
you did your best ...and is time to go...take care....
we will be with you all the way... -
thks drx. Now he's working.. i am at his house packing my belongings and cuz i ve to pass him his tutorial hmk which i promised to help him do.
.................soon it will be our 1st yr anniversary.....now become divorce.
I cudn't dare to recount the memories that we share...
But i cudn't help thinking of last yr ard this time, all relatives and frens congratulated us and now.........?????????............ I only tell my brother abt it as I really duno how to throw this bombshell to my parents.... Yes, they will be by my side as they knew his mother treated me badly. But they are still my elders...they definitely are the traditional thinking parents. Sighz...
Whenever i tot of it, tears will tickled down my cheeks uncontrollably............ -
Originally posted by kiekie:thks drx. Now he's working.. i am at his house packing my belongings and cuz i ve to pass him his tutorial hmk which i promised to help him do.
.................soon it will be our 1st yr anniversary.....now become divorce.
I cudn't dare to recount the memories that we share...
But i cudn't help thinking of last yr ard this time, all relatives and frens congratulated us and now.........?????????............ I only tell my brother abt it as I really duno how to throw this bombshell to my parents.... Yes, they will be by my side as they knew his mother treated me badly. But they are still my elders...they definitely are the traditional thinking parents. Sighz...
Whenever i tot of it, tears will tickled down my cheeks uncontrollably............
FORGET ABOUT IT... Should be counting yourself LUCKY to be OUT of this SHIT...?Originally posted by kiekie:Yesterdae nite i met him.
I threw all the papers(the call list from beginning of aug to end of sept) and also the necklace he bought for me(the 1st Vdae gift he ever gave me) at his chest. And told him to wait for my lawyer letter.
I held back my tears and walked away... didn't turn back. He rushed forward and grabbed my arm, i stared at him and wish him all the best.. and tried to struggle off and ran home in tears.
Last night, he sms me...calling me a bitch , a slut, a whore...............................................................................................
I m devastated.
You should have knew earlier but you needed more 'proof'... Think what he did just made things ALOT EASIER....? -
Yup........he did.........Originally posted by Devil1976:FORGET ABOUT IT... Should be counting yourself LUCKY to be OUT of this SHIT...? You should have knew earlier but you needed more 'proof'... Think what he did just made things ALOT EASIER....?
I noe he's afraid tat i might get angry if he tells me he called her..tat's y he nv mentioned abt the calls.
Tonight he sms me saying that he got problem at work.... his colleague was badmouthing abt him...and told me not to be angry cuz he will call her to ask her wat was the rumours abt....cuz she noes all......
i reply him ok............y does he got to tell me??? Is he trying to test me??? -
does it really matter anymore what he says?
If you really serious about getting away from him.
Then u got to let go of your memories of him.
try not to reply his sms or talk to him.
Is time to show him that u can live your own life without him.
The more u meet him the more u feel like u have feelings for him...
imagine that u are going off and he still talks about the gal. I seriously believe he loves the gal so much that he can forsake you. Haiz...
take your time slowly to plan your life without him.
thats means no more doing homework for him. kokz!
If he likes the gal so much, then how come is not the gal doing but poor u slogging so hard for him? -
So you're still in the 'game'...?Originally posted by kiekie:Yup........he did.........
I noe he's afraid tat i might get angry if he tells me he called her..tat's y he nv mentioned abt the calls.
Tonight he sms me saying that he got problem at work.... his colleague was badmouthing abt him...and told me not to be angry cuz he will call her to ask her wat was the rumours abt....cuz she noes all......
i reply him ok............y does he got to tell me??? Is he trying to test me???
Haven't you made up your DECISION ALREADY
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Ask him to fuck off...
U are leaving and he is still concerned abt he and her?
His married colleague already held him by his balls lar.
JUST LEAVE.
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try forgiving...not keep forgiving.Originally posted by alexkusu:well..everyone deserve a second chance... keep forgiving.. it helps 
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so what if he feels that U have changed?Originally posted by kiekie:If i started making new friends or wat...will he feel that i changed? I am scared that he will be unhappy... and then he will stray again.
U didnt change in the past...he still strayed...what makes U think by not changing...he will not stray? -
ya lor...make a decision...stick with it...and be happy about it.Originally posted by Devil1976:So you're still in the 'game'...?
Haven't you made up your DECISION ALREADY -
whatever it is just make the decision that you will not regret
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be strong gal!!!! you deserve a better guy than that husband of yours...
,my dear kie kie....
stick to your decision and leave him as soon as you can!
A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOT!!
You are better off alone than with him my dear....
Join us the mushy gang at our thread....we can cheer you up and make
you forget yr troubles at least for a while.....
/Hugs Kie Kie!