At wits end to humour my gf
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thanks misty,
you're right i think i'm lost...
hen pecked maybe maybe not... you make more decisions on your own for your gal, ppl may deem you MCP, you accomodate more to her wishes, ppl may yet deem you hen pecked... in my heart i dont really care how people look at me for being MCP or hen pecked on my treatment to her... at the end of the day i just want her to be happy... i want her to smile even if it makes my life a lil more bitter...
all rubber bands have their elasticity limit... so do i... i aint snapping yet... just that i feel helpless atm because i realise i cant seem to cross a particular hurdle... thats how i feel... -
hey you are better off than i am ... i have no girlfriend ... cheer*
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hi reverant,
someone's out there for you... even though you probly heard this a zillion times... someday you'll find her...
no worries...
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Then I have to pity you... bitterness will accumulate.Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:thanks misty,
you're right i think i'm lost...
hen pecked maybe maybe not... you make more decisions on your own for your gal, ppl may deem you MCP, you accomodate more to her wishes, ppl may yet deem you hen pecked... in my heart i dont really care how people look at me for being MCP or hen pecked on my treatment to her... at the end of the day i just want her to be happy... i want her to smile even if it makes my life a lil more bitter...
all rubber bands have their elasticity limit... so do i... i aint snapping yet... just that i feel helpless atm because i realise i cant seem to cross a particular hurdle... thats how i feel...
Talk to her if you really want to be with her and you see long term. If its short term, yeah anyone can give in to any kind of bad tempers and idiosycncracies. But do have some dignity and don't bend over backwards so much you snap which you would be even worse off before you had her.
I don't know if it can be termed love ... I suppose different people different strokes. As long as you're happy giving in to her and feel she is worth it. She should learn more grace. BTW, not all girls are like her. In my opinion, you had humour her enough. -
because she knows that you are always there for her ... prove otherwise and see what happens ...
caution : this is no professional help ... use at your own risk -
not worry just lonely and brokeOriginally posted by JuzMy2Cts:hi reverant,
someone's out there for you... even though you probly heard this a zillion times... someday you'll find her...
no worries... -
i think you shld really sit down with her and tok it out....state the rules and all...trash everything out just so you know wat each of u are thinkin.....if not....very difficult to know the root of the trouble..........tell her how u feel and all.....and let her know u wan to know know y she keep doin tat.....
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JustMy2Cents,
You're welcome. Looks like you've made your decision to stick by her. Your decision is respected, but don't come crying later
I think both sides hafta make an effort to understand each other. You're doing your part, good for you, but perhaps you might want to also let her know how she's making you feel...
FeowFeowOriginally posted by JuzMy2Cts:thanks feow feow... love is blind... perhaps its fate... too bad she's the only gal that touched my heart when i have all but given up relationship 5 years back when i broke off with my ex...
wanda, maybe i'll go and catch that book later... its not that i dont support her... i dont mind if you take it as i am trying to find an excuse for myself... but i am the type that isnt good at words at all... i can type well... just like now as you read my typing... i can type so much... able to type out my feelings... but when it comes to talking, esp talking to her, words just unseemingly gets jammed up in my mouth... towards other gals, who are just friends, i get no problem talking non stop but if its my gf, i just dont know how to say it straight... i feel i will always say the wrong things if i dont filter my thoughts in my heart and brain...
sighz -
thanks misty and reve,
reve: it wont work cause we are both stubborn souls...
i wont give up my diginity because the day she try to make me lose it will be the day that i truly will give her up... and i am confident that she won't ever treat me that way... -
FeowFeow,
i never look back once i made any decision... stubborness yet again maybe
i dont see myself now come crying to pplz and i will not in the future ... just that i kinda need some avenue to voice out my frustrations and also to seek viable solutions... its ok if peoples ignore me... still i sincerely thank them for watever comments they have for me... i appreciate they gave me that little concern... -
hey JuzMy2Cts,
I guess we are standing on different sides... and you are right about
whereas your thinking is why can't you say it out yourself?
no matter whether wat he has to say might add to the frustrations, at least say something... I'll never know what he is thinking if he doesn't. and how can we function as a couple like that...
He is just too super shy... I don't mind him being shy when in presence of other ppl... but I'm not "other ppl" I'm his gf.... must he be that shy around me? what is it that he cant tell me? that's what I'm puzzled about...
your case, try to sit down and have a long talk with her. and work out a compromise.Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:smudgey,
sorry to hear you having similar probz...
well i guess we are standing on the opposite sides of the same river...
your guy may simply just be waiting for you to ask him... whereas your thinking is why can't you say it out yourself? For you, you will feel that if he doesnt say how would you know... but at times have you ever wonder that its really that your bf doesnt want to add on to any problems or frustrations already present? Its always two side of a mirror...
having said that perhaps its something that i need to realise too... i guess for a start i have to put myself in her shoes and think in her position... but still the biggest hurdle is getting myself confident of speaking the right, nice, warm, sweet words that she wants to hear... its something i cant learn overnight... -
i admire you for your sentiments. and i envy your gf cos she has such an accomodating guy...
in my opinion, you dun have to learn sweet words or anything.. sometimes, a hug may do the trick.. if she's angry and ignoring your attempts to warm things up, just give her a hug. tell her sincerely that you are trying to make things right for her but you're needing her help to tell you how you can make her feel better...
and of cos, when she's in the loving mood again, you can now ask her for love in return. you cannot always be the one giving in. a r/s like that will only stretch patience and bitterness... when she's in a loving mood, then you can communicate to her, tell her you need to be humoured sometimes also... you need her to show she cares about your feelings also...
work things out. good luck. -
Get married lah, so old liao...
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i don't think there's a 'technique' to humour a gal, everyone is different. some people can joke about anything and everything, while some people just can't.
if she doesn't appreciate your effort, i think you should give up on her. she's not worth your time. anyway, good luck!Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:hi all,
Its my first post and i'm sorry if i'm a trouble to anyone of you guyz and galz here...
Been together with my gal for about a year and a half now... had our share of laughter and quarrels... but its always the humouring her part that she always deem me a failure in... why is it that other guys know how to humour their gf and yet you don't know? why is it that after your previous relationships and yet you don't know what humouring a gal is all about?
Seriously i believe i do try too... but i feel its just not in my nature or genes... imo i always feel that sweet talking guyz are a$$ hxlez in my eyes... i dont mind talking with gentleness but when it comes to nice words, my brain is totally dry... for eg, during an outing, she was venting her frustrations at work at me, she nagged at me when i parked my car slightly further away from the lift area when plenty of nice empty slots are present, she slammed my door and waited outside, when i am done i tried to offer to take her stuff for her but she ignored me and simply walked off, i know it was raining outside the building and i rushed back to get the umbrella for her but when i returned she got angry with me instead that i didnt bother to humour her even though i know she's angry???? OMG it was only a few minutes and seriously in my mind i was trying to conceive my humour plan... do all gals think that humour plans comes like oxygen in the air??
other times when she's angry, i try to pick up a light topic, she seem to completely ignore me and reply in short words... yes... no... not sure... i do admit at times on phone conversation i tend to keep quiet especially when we quarrel... and i know she dont like it... but its not that i find it fun to do that... she just get flared up so easily... when we quarrel i prefer to keep my own cool and let she do all the verbal screaming she wants... imo when two quarrels, one side should always stay cool to allow true problem solving...
i really don't know... can anyone in this world tell me what is humouring a gal? how do i get the wu lin mi ji to learn this technique? why cant she understand that? is it a must for guys to know this? if you ask me if i had similar problems with my past relationships in this i will say no... simply because imo my ex gfs' so called expectations of a guy humouring a gal is a simple sorry, gentle, warm and teasing her with some cuddlings... is there really more to this?
at this very moment she's telling not to talk to her until i learn how to humour a gal... i feel i can do well in all exams as i used to but this is one paper i seriously have no confidence in...
Sorry if i took too much of your tme reading this, i really need some opening to talk it out... -
Being a bit sarcastic and indirect hinting is also another way of humouring....combine with a bit of expression and remark...U will hit her spot....
I remember once I and my GF go for an illegal tea break during work.I told her I will treat her a cup of soup.She ask me what kind of soup...I told her 'Snake soup'.She immediately broke into laughter... -
Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:hi all,
Its my first post and i'm sorry if i'm a trouble to anyone of you guyz and galz here...
Been together with my gal for about a year and a half now... had our share of laughter and quarrels... but its always the humouring her part that she always deem me a failure in... why is it that other guys know how to humour their gf and yet you don't know? why is it that after your previous relationships and yet you don't know what humouring a gal is all about?
Seriously i believe i do try too... but i feel its just not in my nature or genes... imo i always feel that sweet talking guyz are a$$ hxlez in my eyes... i dont mind talking with gentleness but when it comes to nice words, my brain is totally dry... for eg, during an outing, she was venting her frustrations at work at me, she nagged at me when i parked my car slightly further away from the lift area when plenty of nice empty slots are present, she slammed my door and waited outside, when i am done i tried to offer to take her stuff for her but she ignored me and simply walked off, i know it was raining outside the building and i rushed back to get the umbrella for her but when i returned she got angry with me instead that i didnt bother to humour her even though i know she's angry???? OMG it was only a few minutes and seriously in my mind i was trying to conceive my humour plan... do all gals think that humour plans comes like oxygen in the air??
other times when she's angry, i try to pick up a light topic, she seem to completely ignore me and reply in short words... yes... no... not sure... i do admit at times on phone conversation i tend to keep quiet especially when we quarrel... and i know she dont like it... but its not that i find it fun to do that... she just get flared up so easily... when we quarrel i prefer to keep my own cool and let she do all the verbal screaming she wants... imo when two quarrels, one side should always stay cool to allow true problem solving...
i really don't know... can anyone in this world tell me what is humouring a gal? how do i get the wu lin mi ji to learn this technique? why cant she understand that? is it a must for guys to know this? if you ask me if i had similar problems with my past relationships in this i will say no... simply because imo my ex gfs' so called expectations of a guy humouring a gal is a simple sorry, gentle, warm and teasing her with some cuddlings... is there really more to this?
at this very moment she's telling not to talk to her until i learn how to humour a gal... i feel i can do well in all exams as i used to but this is one paper i seriously have no confidence in...
Sorry if i took too much of your tme reading this, i really need some opening to talk it out...
To me, it's not so much about humouring your gf when she is in a bad mood; It's more about her attitude and her expectation of you. When she entered into a relationship with you, the kind of character she has readily accepted to be her boyfriend (I presumed there was a decent amount of time spent together before a BGR was born between you two), is something that she already knew. By requesting strongly something that is so unlike you, she is beginning to evolve you from different angles. This is a natural process of couple-ship for we subconsciously influence each other.
Somehow, her attempt is done based on self centric effect. All about 'I, Me and Myself.'
It's good to know how to handle your gf when she isn't particularly in a good mood, but there is a difference between bad mood and bad attitude. Having a bad mood doesn't automatically produce bad attitude - such personality is innate.
Cheers -
Hi all,
Been a night... at least she isnt ignoring me... later i'll go and get her favourite pastry to surprise her...
Smudgey: sometimes when you care too much about a person, you'll be afraid of speaking the wrong words... perhaps you need to let him know that no matter what he says or do, be it totally crap or the coolest thing ever, you'll give him that support and patience...
Starblue: thanks for your compliments... your guy will do the same for you too...
Ayukat: well... we have our plans and i'll never marry her if i can't provide her with a stable life even though i really want to... so i am working very hard now
Hxm: i told her that... but...
Canny: thanks for the tip... i'll keep the essence of it in my mind
Yunhaier: very philosophical but i get your meaning... well in some ways she is self centered... but she has her generous side too... she has a big heart in my eyes from the ways she help the elderly strangers and the donations she give to the poor on the street...
Nonetheless guys and ladies... i thank your generous efforts in giving me your opinions... wish me luck later -
Btw just want to ask
Did she do anything nice for u before? -
hmm.. if you feel you will always say the wrong things without filtering your thoughts over and over again, don't you find the whole relationship thing a like a play? i say this because, you aren't being yourself when you are with her. you have to consider the things you were going to say again and again before you actually say it. don't you feel like you're not yourself?Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:thanks feow feow... love is blind... perhaps its fate... too bad she's the only gal that touched my heart when i have all but given up relationship 5 years back when i broke off with my ex...
wanda, maybe i'll go and catch that book later... its not that i dont support her... i dont mind if you take it as i am trying to find an excuse for myself... but i am the type that isnt good at words at all... i can type well... just like now as you read my typing... i can type so much... able to type out my feelings... but when it comes to talking, esp talking to her, words just unseemingly gets jammed up in my mouth... towards other gals, who are just friends, i get no problem talking non stop but if its my gf, i just dont know how to say it straight... i feel i will always say the wrong things if i dont filter my thoughts in my heart and brain...
sighz -
Yes drx, she has done nice things for me though i wont compare her to anyone...
well coffeeortea, i understand your words... maybe i just dont want to further mess things up when both of us are heated up... but i've told her that before and she did promise me to be more tolerant to my opinions whether they sound good to her ears or not...
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Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:Hi all,
Yunhaier: very philosophical but i get your meaning... well in some ways she is self centered... but she has her generous side too... she has a big heart in my eyes from the ways she help the elderly strangers and the donations she give to the poor on the street... We are actually on slight different frequency. What I really meant is that one can be self centric in Love, but at the same time, we are not doubting about his/her humanity, generosity or morals. It's different thing altogether. Self centric in Love doesn't mean self centered as a person - some people with strong need of security may overly protect him/herself, etc.
Love is uniquely a dimension of its own.
Cheers -
Bro, this relationship of yours, aint gonna last too long, cos if it does, i'll eat my PC. The crucial element in all successful relationships is 1) Mutual respect 2) Trust 3) Retaining factors.... Allow me to explain, 1) Mutual respect is paramount in a relationship, cos it allows each other to have the latitude to live as unique individuals. In your situation, your gf wants things done her way all the time. She doesnt even have the scantiest respect for you. Put things simply, she doesnt love u, she loves herself, and she is trying to sculpt you into a reflection of herself, so she can get things done easily and faster. Still dont get me??? Basically, you're a fu*king maid, driver, Personal assistant, washing machine, whatever possible assistance you could render her. 2) Trust. If there's no trust, there will always be lingering suspicions of each other, always being cynical, being sceptical of his or her motives, intentions, even if they may be genuine. If thats the way things are going, do you think that relationship can withstand all future tribulations ? 3) Retaining factors.. One crucial and often underestimated factor of all successful relationship is RETAINING FACTORS. By that, i mean, WHATs in you, that he or she cannot get easily from others. For a guy, if he is earning a good salary, bless with a athletic body and great looks, then the gf will think twice about jeapordising the relationship. Ask yourself, do you have any or many retaining factors that puts you way and above most guys or potential competitors?? If not, then i guess she's just taking you as a temp..
Think over and good luck. Just remember, all that glitter aint gold -
same sentiments here... I feel its no point to talk to a wall.Originally posted by Chief_SittingBull:Bro, this relationship of yours, aint gonna last too long, cos if it does, i'll eat my PC. The crucial element in all successful relationships is 1) Mutual respect 2) Trust 3) Retaining factors.... Allow me to explain, 1) Mutual respect is paramount in a relationship, cos it allows each other to have the latitude to live as unique individuals. In your situation, your gf wants things done her way all the time. She doesnt even have the scantiest respect for you. Put things simply, she doesnt love u, she loves herself, and she is trying to sculpt you into a reflection of herself, so she can get things done easily and faster. Still dont get me??? Basically, you're a fu*king maid, driver, Personal assistant, washing machine, whatever possible assistance you could render her. 2) Trust. If there's no trust, there will always be lingering suspicions of each other, always being cynical, being sceptical of his or her motives, intentions, even if they may be genuine. If thats the way things are going, do you think that relationship can withstand all future tribulations ? 3) Retaining factors.. One crucial and often underestimated factor of all successful relationship is RETAINING FACTORS. By that, i mean, WHATs in you, that he or she cannot get easily from others. For a guy, if he is earning a good salary, bless with a athletic body and great looks, then the gf will think twice about jeapordising the relationship. Ask yourself, do you have any or many retaining factors that puts you way and above most guys or potential competitors?? If not, then i guess she's just taking you as a temp..
Think over and good luck. Just remember, all that glitter aint gold
But please, do not eat your PC, just send it to me... poor me do not have a PC... and I'll be happy to eat it for you ... -
Yeah... I also don't know why when it comes to him... my patience is especially short... still trying to work on it....
going to try to have a heart to heart talk with him this weekend... am keeping my fingers crossed!!
Glad that you and your gf is on ok terms... but try to get her to have a heart to heart talk with you too... if u are afraid you'll not know what to say, try writing down notes beforehand...Originally posted by JuzMy2Cts:Hi all,
Been a night... at least she isnt ignoring me... later i'll go and get her favourite pastry to surprise her...
Smudgey: sometimes when you care too much about a person, you'll be afraid of speaking the wrong words... perhaps you need to let him know that no matter what he says or do, be it totally crap or the coolest thing ever, you'll give him that support and patience...
Starblue: thanks for your compliments... your guy will do the same for you too...
Ayukat: well... we have our plans and i'll never marry her if i can't provide her with a stable life even though i really want to... so i am working very hard now
Hxm: i told her that... but...
Canny: thanks for the tip... i'll keep the essence of it in my mind
Yunhaier: very philosophical but i get your meaning... well in some ways she is self centered... but she has her generous side too... she has a big heart in my eyes from the ways she help the elderly strangers and the donations she give to the poor on the street...
Nonetheless guys and ladies... i thank your generous efforts in giving me your opinions... wish me luck later -
Hey, Chief Sitting Bull,
Long time No hear, how have you been? And how's your love life going?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Chief_SittingBull:Bro, this relationship of yours, aint gonna last too long, cos if it does, i'll eat my PC. The crucial element in all successful relationships is 1) Mutual respect 2) Trust 3) Retaining factors.... Allow me to explain, 1) Mutual respect is paramount in a relationship, cos it allows each other to have the latitude to live as unique individuals. In your situation, your gf wants things done her way all the time. She doesnt even have the scantiest respect for you. Put things simply, she doesnt love u, she loves herself, and she is trying to sculpt you into a reflection of herself, so she can get things done easily and faster. Still dont get me??? Basically, you're a fu*king maid, driver, Personal assistant, washing machine, whatever possible assistance you could render her. 2) Trust. If there's no trust, there will always be lingering suspicions of each other, always being cynical, being sceptical of his or her motives, intentions, even if they may be genuine. If thats the way things are going, do you think that relationship can withstand all future tribulations ? 3) Retaining factors.. One crucial and often underestimated factor of all successful relationship is RETAINING FACTORS. By that, i mean, WHATs in you, that he or she cannot get easily from others. For a guy, if he is earning a good salary, bless with a athletic body and great looks, then the gf will think twice about jeapordising the relationship. Ask yourself, do you have any or many retaining factors that puts you way and above most guys or potential competitors?? If not, then i guess she's just taking you as a temp..
Think over and good luck. Just remember, all that glitter aint gold