its over.. everything..
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hmmm.....hmm hmm......Originally posted by Iolo:y bother on such things? everybody got his/her own life..there r more things for u to concern rite? get on wif it..
here's a story..
2 man was crossing a river..when they saw an old lady carrying a heavy basket staring at the rushing waters..
Man A: let us help her to cross the river..
Man B: ok.
after carrying the old lady to cross the river for 10mins..the old lady thanked the both of them and left with her heavy load of basket..
Man B: damn!! that lady was so heavy and so is her stupid basket!! Worse of all, the river was so difficult to cross..
For the past 10mins..Man B keep on grumbling whereby Man A only listened..suddenly Man B asked: how come u dun feel anything when u carrying her? she's very heavy u know?
Man A only replied : yes..she is..but that was then..but i had already unload her just now..haven u?
Man B:........
i know heartbreak is hard to take..most of us had gone thru it..i dun see how and y u cant go over it too..since the thing have already happened..it had..
time to put down the burden of yours then..
Welcome to Aunt Agony!!!!
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I think you hold the answers within yourself...Originally posted by sunpastilles:so.. even if he asks for a patch, i should reject becos it'll only be giving him another chance to hurt me??
You just need to SIT DOWN, THINK OVER THINGS...
GIVE YOURSELF THE ANSWER, THEN
QUIT THINKING OVER THINGS... -
Most of the time men flirt is because their gf or wife is not providing them with enough emotional fuel to keep them going, and they have to go else where to look for the thrill of romance. One of the reasons why he flirts is because you are not fulfilling part of his need. for example bill clinton, if hillary satisfied him sexually, instead of being such a turn off, he would not have cheated on her.
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Cavin -Originally posted by cavinkoh:Most of the time men flirt is because their gf or wife is not providing them with enough emotional fuel to keep them going, and they have to go else where to look for the thrill of romance. One of the reasons why he flirts is because you are not fulfilling part of his need. for example bill clinton, if hillary satisfied him sexually, instead of being such a turn off, he would not have cheated on her.
I'm starting to think that you are one person who sits on his own brain. So are you suggesting that she have sex with him to satisfy him and thinking that with that he will stick on to her?
sunpastilles -
You already made a very wise decision by leaving him. Don't make a big mistake by thinking of patching up with him. He's not worth you making such a big mistake. You are still young and there's a lot more good guys out there waiting to love you and take care of you. Enjoy the privilages a girl should have. And please don't make an even more foolish mistake listening to Cavin. Sex is no longer a tool to make a guy stick to you. Just keep a lookout of the rate of all the unwed mothers.
A guy, being a flirt, is never a fault of the girl. Remember, it's not your fault that he flirts around. If they want a good F**K, go Geylang. There got professionals with ample experience! *god bless them with Aids* -
Come on.. little gal..
jus concentrate on ur studies..
boys will come later in ur life.. what's the hurry ?
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Asking you to concentrate on your studies is obviously something which every good-intending adult would tell you. I would likewise advise you on this.
But it's really about life. You need to move on. Having the topic discussed in this forum would be great if it allows you to ventilate. Still, you need to move on.
PM me if you want to talk about it. But really.. it's easier said than done, but focus on other important areas in your life, and move on.. -
i think i know how u feel.. sometimes when my gf hangs ard guys, i get the uncomfy feeling. i guess that has something got to do with her past, something that i have not learnt to let go yet.Originally posted by sunpastilles:he was a flirt.. i gave him a chance, thinking he will change. even though i know he do small things like smsing chat with other girls or talk to them through phone, i didnt care. we gave each other all our attention. even thou there were times we fight cos we're jealous seeing each other so close to the opposite sex. i could really feel "it" from him. from what i see.. he really did changed.. but i guess my fear of him straying lead me tightening my 'grip'.. he 'held' me tightly too..
den he said he felt stress when with me.. i duno why he felt this way... it seems like its my fault now.. but... i guess im just too afraid to let him go... im afraid he might fall for others... he's always hanging around 2pretty girls.. i hav very very low confidence and self esteem.. im afraid he'll fall for either of them..
and today he jus msged me... so we chatted like frens.. i asked if he's chasing anyone of those 2.. he said if there's a chance, he will. he admitted to me even when we were together, he always felt something for that one girl and its like theres smth in her that luring him, making him wanna go close to her..
and those 2 girls.. out of which the one whom i think he feels for.. is actually my good fren. i really cannot accept this. all along i only asked him to not be so close with these 2, fearing that he might really fall for either of them. he always promised me he wont, but behind me, he's always with them. and now, my greatest fear.. of my bf falling for my fren.. has happened. but as mentioned, he said something in her makes him feel like going near, he said he isnt really in love with her though. i really dunno what he's thinking.. sighs..
i also find myself starting to stray, just thoughts.. sometimes my inner self already gives up on the relationship, but somehow it always patches back by itself. i know its quite a jerk thing, but i feel quite stuck. i feel like ending it sometimes, but i just don't have the courage since we're so close.
omg dunno what i'm saying, but its different from urs.. he is just a plain flirt who just wanna go find gals to boost his ego or esteem.. be glad its over and its a good thing actually that he didn't 'two time' you or something worse.
was a clear cut i suppose.
I hope you didn't give yourself 'fully' to him. Would be a terrible waste, and letting the next, maybe THE one down.. i know how he feels. -
Originally posted by ellisbeck:
I do agree with ellisbeck.
Asking you to concentrate on your studies is obviously something which every good-intending adult would tell you. I would likewise advise you on this.
But it's really about life. You need to move on. Having the topic discussed in this forum would be great if it allows you to ventilate. Still, you need to move on.
PM me if you want to talk about it. But really.. it's easier said than done, but focus on other important areas in your life, and [b]move on..[/b]
At least one thing for sure is, I used to be where you are now (I mean as a late teens or young adult) and often I hate those adults telling me stuffs that I hate hearing and keep thinking that they won't understand what I'm going through then. But now as an adult and thinking back, I do realised that what they say are true afterall.
Life is not just about relationships. Relationships are just a minority portion of life. A person has an average lifespan of 80yrs and you probably have just pass through 1 quarter of it. If you can't get through all these now, how can you possibly survive for another 60yrs?
I bet you a dollar that in another 10-20yrs time you'll probably be like me advising a young adult to move on in life as there's more important things waiting for you to fullfill.
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Sometimes in life, often ownself will make a mistake by assuming that the other party strays because they are flirty. It's always best to listen to both sides story.Originally posted by thingy:i think i know how u feel.. sometimes when my gf hangs ard guys, i get the uncomfy feeling. i guess that has something got to do with her past, something that i have not learnt to let go yet.
i also find myself starting to stray, just thoughts.. sometimes my inner self already gives up on the relationship, but somehow it always patches back by itself. i know its quite a jerk thing, but i feel quite stuck. i feel like ending it sometimes, but i just don't have the courage since we're so close.
omg dunno what i'm saying, but its different from urs.. he is just a plain flirt who just wanna go find gals to boost his ego or esteem.. be glad its over and its a good thing actually that he didn't 'two time' you or something worse.
was a clear cut i suppose.
I hope you didn't give yourself 'fully' to him. Would be a terrible waste, and letting the next, maybe THE one down.. i know how he feels.
When I was with my ex-gf, I admit that I almost strayed or I do have the intention. Not because I don't love her anymore but for a woman who keep giving me cold shoulders on and off for no reasons and sudden "disappear" from my life and become uncontactable then "reappear" again. I don't know how to handle this kind of relationship. I started to doubt if she even ever exist. I do love her still but then the doubts of her love for me was building up. And during this period, I become very close to another female colleague and often she will try to cheer me up and listen to my problems and is always constantly there for me and seemed like we started to have feelings for each other but we were never together as I felt wrong to two-time my gf despite the fact of how she treated me. But then again, even having the thought of straying is already wrong in my own sense.
Who knows, maybe she (my ex) posted in AA before that her partner strayed and have an affair with another woman behind her back without realising her own comings. -
obviously u r stupid in choosing this kind of bf at the beginningOriginally posted by sunpastilles:my one year 2weeks 4days relationship ended a few days ago. found out he's been flirting, smsing girls things like "miss you alot, really. but you don believe, neither do you miss me, sighs" he even says "i love you"... hais.
he's been doing that for the past 3 months le. i was being lied to for our last 3months by my bf. i cant believe it.
theres even once he said he wanna meet me in morning, but in the end didnt came, he said he went for breakfast alone.. now then i know.. he went to a girl's place. he wanted us to quiet down during O lvls, like no more smses/calls. im okay with that. den i only msged him GoodLuck for his paper n stuffs, he says things like "i say don msg me anymore, i wan study, wont msg u either".. den im like, fine then. no msgs loh.
but now i know, he's been smsing others all along. for every paper, he sends Goodluck to a particular girl, but not me. the girl take diff subj and there were days he didnt have to go sch for papers, he'd woke up early to just send her a msg.
things were so cold between us. after which i found out all these abt a week ago, i asked him. he said sorry and those msgs were just for fun. hais i dun understand wats so fun about it. idiot. he said he's guilty and sounded reluctant to break. so i kept it aside. till one morning, i woke up and still don see any msgs from him, i thought about it for awhile. i msged him. he still gave me those attitude and i feel that he dont think he did did anything wrong.. stuffs like that. i couldnt take it. i said "lets break.." all he replied was "fine. lets break then"...
the feeling of being lied to, and then not being sincerely apologised to, sucks. and even after i told him i knew the truths, he still carry on msging girls. hais. even up to the last moment.. he couldnt answer me when i asked if he still loves me.. i guess the answer's no..
hais. everything just keeps reminding me of him. it seriously sucks. and my frens who went out with him after we broke, said that he's still as happy.. seems to be enjoying himself. sighs, i wonder how he 'recover' so fast... -
blunt sword cutting through...Originally posted by anhydrouscoppersulphate:obviously u r stupid in choosing this kind of bf at the beginning -
ytd or 2 days ago, he just msged me asking me hows life.. so we chatted abit.. about our 'failed' r/s.. den we talked about how possessive and tight we held onto each other. then these few days i already sorta.. wake up everyday and not think about him le.. but after what we chatted.. it SEEMS to me like.. he kinda changed.. and he gives me the feeling back like he wants me back.. i dunno..
cos all along in the past he's been smsing this girl, the one whom he always sms those "love u miss u" stuffs.. saying "i miss my keai de ____ alot" such things.. den.. i was asking him he really like her issit.. why don go for her.. den he's like "aiya i know she wont wan flirt de, so wat for i waste my time on her"
then i think back.. that time when we broke up, i said things like "i really thot u changed le, but still so flirt" den he was pretty pissed, "ya lah i flirt lah, everything also i flirt" den now he admit he flirt.. haha really dunno wat he thinking..
den i asked "why u nvr msg ur ke ai and cute de girl.. ytd u just said I LOVE YOU to her again right.. haha" den he said "dunno la.. don say her le can. i also don love her wat, sms for fun cannot ah, bro n sis only ma. think i wont msg her again le ba" aiya, GUYS ARE WEIRD. what you all thinking huh..... hais...
anyway back to track.. uhh... i know its my life, i've to make my own decisions.. u guys are just here to advise me, right?? well... but now.. seems like again im stuck.. i dunno... he's been msging me, askin me help him run errands and meet him and stuffs like that. he said he miss me.. sighs... now wat do i do........ -
cry a river. write ten thousand love letters. for every letter you write, a baby dies in africa.
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and also, thanks for the replies my dear forumnites. you've all been a great help.. thanks for those stories and real life experiences too. im really glad there're people out there who kinda knows how i feel. so glad to have all of you here.
continue your advises and opinions on my current situation now. hehe. thanks!! *huggs to all* -
do u not like me? why all your replies always so... sarcastic or what one...Originally posted by yourma:cry a river. write ten thousand love letters. for every letter you write, a baby dies in africa.
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yup... i think i'm in the same situation as you.... the only thing different is that i don't have other female frens to confide to.. unlucky to do an all-guys course in sch, all-guys cca.. and other all-guys activities. besides that, i don't hang ard much..Originally posted by laosu:Sometimes in life, often ownself will make a mistake by assuming that the other party strays because they are flirty. It's always best to listen to both sides story.
When I was with my ex-gf, I admit that I almost strayed or I do have the intention. Not because I don't love her anymore but for a woman who keep giving me cold shoulders on and off for no reasons and sudden "disappear" from my life and become uncontactable then "reappear" again. I don't know how to handle this kind of relationship. I started to doubt if she even ever exist. I do love her still but then the doubts of her love for me was building up. And during this period, I become very close to another female colleague and often she will try to cheer me up and listen to my problems and is always constantly there for me and seemed like we started to have feelings for each other but we were never together as I felt wrong to two-time my gf despite the fact of how she treated me. But then again, even having the thought of straying is already wrong in my own sense.
Who knows, maybe she (my ex) posted in AA before that her partner strayed and have an affair with another woman behind her back without realising her own comings.
since for yours it didn't quite work out... i guess mine will end in the same fate. i think at any point when u feel like quitting, its already over in a way.. a failure.
sigh... women. can't live with them, can't live without them..
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don't! don't go back to him... if you have any dignity left..Originally posted by sunpastilles:ytd or 2 days ago, he just msged me asking me hows life.. so we chatted abit.. about our 'failed' r/s.. den we talked about how possessive and tight we held onto each other. then these few days i already sorta.. wake up everyday and not think about him le.. but after what we chatted.. it SEEMS to me like.. he kinda changed.. and he gives me the feeling back like he wants me back.. i dunno..
cos all along in the past he's been smsing this girl, the one whom he always sms those "love u miss u" stuffs.. saying "i miss my keai de ____ alot" such things.. den.. i was asking him he really like her issit.. why don go for her.. den he's like "aiya i know she wont wan flirt de, so wat for i waste my time on her"
then i think back.. that time when we broke up, i said things like "i really thot u changed le, but still so flirt" den he was pretty pissed, "ya lah i flirt lah, everything also i flirt" den now he admit he flirt.. haha really dunno wat he thinking..
den i asked "why u nvr msg ur ke ai and cute de girl.. ytd u just said I LOVE YOU to her again right.. haha" den he said "dunno la.. don say her le can. i also don love her wat, sms for fun cannot ah, bro n sis only ma. think i wont msg her again le ba" aiya, GUYS ARE WEIRD. what you all thinking huh..... hais...
anyway back to track.. uhh... i know its my life, i've to make my own decisions.. u guys are just here to advise me, right?? well... but now.. seems like again im stuck.. i dunno... he's been msging me, askin me help him run errands and meet him and stuffs like that. he said he miss me.. sighs... now wat do i do........
i'm sure most of the people here would agree not to take him back. If you're patient and look ard, there are plenty of qualified guys more deserving of your love and qualities. maybe you'll even find the right one..
I'd say he's not worth a single second of your time. he's not weird.. he's just looking ard for others. And when they ignore him or what, he turns to his 'back-up', which is you. after you entertain him enough and the other gals reply to him.. he goes back to them.
such a person needs his ego to be constantly re-filled.... definately not someone you'd want to give yourself to..
i hope you make the right chioce -
Thingy:Originally posted by thingy:yup... i think i'm in the same situation as you.... the only thing different is that i don't have other female frens to confide to.. unlucky to do an all-guys course in sch, all-guys cca.. and other all-guys activities. besides that, i don't hang ard much..
since for yours it didn't quite work out... i guess mine will end in the same fate. i think at any point when u feel like quitting, its already over in a way.. a failure.
sigh... women. can't live with them, can't live without them..
Look on the brighter side pal. Me and that colleague never ended up together. So nothing to celebrate either. But one thing I can tell you now is, I'm glad it didn't work out or else I'll miss the chance of the lifetime to be with my current gf who happens to be a very wonderful woman.
If it happens to me, it'll happen to you too. Just a matter of time pal. Sometimes when we meet failures, see it as a lesson and learn it well and when you do that, I'm sure you'll be well rewarded. It's like a maths problem sum. You might not be able to do it initially but after much learning, I'm sure you'll be able to solve the problem and the reward? Of course an "A" in your report card! -
lolx.. so harsh 1..Originally posted by yourma:cry a river. write ten thousand love letters. for every letter you write, a baby dies in africa.
even if don't write letters, babies will still die in africa...
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We are humans...not saints...Originally posted by thingy:lolx.. so harsh 1..
even if don't write letters, babies will still die in africa...
We can as much people as we can but we can't save all
It's sad...but then it's a fact. -
Originally posted by sunpastilles:
I've been thru tis 2 years ago... My bf of 1 year plus actually cheated on me...
my one year 2weeks 4days relationship ended a few days ago. found out he's been flirting, smsing girls things like "miss you alot, really. but you don believe, neither do you miss me, sighs" he even says "i love you"... hais.
he's been doing that for the past 3 months le. i was being lied to for our last 3months by my bf. i cant believe it.
theres even once he said he wanna meet me in morning, but in the end didnt came, he said he went for breakfast alone.. now then i know.. he went to a girl's place. he wanted us to quiet down during O lvls, like no more smses/calls. im okay with that. den i only msged him GoodLuck for his paper n stuffs, he says things like "i say don msg me anymore, i wan study, wont msg u either".. den im like, fine then. no msgs loh.
but now i know, he's been smsing others all along. for every paper, he sends Goodluck to a particular girl, but not me. the girl take diff subj and there were days he didnt have to go sch for papers, he'd woke up early to just send her a msg.
things were so cold between us. after which i found out all these abt a week ago, i asked him. he said sorry and those msgs were just for fun. hais i dun understand wats so fun about it. idiot. he said he's guilty and sounded reluctant to break. so i kept it aside. till one morning, i woke up and still don see any msgs from him, i thought about it for awhile. i msged him. he still gave me those attitude and i feel that he dont think he did did anything wrong.. stuffs like that. i couldnt take it. i said "lets break.." all he replied was "fine. lets break then"...
the feeling of being lied to, and then not being sincerely apologised to, sucks. and even after i told him i knew the truths, he still carry on msging girls. hais. even up to the last moment.. he couldnt answer me when i asked if he still loves me.. i guess the answer's no..
hais. everything just keeps reminding me of him. it seriously sucks. and my frens who went out with him after we broke, said that he's still as happy.. seems to be enjoying himself. sighs, i wonder how he 'recover' so fast...
one time was with my best fren, den after that we broke up le but stupid me could not get over it so i decided to plead him into patching things uo with me.
But less that half a year later, he hitched a gal from his class, and they even gang up to make a fool of myself...
I was very sad at that time and all my fren console was not making me better...
But wat i wan to tell u is that, no matter wat happen, it'll be over de, dun be so sad le cos there is really no point to patch up with him...
Even if u does, most of the time that u 2 r not together, you'll be wondering that if he is doing anything behind ur back...
This is even be harder...
Let go now...
Best wishes to you and take care care... -
Better guys that will appreciate and treasure you more will come along...let time heal it all...Take care.
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Sunpastilles,
What your boyfriend said..Originally posted by sunpastilles:
I actually have a good impression of this boyfriend of yours. HeÂ’s got balls to say that in front of you.
"aiya i know she wont wan flirt de, so wat for i waste my time on her"
Notice that he has never hidden the fact that he has a player mentality.
You knew his playful character right from the start (he probably flirted his way into your heart as well). Yet you chose to be with him thinking you can change him.
Two points you should think aboutÂ…
1. Is it his fault that he is unwilling to change and mould himself into the right kind of guy in your imagination?
2. More importantly, why do you want to change him? I suspect that your own insecurities is generating a need for you to change him and force him to prove to you that he cares for you. No wonder he felt stressed about meeting your expectations.
I am not saying what he did is right. However, all of us make choices in our lives and we have to learn to accept the outcome of our choices.
You chose to be with a boy with some player tactics, you screwed up by being insecure and rubbing him the wrong way, so you should accept the outcome.
My advice for you is to walk away...you are not in his league.Originally posted by sunpastilles:
I will not be surprised if after the breakup he had already went for that girl and hinted about his interest. But the girl snubbed him and he is feeling lucky that he still has you.
den i asked "why u nvr msg ur ke ai and cute de girl.. ytd u just said I LOVE YOU to her again right.. haha" den he said "dunno la.. don say her le can. i also don love her wat, sms for fun cannot ah, bro n sis only ma. think i wont msg her again le ba"
He is keeping you as a backup girl while his priority is in chasing other girls. Think about all those “good luck” messages he sent to those girls before every exam…is there any valid reasons why he should leave you out?
You have to make the choiceÂ…either put up with him or walk away.And donÂ’t bank on the possibility that he might change his ways anytime soon. It will not happen.
The boy is too young right now and probably has to crash and burn a few more times before he really sits down and think about changing his outlook in life. -
stick to your studies.
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seems to me he isnt really sincere...about now i think you might regret your decision to break, but what i gather from what you said kinda says that he isnt serious at all (yeah i agree with the others that it is highly probably hes using you as backup). then from the sms about saying your friend wouldnt want a flirt sounds more disappointed and helpless than remorseful, like its not that he doesnt want, but its she doesnt want thats why hes not trying for her...so he falls back on and confides in you cause both of you were once very close together....but i dunno much about him, so i cant say if he will appreciate you if you show ample care and concern. but anyways i think you should treat him as a friend meanwhile and continue to provide him with support...maybe it may turn out for the better, but if not, then time to move on, cause jc/poly/ite whichever youre going to will provide many opportunities for such relationships too.
all the best in whatever choice you make =)