Hiding away. Sign of running away from reality?
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I"m more than willing to spend my entire life walking with her through all these and I'll never give up. What I'm afraid of is that she will one day wan to end this relationship due to all these stress.
Sometimes, simply just love itself isn't enough to sustain a relationship. It produce the driving force, the reason for existence, but ultimately, how you want to decide for your own relationship depends largely on what you want to do with them... with love being the fuel of your vehicle.
Long distance relationship can be difficult, but until you submerge yourself into it, you will not know the full blow of this emotional fatigue that leeches you daily. You are feeling it now.
You are currently being exposed to these blast of problems that burns your heart and mind like a furnace. And no matter how altruistic one can be in Love, we are still govern by rudimentary laws in Love... which forcefully bring us back to reality despite granted heavenly wings by Love. We cannot think that Love itself is capable of making miracles, without understanding that this miracle can only be perform through a human medium... that's through our own freewill and decision.
This wanting to take care of her for the rest of your life is an eventual goal and because it is a distant goal, it belongs to utopia for now. Learn to take small steps and watch those steps you are taking. [b]There is no point planning for a distance future WITHOUT clearing your path to ALLOW you the CONDITION that is conducive for this future to be reachable.
You stack your mess like a pile of misplaced papers. Be patient and work gradually through empathy and constant communication - that this relationship is BORN difficult and therefore, what you two are experiencing is exactly the thorns that were foreseen even before the birth of this BGR.
If you opt for a difficult relationship, the worst that could ever happen to you is to lose faith and courage. If you were to get discourage from the pile of misplaced paper, waiting for you to organise them - think about your girlfriend, who probably has MORE than just a pile of misplaced papers on her work desk.
ENCOURAGE each other to march forward. If this relationship should fall, it shouldn't be that of your doings or your will be cursed with regrets that cannot be dispelled.
P.S: There are times in life where we have to take lead. If we do not demonstrate strength in crisis, the weaker ones will surely crumble.
Cheers [/b]
I'm not being defensive but I guess I know her well enough. She's one who put her family ahead of anyone else and right now I'm in second place and I know she's still hanging on to this relationship cause she wanted to make this relationship work too. But her current situation is simply just giving her too much pressure and honestly sometime I'm not helping much.
My b'day falls on early March and she knew how much I wish that she can come to Singapore on that day. Recently I told her it's ok if she can't come, I can go over instead if she's ok with it. I guess this suggestion doesn't help much. She starts to have this idea that she's not a good gf to me and I have to be always the one sacrificing and the one making the effort to see that things goes smoothly between us without having to disrupt her. I honestly don't mind doing all that for her. I strongly believe that the current situation won't last forever and her dad will get well and get normal again. Even if it takes years, I'm still willing to do all that for her. -
Learn to 'LOOSEN UP' things alittle... Especially during this period of time... LDR itself is already not an easy relationship to manage normally, the WORSE if you're gonna be applying 'pressure' on an 'external wound' which has bleeding..Originally posted by laosu:I"m more than willing to spend my entire life walking with her through all these and I'll never give up. What I'm afraid of is that she will one day wan to end this relationship due to all these stress.
I'm not being defensive but I guess I know her well enough. She's one who put her family ahead of anyone else and right now I'm in second place and I know she's still hanging on to this relationship cause she wanted to make this relationship work too. But her current situation is simply just giving her too much pressure and honestly sometime I'm not helping much.
My b'day falls on early March and she knew how much I wish that she can come to Singapore on that day. Recently I told her it's ok if she can't come, I can go over instead if she's ok with it. I guess this suggestion doesn't help much. She starts to have this idea that she's not a good gf to me and I have to be always the one sacrificing and the one making the effort to see that things goes smoothly between us without having to disrupt her. I honestly don't mind doing all that for her. I strongly believe that the current situation won't last forever and her dad will get well and get normal again. Even if it takes years, I'm still willing to do all that for her.
1st thing... Your TEMPER.. Try to control it a little.. And when I talk about so, I'm especially referring to 'KEEPING YOUR COOL' about situations...
2nd thing... HELPING HER... Of course it's QUITE NORMAL for a bf to wanna HELP her gf IN NEED... BUT UNDERSTAND that SOMETIMES there's a LIMIT to the THINGS WE CAN DO... If you can't play a 'direct' role for her problem now.. INSTEAD of 'jumping up and down' and panic... Why not take a 'supportive role'....?
Doing things like CHEERING her UP... TALKING TO HER... Be her AVENUE to POUR OUT her WOES... REASSURING her that things are COOL and it's not straining your relationship that she couldn't do as much as before as for you during THIS PERIOD of TIME....
PS. TRY to 'work' in the CORRECT WAY(s)... -
Originally posted by M©+square:How come like sama sama....
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Bro,Originally posted by laosu:Yah...emotionally I'm drained and tired. Sometimes I did think of letting go of this r/s to free her from these problems and to let myself have a chance to breathe but then I know too that I love her too much and I can't lose her. I just wanna hang on.
One thing I have to clarify is even if I'm very successful now and stable enough for her to depend on emotionally and financially, the problem will not go away until we get the blessing from both of our own family.
I did think of going for a holiday, but with her facing so many problems and for the past two months she's been staying (and I really mean sleeping there) in hospital everyday until her dad can be discharged from hospital (and god knows when). How can I go holiday without feeling guilty? How can I enjoy when she's suffering there?
If there's a choice, I'll rather go to her hometown to look for her and accompany her at the hospital everyday to look after her dad. But she simply won't let me and say it's not the right time for me to go over right now.
FF, I admit I'm scared. I'm scared that she's slowly drifting away from my grip. I'm starting to feel that I'm slowly losing her. I feel so stranded not able to make a step out. I don't know what I can do. I don't wanna give up this r/s and I know neither does she but the current situation is just not helping.
this isn't a time for u to doubt your relationship.
Look now, you should try talking about it to her.
Just let a her know.
Like what you told me man, Don doubt her love.
IF you don't do anything she might drift away.
But then, do see her, by taking a holiday ?
Go to her side and show her that your there for her dude..
Relax you told me how to do it.
talk to her when your feeling like that.
Good luck Man... -
Originally posted by laosu:I"m more than willing to spend my entire life walking with her through all these and I'll never give up. What I'm afraid of is that she will one day wan to end this relationship due to all these stress.
I'm not being defensive but I guess I know her well enough. She's one who put her family ahead of anyone else and right now I'm in second place and I know she's still hanging on to this relationship cause she wanted to make this relationship work too. But her current situation is simply just giving her too much pressure and honestly sometime I'm not helping much.
My b'day falls on early March and she knew how much I wish that she can come to Singapore on that day. Recently I told her it's ok if she can't come, I can go over instead if she's ok with it. I guess this suggestion doesn't help much. She starts to have this idea that she's not a good gf to me and I have to be always the one sacrificing and the one making the effort to see that things goes smoothly between us without having to disrupt her. I honestly don't mind doing all that for her. I strongly believe that the current situation won't last forever and her dad will get well and get normal again. Even if it takes years, I'm still willing to do all that for her. I agree with Devil as well. At the same time, all these thoughts must be conveyed. The understanding that she has to see it in YOUR shoes and that these sacrifices are essential for this relationship to move. It has nothing to do with guilt nor not-performing a duty as a girlfriend - she has to think more of 'WE/US' than 'I/YOU'.
Does it matter who dump in more effort to sustain the relationship... as long as both are willing to remain in them?
P.S: Another Pisces.... *rub chin*
Cheers -
how's her father after the accident?
tbink she's under too much stress that she's trying to run away from it, that's why nv pick up ur calls. but if u cant talk to her, then write to her.
Agree with Devil, try to control ur temper. Long distance relationship is never easy. You are not by her side when she's going thru a rough patch now. The least u can do is to show her ur concern, let her know that u care..but not pressurising her. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:Learn to 'LOOSEN UP' things alittle... Especially during this period of time... LDR itself is already not an easy relationship to manage normally, the WORSE if you're gonna be applying 'pressure' on an 'external wound' which has bleeding..
1st thing... Your TEMPER.. Try to control it a little.. And when I talk about so, I'm especially referring to 'KEEPING YOUR COOL' about situations...
Ans: I'm never well known for my temper towards gf and worse towards her. But I know I can never hide my disappointment from her. Like I said before, she can read me inside out and knows exactly what I'm feeling no matter how hard I try to deny.
2nd thing... HELPING HER... Of course it's QUITE NORMAL for a bf to wanna HELP her gf IN NEED... BUT UNDERSTAND that SOMETIMES there's a LIMIT to the THINGS WE CAN DO... If you can't play a 'direct' role for her problem now.. INSTEAD of 'jumping up and down' and panic... Why not take a 'supportive role'....?
Ans: I've always been a very supportive partner and she knew it, but somehow I knew that my constant support is also adding up pressure for her cause she felt that most of the time it's me being there for her and there's so little thing she could do for me. Now the situation for us both is that I see her being the only one facing all these problem and I felt helpless that I can't be by her side and on the other hand she felt that I'm the one facing the fact that she got very little time for me now and the only quality time she could give me by talking on the phone has also been cut by almost 90% as she have to look after her dad in the hospital. She did mention to me before that she don't want to see me going through so much because of her own problem.
Doing things like CHEERING her UP... TALKING TO HER... Be her AVENUE to POUR OUT her WOES... REASSURING her that things are COOL and it's not straining your relationship that she couldn't do as much as before as for you during THIS PERIOD of TIME....
I wanted to...but..we hardly talk on the phone now and even if we does the time is always like so short (and I really mean short like less than 5mins)
PS. TRY to 'work' in the CORRECT WAY(s)... -
I wanted to go over but she's reluctant.Originally posted by ReliverX:Bro,
this isn't a time for u to doubt your relationship.
Look now, you should try talking about it to her.
Just let a her know.
Like what you told me man, Don doubt her love.
IF you don't do anything she might drift away.
But then, do see her, by taking a holiday ?
Go to her side and show her that your there for her dude..
Relax you told me how to do it.
talk to her when your feeling like that.
Good luck Man...
The reason she gave me is that she stays at the hospital everyday to look after her dad and she simply won't have time for me.
I did try to talk to her about it.
I never doubt her love for me.
I know for certain that her love for me is real and still strong.
But then again, her love for me might become the reason for her to decide to leave, to release me from this problem.
I know her too well, she will do that and that's what I fear most. -
I've taken into consideration that this is her first r/s and she might have difficulity adjusting to this major changes. Afterall, commitment isn't something that can be around suddenly which is why I never did mind about me making all the carrying.Originally posted by Yunhaier: I agree with Devil as well. At the same time, all these thoughts must be conveyed. The understanding that she has to see it in YOUR shoes and that these sacrifices are essential for this relationship to move. It has nothing to do with guilt nor not-performing a duty as a girlfriend - she has to think more of 'WE/US' than 'I/YOU'.
Does it matter who dump in more effort to sustain the relationship... as long as both are willing to remain in them?
P.S: Another Pisces.... *rub chin*
Cheers
It's already amazing that she has the courage to be in this r/s in the first place not even to mention that it's her first r/s in her entire 27yrs.
As long as she's willing to have faith that this r/s will somehow work in the future (god knows when), I'm willing to be the one carrying all the burdens and making all the efforts to make sure she don't feel too pressurized. Even if it means for me to carry it for my entire life, I'm willing to do so.
I swear to god and I swear to everyone here as my withness that for better or for worse, till my last breath, my love for her will remain true and I'll never forsake her in any situation. -
hey dude don't worry that muchOriginally posted by laosu:I wanted to go over but she's reluctant.
The reason she gave me is that she stays at the hospital everyday to look after her dad and she simply won't have time for me.
I did try to talk to her about it.
I never doubt her love for me.
I know for certain that her love for me is real and still strong.
But then again, her love for me might become the reason for her to decide to leave, to release me from this problem.
I know her too well, she will do that and that's what I fear most. . if she did wad u fear most it will be most likely on an impulse. only when times like these u can whether your r/s is strong enough. be understanding , she needs your understanding more than anything else. she needs you. be there when she breaks down is too much for a gal to handle.
tell her u love her,
tell her u will never leave her,
tell her u will be there when-where ever she needs u
tell her we will go through this together -
Ok..let me describe her dad's current situation. Maybe it'll give you all a clearer picture.Originally posted by browniebaobao:how's her father after the accident?
tbink she's under too much stress that she's trying to run away from it, that's why nv pick up ur calls. but if u cant talk to her, then write to her.
Agree with Devil, try to control ur temper. Long distance relationship is never easy. You are not by her side when she's going thru a rough patch now. The least u can do is to show her ur concern, let her know that u care..but not pressurising her.
Her dad is still in hospital bed ridden and needs to be tube feed. Don't ask about the nurses, the service at the hospital sucks. My gf and her mum stays at the hospital 24/7 to look after her dad and they have been staying there for 2mths already. My gf only goes home on certain days in a week to help out the family business which after that she'll drive back to the hospital again to look after her dad.
It's been going on like this for the past two months. The last time I remember her sleeping in her own room in her own house was the day before the accident happens.
There's no way I can write to her. I'm the one who help her check her email and clear her inbox of junks. If I were to email her, most likely I'll be the one reading it. If you are talking about snail mail, that's even worse. There's been cases before that I snail mail her and it either get lost somewhere and never reach her or she got it like a month later.
My dear cousin is coming to town soon. He usually will spend CNY with my gf's family and I'm thinking of writing a letter to her and ask my cousin to pass it to her personally. I can't imagine anyone of the family being itchy hand and no respect for privacy and opens the letter to read. I can't risk that. -
Originally posted by Prophecy_Master:hey dude don't worry that much . if she did wad u fear most it will be most likely on an impulse. only when times like these u can whether your r/s is strong enough. be understanding , she needs your understanding more than anything else. she needs you. be there when she breaks down is too much for a gal to handle.
tell her u love her, <-- I did...everyday..never fail to sms her before I sleep.
tell her u will never leave her,<-- I did...everyday..never fail to sms her
tell her u will be there when-where ever she needs u <-- definitely did..everyday
tell her we will go through this together <-- Again..I did..everyday..without fail -
denial seems preferable to facing reality.
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I do agree to a certain limit.Originally posted by sinicker:denial seems preferable to facing reality.
But then I've been through it before, denial never last forever.
There'll be a day whereby you are still forced to face reality -
Hi I would like to add a few words.Originally posted by laosu:I do agree to a certain limit.
But then I've been through it before, denial never last forever.
There'll be a day whereby you are still forced to face reality
Ignore her words go down to visit her and surprise her.
No matter what happens a girl would like someone to hug and hold in her times of need. Words are not enough to cover the fear in her heart.
I know cos I have an ex who is a malaysian too. She lost her life due to an accident 10 years ago. Go to her when she is alive and well and protect her by your own means. Do not wait till the day comes when she is no longer beside you then come say that you regret it.
Do your best to love her. Even if other say otherswise use your true love to prove to others that you really care.
Thats all I have to say. Do something when there is still time. -
Then just be ready for her when she needs you...?Originally posted by laosu:
Don't bother too much... Send her things like card(s)/ small gifts, but don't overdo it...
Slow down the pace a little and let her settle her problem 1st..?
Leave her SHORT voice messages (of care and concern) just to let her know that you're there... But don't give anything like she needs to reply you or what.... Try to make it a single direction sending to her... While asking her to instead focus more time on her current problem... Let her know that when the dark clouds have passed for her, you'll be by her side sharing happy moments with her again... -
that's really bad..Originally posted by laosu:Ok..let me describe her dad's current situation. Maybe it'll give you all a clearer picture.
Her dad is still in hospital bed ridden and needs to be tube feed. Don't ask about the nurses, the service at the hospital sucks. My gf and her mum stays at the hospital 24/7 to look after her dad and they have been staying there for 2mths already. My gf only goes home on certain days in a week to help out the family business which after that she'll drive back to the hospital again to look after her dad.
It's been going on like this for the past two months. The last time I remember her sleeping in her own room in her own house was the day before the accident happens.
There's no way I can write to her. I'm the one who help her check her email and clear her inbox of junks. If I were to email her, most likely I'll be the one reading it. If you are talking about snail mail, that's even worse. There's been cases before that I snail mail her and it either get lost somewhere and never reach her or she got it like a month later.
My dear cousin is coming to town soon. He usually will spend CNY with my gf's family and I'm thinking of writing a letter to her and ask my cousin to pass it to her personally. I can't imagine anyone of the family being itchy hand and no respect for privacy and opens the letter to read. I can't risk that. -
I'm sorry to hear about your gf.Originally posted by drx:Hi I would like to add a few words.
Ignore her words go down to visit her and surprise her.
No matter what happens a girl would like someone to hug and hold in her times of need. Words are not enough to cover the fear in her heart.
I know cos I have an ex who is a malaysian too. She lost her life due to an accident 10 years ago. Go to her when she is alive and well and protect her by your own means. Do not wait till the day comes when she is no longer beside you then come say that you regret it.
Do your best to love her. Even if other say otherswise use your true love to prove to others that you really care.
Thats all I have to say. Do something when there is still time.
Thanks drx. I know what I need to do but I need a good excuse to get away from Singapore as I have a business to look after too. I'm planning to go right after CNY or maybe even during Xmas.
I just hope things can endure till then. -
I know sometimes I get a bit too selfish to my own needs. Still working hard to change that.Originally posted by Devil1976:Then just be ready for her when she needs you...?
Don't bother too much... Send her things like card(s)/ small gifts, but don't overdo it...
Slow down the pace a little and let her settle her problem 1st..?
Leave her SHORT voice messages (of care and concern) just to let her know that you're there... But don't give anything like she needs to reply you or what.... Try to make it a single direction sending to her... While asking her to instead focus more time on her current problem... Let her know that when the dark clouds have passed for her, you'll be by her side sharing happy moments with her again... -
Nay.. Most of us would tend to get selfish in a relationship at one point or another in our life.. (if we don't, we probably won't get anything much done?Originally posted by laosu:I know sometimes I get a bit too selfish to my own needs. Still working hard to change that.
) Anyway.. Just try to balance off things..? And if you're doing things for valid reason(s) and have her understanding, it should be more or less ok..? -
I guess the stress on my side is that I'm scared I'll unconsciously done something to add on pressure to her when she's already facing so much.Originally posted by Devil1976:Nay.. Most of us would tend to get selfish in a relationship at one point or another in our life.. (if we don't, we probably won't get anything much done? ) Anyway.. Just try to balance off things..? And if you're doing things for valid reason(s) and have her understanding, it should be more or less ok..? -
Just be tactful then...? At the same time, try not to add unnecessary stress on yourself...?Originally posted by laosu:I guess the stress on my side is that I'm scared I'll unconsciously done something to add on pressure to her when she's already facing so much.
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I think I am running away from reality...
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wow...Originally posted by Devil1976:Just be tactful then...? At the same time, try not to add unnecessary stress on yourself...? "
teach me... -
I don't know if I'm running away from reality.Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:I think I am running away from reality...
Am so confused now...so lost...so unsure..
I'm starting to doubt myself