How To Win Her Back
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
You are so narcissistic to think that this Love revolves on you and simply by burning great effort onto your relationship, you naturally (and naively) thought that certain result must be harvested from this heavy investment. Love doesn't work like your trainees in Army because Love follows an irregular flow and [b]outcome doesn't equate to captial invested.
I understand that. But I believe that LOVE can be nuture. When we r in love, we should be putting the effort to make it work out and not leave to one party to plan everything. I also see myself making the effort in this relationship.
When she decides to cheat on you WITHOUT you consciously realising it, you are a FOOL to accept a patch back. This is your first mistake. Forget about the latter episode because once a wrong footing, it became a wrong route altogether.
I agree I am the Biggest Fool by just patching back. But I believe that she was really in the state of confusion at that point of time.
And you are still so deluded about your side of Love, when in fact, she doesn't even give a damn, as Love probably never existed, as far as she is concerned.
That's the problem. How can someone who claims to love u can change the words so fast. Her words are not credibable.
I don't understand why must you keep emphasizing on the fact that you sacrifice your world to someone who doesn't love you and you wants her to know about this. Does KNOWING how much hardship you went through make any difference to someone who doesn't even feel for you?
I want her to feel touch and think back abt the past. I am not saying I am demanding something back from her. I want her to realise that my love for her is geninue.
Quit grouping all those metaphors and personification to conjure a tale-like story from this scenario, in order to justify a aimless waiting for someone who doesn't love you. She cheated you a second time and you still have thoughts of patching up?? Your Love is so gawd damn narcissistic and self absorbed... that you only want her to be with you AND choose to ignore the fact that emotionally, for her, it has vanished into a pall of smoke.
I know but dun tell me that's no way I can make her feelings come back? The purpose of setting up this thread is to tackle the hurdles and barriers that I have to patch back with her for just 1 last time.
You keep saying she is the one for you... ARE YOU THE ONE FOR HER??
She claims I am the one for her in the past but then not now. I dunno what make her change her mind.
What you are doing is not out of Love nor faithfulness or whatever term you wish to call them - it's already beyond that when you start to pester her. From a position of a boyfriend, you are reduced to an irritant and you are still unable to get that message into your muddled head... that because this relationship is impossible, you have to release her back to the wilds.
I believe in giving her the personal space now. I never wanted to be an irritant. I can get the message into my head but then I just want to wait and see what I can do. You cannot force someone to accept a Love she doesn't desire.
You are acting like a child when mummy doesn't want to buy you toy; this child would stubbornly kick a fuss and sit there, refusing to budge an inch. Ultimately when mummy walks off, the child has no choice but to run after mummy, fearing that she would abandon him.
You can choose not to move on and dwell in this karmic relationship for as long as you will. Meanwhile, you probably learn nothing in Love and at the same time, confirmed with her that her decision to leave you was paramount to her own happiness, which also implied that she made the right choice.
I understand what is LOVE. So I am letting her go now for the time being. I will attempt another time again. But I dunno how long and what I can do to ask her again? Pls advice.
You should learn to wake yourself up and not harbour on winning her back.
The more u hope, and if the outcome is undesirable, then I noe I will fall even harder. I am prolonging my recovery period. But for the woman I love, I am willingly to risk it again. No regrets.
Cheers[/b] -
Originally posted by FBI:MC, lets have a game of Tekken. i gonna kick yor arse so bad u gonna fly go china town
eh..i wan join too..Originally posted by M©+square:hur...start a Thread in Chit chit on this. We'll fight there.
Jin Kazama wins!
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Btw threadstarter, read n understand what Yunhaier posted. Dont stay ignorant.
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Government should allow people to have as many wives and husbands as they want... according to their salary...
Y be bitter enemies when u can be the sweetest couple?
All gahmen fault... -
Bryan Fury ! U shall die dude.
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AnimalArmy,
You have a problem.
Its not about love, but obsession.
You'll only create misery for yourself and that girl you are chasing.
Its your choice.
And don't hurt the girl. -
love is not an obsession
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Wake up, AnimalArmy.
You are a delusional and self-pitying guy. Go buy a little mirror. Look at your reflections. Then, BANG the mirror until it breaks. Use some tape to mend it. Will it ever be the same?
I'm trying hard not to flare up, like FeowFeow, but it's getting hard. Stop your weak-mind acts now. Stop thinking by giving your 101%, you would get 101% back. Stop thinking "she ought to learn to treasure me". You have a serious case of... self-centerness and ego.
You walk into a trap knowingly, don't whine when the trap bites you. Isn't one time enough? Yet after the third time, you still want a patchup? Please. Give yourself two tight slaps in your face for me.
I sounded very harsh, i know. But that's the only way to wake him up. He is delusional. -
Originally posted by AnimalArmy:I understand that. But I believe that LOVE can be nuture. When we r in love, we should be putting the effort to make it work out and not leave to one party to plan everything. I also see myself making the effort in this relationship.
I agree I am the Biggest Fool by just patching back. But I believe that she was really in the state of confusion at that point of time.
That's the problem. How can someone who claims to love u can change the words so fast. Her words are not credibable.
I want her to feel touch and think back abt the past. I am not saying I am demanding something back from her. I want her to realise that my love for her is geninue.
I know but dun tell me that's no way I can make her feelings come back? The purpose of setting up this thread is to tackle the hurdles and barriers that I have to patch back with her for just 1 last time.
She claims I am the one for her in the past but then not now. I dunno what make her change her mind.
I believe in giving her the personal space now. I never wanted to be an irritant. I can get the message into my head but then I just want to wait and see what I can do.
I understand what is LOVE. So I am letting her go now for the time being. I will attempt another time again. But I dunno how long and what I can do to ask her again? Pls advice.
The more u hope, and if the outcome is undesirable, then I noe I will fall even harder. I am prolonging my recovery period. But for the woman I love, I am willingly to risk it again. No regrets. Love can be nurtured only if both parties are willing, but in this case here, it's one hand clapping situation. If Love is not about the sheer willingness to plough the field of your relationship, then what could it be? Waiting for it to decompose? I am not even talking about YOUR side of the story, about the length you went to work on the relationship... I am referring to her nonchalant attitude, which comes from the result of having a non-existence love for you... now.
You seemed to have this one way wood-like thinking, that things will forever remain the state it was, despite the inclusion of time factor. This is a form of naive thoughts that is probably one of the influences that kept you emotionally bounded by her.
You mean nothing will change in life?
Welcome to the real world - the only constant thing in life is changes itself.
So what if she did mentioned that you are the one for her... how much she loves you... blar blar blar... yes, probably in the past, it could be. But now, it isn't and will never be anymore. She is in a state of confusion so you actually 'defended' her in that way to justify a patch? In reality, you are the one that is confused and doesn't want to let her go.
It's not about Love, its about yourself. You keep talking about your genuine love and want her to think about the past... YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU? You LIVED in your past, while she is walking into the future. She DOESN'T WANT YOUR LOVE even if yours is genuine or what's not - because it is something that she doesn't want.
An Analogy:
I can sell you a wallet at $300 and tell you how limited edition, good quality, durable and well branded this wallet is... but if you fringin` don't need a wallet, no matter how I persuade you, you wouldn't part your cash. You may probably buy if I drop the price to about $10 dollars, but in your heart, despite being genuine limited... good quality... durable or well branded this wallet is... you will NOT appreciate it... as much as those you truly desire. Even if you drop the wallet into a murky drain, your cognitive dissonance will probably be minimal or zero.
'Oh well, its only 10 dollars...' It is like your Love... worthless in her eyes, with you trying SO hard to give her some weak reason/s to accept this relationship again. Needs cannot be made artificially, it must be from within. (I cannot make you go hungry if you are full to the max).
You never wanted to be an irritant? BUT YOU HAVE BECOME NOW! Screw whether you have that intention or not... the fact is... you are! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU? You don't even understand such simple thoughts, I doubt you understand anything about her. And I am quite sure you don't even know anything about her inner realm.
If you understand what is Love, you would have let her go. If you think that your attitude/behaviour is Love, you have SO much more to learn and all that you have learn in your relationship and those useless books you have read are basically nothing.
P.S: I scorn at people telling me about how faithful it is to wait for someone OR justify WAITING as a form of faithfulness. This is complete rubbish and delusional way to measure faithfulness. The truth is: it is packaged through this beautiful word to make foolishness appear noble. WORST, when you have a few people gathering together, saying, 'Hey, I also leh...' and start this buddy-buddy-who-wait-the-longest-must-be-the-most-faithful.
These people have disgrace and cheapen the name of Love when they have placed those scenario as true love... beside those true, fulfilling, content, mutually love and loved, passionate, powerful relationships. In MCsquare's tone: you are nowhere near it.
You CAN only be faithful, if you are in a relationship, that is to say, to practice monogamy, both physical and emotional. If you are not, you are merely a sad man/woman dwelling in self pity. There is so much 'I' in your post and you don't even bother about what is she thinking or what she truly wants. She has already made known to you now.... YOU are NOT what she wants... then grow up and snap out of it... before your value falls below ten dollars.
Cheers -
Originally posted by AnimalArmy:
Hi peeps,
Seriously need everyone's help? Anyone actually patches back with his ex-gf before? I haf bottle my problems for months. I cannot take it anymore. Pls help.
My Story
The relationship was like a fairy tale initially. But then, neglection, misunderstanding and disagreements set in...
Broke off twice. An on both occasions, third party was involved.
1st occasion, she went steady with another guy without letting me noe. I thought the breakup was just as simple as that but until my friend told me that she is in fact seeing another guy even before we broke up. However, I accepted her again.
2nd occasion, happens 6 mths later, this time she was close with another guy and went out with him behind my back. However, I tried to accept her back but she told me the feelings are really gone for good.
Question 1: I cannot believe that if u (as in her) claim to love someone so dearly, how can u hold someone's hand and become a 2-timer? Are her words too cheap to believe?
ditch her. talk is cheap. her actions speaks louder than her words.
Question 2: I did all I can when we patched back the first time round. Sincerity and hard work does not help to save the relationship. I dunno what else I can do to save the relationship?
if those 2 cant help , maybe this perception might. she does not like you anymore and is just making use of you.
Question 3: My love for her is genuinue and I can accept her flaws and even accept the fact that she 2 time me. I dunno what she wants from me? Even though she claims I can be the best boyfriend?
like i said. talk is cheap. make use of you only. forget her
Question 4: How can I save this relationship cos I did hate her after the 2nd occasion and pester her non-stop by calling her and waiting for her to come home. End up we quarrelled and at some time, it was pretty ugly. I regretted my actions and now she does not even want to talk to me. What can I do? I cannot be blamed for what I did cos I am the victim...
she cant be bothered with you. so no matter what you do, nothing will make her talk to you until she decides to.
Question 5: She grew from strength to strength and yet I am living in a pathetic world of my own. I am lost, very lost. What can I do?
move on pal. forget her. if you can get a girlfriend before, you can get another de. move on. but before that, let her know about the break clean cut. -
Hi AnimalArmy,
I just hv a broken relationship recently...I know is tough for you during this period too. Let me share some bit of it.
By grieving over d lost of yr gf and hoping that she would come back will bear no fruit. One has to learn to accept the reality of life and that is part of the process of growing up.
You could have self-indulged yourself too much in the past and those sweet memories both of u had. It is good but that episode in your life is over.
Ask yourself. Do you really miss or love her now? Or you probably miss the feeling-of-being-with-her?
Pls bear in mind, whatever you do or try to win her back is meaningless to her. Her heart is no longer with you, she won't be bothered with anything related to u.
She has moved on, how abt you? You shld be a better person of today
than in the past. Show her what she has missed out - a great & fun guy to be with.
We are blessed with a healthy body and stable livelihood. One has to treasure what they have today and make the best of it. You might think you are pitiful but look at those people who suffer from Tsunami or other part of the world who is worst off. We are already better off.
Take the opportunity at this time of the year to plan what you want to do in 2006. Think of at least one thing which is not for yourself but for the better world. Try it and have a fresh start in 2006. -
Every one of us has a file-box in our head to keep track of our relationships.Originally posted by AnimalArmy:Question 2: I did all I can when we patched back the first time round. Sincerity and hard work does not help to save the relationship. I dunno what else I can do to save the relationship?
Question 4: How can I save this relationship cos I did hate her after the 2nd occasion and pester her non-stop by calling her and waiting for her to come home. End up we quarrelled and at some time, it was pretty ugly. I regretted my actions and now she does not even want to talk to me. What can I do?
When the two of you broke up,
You put her into that file-box and you wrote down “CHEATER!”
She put you into her file-box as well and she wrote down “NOT SUITABLE!!”
You seeÂ…in order to start afresh, both parties must be willing to EMPTY their file-box.
The reason why so many people patch back and break up again is because they still see each other the same way.
You have already shown her that you are willing to change to win her back, but she kept leaving you again and again because she still sees you in the same way!
You are still the guy who in her mind is “UNSUITABLE”. No amount of begging, pleading or hating can make her empty her file-box. You have to give her up now.
I hope you understand what you need to do.
Improve your shortcomings.
Then find a new girl who has a BLANK file-box.
To clarify what she is telling youÂ…She sees you as someone who can be the best boyfriend FOR SOMEONE ELSE.Originally posted by AnimalArmy:Question 3: My love for her is genuinue and I can accept her flaws and even accept the fact that she 2 time me. I dunno what she wants from me? Even though she claims I can be the best boyfriend?
NOT HER.
On the other hand, she is attracted to:
Someone who is confident.
Someone who has self respect and will not hesitate to dump her sorry @ss when she cheats.
Someone who views himself as a catch and doesnÂ’t put up with her sh!te when she disrespects him.
Someone who is strong enough to tell her, “This is nothing I can’t handle”
I see that you are reading up on those relationship books. Those are great as they teach you how you need to keep a relationship 50/50.
But these books don't tell you a truth.
She wants someone who is stronger than her.
She wants someone who has the strength to dominate her and lead her but chooses to keep the relationship 50/50.
Can you hate her for wanting the best? -
try to forget about her and find yurself another better gal..
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Originally posted by summersnow^-^:Hi AnimalArmy,
I just hv a broken relationship recently...I know is tough for you during this period too. Let me share some bit of it.
Certainly, it is very saddening especially during these festive season. It will not stop here until Feb (CNY and Valentine's Day).
By grieving over d lost of yr gf and hoping that she would come back will bear no fruit. One has to learn to accept the reality of life and that is part of the process of growing up.
You could have self-indulged yourself too much in the past and those sweet memories both of u had. It is good but that episode in your life is over.
Ask yourself. Do you really miss or love her now? Or you probably miss the feeling-of-being-with-her?
Well, I miss and love her now. I miss her laughter and the fun that we had. I missed talking all my problems to her every single night. Frankly speaking, I am still dwelling on the past sweet memories...
Pls bear in mind, whatever you do or try to win her back is meaningless to her. Her heart is no longer with you, she won't be bothered with anything related to u.
True. I agree. She cannot be bothered by me anymore. I dun understand why can't we be friends?
She has moved on, how abt you? You shld be a better person of today
than in the past. Show her what she has missed out - a great & fun guy to be with.
I love this comment alot. Well, it struck a chord in me somehow. I believe she has missed out someone who is fun though may not be that great person. At least, I gave her surprises now and then during our relationship. I dun see I have let her down as a bf. In the eyes of the others, they commented that I pampered her alot.
We are blessed with a healthy body and stable livelihood. One has to treasure what they have today and make the best of it. You might think you are pitiful but look at those people who suffer from Tsunami or other part of the world who is worst off. We are already better off.
Take the opportunity at this time of the year to plan what you want to do in 2006. Think of at least one thing which is not for yourself but for the better world. Try it and have a fresh start in 2006.
I should do a reflection. Maybe I should come up wif a new year resolution too. -
The question is she has set the benchmark. She is basically indespensible. Hard to find someone who I can relate myself.Originally posted by LancerVII:try to forget about her and find yurself another better gal.. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Am I really worth $10???
[b]YOU are NOT what she wants... then grow up and snap out of it... before your value falls below ten dollars.
Cheers [/b] -
Originally posted by AnimalArmy:Am I really worth $10??? You tried to Love her your way, not understanding what she wants. Ten dollars is merely a value which implied that your 'love' isn't fulfilling a certain need and you could actually 'sell' it to someone else who appreciate this love of yours.
If I am a pencil that is only one dollar in value, to an artist - I am worth so much more because he needs me, even if I am cheap.
Do you think that Love is a game of one? Of course it's not! It happens mutually - a two way road.I love this comment alot. Well, it struck a chord in me somehow. I believe she has missed out someone who is fun though may not be that great person. At least, I gave her surprises now and then during our relationship. I dun see I have let her down as a bf. In the eyes of the others, they commented that I pampered her alot.
As explained, she may not be looking for what you have provided so far. When love is missing, all these you have done matters very little.
Cheers -
Certainly, it is very saddening especially during these festive season. It will not stop here until Feb (CNY and Valentine's Day).
Yes I can understand that. Festive seasons make us feel especially lonely.
I also moan and cry during XÂ’mas dayÂ…and I even fear of the upcoming festive seasons. But we have "no choice"Â…we need to buck up. Only we can make ourself happy. Is our choice!!
Don't dwell of "unable to spend CNY n Valentine with her", rather, think along this way – u could hv spent it with some cute girl happily if you move on.
True. I agree. She cannot be bothered by me anymore. I dun understand why can't we be friends?
Sometimes might not be a good thing if you guys remain as friends. That doesn't help you to move on, because is difficult to differentiate your present life and the past if you still constantly keep in touch.
My ex-bf proposed to remain friend with me. But what I want is more than "just friend". So what if I still "remain as friend" with him? It doesnÂ’t make me feel any better. Trust me, I feel even miserable at the end of the day after seeing him.
Like all sorrow, one important factor is time. The truth is that time will keep moving and it will not hesitate to stop down. All sorrow will pass with time and in months from now, these thing will seem so trivial. What most important is we have to learn from the lesson so that we don't keep walking into the same problem.
She has moved on, how abt you? You shld be a better person of today
than in the past. Show her what she has missed out - a great & fun guy to be with.
I love this comment alot. Well, it struck a chord in me somehow. I believe she has missed out someone who is fun though may not be that great person. At least, I gave her surprises now and then during our relationship. I dun see I have let her down as a bf. In the eyes of the others, they commented that I pampered her alot.
See, you know your own self value. I believe you are a great guy! You need to regain your own confident. Be strong, and have a better life ahead. You know u didn't let her down as a bf, so put the equal effort on your future gfÂ…
Cheers to you...and a Happy New Year ahead!! -
Originally posted by summersnow^-^:
Certainly, it is very saddening especially during these festive season. It will not stop here until Feb (CNY and Valentine's Day).
[b]Yes I can understand that. Festive seasons make us feel especially lonely.
I also moan and cry during XÂ’mas dayÂ…and I even fear of the upcoming festive seasons. But we have "no choice"Â…we need to buck up. Only we can make ourself happy. Is our choice!!
Don't dwell of "unable to spend CNY n Valentine with her", rather, think along this way – u could hv spent it with some cute girl happily if you move on.
Somehow, I have become numb over it. Just dun think about it and hang out with some good friends. That will do the trick.
True. I agree. She cannot be bothered by me anymore. I dun understand why can't we be friends?
Sometimes might not be a good thing if you guys remain as friends. That doesn't help you to move on, because is difficult to differentiate your present life and the past if you still constantly keep in touch.
My ex-bf proposed to remain friend with me. But what I want is more than "just friend". So what if I still "remain as friend" with him? It doesnÂ’t make me feel any better. Trust me, I feel even miserable at the end of the day after seeing him.
I have to agree with you that I feel miserable after seeing her. It is better not see each other for the time being. Maybe being friends right now may not be the rational thing to do after all.
Like all sorrow, one important factor is time. The truth is that time will keep moving and it will not hesitate to stop down. All sorrow will pass with time and in months from now, these thing will seem so trivial. What most important is we have to learn from the lesson so that we don't keep walking into the same problem.
Time doesn't wait for anyone. I have wasted the entire 2005 dwelling on such issues. I guess I have learnt a lot during last year.
She has moved on, how abt you? You shld be a better person of today
than in the past. Show her what she has missed out - a great & fun guy to be with.
I love this comment alot. Well, it struck a chord in me somehow. I believe she has missed out someone who is fun though may not be that great person. At least, I gave her surprises now and then during our relationship. I dun see I have let her down as a bf. In the eyes of the others, they commented that I pampered her alot.
See, you know your own self value. I believe you are a great guy! You need to regain your own confident. Be strong, and have a better life ahead. You know u didn't let her down as a bf, so put the equal effort on your future gfÂ…
Thanks for encouraging me. I know I did not let her down as a bf and I will be stronger after this breakup.
Cheers to you...and a Happy New Year ahead!!
Happy New Year to u too... Thanks...
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That guy is not in love.Originally posted by anhydrouscoppersulphate:love is not an obsession
He only says he is, but he is not.
Its plain to see.
He keeps harping on his wasted time and effort.
He is getting poor returns on his "investments".
That what galls him. -
getting cheated and not knowing it is the greatest mistake ever made..
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The greater mistake is when one doesn't wake from it....Originally posted by FBI:getting cheated and not knowing it is the greatest mistake ever made.. -
i think now u only want her to be with u thats all......u just want her like she is somekind of nice piece of jewellery on you....the feelings are gone,....dun keep repeating the same things again....move on..
atleast you are not some guy i knew .he was a mad fella,..wanted to commit suicide and anything just to win sympathy from that girl...its not wise..atleast you are better. -
*Severely vomits blood*
I've tried to be nice, AnimalArmy, when people have told me I'm harsh, but when faced with people like you who just don't get it, I have No choice but to be blunt.
AnimalArmy, wake up! You feel she ought to treasure you, but does she really give a damn about how you feel? Why pester her till she goes demented? Have you given a damn about how she feels towards you?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by AnimalArmy:I just feel that she ought to learn how to treasure me. To be able to wake up and feel that someone is missing u, is such a fortunate and blissful feeling.
I miss those days where I wake up and start my day by telling myself in the mirror, "Wow, today, I'm meeting her again!" -
dun shout at him lyk tat la...
its nt easy loh wif all these emotional burden...
by logic everything is so simple n easy...but the human mind is sturbon...