how to save a rushed courtship?
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sorry to hijack your threadOriginally posted by bladez87:hijacker spotted. haha.
alright la. i also dont know what to do. read other people de experience. hopefully i can learn something.
btw i am a sorry kind of guy. everything and anything that goes wrong, i just say sorry. sometimes i mean it, sometimes i dont. but who cares? as long as this matter is resolved. i dont care.
I'll post in another thread regarding my own matters -
no la. just joking. post here. since we both in same situation. under the rushed courtship category. then i can read and learn from your experience. haha.
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my experience is not alot since I'm just at the same place as you except it's coming to a year. And worst there are numerous other suitors also courting her and currently I think she already has one in mind but is unknown who that guy is (in my circle of friends too sighzOriginally posted by bladez87:no la. just joking. post here. since we both in same situation. under the rushed courtship category. then i can read and learn from your experience. haha. ) -
well...for my case, she liked another guy. and probably still do. and that guy is attached. o well. and from what i heard and think, she does not have any other suitors atm.
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cancelled the sat meeting liao. her friend asked why. i had to lie...say i had something else on.Zzz
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/me kpo mode on
Is she from our class wan har? -
nope
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I have no other advice for your case other than to:Originally posted by bladez87:ok i was chasing a girl.
her friends told me i was too rush.
like always i didnt know what was too rush.
now that i realised it. it is too late.
just a while ago, her friend gave me the most obvious hint.
she suggested that i talk to the girl face to face.
there are somethings her friend cannot say out.
her friend also invited me to her house on sat.
the girl is going too.
she said i had best talk to her after sat. take things slow and easy.
or else sat when i go, things will get very awkward.
ok. guys, time to teach me how to save this rushed courtship.
thanks...this girl means quite alot to me. i have done things i never done before for her. now that i realised this. i regret being so hasty.
1) Accept it with grace if it’s a “no” and move on.
Don't see it as winning or losing. See it as experience.
2) But if she tells you that she is uncomfortable with the attention youÂ’ve been giving her but is willing to give you more timeÂ…
Start doing the right things. Give less attention to her. Quality over Quantity.
Give her time to wonder about you. DonÂ’t suffocate her.
DonÂ’t suddenly act cool.
She will know that you are trying to play some clumsy game and that will make you look stupid.
Nothing changes when you talk to her. Just give her less attention because you are going to be busy with other things in your life. Be busy!
But make each meeting with her count.
Good luck -
now no talk to her le. been two days?
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This section is for your future pursuits if you interested:
Folding stars will not get you girls.
Talking to her all the time will not get you girls.
It gives her the impression that you have too much time on your hand and you have nothing much going on in your life.
Why would she want to be with someone like that?
Confession will not raise her interest.
She will obviously be happy for a while (you flattered her) but it lowers her interest because she now knows that she can have you anytime she wants.
I noticed that you kept agreeing with what Dokono said but you didnÂ’t really ask him the essential question!
Dokono mentioned that you made a mistake by confessing. You just said “yes” and how you would consider his point…
If you have done some serious thinking. The question you should ask him would be:
“How to raise her interest level if you don’t confess!?”
Eye contact
The first instant you lay your eyes on her, you must let her know you meant “business”.
When she looks in your direction, look into her eyes with a slight smile, donÂ’t back down from her gaze.
Tip: Slowly look down like you are admiring the whole package (a curious look, not a perverted look!) , then up again to hold that eye contact if you are still a novice.
The moment she looks away, stop your eye contact as well.
She will keep looking back in your direction if she is interested. And you will make her wonder whether you are really interested because you suddenly stopped your eye contact altogether and seems to be busy with something/someone else.
Less is more.
Build up that sexual tension. This is what they like to call chemistry.
Timing
As I mentioned before, I believe she was initially interested. But you kept doing the wrong things.
Timing is your major problem.
If you decide to follow DokonoÂ’s advice, you will not make confessions anymore
Your game is going to rely heavily on timing.
Know when to hint about your interest and when to be slightly more aggressive.
Scenario:
You and her were at a junction trying to cross the road.
You have been making her laugh the whole day so she was obviously enjoying your company and showing high interest.
Her: "Hey! Watch out for the carsÂ…you ahÂ…so old already still donÂ’t know how to cross the road properly!"
You: "Who says so?Â…I remember what the traffic police told me before."
You: "ComeÂ…letÂ’s practice! According to the TPÂ…"
You: "Look to your leftÂ… "(she played along cos sheÂ’s waiting for the punchline)
You: "Look to your rightÂ…Â…look to your left againÂ…" (and she did)
You: "Then you hold the hand of the person next to you like this! And here we go!"
Initiate physical contact at the right time and you donÂ’t have to worry about confession.
Good luck. -
haha i like your idea. well. fact is that happened before. she did say why i so old liao cross road no look out for cars. nearly got knocked down. so when she saw that, she immediately raised her infront of me to stop me from moving further.
another instance, but this time was her, of course i did not raise my hand to her chest level la. i just tapped her shoulder.
timing is my major problem yes.
majorest problem is i dont know what to do.haha -
Originally posted by bladez87:aunty yun the best sia. lol. give sooooo indepth stuff. i have a hard time understanding. but if it is so easy to understand, how useful can it get? haha. thanks. but the less of me and more of you type of communication...very hard. i cant get her to talk more about herself.
and decisions, so far when we go out, most of the decisions are made by her.
Regardless of situation, you don't give total control to someone.
Then when you tried to take lead, you made a mess out of it.
I said before, if you wanna jam brake and slow your pace to an unnatural motion, you will definitely stall engine. Right now, you can only maintain your 'rushed' state and wait for engine break to gradually reduce your speed. To re-adjust gear 4 directly to gear 2 will spell certain doom.
Remember this: Turn a person OFF, then ON is probably still salvageable... but not ON, then OFF. It kills seduction completely.
Cheers -
waa blur liao blur liao. haha.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Regardless of situation, you don't give total control to someone.
Then when you tried to take lead, you made a mess out of it.
I said before, if you wanna jam brake and slow your pace to an unnatural motion, you will definitely stall engine. Right now, you can only maintain your 'rushed' state and wait for engine break to gradually reduce your speed. To re-adjust gear 4 directly to gear 2 will spell certain doom.
Remember this: Turn a person OFF, then ON is probably still salvageable... but not ON, then OFF. It kills seduction completely.
Cheers
ok here is what i have been told
1) give her time and space, stop contact for some time, even if need to contact , keep it at minimal.
2) contact with her but less.
3) keep going at her nonstop.
just at this thread, there are so many opinions so many advice, i dont even know which 1 to follow. haha.
yunhaier, my situation is ON then OFF...still can ON meh? how sia?i dont know. i complete nerd, kultz, geek at this type of stuff.
as in i dont know what to do la! blur liao. wth wth!!! info overload.
yun can you like tell me in simple terms? i havent get driver licence yet.
so now my case is OFF liao then ON? or is my case ON liao but i suddenly turn OFF?
Yun info always so chim, if i can understand it, it will be very useful.
if i cant understand it, it is no use. haha. no offence la. but this time i really dont understand. previous post i understand. -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Scenario:
[b]You and her were at a junction trying to cross the road.
You have been making her laugh the whole day so she was obviously enjoying your company and showing high interest.
Her: "Hey! Watch out for the carsÂ…you ahÂ…so old already still donÂ’t know how to cross the road properly!"
You: "Who says so?Â…I remember what the traffic police told me before."
You: "ComeÂ…letÂ’s practice! According to the TPÂ…"
You: "Look to your leftÂ… "(she played along cos sheÂ’s waiting for the punchline)
You: "Look to your rightÂ…Â…look to your left againÂ…" (and she did)
You: "Then you hold the hand of the person next to you like this! And here we go!"
Initiate physical contact at the right time and you donÂ’t have to worry about confession.
Good luck.
[/b]
/me chio dao bengz.
alamak!!! this is so old fashioned!!! think we girls stupid meh?
think girls will anyhow let pple hold hand meh? y not go and hold any ah ma's hand when she is crossing the road? -
don't try to touch her unless necessary. let her do all the touching. jus relax and try to see for urself if she is really interested in u from her actions and body language...yes and as what curiousOrange has mentioned, eye contact as well as whether shes been complimenting u a lot.Originally posted by bladez87:haha i like your idea. well. fact is that happened before. she did say why i so old liao cross road no look out for cars. nearly got knocked down. so when she saw that, she immediately raised her infront of me to stop me from moving further.
another instance, but this time was her, of course i did not raise my hand to her chest level la. i just tapped her shoulder.
timing is my major problem yes.
majorest problem is i dont know what to do.haha
Dun ever try to manipulate her to like u more by touching her. In fact u are actually decreasing ur chances.
Dun hold her hands, touch shoulder, legs or any part of the body at all.
Dun boast abt urself and ur own achievements.
Dun talk abt other gals in ur own conversations. Same thing, if she talks abt other guys, try to change topic.
Respect her and she's not stupid.
I hope these help. -
Im not tryin to tell u to act cool. give her space to relax for one or two weeks. Im jus telling u to let her breathe.Originally posted by bladez87:waa blur liao blur liao. haha.
ok here is what i have been told
1) give her time and space, stop contact for some time, even if need to contact , keep it at minimal.
2) contact with her but less.
3) keep going at her nonstop.
just at this thread, there are so many opinions so many advice, i dont even know which 1 to follow. haha.
yunhaier, my situation is ON then OFF...still can ON meh? how sia?i dont know. i complete nerd, kultz, geek at this type of stuff.
as in i dont know what to do la! blur liao. wth wth!!! info overload.
yun can you like tell me in simple terms? i havent get driver licence yet.
so now my case is OFF liao then ON? or is my case ON liao but i suddenly turn OFF?
Yun info always so chim, if i can understand it, it will be very useful.
if i cant understand it, it is no use. haha. no offence la. but this time i really dont understand. previous post i understand.
the thing is now it's a rushed courtship that is difficult to save. let her breathe as much as she can. dun behave needy and desperate. the more u talk to her the more desperate it shows u are to her.
jus imagine u are a gal. if a guy keep chasing u, calling u everyday do u think u will be super irritated by him? -
ok bad news...good news.
i meeting her friend tomorrow. to help her friend do her project. the friend is the friend that invited me over to her place on sat.
ok so i cant turn down a cry for help. so i agreed to help. but if her friend comes, the girl will most likely join too.
should i request her friend come alone? or let the girl come too?
i pretty lost at what to do now.
asking her not to come, would seem like a complete OFF button.
yet she coming might spoil the "leave her alone" period. so i am lost. help?
thanks. -
Originally posted by bladez87:damn!!! this is the reply i like! =x
and also the one i waiting for. but of course all other insights are appreciated too. but i also dont know how to apologize. i also dont know what else to do. hmm.
nevermind, i shall listen to mc2 and dokoho advice + refer to devil1975 advice.
i had earned, her good impression. but i think i destroyed it already.
bbb's thoughts and post in the above adhere closely to my original thoughts and concerns...Originally posted by browniebaobao:maybe u make her feel pressurised by rushing things.
allow urselves some time to know each other better.
dun distance urself away like one month or so.. she might be mistaken that u are giving up. i duno about her, but for me, if a guy seems so interested at first and suddenly MIA, then i wun give a damn already.
maybe like wat devil advised u to do, apologise to her, and take things slow.
To top my personal opinion on the advices given so far... Do not 'distance' yourself from her unless you're totally an expert in its application which I greatly doubt so... Do NOT try to ACT COOL if you're not a holder for it... It'll only make you LOOK STUPID if not WORSE, make her detest you...
Apologise as in you realised that something has been wrong... Insensitivity is often a BIG 'no no' especially towards a girl you've yet to establish a stable connection with... Your eagerness might have overlooked how she could be feeling over things and your actions.. She've got friends to face, probably questions to answer in regards to you... So long as you're not yet in a relationship with her, she'll be out battling all these alone... THINK about it...Originally posted by bladez87:apologize ah. how to apologize. apologize for what? o sorry for being so rush. can you give me another chance to take things slow and easy? quite weird leh.
An APOLOGY is when you feel SORRY for something.. Shouldn't be too quick to put as in "CAN YOU GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE...??"... APOLOGISE ONLY if you're SORRY to her....
What's the point of you 'apologising' to her when you don't even know why the heck are you doing it...
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Is it compulsory u have to help her friend?Originally posted by bladez87:ok bad news...good news.
i meeting her friend tomorrow. to help her friend do her project. the friend is the friend that invited me over to her place on sat.
ok so i cant turn down a cry for help. so i agreed to help. but if her friend comes, the girl will most likely join too.
should i request her friend come alone? or let the girl come too?
i pretty lost at what to do now.
asking her not to come, would seem like a complete OFF button.
yet she coming might spoil the "leave her alone" period. so i am lost. help?
thanks.
In any case u have to do what u promised which is to help that friend. Whether she is coming or not it's a totally separate matter.
But there's a high chance she's not coming.
If she comes... talk to her but dun keep talking to her all the time. Talk to everyone. But make it sound like u are busy and have to leave as soon as u finish ur project. Maybe something like u got appointment. -
i helped both her and her friend with their projects.
they in 2 different teams.
both their projects i do singlehandedly.
i cant just leave what i started halfway.
and if i dont help, her friend will very much fail.
thats why i helping her friend.
high chance she will tag along. very high chance.
and ya i promised to help le. cannot decline now. -
STAY in FOCUS pls...Originally posted by bladez87:ok bad news...good news.
i meeting her friend tomorrow. to help her friend do her project. the friend is the friend that invited me over to her place on sat.
ok so i cant turn down a cry for help. so i agreed to help. but if her friend comes, the girl will most likely join too.
should i request her friend come alone? or let the girl come too?
i pretty lost at what to do now.
asking her not to come, would seem like a complete OFF button.
yet she coming might spoil the "leave her alone" period. so i am lost. help?
thanks.
You are there to HELP them with the PROJECT.
I think you're TOO MUCH into THEORIES... It's really a BIG 'NO NO'....
REMEMBER NOW. You are YOU. And that SHOULD be the REAL REASON why she could be INTERESTED in you if she is to be.. YOU are the MAIN FACTOR. Whatever SUGGESTIONS which comes along here are for your reference... They can NEVER replace YOU.
Asking you not to OVERDO things doesn't mean asking you to TOTALLY IGNORE HER... That is also just ANOTHER WAY of 'OVERDOING THINGS'... Ultimately, you'll just be DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE in another hole.... What's the difference? -
Yeah i agree with Devil.Originally posted by Devil1976:STAY in FOCUS pls...
You are there to HELP them with the PROJECT.
I think you're TOO MUCH into THEORIES... It's really a BIG 'NO NO'....
REMEMBER NOW. You are YOU. And that SHOULD be the REAL REASON why she could be INTERESTED in you if she is to be.. YOU are the MAIN FACTOR. Whatever SUGGESTIONS which comes along here are for your reference... They can NEVER replace YOU.
Asking you not to OVERDO things doesn't mean asking you to TOTALLY IGNORE HER... That is also just ANOTHER WAY of 'OVERDOING THINGS'... Ultimately, you'll just be DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE in another hole.... What's the difference? -
EC Project har?Originally posted by bladez87:i helped both her and her friend with their projects.
they in 2 different teams.
both their projects i do singlehandedly.
i cant just leave what i started halfway.
and if i dont help, her friend will very much fail.
thats why i helping her friend.
high chance she will tag along. very high chance.
and ya i promised to help le. cannot decline now.
y no come and help me?
me jiao tian tian bu ying, jiao di di bu ling.
gong xi fa cai!! -
I don't think see girls as stupid.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
/me chio dao bengz.
alamak!!! this is so old fashioned!!! think we girls stupid meh?
think girls will anyhow let pple hold hand meh? y not go and hold any ah ma's hand when she is crossing the road?
That scenario was tried and tested..it depends on the delivery and involves a bit of play acting.
Gave her a cheeky smile while doing it and the result was good.
So don't worry about me.
And of course that's a lame way. I know that...and she knows it as well. In fact, everybody knows what my intention is.
BUT it works.
If the girl has high interest, she will make things easy for the guy. Especially if she enjoys herself the last few times she went out with the guy.
Use a bit of imagination...you went out this guy for a few times...he is someone who can make you laugh and enjoy yourself.
And you felt that the chemistry is there.
You are dying to know when he will make his move...then he did something like that.
The effect will be good.
Why don't you ask yourself this question...if Blade87 is courting you...would you prefer him to:
1) Ask for your permission to hold your hand
OR
2) Hold your hand when the time is right?