Molested.
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no idea maybe if you look into the mirror and tel yourself you are very confident everyday?? or maybe just take small increments of confidence by taking steps you would not have done?Originally posted by sqully:well..i guess now the problem is more of how do i gain a healthy self-esteem?since it is evident that nothing could possibly improve if i don't fix this. -
Sqully.. but you are not ugly at all..Originally posted by sqully:well..i guess now the problem is more of how do i gain a healthy self-esteem?since it is evident that nothing could possibly improve if i don't fix this.
Just stop thinking that you are ugly, ok?
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i think the main reason why i feel so inferior,particularly abt appearance is cos of my parents..all parents think their kids are the most beautiful lot in the world, when i was a kid i used to hear other kids' parents praise them for how handsome or pretty they are but not my parents.. they were more generous in commenting abt other ppl kids being good-looking. it made me wonder whether my parents think i m ugly. every little girl wanted to be called pretty don’t they know that? and all they ever say is like a few “smart” or “clever” that kinda thing n even that is hardly heard. never once in my life,never was there any occasion when my parents complimented me for looking good. till today, my dad still frequently jokes abt my appearance. my mom is better but even then, it's after months of seeing me depressed over my looks she says smt like "u r not that ugly,still ok lah". that was the most comforting thing i hav to contend with. not that ugly? even kids with distorted features their parents still think they are beautiful n that's what my parents think of me what more can i expect from other ppl? mayb u may say i m being petty or unreasonable or kicking a fuss out of a smt minor but to me it really means a lot to me. i hav a very sensitive person since i was very young and as a kid,my parents' affirmation was everything to me. n this thing has stayed with me while i grew up,affecting me more seriously after i reached my teenage years. the whole world need not think i m beautiful, it doesn’t really matter. but they are my parents. nvm if i m not a princess in their eyes but i really want them to be proud of me, to be proud to show other people that I m their daughter.Originally posted by Mao x 2:Sqully.. but you are not ugly at all..
Just stop thinking that you are ugly, ok?
There were some other things as well. All in all, i think the lack of positive stroking and an environment that generally encouraged negative self-esteem has cast upon a shadow on me that followed me all the way from childhood to now, almost adulthood. -
start by acknowledging your plus points. if you are smart, admit u are smart. if you are good at cooking admit that.... etc.Originally posted by sqully:well..i guess now the problem is more of how do i gain a healthy self-esteem?since it is evident that nothing could possibly improve if i don't fix this.
and surround yourself with friends who are supportive and not "friends" that keep putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself... -
well said, ShrodingersCat!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:This is like when a girl ask her bf... "why do u like me? I am ugly and fat".. and the guy says "I dont mind. you have a great personality and I love it"
and the girl only hears "he thinks I am fat and ugly and the only thing he likes about me is my personality".
Basically being molested has nothing to do with how you LOOK. Doesnt mean being pretty means they deserve to be molested more. It works both ways. The posters totally doesnt mean to say you are ugly, just reassuring you that molestation can take place as long as you are human, regardless of race age sex looks. So if it makes you feel better, you can wake up everyday thinking.. "i am human, and because I am human I can be sometimes vulnerable and recognise that I need help." and having thought that, perhaps seek professional help until you feel better abt yourself.
The first step towards recovery is realising you need help and it is OKAY to seek help. -
girl, everything was with him.Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:Well, maybe your dad didn't bring out his identity card, which resulted in the delay. Your brother's experience... I'm not too sure.
bills, ic, wallet, hp, his medical appt cards.. watever..
no excuse.
they were negligent. -
Originally posted by contact:u take his picture//..or video..
then distribute it ..
haha..
molester caught in the act!
what a nice oscar nominee
this is wat i wanted to suggest also..
last time at my workplace (bookstore), a young and pretty colleague of mine was always harassed by a male customer. He came every few days, stare at her, smile at her and showed her his private part. The girl was so scared that she sought help, told our superiors. My manager asked her to take a pic of that pervert (evidence coz my manager already made a police report) and kick him down there, heck care the customers and their reaction. She has to protect herself and not let the pervert get away scot-free. But then after that what happened i duno liao. -
oh, poor girl. remmeber. this is not a safe world foranybody. sometimes even for guys
u must b brave, n u should not wait for others to rescue u. look straight into his eye, shout at him n if need. kick him -
I think don't keep dwelling on the past... if you want to improve your self esteem, the best is to set yourself some simple challenges. Pick up a hobby, do something you believe in and enjoy, do some volunteer work. Make new friends, change an environment. GEt out of your comfort zone and see what happens next. Fulfil simple achieveable challenges, and you feel better about who you are. Set new challenges to do things you believe in whether you believe you can do it or not. Step by step... you will grow.
Self esteem doesn't come from how you look, it comes from how you feel about yourself regardless of how you look, and the obstacles that you will face in life. -
Very true.. come for outings lah, forumites here organise alot of outings, ranging from BBQs to sports.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:I think don't keep dwelling on the past... if you want to improve your self esteem, the best is to set yourself some simple challenges. Pick up a hobby, do something you believe in and enjoy, do some volunteer work. Make new friends, change an environment. GEt out of your comfort zone and see what happens next. Fulfil simple achieveable challenges, and you feel better about who you are. Set new challenges to do things you believe in whether you believe you can do it or not. Step by step... you will grow.
Self esteem doesn't come from how you look, it comes from how you feel about yourself regardless of how you look, and the obstacles that you will face in life.
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Self-esteem is not gained overnight. It is gained over the years. Usually optimistic people have high self-esteem. Learn to be more optimistic, make more friends, go out more, do some healthy activities with them to gain self-esteem.Originally posted by sqully:well..i guess now the problem is more of how do i gain a healthy self-esteem?since it is evident that nothing could possibly improve if i don't fix this. -
Ok, take back my words.Originally posted by browniebaobao:girl, everything was with him.
bills, ic, wallet, hp, his medical appt cards.. watever..
no excuse.
they were negligent. -
Yesh this experience i been through it millions of times , So?? does it matters alot whether ur pretty anot?? things wont change for you even if your pretty or ugly .... You must control your own attitude/character and the path of way you want to go AND NOT just say about ur experience and cry there doing nothing ok?? But main point is that you lack of positive so does i but must always learn to over come things and learn to think of solutions and always have a SMiling FACE ^_^ , so wat if anithing really happen?? must you always like sit there or lay on the bed and cry to urself? or maybe pitying how bad fate you are?? My fate maybe even worst than youOriginally posted by sqully:i think the main reason why i feel so inferior,particularly abt appearance is cos of my parents..all parents think their kids are the most beautiful lot in the world, when i was a kid i used to hear other kids' parents praise them for how handsome or pretty they are but not my parents.. they were more generous in commenting abt other ppl kids being good-looking. it made me wonder whether my parents think i m ugly. every little girl wanted to be called pretty don’t they know that? and all they ever say is like a few “smart” or “clever” that kinda thing n even that is hardly heard. never once in my life,never was there any occasion when my parents complimented me for looking good. till today, my dad still frequently jokes abt my appearance. my mom is better but even then, it's after months of seeing me depressed over my looks she says smt like "u r not that ugly,still ok lah". that was the most comforting thing i hav to contend with. not that ugly? even kids with distorted features their parents still think they are beautiful n that's what my parents think of me what more can i expect from other ppl? mayb u may say i m being petty or unreasonable or kicking a fuss out of a smt minor but to me it really means a lot to me. i hav a very sensitive person since i was very young and as a kid,my parents' affirmation was everything to me. n this thing has stayed with me while i grew up,affecting me more seriously after i reached my teenage years. the whole world need not think i m beautiful, it doesn’t really matter. but they are my parents. nvm if i m not a princess in their eyes but i really want them to be proud of me, to be proud to show other people that I m their daughter.
There were some other things as well. All in all, i think the lack of positive stroking and an environment that generally encouraged negative self-esteem has cast upon a shadow on me that followed me all the way from childhood to now, almost adulthood. -
While what your parents affected you a lot, try to think it in another perspective. Your parents don't want to praise you because they are afraid that you will grow up to be a proud person. To avoid this, they try not to praise you, only doing it once in a while.Originally posted by sqully:i think the main reason why i feel so inferior,particularly abt appearance is cos of my parents..all parents think their kids are the most beautiful lot in the world, when i was a kid i used to hear other kids' parents praise them for how handsome or pretty they are but not my parents.. they were more generous in commenting abt other ppl kids being good-looking. it made me wonder whether my parents think i m ugly. every little girl wanted to be called pretty don’t they know that? and all they ever say is like a few “smart” or “clever” that kinda thing n even that is hardly heard. never once in my life,never was there any occasion when my parents complimented me for looking good. till today, my dad still frequently jokes abt my appearance. my mom is better but even then, it's after months of seeing me depressed over my looks she says smt like "u r not that ugly,still ok lah". that was the most comforting thing i hav to contend with. not that ugly? even kids with distorted features their parents still think they are beautiful n that's what my parents think of me what more can i expect from other ppl? mayb u may say i m being petty or unreasonable or kicking a fuss out of a smt minor but to me it really means a lot to me. i hav a very sensitive person since i was very young and as a kid,my parents' affirmation was everything to me. n this thing has stayed with me while i grew up,affecting me more seriously after i reached my teenage years. the whole world need not think i m beautiful, it doesn’t really matter. but they are my parents. nvm if i m not a princess in their eyes but i really want them to be proud of me, to be proud to show other people that I m their daughter.
There were some other things as well. All in all, i think the lack of positive stroking and an environment that generally encouraged negative self-esteem has cast upon a shadow on me that followed me all the way from childhood to now, almost adulthood.
Once you know this, try thinking positively. Have you done well in any particular area which you are proud of? Do you think you could have done better or worse if your parents praise you to the sky? -
from being molested, to talking about self-esteem...
Sqully, you really need someone to talk to. Not through online means, but really thru friends or family members.
From how you express yourself, you are deep, hidden,,and in a state of confusion to your own identity.... I am not belittling you, but start trying to talk to people about your problems first.
Your low self-esteem is generated by what other people had said that affected you..Sharing problems with family can help you in a way.
One will say" aiya, forget it. They will not care. Or i dont talk such things to them"
But remember, they are always there for you..
Dont bottled up your problems, because if it explode, you will be in a bad shape...You have a few big problems which i think need to be sorted..
Good luck.... At least here, you can write your unhappiness here..Also a way to release the tension, but remember what i said earlier.. -
There're always such things as physical beauty and inner beauty... If you think you don't have the former or is limited in it, work on the latter...Originally posted by sqully:well..i guess now the problem is more of how do i gain a healthy self-esteem?since it is evident that nothing could possibly improve if i don't fix this.
You're not always necessarily what others say you to be.... How old are you now btw? I guess at your current age, what your parents say might mean quite alot to you... But as you grow on, you'll realise that what your peers, friends etc. say might slowly take over in importance...? In order fo people to accept your 'beauty', you'll 1st have to come to agreement with your qualities... Cause if even you yourself have problem detecting them (or rather, could be suppressing them), how do you expect the others to see so easily? -
I tell myself im ugly too! So I can work on other aspects of my life to decrease my uglinessOriginally posted by sqully:Refering to some posts abt "ugly women do get molested.there's no need to be ashamed of it." i understand that i hav to accept this fact...i mean no offence to those who suggested it as i know it's out of good intentions but..wouldnt it do more harm than good to my self-esteem to wake up everyday telling myself that "i m ugly"? -
hmm...can say I also got "attacked" once when I was in a public place...I was still around 14 years old at that time...then I was sitting in the bus...then suddenly I felt this hand on my arm....then it started to rub my arms!
at first I just kept quiet, praying that it will go away, but it started to move elsewhere, so i grabbed it with my other hand and pinched it hard...then told my mom I wanted to get off the bus. So we got off the next stop and that idiot was grinning at me from the window.
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orh? rainee contribute exp? i think i oso follow suit.
I was 'attacked' too..by someone older from the opposite sex.During my 1st professional job. Quite a shame really..pay was pretty good for youths my age at that time.
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i am 19 going 20...m i too old to b bothered by such crap? i dun know.. it's only since last year that it got this bad.. mayb cos i started to isolate myself so that i could concentrate on my studies but i got into a vicious cycle.. that's another story tho..Originally posted by Devil1976:There're always such things as physical beauty and inner beauty... If you think you don't have the former or is limited in it, work on the latter...
You're not always necessarily what others say you to be.... How old are you now btw? I guess at your current age, what your parents say might mean quite alot to you... But as you grow on, you'll realise that what your peers, friends etc. say might slowly take over in importance...? In order fo people to accept your 'beauty', you'll 1st have to come to agreement with your qualities... Cause if even you yourself have problem detecting them (or rather, could be suppressing them), how do you expect the others to see so easily? -
Originally posted by rainee:hmm...can say I also got "attacked" once when I was in a public place...I was still around 14 years old at that time...then I was sitting in the bus...then suddenly I felt this hand on my arm....then it started to rub my arms!
at first I just kept quiet, praying that it will go away, but it started to move elsewhere, so i grabbed it with my other hand and pinched it hard...then told my mom I wanted to get off the bus. So we got off the next stop and that idiot was grinning at me from the window. -
Nope.. People get bothered by such things at various ages.... 20 is still pretty young... It's especially not surprising since you're a female..?Originally posted by sqully:i am 19 going 20...m i too old to b bothered by such crap? i dun know.. it's only since last year that it got this bad.. mayb cos i started to isolate myself so that i could concentrate on my studies but i got into a vicious cycle.. that's another story tho..
No doubt studies could be an important aspect of your life now, but you still need to maintain AT LEAST that minimal social circle to keep up with the current time and make yourself realise that you're still healthy breathing normal individual...? -
i doubt given the way you look anyone would want to touch you much less molest you. it was probably his rubber hand that he was using to feel you up, much like a plastic hand extension.Originally posted by rainee:hmm...can say I also got "attacked" once when I was in a public place...I was still around 14 years old at that time...then I was sitting in the bus...then suddenly I felt this hand on my arm....then it started to rub my arms!
at first I just kept quiet, praying that it will go away, but it started to move elsewhere, so i grabbed it with my other hand and pinched it hard...then told my mom I wanted to get off the bus. So we got off the next stop and that idiot was grinning at me from the window. -
hisoka i agree with you because when ur in the bus more or less it might be squeezy when its busy hours and the bus is flooded wif people and maybe someone touch you or rub against u by accident ?? you cant just say is you been molest just by someone rub on u/touch on you by accident rite?? if all like this the girls in the world will be as expensive as diamond , 1 touch => stealing from the shopkeeperOriginally posted by hisoka:i think its pple like you that would want to call police say pple molest you when not confirmed and get the guy into trouble because of the stupid law
can you imagine what the pple around would think of the guy if that happened?? even if he is innocent. -
I don't think it's funny. How can u comment on rainee like that?Originally posted by mahai_gotbigballs:i doubt given the way you look anyone would want to touch you much less molest you. it was probably his rubber hand that he was using to feel you up, much like a plastic hand extension.