Molested.
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Hmm.. reading all your responses I feel that actually you are very confused and is not really sure EXACTLY what is making you upset. YOu started with the issue on molestation but a lot of the focus is on your low self esteem (which is a problem with or without the molestation cases). The molest and your friend's response actually made it worse.
I think perhaps you need to narrow down and prioritise what is the thing that bothers you the most to get to the source of the problem - then you can begin to act on it.
Issit
1. The molestation and your response to it
2. The response of your friend, i.e. Ugly people dont get molested
3. Your low self esteem, low confidence
4. Results of your low self esteem - boring life, not good friends,
5. Your childhood and your parents' treatment of you
Which is the thing that upsets you the most and that you most want to act to improve on it? This way you can slowly eliminate one issue by one issue, instead of lumping them altogether and make it difficult to solve. -
well said but she did mention about all the 5 questions above and gotten her answers and aniway r u a professional in it??Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Hmm.. reading all your responses I feel that actually you are very confused and is not really sure EXACTLY what is making you upset. YOu started with the issue on molestation but a lot of the focus is on your low self esteem (which is a problem with or without the molestation cases). The molest and your friend's response actually made it worse.
I think perhaps you need to narrow down and prioritise what is the thing that bothers you the most to get to the source of the problem - then you can begin to act on it.
Issit
1. The molestation and your response to it
2. The response of your friend, i.e. Ugly people dont get molested
3. Your low self esteem, low confidence
4. Results of your low self esteem - boring life, not good friends,
5. Your childhood and your parents' treatment of you
Which is the thing that upsets you the most and that you most want to act to improve on it? This way you can slowly eliminate one issue by one issue, instead of lumping them altogether and make it difficult to solve. -
Nope don't think anyone in this forum is a professionalOriginally posted by Mrunknown:well said but she did mention about all the 5 questions above and gotten her answers and aniway r u a professional in it??
in this that's why I suggested that she seek professional help in my earlier posts. In fact, a professional will not 'answer' her or solve her problem for her, but will assist her to resolve it herself. That in itself is a process whereby she can slowly gain confidence with gentle facilitation.
She may have 'answers' from a lot of people, but has she found a solution for herself? Unfortunately answers that work for some, may not be a solution for others.
A lot of people who have a series of problems/issues tend not to realise many are branching out from one major issue. They need to identify the root of the problem or like the chemera with many heads, they keep cutting off the heads, but not able to kill the monster. -
The source of the problem is hard to determine, only sqully knows it. The molest, as I see it, escalates the problem. Not quite sure though, the points listed out might not even be the root cause of the problem. I guess we have to solve the molest problem first then try solving others. Not too good to let it drag on for a long time. It will do sqully no good.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Hmm.. reading all your responses I feel that actually you are very confused and is not really sure EXACTLY what is making you upset. YOu started with the issue on molestation but a lot of the focus is on your low self esteem (which is a problem with or without the molestation cases). The molest and your friend's response actually made it worse.
I think perhaps you need to narrow down and prioritise what is the thing that bothers you the most to get to the source of the problem - then you can begin to act on it.
Issit
1. The molestation and your response to it
2. The response of your friend, i.e. Ugly people dont get molested
3. Your low self esteem, low confidence
4. Results of your low self esteem - boring life, not good friends,
5. Your childhood and your parents' treatment of you
Which is the thing that upsets you the most and that you most want to act to improve on it? This way you can slowly eliminate one issue by one issue, instead of lumping them altogether and make it difficult to solve. -
yah , one can answer to all but cant answer to self , but a professional wont do much just ask to hear her story and try to give opinions and how she may be able to overcome it through the courses assigned to her indirectly assisting her .Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Nope don't think anyone in this forum is a professional in this that's why I suggested that she seek professional help in my earlier posts. In fact, a professional will not 'answer' her or solve her problem for her, but will assist her to resolve it herself. That in itself is a process whereby she can slowly gain confidence with gentle facilitation.
She may have 'answers' from a lot of people, but has she found a solution for herself? Unfortunately answers that work for some, may not be a solution for others.
A lot of people who have a series of problems/issues tend not to realise many are branching out from one major issue. They need to identify the root of the problem or like the chemera with many heads, they keep cutting off the heads, but not able to kill the monster.
But the problem lies between whether she would be able to listen in or not and her ability to overcome such fears that happened serious many times
during her daily life ..... just this problem will do alot of obstruct and she may just close her ears and stop listening to the professional who speaks to her
As said earlier on , memorary can be slowly brush off by time and the pain will be less painful as the time past , thus dun dig her memorary out of the grave yard again haha
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Again, I think it is not up to us to 'solve' the problem for her. The points I listed out are only those she have mentioned in the post, there will be many many other points which she will not have revealed to us, and some which she might not even be aware of herself.Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:The source of the problem is hard to determine, only sqully knows it. The molest, as I see it, escalates the problem. Not quite sure though, the points listed out might not even be the root cause of the problem. I guess we have to solve the molest problem first then try solving others. Not too good to let it drag on for a long time. It will do sqully no good.
If the issues are chronic, then again, my suggestion is to seek professional help. All she can get here is 'suggestions', 'opinions' and not 'solutions'. Solutions are something only she can come up with herself. -
For mostpeople, time works. But right now, we are not sure if she is suffering from only temporary depression OR clinical depression. If she is suffering from clinical depression (which only a professional can diagnose and recommend her to see further help), then she needs more than simply counselling.Originally posted by Mrunknown:yah , one can answer to all but cant answer to self , but a professional wont do much just ask to hear her story and try to give opinions and how she may be able to overcome it through the courses assigned to her indirectly assisting her .
But the problem lies between whether she would be able to listen in or not and her ability to overcome such fears that happened serious many times
during her daily life ..... just this problem will do alot of obstruct and she may just close her ears and stop listening to the professional who speaks to her
As said earlier on , memorary can be slowly brush off by time and the pain will be less painful as the time past , thus dun dig her memorary out of the grave yard again haha
If she has already tried very hard to get herself out of this situation where she feels depressed all the time and keep on thinking about incidents, the likelihood of her suffering from clinical depression is high. Since she is disturbed enough by her current situation to seek help her, this shows that she is aware of her need to seek help. The next constructive step would be to either approach a trained counsellor OR a psychologist. -
either step would be able to allow her to escape from the fear but just 1 problem would she have the courage to approach a trained sounsellor , she wont have much trusted friend as she mentioned earlier , but would she be courage enough to go to a psychologist or counsellor by herself?? tats 1 big problem but since u say under that condition she should know she needs helpOriginally posted by ShrodingersCat:For mostpeople, time works. But right now, we are not sure if she is suffering from only temporary depression OR clinical depression. If she is suffering from clinical depression (which only a professional can diagnose and recommend her to see further help), then she needs more than simply counselling.
If she has already tried very hard to get herself out of this situation where she feels depressed all the time and keep on thinking about incidents, the likelihood of her suffering from clinical depression is high. Since she is disturbed enough by her current situation to seek help her, this shows that she is aware of her need to seek help. The next constructive step would be to either approach a trained counsellor OR a psychologist.
but u said she was disturbed enough not nessarry to have enough courage to face a stranger and talk about her exprience as she's too shy and fear of embarrassment
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Well... there are a million and one obstacles to getting rid of depression. Recognising she is suffering from it is one step. Being able to get the courage to seek professional help depends on the support of her family and friends.
If she is not able to get the support from them, and that is why she is here talking to us. Then I guess our responsibility is to encourage and support her that this is the right decision, instead of assuming that our reassurance can be a permanent solution to her. Yes, we can give her temporary relief, she might feel a bit better.
On another note, many people who suffer from depression NEVER recover from it. Which is why they need medication to help. It is an illness, not some temperamental moodiness or just temporary trauma. We belong to a generation where there is a growing awareness of depression as an illness. Seek Help for it. There's nothing shameful about it.
Why am I urging her? Because depression can go very very wrong if no professional help is given. Many of my family members suffer from it. One had just committed suicide because of it. He wasn't taking his medication when that happened. But he tried, he went to see a doctor at the urging of his children. Can we prevent something like this from happening? Maybe. Maybe not.
Not every person who come to Aunt Agony with a problem suffers from depression. But if, as in her case, it has been quite awhile, and serious trauma forms part of her depression and she is unable to shake it off for some time, then really, it is urgent to seek proper help. Where can she seek help?
She can first look for the FSC near her home. They are free of charge, and you can find a list in the MCYS website. They provide counselling services.
GPs at poly/private clinics can help if you describe your symptoms. They can recommend you to a psychologist. -
yesh through ur point of view it but as u said these type of depression cant mend to be cured i meant as in not able to fully recover , thus its good not to force her to go to the doctor
But ur way of solving sums are really good ^^ heh pro ~~~ as in professional hahahahaha aniway hope she would look at the post we posted if not its just a waste of typing haha -
ur points hav more or less summed up and highlighted the issues i m facing currently, of which i think no. 3 could be the source which the others branched out from.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Hmm.. reading all your responses I feel that actually you are very confused and is not really sure EXACTLY what is making you upset. YOu started with the issue on molestation but a lot of the focus is on your low self esteem (which is a problem with or without the molestation cases). The molest and your friend's response actually made it worse.
I think perhaps you need to narrow down and prioritise what is the thing that bothers you the most to get to the source of the problem - then you can begin to act on it.
Issit
1. The molestation and your response to it
2. The response of your friend, i.e. Ugly people dont get molested
3. Your low self esteem, low confidence
4. Results of your low self esteem - boring life, not good friends,
5. Your childhood and your parents' treatment of you
Which is the thing that upsets you the most and that you most want to act to improve on it? This way you can slowly eliminate one issue by one issue, instead of lumping them altogether and make it difficult to solve. -
Haha...i used to be very active in FSCs!!but in the children stuff though..Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:She can first look for the FSC near her home. They are free of charge, and you can find a list in the MCYS website. They provide counselling services.
i dun know if my prob is really serious..as in low self-esteem has been a persistent issue since i was young but i guess that bugs a lot of kids too..i would be a bit moody at times but it wasnt that serious as in ppl normally wont know n think i m a bright cheery kid.it only got really serious last yr..n i think the main reason is i really felt lost and useless after i left college..i had a terrific last yr there n after i left i returned to nothin.it's like falling from high on the ladder n it really hurts..it's frm then on that everything comes back to haunt me..the huantings from molestations had always been there but it is since my "great fall" that they hav aggravated n became increasingly frequent.. -
I settled in PM liao...Originally posted by alexkusu:*kok head*
only know how to hmmm hor
That post is a critical infomation, when people are still discussing in the case.
See what i mean? I predicted correctly. -
btw,did i tell u that the 3,4 long years of "break" also happen to coincide with the time i put on tonnes of weight?
always wondered if there's a correlation there..though i m still fat now..was never thin or slim before but took really long before i could lose some of these extra pounds gained..piling up again to avoid these bastards??think it will hurt my self-esteem more.. -
Keeping yourself fit and slim is your OWN RESPONSIBILITY towards YOUR HEALTH...Originally posted by sqully:btw,did i tell u that the 3,4 long years of "break" also happen to coincide with the time i put on tonnes of weight?
always wondered if there's a correlation there..though i m still fat now..was never thin or slim before but took really long before i could lose some of these extra pounds gained..piling up again to avoid these bastards??think it will hurt my self-esteem more..
It has NOTHING to do with any bastard, Tom, Dick or Harry.... -
Hmm.... well say...... anyway how is her situation now?Originally posted by Devil1976:Keeping yourself fit and slim is your OWN RESPONSIBILITY towards YOUR HEALTH...
It has NOTHING to do with any bastard, Tom, Dick or Harry....
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situation as in?life still goes on lo..normal lah..didnt get into hougang chalet or anything..Originally posted by Komon:Hmm.... well say...... anyway how is her situation now? -
well try to stay in healthy living and dig those memorary inside the graveyard unless u wan to see dead people infront of u if not u dun ever dig out from ur brain ever again ^^ , and wish you good and continue wif ur liveOriginally posted by sqully:situation as in?life still goes on lo..normal lah..didnt get into hougang chalet or anything.. -
Thanks ya..Originally posted by Mrunknown:well try to stay in healthy living and dig those memorary inside the graveyard unless u wan to see dead people infront of u if not u dun ever dig out from ur brain ever again ^^ , and wish you good and continue wif ur live
Sorry i was kinda agitated when u probed abt the details earlier on. and btw,the part abt pointing fingers at the wrong person cos of their appearance;at least 3 of out those i met are decently dressed in office attire with like briefcase n well groomed the kind whom u would classify as belonging to the "gentleman type" so ya..i know who did it not cos i turn ard n see who's suspicious but really they r the only ones in the position to possibly manoeuver the acts.so ya..in case u r wondering abt that.. -
haha glad u forgave meOriginally posted by sqully:Thanks ya..
Sorry i was kinda agitated when u probed abt the details earlier on. and btw,the part abt pointing fingers at the wrong person cos of their appearance;at least 3 of out those i met are decently dressed in office attire with like briefcase n well groomed the kind whom u would classify as belonging to the "gentleman type" so ya..i know who did it not cos i turn ard n see who's suspicious but really they r the only ones in the position to possibly manoeuver the acts.so ya..in case u r wondering abt that.. -
btw Sqully , sry if i agitates u again lah but my friend recently oso got the same case as you on the bus one but maybe more serious how can i console or encourage her?? can mind if u tell me?
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Just stay with her and listen to what she has to say ba.if she wants to make a police report then accompany her ya..if she dun want then dun keep imposing on her that she must ba.if she doesnt want to talk abt it le then just accompany chill out or smt to get over it lo.if she knows that there's a frd who's willing to tide thru this rough time with her,she will b very comforted le.i wished i had a frd like u.anyway,just NEVER do this:Originally posted by Mrunknown:btw Sqully , sry if i agitates u again lah but my friend recently oso got the same case as you on the bus one but maybe more serious how can i console or encourage her?? can mind if u tell me?
[quote]Originally posted by sqully:
I casually mentioned one of my encounters to my friend and said that “I don’t understand why he picked me. It’s not like I m pretty. And I was always in baggy shirts and long jeans.” “Ya lor.” She replied. -
Originally posted by sqully:
If anyone here would offer to be that 'friend' would you accept?
Just stay with her and listen to what she has to say ba.if she wants to make a police report then accompany her ya..if she dun want then dun keep imposing on her that she must ba.if she doesnt want to talk abt it le then just accompany chill out or smt to get over it lo.if she knows that there's a frd who's willing to tide thru this rough time with her,she will b very comforted le.i wished i had a frd like u.anyway,just NEVER do this:
[quote]Originally posted by sqully:
[b]I casually mentioned one of my encounters to my friend and said that “I don’t understand why he picked me. It’s not like I m pretty. And I was always in baggy shirts and long jeans.” “Ya lor.” She replied. [/b]
Think over? -
hey you do have friends here..Originally posted by sqully:Just stay with her and listen to what she has to say ba.if she wants to make a police report then accompany her ya..if she dun want then dun keep imposing on her that she must ba.if she doesnt want to talk abt it le then just accompany chill out or smt to get over it lo.if she knows that there's a frd who's willing to tide thru this rough time with her,she will b very comforted le.i wished i had a frd like u.anyway,just NEVER do this: -
I would love to accept any genuine offer of friendship but i m not sure how to..Originally posted by M©+square:If anyone here would offer to be that 'friend' would you accept?
Think over?
That's why though it warms my heart n i really appreciate the pms from forumites offering help,i think i never indicated in my reply to anyone that i wanted further contact. They are nice people. But in my current state of mind, i think i would drive anyone who tries to help crazy with my constant need for re-assurance.