GF = Wife?
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Definitely not all GF = wife, this applies to men as well, not all BF = husband too.
From what u (thingy) mentioned, I can tell that you are quite sure you would break off with her one day. Why? U already have the answers, haven't you? If that's the case, do not drag. Don't waste her time as well as yours.
But on ther other hand, if you're thinking it may still work out one day for the both of you, then u need to be very frank with her. Keep communication lines open and share your innermost thoughts with her. Like u've mentioned earlier, she doesn't say sorry or give in when an argument arise (assuming it's her fault), then it is very unhealthy in a relationship. U must solve this prob quickly cos I believe she has got used to the habit of u apologising to her first (her pride is the main culprit). Seriously, she hasn't mature yet. Cos only immature ppl will behave in such a way to their loved ones...
Well, indecisiveness often drags the whole thing. So if you're certain of how u feel now, come clean with her. Who knows she will change for you?
Whatever the case, u're the one that chooses ur own path. As long as u'll be a happier person ultimately. Gd luck!
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What the ????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since when did society view screwing around when you're attached is ok?!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by yoghurt:obviously different thing right? it's morally wrong to screw other women when ur married but screwing other women when ur attached is typical of guys so society judges it OK.
for a gf, get someone u like, for a wife, get someone who loves u more than u love her. -
Points highlighted in red: Fully agreed.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by snowmaiden:Definitely not all GF = wife, this applies to men as well, not all BF = husband too.
From what u (thingy) mentioned, I can tell that you are quite sure you would break off with her one day. Why? U already have the answers, haven't you? If that's the case, do not drag. Don't waste her time as well as yours.
But on ther other hand, if you're thinking it may still work out one day for the both of you, then u need to be very frank with her. Keep communication lines open and share your innermost thoughts with her. Like u've mentioned earlier, she doesn't say sorry or give in when an argument arise (assuming it's her fault), then it is very unhealthy in a relationship. U must solve this prob quickly cos I believe she has got used to the habit of u apologising to her first (her pride is the main culprit). Seriously, she hasn't mature yet. Cos only immature ppl will behave in such a way to their loved ones...
Well, indecisiveness often drags the whole thing. So if you're certain of how u feel now, come clean with her. Who knows she will change for you?
Whatever the case, u're the one that chooses ur own path. As long as u'll be a happier person ultimately. Gd luck! -
hmmm, i wonder sometimes too if gf = wife.
i guess not all gfs = wives...u wouldn't want 4 wives, do u?
seriously, i think a successful r/s entails great communication. during your honeymoon period, you guys talked alot (phone, meet ups etc) but after that it sort of fizzles away bcos of other commitments? and thus lesser time for each other?
actually do u feel that u r a da nan ren when u say of ur attitude and feelings towards her being uneasy and u having to say sorry to her all the times?
if u guys can be such a great pair of couple during ur honeymoon period, y can't it always be that way? i know realistically may not be possible due to other factors like work, school (if u r still) and so on but it does require commitment and effort to keep it that way by both parties. dun take each other for granted.
its time u open up to her again. hopefully, she does that as well. -
It takes two hands to clap.
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they're clapping now, just not that well.Originally posted by dcx:It takes two hands to clap. -
Let me share.
for me, I wanted a wife before I go into a relationship.
With that means real love, and with my eyes wide open.
I found someone who I can talk to, share my dreams, be supportive, and even care for me. That magicial feeling when her hand slipped into mine and hold me. We talked like we know each other for ages.
And within 2 years, we are married, and one year later, we got our baby son.
However, things like roller-coaster has went from high point to low point.
We quarrelled and I find her quite irrirate and vice versa. We will have small fights now and then. And the so-called love just went out of the windows.
However, deep down, we both love each other and we know after we calm down, we can resolved things.
For any relationship, there is up and downs. While you enjoying the ups, it is the downs that builds character. When you are down, if the gal stays with you and support you, you know you got a gem.
A gf is not a trophy, a sex-toy, a money-tree, but instead is your support, a person who loves you in good and bad times, shares your dreams and interests...
For some, you will have high expectations, but do rem, with high expectations, come high price. if you want a quality gf /wife, make sure you give as much as you expect.
In modern times, where everyone is quite careful of being hurt, and put on a mask, it is harder to find the true one. But if you want something really bad, be prepared to work for it. -
applause*Originally posted by iceFatboy:Let me share.
for me, I wanted a wife before I go into a relationship.
With that means real love, and with my eyes wide open.
I found someone who I can talk to, share my dreams, be supportive, and even care for me. That magicial feeling when her hand slipped into mine and hold me. We talked like we know each other for ages.
And within 2 years, we are married, and one year later, we got our baby son.
However, things like roller-coaster has went from high point to low point.
We quarrelled and I find her quite irrirate and vice versa. We will have small fights now and then. And the so-called love just went out of the windows.
However, deep down, we both love each other and we know after we calm down, we can resolved things.
For any relationship, there is up and downs. While you enjoying the ups, it is the downs that builds character. When you are down, if the gal stays with you and support you, you know you got a gem.
A gf is not a trophy, a sex-toy, a money-tree, but instead is your support, a person who loves you in good and bad times, shares your dreams and interests...
For some, you will have high expectations, but do rem, with high expectations, come high price. if you want a quality gf /wife, make sure you give as much as you expect.
In modern times, where everyone is quite careful of being hurt, and put on a mask, it is harder to find the true one. But if you want something really bad, be prepared to work for it. -
An appluase too for a marvelous answer..Originally posted by iceFatboy:Let me share.
for me, I wanted a wife before I go into a relationship.
With that means real love, and with my eyes wide open.
I found someone who I can talk to, share my dreams, be supportive, and even care for me. That magicial feeling when her hand slipped into mine and hold me. We talked like we know each other for ages.
And within 2 years, we are married, and one year later, we got our baby son.
However, things like roller-coaster has went from high point to low point.
We quarrelled and I find her quite irrirate and vice versa. We will have small fights now and then. And the so-called love just went out of the windows.
However, deep down, we both love each other and we know after we calm down, we can resolved things.
For any relationship, there is up and downs. While you enjoying the ups, it is the downs that builds character. When you are down, if the gal stays with you and support you, you know you got a gem.
A gf is not a trophy, a sex-toy, a money-tree, but instead is your support, a person who loves you in good and bad times, shares your dreams and interests...
For some, you will have high expectations, but do rem, with high expectations, come high price. if you want a quality gf /wife, make sure you give as much as you expect.
In modern times, where everyone is quite careful of being hurt, and put on a mask, it is harder to find the true one. But if you want something really bad, be prepared to work for it.
keep up the gd work
can see that you are mature in the mind.
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Dear thingy,Originally posted by thingy:Is a girlfriend the same as a wife-to-be? What if the person you are with is gf material, but not someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? Is this girl still worth the time and effort?
I admit that i have quite a high expectation for my wife, and that my current gf does not meet all of them. There are certain traits that i do not really accept in her, such as her stubborn-ness (such a word?), lack of respect (in some ways), and her past, which still irks me (have accepted, but will never forget it).
Why i say that she is gf material is that we are quite close already, being together for more than a year, and i admit that she is nice to me and we get along quite well. The first few months were fantastic, the so-called honeymoon period and it was like in heaven.
Lately, since last june.. i start to find that we were not that compatible afterall. she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time. and we became less romantic. Now, she feels more like a close friend rather than someone I can spend my life with. I can tell that she's not likely to stand by me through all difficulties and stuff i may face in the future. u know.. the through thick and thin kind..
To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship. I don't feel what i used to feel anymore. i lie about my feelings sometimes to make her happy and think that nothing is wrong.. to the extent that i cannot say my deepest feelings.. maybe they have bottled up to the top, which gives this sucky confused feeling..
I admit that my mind has strayed. I've been browsing through friendster and it reminded me that there are plenty of better fishes out there. problem is, my social circle is very limited and i only know 3 girls other than her.
I really don't know, so confused. arghh, can't even phrase out my thoughts properly.. it's all jumbled up. if only i could pull this messy bunch of chains into one straight line, it would be so much easier to solve...
You have already made up your mind whether to continue this relationship anot.. Your only worry is that how are you going to bring this matter up to her..
Everyone has their own expectations.. Noone is perfect.. Come to think of it.. If you expect so much from your wife.. Are you giving out that much as you think you expect your wife to be?
If you based on your expectations to find a wife who will eventually fits in the citeria so perfectly.. No flaws about her.. No weaknesses only strengths.. No quarrels.. No objections.. Everything goes your way.. Be the one always giving in but not you (though might be your fault) Aren't you having an emotionless, affectionless.. ROBOTIC WIFE??
Well this reminds me of a movie that i had watched some time ago.. Is it called Stephen's Wife? Or stephenson's Wife..?? (something like that). It talks about how men implant a micro chip into their wives' brain and take control or them.. they who wants their wife to be so perfect that they will not question their husbands where they go.. Do what they says.. the wife jus stays at home and look after kids.. Cooking.. Washing of clothes.. blah blah..
ANyway... Your gal might not be the one that suits you.. Widen your social circles and get to know more people.. Purpose of doing that is not only to get GFs.. ok??
Cheers.. -
I dunno what her past is but its ok if U dun forget her past...but having it irking U means that U have not really ACCEPTED it.This is something U REALLY REALLY need to sort out because there is no point in carrying on if at the end of the day...this "past" topic is going to come out again.Originally posted by thingy:Is a girlfriend the same as a wife-to-be? What if the person you are with is gf material, but not someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? Is this girl still worth the time and effort?
I admit that i have quite a high expectation for my wife, and that my current gf does not meet all of them. There are certain traits that i do not really accept in her, such as her stubborn-ness (such a word?), lack of respect (in some ways), and her past, which still irks me (have accepted, but will never forget it).
Why i say that she is gf material is that we are quite close already, being together for more than a year, and i admit that she is nice to me and we get along quite well. The first few months were fantastic, the so-called honeymoon period and it was like in heaven.
Lately, since last june.. i start to find that we were not that compatible afterall. she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time. and we became less romantic. Now, she feels more like a close friend rather than someone I can spend my life with. I can tell that she's not likely to stand by me through all difficulties and stuff i may face in the future. u know.. the through thick and thin kind..
To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship. I don't feel what i used to feel anymore. i lie about my feelings sometimes to make her happy and think that nothing is wrong.. to the extent that i cannot say my deepest feelings.. maybe they have bottled up to the top, which gives this sucky confused feeling..
I admit that my mind has strayed. I've been browsing through friendster and it reminded me that there are plenty of better fishes out there. problem is, my social circle is very limited and i only know 3 girls other than her.
I really don't know, so confused. arghh, can't even phrase out my thoughts properly.. it's all jumbled up. if only i could pull this messy bunch of chains into one straight line, it would be so much easier to solve...
some gals have this never-say-sorry attitude...well...what I do is to let her know that I am not happy about it and leave it to her to say sorry...she can do lots of things without saying sorry but I will stand my ground...U can say I am heartless...but I feel that saying it out verbally is important...hence my insistence.most often than not this will escalate into a fight but its thru these fights that we understand each other better.
How U tell that she is not going to go thru thick and thin with U?
give specific examples?
there will always be better fishes in the sea....whether U are with this current gf or married...then how?where is it going to lead U?I am sure we all want our wives to be sexy,beautiful,smart,considerate,etc...first of all...where to find this kind of gal....even if there is...would she be attacted to U?even if she is...I am sure there would be some aspects of her that is not that compatible with U....that U need to iron out things...make compromises...etc... -
GF = Wife?
Let me answer this quesition in another perspective.
In most realistic situation, it is not neccessary that your lifetime partner is always the one who love most.
Time and fate play a major role in choosing 'her'. Well, at times, when we are all young and we tends to be selective in choosing the 'ideal' fairy in your mind.
But once you pass the village, you might not see an identical hut again. Think twice before you make any implusive decisions.
she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time
This is subjective, it depends how objective you guys see in the arguments.
If she is strong headed, try to cool her down and talk to her again when everything is clamer again.
less romantic
Of cos, as the time moves, the relationship may be more routinise, and based on what you said, i think this is apply to you.
romance don't come by itself. It need a strick and a sparkle and also it concern both parties. Maybe you can start the ball rolling and make some effort in doing something for her again, this may rekindled back the feeling again.
To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship.
If there is nothing wrong with her, maybe problem lies with you. Identify the problem instead of avoiding the issue.
Lastly, i understand what i said is easier than done. But it is possible if you try your best effort in making as a goal. I think the problem lies with you, less probablity with her, so it's up to you if you want to give up this relationship simply.
All the best and good luck. -
strongly agree!!! not many couples these days can possess understanding. they totally thrown their wedding vows away n giving love a bad name.Originally posted by iceFatboy:Let me share.
for me, I wanted a wife before I go into a relationship.
With that means real love, and with my eyes wide open.
I found someone who I can talk to, share my dreams, be supportive, and even care for me. That magicial feeling when her hand slipped into mine and hold me. We talked like we know each other for ages.
And within 2 years, we are married, and one year later, we got our baby son.
However, things like roller-coaster has went from high point to low point.
We quarrelled and I find her quite irrirate and vice versa. We will have small fights now and then. And the so-called love just went out of the windows.
However, deep down, we both love each other and we know after we calm down, we can resolved things.
For any relationship, there is up and downs. While you enjoying the ups, it is the downs that builds character. When you are down, if the gal stays with you and support you, you know you got a gem.
A gf is not a trophy, a sex-toy, a money-tree, but instead is your support, a person who loves you in good and bad times, shares your dreams and interests...
For some, you will have high expectations, but do rem, with high expectations, come high price. if you want a quality gf /wife, make sure you give as much as you expect.
In modern times, where everyone is quite careful of being hurt, and put on a mask, it is harder to find the true one. But if you want something really bad, be prepared to work for it. -
LOL wow i love your advert tactics... now every body is interested in atleast checking out this Pinky BACON cafe... real interested to see what is on the menuOriginally posted by FeowFeow:Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Must lure them to our Cafe mahhh! Now you go & tell everybody, then we can't lure customers into our Pinky BACON cafe
FeowFeow
Wow IceFatBoy realy pulls one in for us guys out there...
Anyways "thingy" it seems you have already made up your mind to leave this girl, as you already consider their are plenty of better fishes out there. your fishing pole baited and ready to cast it seems as you looking to see what options you have in finding someone.
Your choice is simple... if you are heartless you can stay with her and use her till you find someone else. Then dump her. I have seen many of these.
But if you have any level of respect for her and actually genuinely liked her and dont want to devestate, leave the poor girl and go on your way.
Good luck and reassess yourself prior to next girl if u looking for a wife. -
Short pain.. is better then long pain...
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Originally posted by thingy:Is a girlfriend the same as a wife-to-be? What if the person you are with is gf material, but not someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? Is this girl still worth the time and effort?
I admit that i have quite a high expectation for my wife, and that my current gf does not meet all of them. There are certain traits that i do not really accept in her, such as her stubborn-ness (such a word?), lack of respect (in some ways), and her past, which still irks me (have accepted, but will never forget it).
Why i say that she is gf material is that we are quite close already, being together for more than a year, and i admit that she is nice to me and we get along quite well. The first few months were fantastic, the so-called honeymoon period and it was like in heaven.
Lately, since last june.. i start to find that we were not that compatible afterall. she will never give-in in an arguement and i have to say sorry most of the time. and we became less romantic. Now, she feels more like a close friend rather than someone I can spend my life with. I can tell that she's not likely to stand by me through all difficulties and stuff i may face in the future. u know.. the through thick and thin kind..
To her, for now, everything is alright. but to me, something is lacking in this relationship. I don't feel what i used to feel anymore. i lie about my feelings sometimes to make her happy and think that nothing is wrong.. to the extent that i cannot say my deepest feelings.. maybe they have bottled up to the top, which gives this sucky confused feeling..
I admit that my mind has strayed. I've been browsing through friendster and it reminded me that there are plenty of better fishes out there. problem is, my social circle is very limited and i only know 3 girls other than her.
I really don't know, so confused. arghh, can't even phrase out my thoughts properly.. it's all jumbled up. if only i could pull this messy bunch of chains into one straight line, it would be so much easier to solve...
Judging from CloUdiSm stand, I will not advocate marrying your first relationship, in this modern era. Usually, most people in this modern era, will have between 2-4 partners before they settle for marriage (on average). It is because karmic debts will not exclude you: if you experience more and mature emotionally before marriage; you can probably exempt some learning 'modules' in marriage.
Again, if you are simple minded and generally free from cynical thoughts, which I think is quite rare in this modern era, it is possible to marry a first love, with happily-ever-after sort of conclusion. But this outcome is almost utopia IMHO.
When you have deeper understanding in Love, your thinking and emotions began to complicate. It brings you to a new level, like a marathon run, where you could no longer see the starting point you began your run. Our sight absorbed new sceneries, our feet led us to new places and of course, fatigue start to affect us.
We are nowhere like before.
I would say that it is dangerous to automatically put gf = wife or bf = husband sort of mindset in any relationship before marriage. When marriage comes naturally, you wouldn't even have doubts regarding the woman/man you are going to marry. And if you do have... chances are, you are not ready for marriage.
In BGR, we are still exploring and learning. Avoid absolute thinking. I am not encouraging you to give up, rather, learn to discover your relationship as you understand your specific needs and the woman you have.
Cheers -
thanks for your advice..Originally posted by Michaeled:3 words - Let her know.
i know i sound like an idealist, but since you already anticipate your breakup in 2 years at the most, and you feel that your both incompatible to be husband and wife, and since you're not a player, why waste the 2 years building up a relationship that goes nowhere?
don't worry, it's really simple if you see it this way: a relationship, no matter what sort, requires two people to agree, two hands. now, your hands seems very shaky and confused on whether she is the right one for you. and if you keep this up, it is inevitable that the relationship fails. So why wait until it does?
although she still feels it'll work out, in a long run, both of you will suffer even more. from your post you've mentioned you've been lying about how you feel towards her, not being the sincere one. ask yourself, where do you draw the line in such a relationship? do you keep telling her what she want's to hear, the way she likes it heard, pretending until you blow up in hurtful words of confessions? i wonder how she'd feel. if you don't see yourself proposing to her anytime soon, why bother making both of you wait for nothing?
in other words - break off.
it's a win-win situation right? unless you think in these 2 years you'd really benefit from the experience, it's a really great advice.
all the best man.
it's not really a win-win situation. we're kind of reach the stage where we're quite close, almost dependant on each other (maybe for company)
her number is an instinct to dial, beside my parents and home. and i don't usually remember numbers.
I asked myself "what am I with her, what so i see in her?", and i have no answer... it's just a comfortable feeling with her that holds me with her.
I also asked her the same question, but in a more relaxing way, out of the mouth kind of thing.. she also couldn't give a satisfactory answer..
When we first started, I could list 10 things, she could list over 20.. now it seems that we've both forgotten why we're together in the first place.
can I say that it's the comfort that binds? are most couples living this comfort and secure feeling? -
true.... feeling is fadingOriginally posted by browniebaobao:U already know that she is not the one you will want to spend the rest of ur life with.
You have admitted that you are going astray, and you dun feel that comfortable with her anymore, to the extent that you have to give in to her in any argument.
What does this tell you? Love is fading. You see her weakness more than her strength. You can't open up to her anymore.
Maybe you will like to ask yourself now, is she a friend or a gf?
I don't know what's a gf since this is the first. but if a GF was what i had during the honeymoon period, then this is just a friend. a very good and close friend. -
Originally posted by tiggersgd:hmmm, i wonder sometimes too if gf = wife.
i guess not all gfs = wives...u wouldn't want 4 wives, do u?
seriously, i think a successful r/s entails great communication. during your honeymoon period, you guys talked alot (phone, meet ups etc) but after that it sort of fizzles away bcos of other commitments? and thus lesser time for each other?
actually do u feel that u r a da nan ren when u say of ur attitude and feelings towards her being uneasy and u having to say sorry to her all the times?
if u guys can be such a great pair of couple during ur honeymoon period, y can't it always be that way? i know realistically may not be possible due to other factors like work, school (if u r still) and so on but it does require commitment and effort to keep it that way by both parties. dun take each other for granted.
its time u open up to her again. hopefully, she does that as well. wouldn't want 4 gfs either. just one would suffice.
yup during the honeymoon, we went out almost everynight.. walks in parks, beaches. just sitting down and talking was very satisfying.
guess she's just more tied up with work and school. being a uni undergrad, puts sch work first and is responsible. but i feel that being tied up has become a habbit and now she's putting more and more stuff before me..
i do believe that it can always be that way. fairytale relationships are possible too.. even if the feeling starts to fade, just needs alittle spice once in awhile from both sides to spark things up... it takes 2 hands to clap afterall. -
2 weeks is a long time... the longest time was ard 1 week when she went overseas. missed her like crazy.. but that was almost 8 months agoOriginally posted by Andrew_teo86:Perhaps some time like perhaps 2 wk never contact for you to think might help?? You don't want to be caught up in a situation where you turn back to her after your breakup.
don't think can take it still... lolx -
actually i posted my story bout coping with the past before... but i used a different name last time and now i can't find it.Originally posted by Xcert:I dunno what her past is but its ok if U dun forget her past...but having it irking U means that U have not really ACCEPTED it.This is something U REALLY REALLY need to sort out because there is no point in carrying on if at the end of the day...this "past" topic is going to come out again.
some gals have this never-say-sorry attitude...well...what I do is to let her know that I am not happy about it and leave it to her to say sorry...she can do lots of things without saying sorry but I will stand my ground...U can say I am heartless...but I feel that saying it out verbally is important...hence my insistence.most often than not this will escalate into a fight but its thru these fights that we understand each other better.
How U tell that she is not going to go thru thick and thin with U?
give specific examples?
there will always be better fishes in the sea....whether U are with this current gf or married...then how?where is it going to lead U?I am sure we all want our wives to be sexy,beautiful,smart,considerate,etc...first of all...where to find this kind of gal....even if there is...would she be attacted to U?even if she is...I am sure there would be some aspects of her that is not that compatible with U....that U need to iron out things...make compromises...etc...
don't think it will ever be resolved. partly because it is the first big blow to me emotionally all my life, so it's like a permanent scar i guess? can only suppress it with makeup, or hide with cloths.. but the scar will always be there.
How to tell... it's just a gut feeling based on all the small stuff that happens. from her reaction, sometimes irritated, not bothered attitude.. i can tell.
How do you define a supportive gf btw?. to what extent must she go to in order to prove herself supportive? i'm sure it's not just a simple "go lah, i support you" kind of thing right? -
thanks alot for your replies ppl... really gave a broader view on relationships and feelings.. alot of experienced professionals here..
although i still have not made a decision yet, but i roughly get the picture of what needs to be done somehow.
paiseh, feel so bad keep talking bout myself... hate to use the letter 'I' in my paragraphs but just can't help it.. -
NO.
GF and Wife are 2 different things. -
Hmm.. guess I should take more classes n pass more 'modules' then. Im falling behindOriginally posted by Yunhaier: Judging from CloUdiSm stand, I will not advocate marrying your first relationship, in this modern era. Usually, most people in this modern era, will have between 2-4 partners before they settle for marriage (on average). It is because karmic debts will not exclude you: if you experience more and mature emotionally before marriage; you can probably exempt some learning 'modules' in marriage. -
Wow u really enlighten me ... hmm.... it is really true that u find someone that loves u more den u loves herOriginally posted by yoghurt:obviously different thing right? it's morally wrong to screw other women when ur married but screwing other women when ur attached is typical of guys so society judges it OK.
for a gf, get someone u like, for a wife, get someone who loves u more than u love her.