sad
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I know it sounds confusing. Every couples have their own ups and downs.Originally posted by M©+square:I am extremely concerned about the above mentioned.
State of denial and delusion have set in.
Just because a new person appeared. All faults are directed at your bf.
If your bf is here, i'd advise him to leave you. Heh. That provided if i get to hear the whole story.
dcx ::: Let yunnie do the posting.
Too many people posted. i don't want to distrupt the thread.
It's not that i am directing all the fault to my SO.
It's just that it's too lengthy and to cut it short, I left out some and contribute the mains.
the fact is I know well that I should not like A, but can u control ur liking for a person? the more i told myself no, i cant do this, i cant do that, subconciously I still do it. Mayb i am the only person who will do that.
My problem now is how to forget A...... and move on with SO. But it seemed impossible as the more i try to forget, the more i will think of.
FOR SO: Gan3 Qing2
FOR A: Xi3 Huan1 -
You might not realise. If you'd re-read all your post again.Originally posted by nici:I know it sounds confusing. Every couples have their own ups and downs.
It's not that i am directing all the fault to my SO.
It's just that it's too lengthy and to cut it short, I left out some and contribute the mains.
the fact is I know well that I should not like A, but can u control ur liking for a person? the more i told myself no, i cant do this, i cant do that, subconciously I still do it. Mayb i am the only person who will do that.
My problem now is how to forget A...... and move on with SO. But it seemed impossible as the more i try to forget, the more i will think of.
FOR SO: Gan3 Qing2
FOR A: Xi3 Huan1
You do not have any problems expressing yourself with words. In fact, your message to us is already clear enough.
Those words typed and choice of scenarios are actually the exact reflection of how you really feel. Your style of post is just as if you're speaking to me.
You already admitted those contridictions between your feelings and your MORAL logic. Yes, you're a smart gal who knows what is going on.
But your struggle and happenings have made you dull.
Your solution in the end is for yourself.
Do you have other solutions in mind which you haven't explore?
Post it here and we'll reason it out?
Cheers -
Thumb of Rule : If confuse, don't make any decisions.Originally posted by parn:Aiyo...you all huai nan ren...she already make up her mind and you all ask her to change ROM date, tempt her further with more guys out there more suitable for her.....is this Aunt Agony forum or Potong Jalan forum?
Please help her!!! If she change her ROM date, both parents and her bf will sense something is not right and this action will bring her pre-marriage into an even greater turmoil than the existence of this A guy.
nici...read my post again if you start to have any doubts again. It will clear your doubts and put your mind back to the right state.
And stop posting irresponsible stuffs. Cos once she made the wrong decision, there is no turning back for her. Who is willing to take the responsibility to help her up again?
How many of you guys here can hold a relationship and love a girl for 5 years or more? If there is, then you should be able to understand the love and the efforts that both of them have put into this relationship. Isn't it kinda mean to destroy their love foundation with a few mere sentences to stir up some irresponsible feelings in another?
It may be fun to tease and flirt with her here, but please think of the severity of the outcome should she chooses wrongly. She's confused and that's why she came up here to post for advice. So please think of her as your best friend, sister, daughter and advice her accordingly rather than trying to put her soon-to-be-married relationship at risk.
THINK.
The issue is not the cheating, even without bf cheating, she's already not herself because of HIM. Indirectly, SO have done the damage.
The problem is her infatuation with A, that's the whole issue. That's the cause of confusion.
I only hope nici's SO is here.
Cheers -
sometimes life is incredibly difficult and painful. If you're looking for a partner to share your life with, its better to pick someone who's able to meet it headlong with his full faculties.
cheaters are people who have alot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and your heart. -
Yoz~!Originally posted by M©+square:Parn made a few good points, and those points are good counselling techniques.
Which clashes with yours?
Actualli no doubts ah parn made some good points (Most of which i've problems explaining in words of that standard), but i sure do have some debates on some of his points made....But then, not in this thread though...
hMz...asking which of mine clashes with him? I duno..u say leh? -
ah nici....maybe you're confusing yourself too much with unnecessary thoughts/"what if"s/"what'll happpen"....Originally posted by nici:I still and have to be with my SO.
Thanks Parn and the rest.
Maybe I am feeling too empty (kong1 xu1) and got myself into it.
Have a clear mind and think your thoughts through...no hurry....take your time since you're still not young n not old....still have a yr or two to spare before you'll to make this important decision in your lifetime...
(This decision does not lies on whether to choose to be with your SO or ah A, it's a decision concerning your future, your life.)
This's a situation which i feel, yeah...i feel, that you shldn't be blaming anyone including yourself....Have a clear mind, no stress, no pressure, no peers..
No decision of yours to be made is going to be wrong or bad or regretful...
In simple, no right or wrong decision...just only be responsible on your decision...
There's no forever everyday filled with happiness and blissfulness...conflicts, arguments, disagreements are everywhere, anytime in a relationship...Only way is to minimize, compromise and work things out between TWO----> COMMUNICATION's the key.
As always said by many, it takes two hands to make a clap?
p/s: My personal opinions/point of views are in layman terms, non-professional...not as well-structured compared to ah parn, ah square, ah devil and ah yun (The Long-Winders)....but as long as u can understand shld be enough bah... -
Talking about ah yun...where's he/she?Originally posted by M©+square:I am extremely concerned about the above mentioned.
State of denial and delusion have set in.
Just because a new person appeared. All faults are directed at your bf.
If your bf is here, i'd advise him to leave you. Heh. That provided if i get to hear the whole story.
dcx ::: Let yunnie do the posting.
Too many people posted. i don't want to distrupt the thread. -
Nv read the whole thread..
I think u fall for A bcos ur bf is not showing u the attention and TLC that u need?
U dun seem to be happy as ur ROM day comes nearer. Are u having second thoughts about marrying him? U mentioned u are getting married for the sake of getting married.. what about love?
It sounds more like u are very used to have him around, he has become a part of ur life and that's why u feel that u can't do without him.
Think again... are u really sure that u cannot live without him? Is he the one u wana spend the rest of ur life with? -
What is 5 years when one has to spend his/her life with someone who is going thru the motion. Another 5 years, 10 years or 15 years before anyone is sane enuff to call it quits evetually?
As for the other guy. He dun come across as a person who is really that sincere. The "maybe we may not suitable at all" looks like a giveawy.
These comments are entirely my own and not necessarily helpful to u. Jus my observation. -
Cheer up Ms Nici. Don't worry too much. Everything will be fine soon.
By the way, is A a Pisceans(meaning his horoscope is Pisces)? That's just a question out of curiousity.
I personally think that A is the type of person who sympathetises easily. He is caring as well as kind, but is he the same towards the other opposite sex, or does he only cares about you? This is a question you should think about.
When people is good towards you doesn't mean he or she has any motives behind their actions. They are just angels. Shouldn't we be caring for friends, families, relatives? If you think A is the type of person you will feel comfortable with than your SO, then why not give him and yourself a chance?
Regarding the situation you had mention, I THINK that this is just a illusion(xin li zou yong) that you're having. You said about your SO betrayed you and he scream and shout at you when he is angry? This is what you hate about him, dislike would be a better word for it. So having these in your mind, when u met the caring and kind-hearted Mr. A, you naturally will fall for him, how you hope your SO will be half as sweet as A is. So think twice before doing anything.
Good luck in choosing for your Mr. Right! -
As the saying goes,
"Nan pa ru cuo hang, nv pa jia cuo lang".
I also think that you should not force yourself to go ahead with the ROM.
U are already showing signs of withdrawal liao.
U are still very young.
I know of ple who pator 7 yrs and still split.
If he's not the one u wana settle down with, dun force..
mian qiang shi bu hui you hao jie guo de.
To me, marriage is a ONCE in a lifetime thing. You really have to be sure that u wana marry him bcos u wana spend the rest of ur life with him, and not bcos u feel that since u have been together for 5 yrs, it's time to tie the knot. Not bcos of kids etc. It's still very early to think about kids. Do not make this mistake. U will live to regret.
Pardon me for saying this, he cheated you more than once. Dun you fear that he will cheat on u after marriage also? -
Thanks again all of you for your brainwash and I really hope that I will get married happily w/o regrets. If I were to be the unfaithful type who falls for another guy who comes along, I wouldn't stick with my SO for the 5yrs.Originally posted by ChairmanJay:Cheer up Ms Nici. Don't worry too much. Everything will be fine soon.
By the way, is A a Pisceans(meaning his horoscope is Pisces)? That's just a question out of curiousity.
I personally think that A is the type of person who sympathetises easily. He is caring as well as kind, but is he the same towards the other opposite sex, or does he only cares about you? This is a question you should think about.
When people is good towards you doesn't mean he or she has any motives behind their actions. They are just angels. Shouldn't we be caring for friends, families, relatives? If you think A is the type of person you will feel comfortable with than your SO, then why not give him and yourself a chance?
Regarding the situation you had mention, I THINK that this is just a illusion(xin li zou yong) that you're having. You said about your SO betrayed you and he scream and shout at you when he is angry? This is what you hate about him, dislike would be a better word for it. So having these in your mind, when u met the caring and kind-hearted Mr. A, you naturally will fall for him, how you hope your SO will be half as sweet as A is. So think twice before doing anything.
Good luck in choosing for your Mr. Right!
As stated i seldom chat with guys is because, even if i were to go out, I always go oout with my SO and his friends. That's why I say my life and world revolves all around him.
From a playful, chatty and friendly person, i changed into another form. My SO dislikes clubbing, hence I followed suit. His hobbies and interests becomes mine as we are always together. From him, I learnt alot of things and become more independant. He is always the decision maker and I am the runner. That's what my life is.... all about SO and around him.
Although he's not my first bf, he's the first guy in my life that i can be submissive to; despite my stubborness and wild nature as an aries.
I am willing to spend the rest of my life with him because I want to marry a man i cannot live without and not a man i can live with.
However I believes that Love is a language spoken by everybody, but can only be understood by a heart. Cuz true love doesn't have a happy ending; true love doesn't have an ending!
& its' true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
That's why i got myself into such a fixed.
I don't know why i am such a jian4 huo4!
which i never thought I will be. -
Except for the sentence in RED, it's good....very good....Originally posted by nici:Thanks again all of you for your brainwash and I really hope that I will get married happily w/o regrets. If I were to be the unfaithful type who falls for another guy who comes along, I wouldn't stick with my SO for the 5yrs.
As stated i seldom chat with guys is because, even if i were to go out, I always go oout with my SO and his friends. That's why I say my life and world revolves all around him.
From a playful, chatty and friendly person, i changed into another form. My SO dislikes clubbing, hence I followed suit. His hobbies and interests becomes mine as we are always together. From him, I learnt alot of things and become more independant. He is always the decision maker and I am the runner. That's what my life is.... all about SO and around him.
Although he's not my first bf, he's the first guy in my life that i can be submissive to; despite my stubborness and wild nature as an aries.
I am willing to spend the rest of my life with him because I want to marry a man i cannot live without and not a man i can live with.
However I believes that Love is a language spoken by everybody, but can only be understood by a heart. Cuz true love doesn't have a happy ending; true love doesn't have an ending!
& its' true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
That's why i got myself into such a fixed.
I don't know why i am such a jian4 huo4! which i never thought I will be.
For the word "Jian4 huo4" ,for your case, you're still not up to that standard to attain that "title"..... -
Nici don't think that way. You are definitely not cheap. You're just confused. This is kinda normal for a pre-married woman and also the incidents that happened before. As for now, you should just stop thinking about it anymore and just have a night rest. Everything will be better tommorrow.Originally posted by nici:Thanks again all of you for your brainwash and I really hope that I will get married happily w/o regrets. If I were to be the unfaithful type who falls for another guy who comes along, I wouldn't stick with my SO for the 5yrs.
As stated i seldom chat with guys is because, even if i were to go out, I always go oout with my SO and his friends. That's why I say my life and world revolves all around him.
From a playful, chatty and friendly person, i changed into another form. My SO dislikes clubbing, hence I followed suit. His hobbies and interests becomes mine as we are always together. From him, I learnt alot of things and become more independant. He is always the decision maker and I am the runner. That's what my life is.... all about SO and around him.
Although he's not my first bf, he's the first guy in my life that i can be submissive to; despite my stubborness and wild nature as an aries.
I am willing to spend the rest of my life with him because I want to marry a man i cannot live without and not a man i can live with.
However I believes that Love is a language spoken by everybody, but can only be understood by a heart. Cuz true love doesn't have a happy ending; true love doesn't have an ending!
& its' true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
That's why i got myself into such a fixed.
I don't know why i am such a jian4 huo4! which i never thought I will be. -
[quote]Originally posted by browniebaobao:
As the saying goes,
"Nan pa ru cuo hang, nv pa jia cuo lang".
I also think that you should not force yourself to go ahead with the ROM.
U are already showing signs of withdrawal liao.
U are still very young.
I know of ple who pator 7 yrs and still split.
If he's not the one u wana settle down with, dun force..
mian qiang shi bu hui you hao jie guo de.
To me, marriage is a ONCE in a lifetime thing. You really have to be sure that u wana marry him bcos u wana spend the rest of ur life with him, and not bcos u feel that since u have been together for 5 yrs, it's time to tie the knot. Not bcos of kids etc. It's still very early to think about kids. Do not make this mistake. U will live to regret.
Guy A told me this too when I told him i m getting ROM.
Pardon me for saying this, he cheated you more than once. Dun you fear that he will cheat on u after marriage also?
Of course I am fearful of that, but hopefully he won't let me find out if he really did. I am very afraid to get hurt again. On the outside, I always act that I am very strong... that it's ok, tomorrow will be a better day. Only my girl buddies know that at heart I am weak.. Acting strong is to defend myself and not to let others worry. I dare to air out here is because I do not know anyone here in person. If not, I rather die than say. -
go koonz...go koonz.....i also wan to go sleep liao.......
Tomorrow then continued................. -
Originally posted by M©+square:
Hi pal,
Thumb of Rule : If confuse, don't make any decisions.
The issue is not [b]the cheating, even without bf cheating, she's already not herself because of HIM. Indirectly, SO have done the damage.
The problem is her infatuation with A, that's the whole issue. That's the cause of confusion.
I only hope nici's SO is here.
Cheers[/b]
I do not know if you are having a grudge against girls who are in a fix like me, but seriously do you think that my SO should be here reading this?
I do not know maybe you may be in the situation of my SO as now before, is that the reason why you sounded like you are very angry and pisssed off with my infatuation with Guy A?
Sorry if this offended you in anyway. But I just hope to clarify what is wrong? That makes you challenge me in such a way? As in asking me to state out a solution that everyone can reasoned as what u have posted earlier on.
Different r/s have similarities but not necessary exactly the same. Not all girls who fall in love with another guy who comes along are all the same.
It just happened to be in the same scenario/situation but a different cause and outcomes.
Guys can be experiencing this too.... not merely girls.
I sincerely apologised and am sorry if my thread brings up the disturbance of your past r/s of anyone of you here.
But I am here to air out my grievances and problems that I am facing now... hoping to get some open, serious and helpful advices to cope with my present situation as I have no one else to turn to.
Pls understand one thing:
If I am able to tell my SO about all these, I seriously doubt the need for me to create this thread. What's the point to let the whole world know that I am such of a kind of BAD woman in your mind if my SO already knows the truth? U mean I like to display my cheapness to the whole world?
Frankly speaking, I am pretty distraughted with your words.... once again, not all women are the same.
***The heart has its reason which reason does not know. *** -
Originally posted by nici:Hi pal,
I do not know if you are having a grudge against girls who are in a fix like me, but seriously do you think that my SO should be here reading this?
I do not know maybe you may be in the situation of my SO as now before, is that the reason why you sounded like you are very angry and pisssed off with my infatuation with Guy A?
Sorry if this offended you in anyway. But I just hope to clarify what is wrong? That makes you challenge me in such a way? As in asking me to state out a solution that everyone can reasoned as what u have posted earlier on.
Different r/s have similarities but not necessary exactly the same. Not all girls who fall in love with another guy who comes along are all the same.
It just happened to be in the same scenario/situation but a different cause and outcomes.
Guys can be experiencing this too.... not merely girls.
I sincerely apologised and am sorry if my thread brings up the disturbance of your past r/s of anyone of you here.
But I am here to air out my grievances and problems that I am facing now... hoping to get some open, serious and helpful advices to cope with my present situation as I have no one else to turn to.
Pls understand one thing:
If I am able to tell my SO about all these, I seriously doubt the need for me to create this thread. What's the point to let the whole world know that I am such of a kind of BAD woman in your mind if my SO already knows the truth? U mean I like to display my cheapness to the whole world?
Frankly speaking, I am pretty distraughted with your words.... once again, not all women are the same.
***The heart has its reason which reason does not know. ***
I apologise for the weak execution of my post. Which led to seem like i dislike you, and tried to put you down. Nope, that wasn't my intention.Originally posted by M©+square:You might not realise. If you'd re-read all your post again.
You do not have any problems expressing yourself with words. In fact, your message to us is already clear enough.
Those words typed and choice of scenarios are actually the exact reflection of how you really feel. Your style of post is just as if you're speaking to me.
You already admitted those contridictions between your feelings and your MORAL logic. Yes, you're a smart gal who knows what is going on.
But your struggle and happenings have made you dull.
Your solution in the end is for yourself.
Do you have other solutions in mind which you haven't explore?
Post it here and we'll reason it out?
Cheers
My point have been brought forth across clearly above.
You're a smart girl who knows how to express those thoughts in words.
I try my best not to quote each and every of your post to explain that why i've thought that way.
As in for the 'challenge'. But your solutions, i can tell where your stand is and your thought process. That wasn't mean to be a challenge. Though my post might have looked threatening. Apologies.
Basically, could you list down the major problems you're facing?
-Could it be your SO cheating case?
-His lifestyle affecting you?
-His attitude towards you have led the the change in you?
-The duration of the relationship(5years)?
-You're too used to him? You're not willing to let it go?
-Your insecurities?
-You're afraid of being called names if you leave your SO?
-Because of the appearance(presence) of A?
-Because you've fallen for A? Change of Heart?
-Because you imagine A would give you a better future?
-Because you can't see the future with your SO?
-Because A is nice? That's why you're drawn to him?
-You felt morally wrong?
-You're scared of SO and your future?
You mind listing down what's in your mind?
I can't possibly pin point your problems, but i can help you to see your situation.
I can't solve your dilemma, i can only help you streamline the actions you can take for the time being.
_
I see a huge communication problem between your SO and you. Even without mentioning this A guy. It's even difficult to share your thoughts.
Which this relationship is indeed threading on Xi Guan.
Silently and secretly, the thought of having a future with A is leeching your senses and decision. It's both unknown and possible a beautiful imagination you've painted.
Once again, A is the catalyst of your confusion. That's why the struggle.
He have created the turning point of your doubts and beliefs in your relationship. Not directly, but indirectly and sub-conciously.
_
Not leaning onto either sides, because it's not the time to play the blaming game.
My post wasn't directed at
You should stay with SO and go on with your ROM
OR Give it a try with A
I hope your SO is here, not to read your thread.
i'm just interested to know why he cheated and why did he propose ROM and how he felt about you and how he felt he have treated you all this while.
You're not a bad women, you just need to sort your thoughts properly.
You're right by thinking alot about the ROM and marriage, because it's your future, your happiness. You should think alot espcially all these things are going on.
But, you wish to count on your thoughts while time tick away?
My only advise in this post:::
It's better to suspend everything and stay free from commitment for now, than to get stressed up and keep reproaching yourself.
The after effect will be fruitful to yourself and SO.
Effective understanding and communication is not present. Though i'm not finished.
Let me know if you don't wish to see my post/replies anymore. PM me or just reply here. I understand.
MC. -
Hi M©+square
Thanks so much for telling me these.
I will bear your kind suggestions and thoughts in mind..... -
=The End= -
being together for a long time or otherwise isn't sufficient enough a reason for u to marry the person and end up regretting it.
just do what you really want and don't get caught up in the whole idea of sacrifice in the sake of love or whatever along that line of idea cus its bullshit and u only see that in soap operas. -
Originally posted by nici:
I'm an Aries too.
[quote]Originally posted by browniebaobao:
As the saying goes,
"Nan pa ru cuo hang, nv pa jia cuo lang".
I also think that you should not force yourself to go ahead with the ROM.
U are already showing signs of withdrawal liao.
U are still very young.
I know of ple who pator 7 yrs and still split.
If he's not the one u wana settle down with, dun force..
mian qiang shi bu hui you hao jie guo de.
[b]To me, marriage is a ONCE in a lifetime thing. You really have to be sure that u wana marry him bcos u wana spend the rest of ur life with him, and not bcos u feel that since u have been together for 5 yrs, it's time to tie the knot. Not bcos of kids etc. It's still very early to think about kids. Do not make this mistake. U will live to regret.
Guy A told me this too when I told him i m getting ROM.
Pardon me for saying this, he cheated you more than once. Dun you fear that he will cheat on u after marriage also?
Of course I am fearful of that, but hopefully he won't let me find out if he really did. I am very afraid to get hurt again. On the outside, I always act that I am very strong... that it's ok, tomorrow will be a better day. Only my girl buddies know that at heart I am weak.. Acting strong is to defend myself and not to let others worry. I dare to air out here is because I do not know anyone here in person. If not, I rather die than say. [/b]
Somehow I can empathise with you.
Aries in general are also impulsive. I hope u are not getting married on impulse, just to tie the knot and also to tell urself that u should give up on A. -
I think I am not in the position to advise you not to marry. Let me share my story with you, my situation is almost the same as you. My SO also betray me, I try to forgive and forget but in the end my attempt is vain. I think the damage done cannot be undone. I will always think of the things he had done and I always doubt him. I refuse to treat him good anymore as I think it is pointless or I am afraid of being hurt again. I am upset that the relationship came to the end despite he tried his best to solve.
My advise to all the guys, if you treasure the relationship, don't ever do anything bad to your partner unless you are prepared to lose it. -
Originally posted by dcx:
You forgot to put "and 'they' live happily ever after...'...?
[b]=The End=
[/b]
-
I bet to difer? I think that's a debatable issue... What if that guy has a certain moral standard to follow...? He even advised her... That would seems more out of care and concern than anything (unless it's a REAL CLEVER cover up, which would also make no sense without any follow up...)....?Originally posted by BÃ¥seline:What is 5 years when one has to spend his/her life with someone who is going thru the motion. Another 5 years, 10 years or 15 years before anyone is sane enuff to call it quits evetually?
As for the other guy. He dun come across as a person who is really that sincere. The "maybe we may not suitable at all" looks like a giveawy.
These comments are entirely my own and not necessarily helpful to u. Jus my observation.
Even that 'A' guy is just out for himself, I see little reason why her ROM should even be stopping him....